Vartans and water have never had a very close relationship. Dense muscles and heavy wings make for ungainliness in the water, and a lack of buoyancy certain doesn't help. Being able to actually float, swim and be more graceful (and faster) in the water than the others almost makes up for not being able to fly. Being able to ride on Moka's back in the salt-water lake is also a lot more exhilarating than just being towed along underwater. The Phins can go all out, without having to worry about Tasha drowning if she falls off. The only member of the group who can handle water as well is Yue - the Belters apparently don't know how to swim through water. And Gabriel and the Jotoki are enjoying themselves in the shallows as they fish.
All in all, it's been a restful time that lends itself well to a sense of distance, of here-after. Yet even as Tasha feels herself basking in some faux-afterlife she's found her sense of self has strengthened where it had been diminishing. Her life may well have ended, yet here she is again as another her. Another life without ever having truly faded in to death, a change more dramatic than the ones that have come before, but also very like them. From her life on Sinai, made of innocence and resentment, to her travels to Amazonia full of hope and penance, then to savior, to an echo of what came before, to rebuilder, explorer, walker beyond, hand in hand with gods. It feels like a much longer road than the time it took to get here, yet here she is after what had seemed like a final end. Though she has lost, she has also gained, and now she recovers. Even her Human form is no longer the stranger it was. She thinks she might get used to it in time; even now it feels new yet less unfamiliar than she would have expected. Just as her family has come together here, so too has she returned to herself.
Above, the endless noon-time sky rumbles. The Vartan shuttle is arriving, piloted by Lacci. Of all of them, she's had the hardest time relaxing (well, it's hard to tell with Shojo, but he at least stays close). It lowers itself silently towards the shore after making its somewhat noisy entrance.
It's a quick point towards the shore and then a short swim as Moka turns flipper and makes her way to the embankment. After dismounting Tasha pats the Phin, still wondering if her Human form has made her more dear to the neo-dolphins. Humans are the progenitors of Karnors, Phins, and Pans, their senior and Patron species. Gabriel had told her about old Terra and the days under Humanity and the Phins now experience much the same -- could they see her as connected to all that even though she's only been a human for a day or so? It's a mystery, and at least for now, deeper mysteries can wait. She turns to Lacci who is a whole other sort of mystery, her flat feet pattering along the grass as she approaches the shuttle.
The landing ramp extends, and Lacci emerges with a familiar dragonet on her shoulder. She's followed by Dr. Knight, and a much healthier looking Professor Stanislav, who risks serious neck injury trying to take in everything. He barely notices that everyone next to the lake is naked. Lacci waves to Tasha.
Tasha waves back, then folds her hands behind her back and leans to the side head tilted. "Have fun on the ship, Charon? Have fun on Charon, Lacci? Feeling better, Doctor?"
"Ah.." the scholar startles, when he doesn't immediately recognize Tasha. "Have.. we met, young woman? And are you old enough to be gallivanting around like that?"
"The snake man was asleep," Charon reports. "Blob man was interesting. Bird-head man was rather dull. I liked the brain ball though, it made my tongue tingle when I licked it!"
"He licked everything," Lacci adds.
"Also, he chewed up Dr. Sen's slippers," she whispers to Tasha.
"If I'm not then what I do with Gabriel is really going to surprise you," Tasha replies with a bright, if mischivious, smile. She's learned how to smile finally, if with some help from Yue, and has taken to doing it whenever it feels appropriate. It feels nice. "I'm Tasha, Dr. Stanislov, and I decide how old enough I am to do things. Unfortunately for me, I didn't escape my battle with Lukthu-hem unscathed and so I am as you see me now, or what was left of me and put back together by Charon." Stepping forward the blonde woman pets Charon's remote, both in thanks and because she just wants to. Turning to Lacci she purses her lips, then shakes her head. "Well I can't be mad at Charon, it's just impossible. Maybe Yue can, she's sort of evil. Are you okay Lacci? You've been very antsy."
"I should go flying some more, it's just.." Lacci gestures to the odd wrap-around world. "This should just feel like a bit space station, but you don't get far before you're suddenly over an alien world. It can be overwhelming. Why are you wet?"
"I need a reason?" Tasha does her best to try and look hurt and does a half-passable job of it, too. "I was swimming! I can do that now without also drowning. It's like being a Phin but with, um, feet. And hair. My voice is still high, though." And so she shrugs; what can you do? "But why not go for another fly? Maybe try landing near one of those strange worlds and sitting and staring at it a while? I know it's strange, but you may never see this again. Consider it your chance to explore. You, me, and-- well, I guess not me anymore, but you and Shojo may be the only Vartans to ever see this. And we, the only Galactics. You'll regert it if you don't while you can."
"Well, I did notice that none of my recordings work," Lacci notes, and scratches behind one of her ears. "It's memories and paintings, I suppose. So yeah, I just need to avoid the Confederates. They are far too happy."
"They're just used to interacting with large living spacecraft, so Charon is like an ultra-super-advanced model to them. Even their best ships probably have nothing like Charon has, so in a way they're looking at what their future could be like. That would make anyone happy." Tasha steps aside, then gestures to the sky beyond. "Well then, go fly! For me, too. I'll be walking for a while longer, I think. Here," she holds out her arms, "I'll take the remote and escort the good Doctor. I need to talk to Charon anyway."
So the little dragon is transferred to Tasha, which seems to calm down Professor Stan at least. But then Jonas is kneeling down to peer into Tasha's eyes. "How are you feeling?" he asks.
Tasha lifts the dragon to her shoulders; he's heavier than he was, but then she's lighter than she was, too. "Well," Tasha begins as she peers up at the man with wide eyes, " ... I can't seem to find my muzzle, all my fur fell off, I'm shorter than Hakeber, I can feel my hoo- ummmm, feet, my new species itches some times and I think I got eaten twice. Except for that, I think I feel fine. I'm not sure though, because I'm not really sure how Humans are supposed to feel." She then squints, reaching up to scratch the tip of her nose. Alas, her human one itches too. "I feel strange, Mr. Knight. But I'm alive."
"And being kept occupied?" he asks. "Sleeping fine? No nightmares or moments of severe confusion?"
"The confusion was bad for a while and Charon tells me I was losing my sense of self, and I believe that looking back. I think I was fading? Maybe willingly, or not, I changed what I was very quickly and ... " Tasha lowers her voice and, starting to walk away, gestures for Jonas to come with her out of earshot, " ... I think maybe I died? Twice? I'm not sure if it was that, or the changing, or being melded with the Star Horse, or even if it was just Charon, but being me became blurry, even though it was peaceful. Really peaceful, Jonas. Like I could stay here forever, and I wouldn't have minded. I don't regret anything I did or even what happened so long as I did what I set out to do, but now I wonder what it means for me. You know I'm partly artificial? Created for a reason? I thought maybe Charon has an effect on me, but then I think, too, I just really like him and wanted him to be safe, for everyone to be safe, and they were in dnager here because of me. I pushed so hard to win, I didn't have anything left afterwards. I didn't really expect to be here. So, what does that mean?"
"Well, if you're going to find yourself in a new body, I suppose dying first would help put it into perspective," Jonas agrees. "I'm not a psychoanalyst though. But are you permanently human now?"
"Just until my mom helps me fix her," Charon chimes in.
"It's just like Charon says, he doesn't have the knowledge to put all my parts back together. I'm actually just one fragment of the ... my? ... original being, the rest of me is in a chamber somewhere. A wolf, a bird, something I'd never seen before and two crystals containing 'souls'. I'm not even sure if I'm actually Tasha or a piece of Tasha." Tasha spreads her hands, uncertain. "So here I am, a ghost, or something else waiting to find out what I'll be, and what that means for me."
"There might be a poem in that," Jonas suggests. "Waiting to be reincarnated as yourself."
"You're not helping my sense of being in the afterlife, you know," Tasha notes, prodding Jonas in his ribs. She then sighs somewhere between overwhelmed and giving in, shoulders rolling in a muted shrug. "Well, I might as well enjoy it, right? Death's about what I expected, I mean it's not the first time I've been close to it. I hope you don't mind working for a ghost for a a little while, anyway. Why don't you go enjoy yourself?"
"I'll see if Hera can convince me to go naked," Jonas says. "At least this place doesn't feel as fragile as a planet. Life systems should be enclosed." He then heads towards the others, and collects Professor Stan along the way, who was listening to Modo complain about something.
Tasha keeps walking until she comes to an open area nearby and after shifting the remote to her arms lowers herself to sit on the grass, then falls back completely to stare at the tunnel-like sky. Clouds drift, the artificial sun shines as it seems to do eternally. She thinks she spots a bird, or maybe that's Lacci. It really is very peaceful here, reminding her how easily this place could charm her and how quickly she might lose herself again were the others to go. After this moment of silent reflection she suddenly changes mental gears, asking, "So, you met Sam, the Niss, and Thoth? Did you meet Tatha-hem, too?"
"No," Charon chirps, and twists around to lick Tasha's cheek. "Felt the presence, but I didn't think there would be any basis for communication."
This makes Tasha squirm and curl up against the lick, followed by a giggle. She rubs Charon's head behind the horns, which he seemed to like. "I could feel her when I was out there fighting Lukthu-hem, how conflicted she felt. I think Lukthu-hem is her mother. I'm glad I was at least able to keep her from having to kill her, we could have forced her to do it, but that would have been terrible. Even the Dark beings don't deserve that. Sometimes I regret having to use her to fight them, but she's all we had until we met you." Stretching out again, the young woman reaches her free hand towards the sky, as if she might grasp it with her delicate and fragile hand. "Do you think you could free her? Free Samael, from his master? And Thoth, poor Thoth. I lied to him, and now you think he's boring. I feel he must have been trying very hard all these years, it's not right we've betrayed him. He loves you, I think. Like I do."
"I'm not very familiar with beings like Tatha-hem, Samael and Thoth," Charon admits, purring from the head-rubbing. "I don't know what they want, or why they exist. Thoth seems very reserved to me. He doesn't know how to deal with me, I think. Samael doesn't care, so is more open. The Niss are very complicated. I can't quite grasp their existence. Have they told you that they want to be free? It's easy for people like us to look at them and assume they understand freedom. But they were made to serve roles. They may find freedom frightening - no longer knowing why they exist."
"Sam told me. He said he dreams of being free, just as he dreams of becoming a master himself. I've wondered for a long time how much what we are decides who we'll be, and how luck and fate change people. I know what it's like to be angry about what you are and wnat to change, to feel like you're trapped, to resent the ones who made you. I've met people twisted by the cruelty and darkness they were born in to, and I've wondered who they might have been if things were different. I don't think I like the universe for that, and I've tried to be there and listen to them when I can. Sometimes I can help, and sometimes I have to destroy them. Like Lukthu-hem, she refused to surrender. I hope that's enough for Tatha-hem, anyway. And Sam ... " Tasha inhales, then exhales a breath. Her hand closes, grasping something only she can see. "Sam wants to be free. And with Sam free, the Horse is free from Thotep. I'd destroy him if I could, but I fear what it means to go to war with him and we already have powerful enough enemies."
"You said Tatha-hem is a weapon. Is this related to that?" Charon asks. "How old is it? How old is Samael?"
"If Tatha-hem, was created by Lukthu-hem, she could be almost as old as she was. She is an Ogdru-hem, one of the servants of the Ogdoad, and her essence or spirit is travel. With the Dark Horse she can use the part of herself that's from beyond, the outter laws, and exceed the speed of light without warping space or using alternate venues and thereby break casaulity itself. The effect seems to be that an entity is erased from existence in a way more permanent than just death or destruction. We used that ability to destroy one of the other Ogdru-hem. As for how old Sam is, maybe tens of thousands of years old? He's at least as old as the previous galactic civilization." Tasha the pauses, frowning, and looks over at Charon. She considers his little head, brows rasing. "But you know, when we broke causality, we ... well, I, I encountered the Null. Not a vague presence, but I think it was there somehow. Evaluating. Checking our work. Because we erased a soul. It's kind of terrifying, I can't get a sense of it at all, like I can with some beings. When I try, it's like staring in to something like forever. But more."
Charon is silent on the subject for some time. Finally, he asks, "You're a piece of what you were, but you're whole, aren't you?"
Tasha scrunches up her face. She thought she was going to avoid deeper mysteries, but she decides she just can't seem to avoid them. Or, more accurately, resist them. She considers the question at length, her sense of beings turned for the first time at herself. It's a strange sensation that quickly becomes startling as the abstract of her own existance isn't that far from the place that surrounds her. That herself, and this place, are somehow the same and in a similiar startling fashion, she sees how much she's changed. It leaves her blinking, her free hand reaching up to wipe under her eyes as he gaze becomes clouded. "I think so," she finally answers. "I don't know what I am, but I think so. That you're right somehow. I never really ... looked at myself."
"You wouldn't know if something was missing, maybe," Charon suggests. "Or.. was replaced by a piece of somebody else. It is a worrying thought, isn't it? The Null is.. the event horizon of oblivion. It's very hard to destroy information. It can be scattered and scrambled, but it could be all fit back together with time and effort. When a soul is eaten, it isn't completely destroyed either. Some bits.. end up on Null. It's made of broken pieces of souls that can never be made whole again. Except for one, supposedly."
"Atum told me your kind see the Null as a god, but maybe he misunderstood? The Null sounds like a strange sort of god, and no wonder I shake when I try to percieve it if that's what is. Maybe not knowing is better." Tasha chews her lip. Not knowing being better has, for better or worse, never been her way of doing things. "So there's just one that can be fixed, then? That would be a soul that's either very compatible with oblivion, or so robust that even being on the edge of destruction isn't enough really endanger it? What could have a soul like that?" She decides not to ask about her own missing pieces, content for now to operate as a ghost or a piece in here temporary afterlife.
"It's not like that, exactly," Charon says. "You wouldn't know if you were broken. But what if you did? Due to.. circumstances I don't feel comfortable elaborating on.. the father of my kind became a destroyed soul that was still whole. Null become self aware. That's why it destroys the Ogdoad. And we hunt their kin to help ease Null's suffering. There are so many realities though. It isn't something we really set out to do, but when we do find them.. So that's why I'm here."
"I guess it must seem strange to you that I work with one of them and I think another one is somehow my friend. I've sheltered another, and destroyed or indirectly destroyed two others. And yet, I don't know if I should. I've seen some of what they can do, and worse, I know what they can do to some degree beyond that. Even Sam, who'se funny, has done it. Sam might have cast some poor broken soul in to the Null, someone or something that can never be fixed. Maybe I have too now, using Tatha-hem. But, I don't know how to fight them without using that kind of power, if words and freedom won't work. Am I just making things worse, or being inconsistent? Should I fight them all, and never listen or care about what they think or feel?" Tasha rolls over to face the remote fully, head propped up on a hand as she frowns. "I fight them because someone asked me too, but really I just don't know how to live a normal life. I don't want to. I've seen death, and I've watched people be destroyed, but mostly I seem to be afraid of fading away and not being important to something. Something bigger, I guess, than what I had been a part of. I was promised some things for all this work, but i don't think I even care about it anymore. The work and saving people from what could happen is the real reward, I just wnated more, because why not? But I don't know. Should I just leave it to beings like you? Am I making things worse, or better, or both?"
"I dunno," Charon admits, and even gives a little dragony shrug. "You do what you think is right, or will help, and hope for the best. Otherwise you might not do anything. I don't know if destroying the Ogdru-hem or the Ogdoad help Null. But.. objectively.. they are acts that save others who would fall victim to them. Maybe it's justice? I doubt it looks like that from their side though. Or maybe it does. I don't know if they have a concept of good and evil. But they eat souls, and I'm pretty sure that's bad. Even if they seed life in order to do it. I think it would be best if everyone ate mushrooms though."
"I think I just don't like punishing someone for being bad because life was bad to them, or because they had the misfourtune to be created a certain way. I'd prefer if they'd given up eating souls altogether and willingly become something else. If I could just convince a few of them, maybe they could convince others. Or, well, I don't know. I just can't quote bring myself to destroy them out of hand, maybe because I might have been just as evil as anything if life had gone worse for me. I can't quite believe it's all because of what I did, and I don't know how to handle that when it comes to dealing with them or even me. I just, um, I judge them and I try, then I do what I feel needs to be done afterwards." Tasha reaches over and pats the dragonete's head. "Even mushrooms are alive though, aren't they?" And then she immediately regrets the thought, the sense of the unfairness and complexity of the universe weighing down on her fragile shoulders and wounded mind. And so she collapses, quite physically, on to the grass and lays her hands on her head. "Ouch. That's a hard one to think about even when I'm not broken pieces. Maybe later. A lot later. Oh, and before I forget and because I should get it out quickly before I change the subject, but I'm not free from the Yellow at all. I think maybe he saved me the second time. I'm, um, not really sure I'm alive even now, or he's just keeping me going. And he said, if I did all my work, I'd know the secret I'm looking for. But I don't know what that is."
"If you knew what it was, then it probably wouldn't be a secret," a different voice notes, and Tasha feels someone sit down beside her. And then a fuzzy hand rubs her butt. "Hmmm, not as firm as the previous one," Aaron notes. He must be using his left hand. "And I wasn't eavesdropping. I just start to worry when you wander off to be alone, and I don't care for the smell of fish being cooked. You're holding up too well, Tasha."
"Gabriel will bite you for touching my butt, you know," Tasha mutters from her face-down hide-from-the-universe position. She stays like that for a moment, but then gets up when she decides Aaron and the universe probably aren't going to go away in the next few minutes, and pushes herself to sitting. The remote gets placed in her lap and she lays her head on its head. Smaller and Human, she studies Aaron's face as she really studies herself and thinks of a way to reply. "I've been through a lot," Tasha explains, hand reaching up to tap her head, "And I've seen and learned a lot, too. Somewhere in all that I came to be like this. I talk to gods. I die, and then I'm not dead. And here I am. I'm not trying tos eem brave, or, I don't know, put on a facade or be cavalier. I just-- I mean, how do I explain it? 'When you touch gods, they touch you in return.' I've grown used to these things, even into death, I guess? Whatever it is, I'm not what I was, and I don't mean that I'm Human."
"Yes, and Humans, in my experience, don't handle stuff like this very well," Aaron claims, and rubs the top of Tasha's head now that she's sitting on her butt. "You would always fall apart about now. Try to figure out who and what you are and what you wanted to be, or else fallen back a bit. Maybe that part of you isn't in there now?" He goes from rubbing to lightly knocking on the top of Tasha's skull. "Did you make her like this, dragon?" he asks Charon.
"Yes, of course I did," Charon freely admits.
"The other parts of me are in a chamber somewhere," Tasha adds helpfully, her free and non-Charon petting hand thumbing back over her shoulder before resting on the ground. She gives Aaron a bit more of the considering eyeball, then tries to explain again. "I guess there's no keeping it from you of all people, so I'll just say how I feel and you can decide how you feel about that. Lukthu-hem was a powerful being, almost a god, and even wounded I wasn't sure I could win. Even with all the power Charon gave me. And even before that, I somehow knew I had to protect him. Charon, I mean. It's like when I met Gabriel or Katie, I just knew. And I knew what that meant. To protect everyone as safely as I could, it meant I had to fight something like Lukthu-hem almost alone. I did the best I could, and I died." The young woman looks around for a moment and back again, taking in their surroundings. "I think I feel at peace here. That's never really happened. After I gave it my all, used everything I knew, threw everything I had and every drop of power we had, I had nothing left. I never thought It was the type of die peacefully, but I think I did. I don't know who I am now, but at the same time, I feel calm. I feel changed. I saw the peace of here, and then the peace of dying, and I came back."
"Peace," Aaron says, singling out that specific term. "Not sure I've heard you use that word before. It's hard to think of you not fighting. If not the universe, then yourself. Struggling, because you never felt good enough to be where you were. Where do you go from peace then, Tasha? If you're put back together, would you still be able to find it? I watch Lacci, you know. A pure Vartan. I don't think she gets the idea of peace. The Karnors are always struggling too. You should really watch them now that you aren't partly thinking like them. Add Human into the mix and you get.. Tasha. Sometimes angry, sometimes full of herself, sometimes overwhelmed. Never really stopping though, or giving up, despite your own doubts and second thoughts."
"Well I didn't give up, you see? I threw everything I had left at Lukthu-hem, I used the best tactic I could think of with all the brain and power of the exobody, and we won ... except I didn't really make it. And before, too. Without Charon and ... Well, without him and other powers, I'd be gone. I never expected to feel okay with that, not okay okay but like I did enough. I think I surprised myself, or would have if I wasn't so ... gone." Tasha licks her lips, head turning to watch the distant figures of her loved ones and crew. She tries to spot the difference, knowing it's something more than a few seconds could reveal. "Maybe it's Charon," she says out of the blue. "When I was in the Way, I felt a strong urge to remain behind. And here again, with Charon, I feel the urge to protect him and live in this timeless place. I wonder if it's the part of me that was made for a reason, the part of me that's like Mel or Sam, a purpose and a place to live. A being whose cute, and like a ship, and on the edge of that forever I keep chasing. Maybe Charon's what the end looks like. I don't know. Maybe I just felt guilty affter that long trip and like I lead everyone to die, so I threw myself in to the fire and ... and ... " Tasha blinks again, hand reaching to her eyes as she ducks her head. "Well. There were a lot of reasons."
"I understand a little," Aaron admits. "Why else would I have showed up on Abaddon and followed you into cloud-cuckoo-land? You can run to something, or from something. And if you run enough, you can forget which of those it was. So, now I'm going to keep teasing you until you fight back. Like how you don't have Karnor breath anymore. Bet you'll start noticing it now though! Maybe not with Katie.. but certainly with Hakeber now that she's not guzzling disinfectant anymore. I've not smelled Gabriel's breath."
Tasha narrows her eyes, then she lifts her head and looks down. "Is the exobody healed yet? I think I found a virus to bite." She wiggles her fingers in Aarons direction even as she wipes her face off with her shoulder. That done she frowns at Aaron a moment more, but doesn't seem to have anything else to say because she looks down at the remote and asks, "I've talked a lot about the effect you have on me Charon, and what I've done, but what do you think? Do you even need me, now? Are you going to push me away now that you've seen how I've changed? Will your mother be mad?"
"I need to put you back together properly," Charon says. "That is the important thing. It's very important to me. I don't know what comes after."
"You should have made her into a Lapi, then you'd enjoy having her around longer," Aaron claims. "And she might have a chance of catching me."
"I like bigger bunnies," Charon claims. "With swords."
"So you do like me then?" Tasha makes a show of cuddling the dragonete, tongue sticking out towards Aaron, then returns her head to resting on the dragons. "He really is very cute," she insists at the buck, shrugging, what can you do. "And no, no Lapis. I have a mixed history with Lapis and I don't need that identity problem. Though, um, I'm not actually sure what I'm going to be soon. I never thought I'd sit around waiting to be born again. It's very hard not to think of myself as beyond death, in the afterlife, about to be reborn. I've seen a lot and learned more about gods and heavens than I ever imagined, but I still sometimes see things the way I used to.I'd wondered what happens to me when I die, because I'm artificial, and because heavens aren't quite what all the stories say, yet they're also a lot more like what I've experienced. Data-heavens. Bits and bytes. Souls and information, dimensions, and laws. Maybe if you go far enough, it's all real."
"I hope this is real," Aaron notes. "Be a shame if it isn't. And don't get too hung up on death, Tasha. You can be dead any time, but living is more fun. So just be alive. Even if your butt is smaller and softer. Softer than Yue's even! You are the softest human. I'm sure it makes the Karnors want to hug you as much as you want to hug the little dragon. And the best thing is that you don't smell weird when you're wet now! I think the fish are done. See, Modo isn't complaining anymore and shooing people away from this clay stove."
"I am pretty soft," Tasha admits in a tone of reluctant but approving agreement, looking down at herself. "I feel very fragile like this, and I can feel everything. And, and, I think all the Karnors and Phins have some sort of Human-fixation they're all aiming at me now, because I'm the safe Human. No connections to Terra, no rank, no official Human status, nothing. Gabriel seems to think it's really interesting in some ways, we--" The blonde stops herself, sputters a couh, then very deliberately resumes patting Charon's remote. "Maybe I should go around and hug all the Karnors and Phins and see what happens. And I'm hungry. Humans can eat fish, right? I'm sure I saw Yue eat some fish. Oh. And Humans have types. Yue is Chinese-type, I wonder what type I am?" She lifts up the dragonete and puts him back on her shoulders, angling towards the cookout. "I should see if anyone tries to get my dinner for me, too. Mysterious Human powers."
"Blonde, definitely blonde type," Aaron claims, and stays where he is. "Send Liza out this way, would you? This grass is pretty tasty."
"Can do," Tasha replies, saluting using one of the little dragon's paws. She makes her way over to the grill and sniffs at it. Rather than ask for anything she simply exists nearby and looks expectant, or else she thinks she looks expectant, curious if being Human has any impact on Modo or anyone else.
"We'll want it a little more cooked than they're having," Yue tells Tasha as fish on wooden skewers (really just sticks) are passed around to the Karnors and Shojo. The Jotoki eat theirs raw and wiggling, as do the Phins. The Eeee are still out and about, but Lacci seems to be coming back in for a landing.
"Did.. did anyone bring any vinegar or salt?" Professor Stan asks from where he sits on a rock.
"They're salt-water fish, salt is built in," Modo claims.
"I'd rather have some beer," Hakeber says, and wags her tail at the thought.
For whatever reason, this simple comment by Yue drives home Tasha's identity as a Human more than almost anything save waking us as a Human in the first place. Not only does it mean a Human-cenytric change in how she eats, there's also the 'we'll' as in 'we Humans', and 'you're part of the Human group now'. The effect is a rather jarring reminder of just which camp she's in now, at least for many essential things. She looks rather stunned for a moment, then nods slowly. "Thank you for telling me, I wasn't exactly sure what or how I should eat. It's still weird hearing the I have to eat different and that I'm in the Human group now. We. Us. We Humans." She shakes her heard. Weird. "Can I still drink beer? And,what type of Human am I? Am I Chinese?"
"You're Tasha Human," Yue says. "A bit on the pale side.. could be Northern European, or Slavic, or Martian. Does it matter? Humans aren't very different from each other."
"And as a general rule, Humans can pretty much eat anything," Yue says. "Especially if there's bread to make a sandwich out of it."
"No eating chocolate though in front of me!" Hakeber declares. "I hate when Humans eat chocolate in front of me, where I can smell it!" She waves her fish-on-a-stick in the air as she rants. Katie tries not to laugh. And.. Tasha can only watch. She can't smell their moods. Or maybe she can, but just doesn't know instinctively.
"I just wanted to know," Tasha replies, somewhat defensively. "I really don't know a whole lot about Humans and now I am one." She collects her meal, making sure to hand the remote a few sticks of fish as well, then turns back. "So eat anything, make sandwiches. That doesn't sound bad. My teeth feel kind of small, so this will be interesting. Are we going to sit at the Human table, then? I'm afraid the Phins and Karnors will feel like we're The Brass or something?" The Brass being what military-types in the Expedition called their leadership, who were apparently scary and disruptive. This also applied to Humans and Karnor in the Templars, when refering to their leaders. Technically, Tasha is also The Brass in various groups (including this one), as is Gabriel, even without being Human.
Watching the barrier, Tasha decides maybe she really will sit at the Human table. Just this time, while she's adjusting. She doens't know what the others will make of her not being able to read them, and after her talk a moment ago isn't ready for more soul-searching and admittances. Not, however, that she avoids them very well.
"Noo, sit in my lap Tasha!" Hakeber howls.
This makes Tasha jump, because she didn't catch the mood at all. "W-why?!" She stammers, further not sure why she stammered 'why' in the first place, except that she was very startled and the Karnors are somehow scary now. She tries not to hide behind the dragonete as she shuffles closer anyway. "W-well, I guess a giant Hakeber is a new experience for me," she notes, albiet quietly.
"Come in the water!" Kaa clicks, standing up on his tail somehow, at least for a few seconds. "Well, there's a flat rock that we can call a table," Yue says. It's just her and Stanislav representing humanity at the moment, since Jonas and Hera wandered off to explore. Possibly each other. But when Lacci lands, she heads over towards Tasha and Shojo. The other Vartan saved her a raw fish.
"O-okay, lets sit by the water then. You can sit in the water if you want to." And so Tasha leads the dinner convoy on over to the lake, then waits for Hakeber to make her way over because while Hakeber is disturbingly scary -- something Tasha never expected to think of Hakeber who often seemed deeply threatened by standing too quickly -- she did ask and Tasha's intrigued by this new dynamic. Then, she sits in Hakeber's lap. A bigger, scarier Hakeber really is very strange, and all the more so when she's down and can feel the difference and teeth near her head. "H-hi, Hake," she greets her friend.
Squeeze. The Karnor hugs Tasha and licks her cheek. "I always wanted my very own human. Yue is too scary," Hakeber claims. Lacci also sits, and stares at Tasha's feet. Vartans have very big eyes, especially when they stare at something.
"I am frightening," Yue admits. "Nearly as frightening as a Lapi, aren't I, Tasha?"
"You can't eat my feet," Tasha inists at Lacci, pulling them in before she gets a foot pecking. Retraction is made easier by the fact Hakeber is hugging her and she the dragonete creating layers of compression and protection, nevermind one layer of protection is Hakeber who has a negative defensive value. "You're tricky-scary, also psychic-scary, and you helped me sneak in to a Human church of Human Origins and steal things." Said like that, tasha now wonders, on top of everything else, if this isn't some sort of cosmic punishment. She'd ask the gods, but they're scary in themselves. To Hakeber, Tasha notes, "Am I r-really that much fun? I giess I'm softer, is hugging Humans that amazing for Karnors?"
"I don't know, first time!" Hakeber says. "You're like a giant baby! A human puppy. Maybe it's your smell."
"She hugs me a lot, maybe it's my smell?" Charon wonders.
"Not gonna eat your toes!" Lacci squawks defensively. "But how do they work? They can't hold things like Modo, and they aren't hooves. What do you do with them now?"
"We wiggle them in the water to attract fish," Yue claims with a straight face.
"Well, I was made yesterday. Or today. I don't know when, actually, I've spent a lot of time unconcious or fighting things, and I was in a giant dragon for a while too." Tasha looks down and hugs Charon again. "It's because you're so cute. Also, I got hurt saving you, and this is part of the return of my investment." More hugging, which also results in Tasha relaxing enough to fully lean in to Hakeber and stop sitting up like a stiff shirt. As far as toes go, Tasha, chips in, "I'm not really sure. I tried picking things up, then I tried walking like I have hooves and I ended up hurting one of them and falling over, so I think they're like ... stabilizes." She wiggles her toes, then tries sticking her foot in the water and wiggling it that way.
"We only need the big toe really," Yue explains. "The others could all be fused together. The pinkie toe is the tiny one, it's gradually going away."
This makes the Vartan's feathers bristle slightly.
"Charon, when you remake me, how about something more useful than feet. Yue says half of them don't work." Hooves work. Monkey feet work. Talons work. Tasha wonders why Human feet don't work, and suspects this must be part of why they're so clever. When your feet don't work, you have to get creative. She watches Lacci watch her a moment, then notes, "You're so weird some times Lacci, didn't you study Humans? Well, fine, come here and you can look at my toes. You can have a hug, too, if you want it. I'm Tasha the Huggable Human."
Lacci claims, "Vartans aren't supposed to hug Humans. And it would mean Hakeber would have to let you go, and you'd have to let go of Charon."
Hakeber rubs her cheek against Tasha, and says, "Never!"
Tasha's giggling is very high pitched and squeely, certainly higher than the somewhat growly, deeper version she had before. She makes a show of rubbing back against Hakeber's head, both to tease Lacci and because Hakeber is so soft. How do Humans everstop touching things? She may have to learn the answer to that if she remains in her current body for long. When all the cuddling is over, Tasha thinks to ask, "Why can't you hug them-- I mean, me. Us. Us. Why can't you hug us? You've been on my ship this long and still can't hug who you want?"
"Well, first of all.. I'm not a huggy type," Lacci claims, sitting down. "Secondly, Humans are squishy. Not as squishy as Confederates with all their hollow bones or Khattans who are just.. pudgy. Celestials are tough enough for Vartan hugs, but.. eww. Karnors are generally safe, if they aren't the face-licking sorts."
Hakeber immediately licks Tasha's face at the suggestion.
This ellicits more squirming and giggling from Tasha. Before, it'd have been Hakeber in Tasha's lap, with Tasha doing the cuddling. Now, it's Tasha giggling and squirming, so very slight and insubstantial. The difference is striking, especially to Tasha herself. Even after telling Charon she felt complete she can feel, deep down, this difference between then and now. She plants a hand on Hakeber's muzzle and makes a half-effort to fight the red tide. "Appreciating everyone's unique gifts is part of being a well-round a-and--" She really is more giggily this way. "--understand person, La-lacci."
"Yeah, plus drinking, too," Hakeber adds. Even though she hasn't been drinking for awhile.
"Humans have small fingers," Lacci notes. "That is a gift. For getting into tight spaces and working with tiny things."
"If you really want to make Hakeber go nuts," Yue says to Tasha, "pat her on the head and call her a Good Girl."
Tasha looks down at her fingers, which are now partially licked. She considers noting Hakeber is a tiny thing, but thinks better of it, and also because now Hakeber is taller than she is and she's the tiny thing. Looking up, Tasha turns to Yue and asks, "Does that really work?" She looks up even more and asks Hakeber, "Are you a good girl?"
"That varies depending on circumstance and context," Hakeber claims, in a very scholarly tone.
"Well then ... " Tasha squirms around, straddling Hakeber, then reaches with both hands and starts rubbing her head. "You are a very good girl Hake."
There's splashing when Hakeber's tail slaps the water, and she asks, "What am I good at? Don't stop rubbing!"
Charon has to squirm a bit to get his head up between the combined cleavage.
"You're my best friend and I love you and who is a good Hakehake," Tasha goes on, not even trying to maintain any dignity. She ends with kissing Hakeber on the nose, then rolls off her taking Charon's remote with her, so that she's laying beside Hakeber looking up. Panting, she admits, "I never did thank you for helping me so much all this time, did I, Hake? Thanks for coming with me, even though it's been dangerous."
"Well, sometimes we all need a little extra brainpower," Hakeber says. "Luckily mine is all wrapped in a hot Karnor bod!"
"Mine moves around a lot, I guess." Tasha makes a show of wiggling her hands in the air. She thinks of making a comment about what happened to her 'bod', but there's no way she can make a joke without depressing and worrying everyone around her including herself. Her lasts moments as what she was are still blurry, but she remembers enough and-- Suddenly sitting up, Tasha stretches, then turns to Katherine. They'd been a bit distant in the weeks before arrival, mostly due to the growing anxiety and tension on board. She decides facing Katie is slightly less scary than facing her own demise, and so asks, "And are you a good girl, Katie?"
"I'm an excellent woman with many skills," Katherine claims. "And a hotter bod than Hakeber."
"This must be why you are both sitting in water," Lacci says. "You normally have heat-sinks in your clothing, I assume."
"That's true," Tasha notes, turning to Hakeber and tilting her head, "And I think Lacci made a joke. Maybe she also got injured and was remade as someone with a sense of humor." And so the Human shurgs; who can know these things? She turns back to Katherine. "Do you want to be petted? I want to be petted. Things were kind of difficult on the way here, weren't they?" And you may not get a chance to hug me again at this rate, is what Tasha might have added. She also wonders if anyone is hugging her -- Tasha -- now, but she's not supposed to dwell on that.
"You can sit in my lap," Katherine offers, now that she's done with her fish. Kaa seemed to be sneaking up closer to her from behind, but Moka head-butts him into chasing her instead.
Very dangerous, Kaa. Tasha picks up the remote more fully, then carefully makes her way over to Katherine's lap before settling herself down. She resists the urge to cuddle, feeling chastized for reasons she can't quite figure out, despite Katherine being the softest Karnor. If she still had long ears, they'd be flat. "Are you ... mad at me, Katie?" She asks, softly. Unlike her previous incarnation, her version of soft speaking is exactly that, quiet and gentle. It makes her sound fragile, even to herself, though she does feel fragile as well.
"You let yourself get hurt," Katie comments, and uses her claws to brush Tasha's hair. It's not petting, but it seems a lot more soothing as a Human than as someone covered in hair.
Tasha begins to relax, not quite realizing she was tense and not just because she's not used to the feelings of her own body. Or, well, her loaner body. Whatever the sort of body she has, she decides. "It was a difficult situation," she admits as she eases back, frowning and hugging on to the dragonete. "Lukthu-hem isn't like the other ones, and the other ones are immensely dangerous. Even wounded, I wasn't sure we could beat her. I decided I had to do everything I could to win or maybe there wouldn't be a second chance." She bites her lip, surprised she still can do that, and shakes her head. "Charon and all of you had to be protected at any cost. Any cost. The price of failure was Lukthu-hem devouring Charon, returning to power, and dying would have been one the the least bad things that could have happened. The universe may not have survived."
"I think the universe would have managed, if she'd already been around for a billion years," Katie notes, and sounds fretful. "I want an apology."
"No, I don't think it would have," Tasha insists. She then looks down at Charon for help, peering in to the little dragon's eyes. "If Lukthu-hem had won, and she had gained your power source, what's the most likely outcome for everyone nearby? And after that?"
"I don't know," the little dragon replies. "Everything has a will to survive. I guess she would have used it to heal herself, if she could."
"I tried to get her to surrender, but she wouldn't even do that. Are you saying she wasn't a danger? Isn't she the point from where the Ogdoad started their harvesting? But ... " And here Tasha frowns, sinking further in to Katie's lap. "But she was also the source of the Star Seeds, wasn't she? The source of all life in our galaxy?"
"She made the Ogdru-hem, I don't know about Star Seeds," Charon admits. "I didn't fight her at her best, she was still healing from when the older civilizations attacked."
"You don't know if she made the Star Seeds or you don't know about them?" Tasha now finds herself uncertain, that maybe she died for nothing, or perhaps Charon attacked Lukthu-hem for nothing. Yet, Lukthu-hem did make the Ogdru-hem, who ultimately seek to harvest her universe in a way far worse than farming or hunting. "But you fought her because she's dangerous, right? Because she's part of the way the Ogdoad harvest a universe, if if you hadn't, what we talked about would happen? She didn't seem willing to talk or negotiate, or even work things out at all."
"We're enemies," Charon says. "I thought I could kill her because she was weakened, so I attacked. It wasn't a very bright thing to do, in hindsight. I got caught and she was trying to eat me."
"And she had the Horse under some sort of control," Gabriel points out. "We couldn't leave."
"You didn't try to talk to her?" Tasha leans in and arches her brows. She had felt she'd done the right thing, and now she's not so sure. On the face of things siding with the life-protecting Waymakers is a lot easier to agree with than the universe-devouring Ogdru-hem, but then they're also the life-creating Ogdru-hem and their earliest progenitors. But, as she's done the in past, Tasha at least tried to negotiate, to see if there wasn't some common ground and spare Ogdru-hem who weren't immediately dangerous, in the hopes she could some day expel them or sever them from the control they were under. Her face wrinkles with pained uncertainty. "But she didn't attack it. Maybe she was just calling Tatha-he for help. I could feel her speed up when we got closer, she was excited about something. Maybe I should go on board and ask. I need to know if I made the right choice."
"It's dangerous for me to talk to something like that," Charon says, and squirms a bit. "And I'd already attacked her. Didn't you do rash things when you were young? My mother is going to be upset."
"Are you going to talk to Melchior?" Gabriel asks. He probably doesn't mean Melchior so much as Horus.
"I'm only nineteen," Tasha insists. She eyes the dragon, reminded that it's also a kilometers-long monolithic time fairing leviathan, then rolls her eyes. Maybe she can be mad at Charon, but just a little. And besides, she'd be just as guilty. "I'll think about this, and talk to you mother. She can judge both of us." An exhale later and she turns to Katherine. "I believed I made the right choice, and Charon still would have died. I'm not sure Lukthu-hem would have attacked us, but at least Haaaa-- Mr. Yellow and Thoth warned me about how dangerous she was. I should talk to them all, and I should probably do it now before Charon's mother arrives and we're all answering questions. I am very sorry I made everyone worry, even if I did it because I thought it was the right choice."
"It's done and over now, and you're alive," Katie says, and pats Tasha on the head. "Probably wiser too!"
"I can fly you back," Lacci offers.
"I don't know about that. I feel like I understand everything and nothing." Tasha does enjoy the pay though, then leans over and gives Katie a (somewhat better) kiss on the cheek. It still looks like she's fighting a lemon, however. After stand, Tasha walks over to Lacci and holds out her hands. "Pick me up! Lets fly!"
"Actually I was talking about taking the shuttle," Lacci says, and points to the ancient Vartan shuttle parked nearby.
But the Vartan does pick Tasha up, and sling her over her shoulder to carry towards it.
Tasha laughs at this. "Oh, this is how Gabriel carries me some times. Are we going to do something fun?" She waves to the others, then blows them a kiss. May as well have fun, the next part probably won't be anything of the sort.
"The shuttle is fun," Lacci claims. "It rattles."
"That's how you know we payed a lot of credits for it," Tasha insists, makes a beckoning gesture with both hands towards Charon's remote to see if he wants to come along.
The dragonette flies over, and lands on Tasha's back. Facing towards the shuttle of course, so his tail flops over Tasha's head.
"So you can fly!" Can be heard just before the trio enter the shuttle.
The flight back was a bit more shaky than one would expect for a spaceship. But the cockpit, with it's glass-front 'beak' and over-under seating was certainly novel. It also let Tasha see just how much destruction Lukthu-hem had wreaked: nearly a third of the biosphere was gone. Literally gouged out, down to whatever it was that served as the border between this space and the rest of Charon. Then it was a flight through a throat-like tunnel, which was much smoother, before arriving in the mouth-hangar. Dark Horse floated in the gloom, lit by the shuttle spotlights, until it drifted down through the selectively permeable hangar 'door' and set down.
"Do the seat restraints chafe against bare skin?" Lacci asks as she unstraps from the pilot chair.
Tasha' flown the Varatn shuttle before, but she's neevr been in the second seat and certainly has never been this short in it. Even before she barely fit in to the straps, now she feels childlike and hugging Charon in her lap doesn't help the impression. On the other hand she's still the boss and hugging Charon is still fun, so there's that. She'll get to be even more of the boss in a moment, though that will be a lot less fun.
Tasha ubstraps as well, then rubs at her shoulders. "A little," she admits, picking Charon's remote up. "Everything kind of does now, I feel more, andthat also means I feel that bad parts too. I also feel like I'll break if I do anything rough and like I'm barely here sometimes, but then I guess that's appropriate for a ghost?" She slides off the seat and follows after. "You also may wnat to, um, not be around when I get to talking to Thoth. It will get scary."
"I hardly need an excuse to avoid Thoth," Lacci notes, and helps Tasha down so she doesn't bump into anything sharp. The modern world requires clothes, because most of the surface tend to stick to bare skin after any amount of time apparently. But they do make it to the hangar without any damage.
Tasha looks around, just in case Thoth or Samael can sense her aboard and so use their uncanny powers to show up out of nowhere. "I should ... put on clothes," she says, uncertainly. She's not sure what still fits her, nor if she wants to face Thoth naked and broken in body if not exactly in spirit. "I'll take my express elevator ... uh ... " And now third: if the ship even recognizes her.
"Niss! Can you hear me, do I still have access privledges?" Tasha looks skyward, because that always seemed the right place to look when talking to disembodied ship voices.
"Welcome aboard, Tasha," the Niss reply over the intercom, rather than in Tasha's head. "Do you wish to revoke your privileges?"
"Nooo, just making sure you and the ship still recognize me," the blonde woman replies, rubbing her head and feeling a bit stupid for asking. "I kind of, um, maybe died and now I'm a Human and ... I'll just go get dressed now. Come along, Charon." And so she shuffles off for the elevator.
The dragon still hangs from Tasha's shoulders, draping down her back. The elevator opens as expected. Now it's just a matter of pressing the top button.
"Even the buttons mock me," Tasha deadpans. She reaches up a bit and poke the button, lift going up. "I see why Humans made everyone else, they needed someone to do things like swim, and bite things for them. Same with builing tools."
"Humans are very good at building tools," Charon notes as the doors open on Tasha's private quarters.
Well, at least her quarters are mostly as she left them -- except bigger to her relatively minor height. She wanders towards her quarters taking in the familiar yet unfamiliar expanse, everything slightly higher, as if she had entered a slightly taller universe. "Maybe I should learn how," she remarks, then she pets Charon's head as she passes inside. Her large three person, wing-enabled bed sprawls out before her, seeming pervesely and decadently large depsite the fact Tasha's personal quarters are quite narrow, with a bed central and wall-filling complex mechanical shelving for her and Gabriel's things. She reaches the wall and begins rotating through outfits.
"Wings. Wings. Too big. Wings. Too big. Too big. Wings. Too big? Stretchy. Tail ... but they all have a tail hole. Eh, why not. Wings. Wings ... " In the end she finds some very tight underwear that is a lot less tight now, a miniskirt that's now just a skirt, some stockins that are just as tight, a stretch top and she throws on her Dark Horse jacket just to remind everyone she's still her, and therefore also the boss. It looks strange on her shoulders with the wing hole and being too large, but she thinks it works. "Alright, lets head back to the hangar. We'll see if Darkness and Light sneak up on us."
In the hangar, there's just Lacci, loading some things into the shuttle. She spots Tasha and says, "I was told to bring back coffee and a kettle. I don't know what a kettle is, but I found a pot, and remembered the mugs."
"A kettle is that metal thing you make tea with. It's like a pot with a pouring nozzle and a little carrying handle, so also like a bag. A tea bag, get it? TEA BAG?" Tasha has no tail to wag, so she just grins alarmingly and toothily mostly because smiling right is something she's learning. I'll be in my Titan, uh ... " And so she looks up now. "Once I climb all the way up there. Maybe you should wait around in case I fall."
Some minutes later, Tasha learns that the contact studs still work. And in Mel's virtual space.. she's still Tasha the hybrid, hooves and all!
"Hello Tasha, how are things on the outside?" Mel asks.
"Gah!" Is Tasha's response, the jarring ghost of her old body hitting her like a the rgound after a bad takeoff. She promptly tries to balance herself, wobbles, then collapses forward on to the ground. Her wings sag all around her, completely uncontrolled.
"Ahm doink hokay," she mumbles from where her muzzles has smushed in to the grid. After pushing herself on to her side, she stares at the hand that had done the moving. "Was my voice always this growly? And I really can't feel as much, and my hands are huge. I feel like I weigh as much as the shuttle ... uh ... you're wondering why I'm being weird, aren't you Mel?"
"Are you inebriated?" the AI guesses.
"I wish," Tasha replies. She pushes herself up, using one hand to steady herself. "See ... " She considers how to explain, then has an idea, a clever and Human-style idea, and suggests, "Can you engage the cockpit pilot camera and sensors? You'll see what the problem is."
The AI avatar cocks his head to one side. "Everything seems to be functioning correctly. The connection is clear. Bandwidth might be slightly higher than usual, which could explain this odd feedback you are having with your balance. You do not appear to be distressed."
"Ooookay, well, here's the thing." Tasha pushes herself into an awkward cross-legged position and when she's sure she won't fall over again, she continues. "See, I kind of sort of helped one of the Waymakers fight what was definitely Lukthu-hem mother of the Ogdru-hem and I kiiiind of went 'all in' as Yue might say, and I ... I ... " A sphere. Teeth. Pain, and ... " ... I think I died, Mel. Twice. The Waymaker couldn't put me back together like I was, so out there in the cockpit? I'm a Human woman."
"I can see that," Mel says, seeming not disturbed by the idea. "Is it an issue?"
"You mean other than dying and my body being as different as it almost can be, unless I came back as a centipede-lizard, or some kind of fish?" Tasha shrugs her shoulders and almost picthes over again, but literally catches herself as well as the ground. "It's very weird for me. I was also a gigantic space dragon for a while, kind of a bio-mechanical you with a giant glow-brain." She wavers, frowns, and steadies. "I'm still getting used to it," she adds, needlessly.
"Would you like me to normalize your avatar then?" Mel asks. Maybe AIs in general aren't hung up on physical natures.
"Please. We can change it again once I get repaired, in to whatever I am when Charon's mother shows up. Uhm, assuming she isn't really mad." Then she could end up anything, including non-existant. "By the way Mel, how would you feel about an upgrade?"
There's a feeling of softening, as things begin conforming to her new body, until she's human in the virtual world as well. "Why would I feel anything?" Mel replies.
"Oh don't give me that, I know all the Magi have interests and feelings. I met your sister." And then destroyed her. Tasha realizes for as much fun as she can be, she's also kind of grim. "Um, well, anyway, I had to pilot the big dragon but I felt bad about it, so if I have to keep doing it I'm going to ask Charon -- well, Charon's mom -- if you can come along. Then, we'll both be something new."
"But I am already perfect," Mel insists, and puffs his feathers a bit.
"Can you render matter down to its quantum level dispersive base state, enter hyperspace at will, and bite and have so much on-board power I think I could have cracked a planet if I had really wanted to?" Tasha inquiresm leaning forward and raising her eyebrows. "Oh and space travel. The problem is we never get to do anything because there's not a lot of air in space."
"Such things are not required for perfection," Mel counters. "I am the perfect Magi Titan. You are my perfect pilot." This may go back to the whole bonding thing.
"Oh, well, if I'm perfect than my suggest must also be perfect," Tasha notes, then waggles her eyebrows in an 'ah-ha' sort of way. It makes her immediately wonder if she's becoming crafty.
"You are the perfect pilot for me, not perfect in other aspects," Mel points out.
"I've been perfectly insulted," Tasha admits, then drops her head on her knees. "Are we really perfect? Didn't we do our job, isn't our Magi mission over? We need a new job, and the new job has a lot of giant space monster-people who want to eat our souls."
"Stay on a planet then," Mel advises. "Make them come to us, so we can defeat them together."
"Now you're being unreas--" Tasha squints. "Wait, is this where you say and do silly things to try and get my mind off of being dead and Human? Then bolster my confidence by pretending it's not a big deal? Like that time you said my cooking was awful and I snore, but in reverse."
"I am suggesting that you fight your enemies where you have the advantage, rather than they," Mel says. "Are you upset about being dead and human?"
"I'm okay with it because that's what it took and I'm not, you know, permanently dead and I didn't get my soul eaten, which is deader than dead. I came off light considering." Tasha scratches her cheek, peers at her hand, then nods. Put like that, it could really be a lot worse. "Oh and I think the Mr. Yellow brough me back the second time, so maybe I'm animated by the essence of insanity. Or sanity. Or both. He wants me to go kill other things, and say things to Thoth. I feel like I probably should." Another shrug. "And see Mel, they just won't come to us. Lukthu-hem has been at the Galactic Halo for ... I think she's the oldest life in the universe. Or, um, was."
"If they are so far away, how are they dangerous?" Mel asks. "Katha-hem was close, but you chose not to fight it."
"Because he wasn't a danger for the time being. I would have spoken to Lukthu-hem too, but I felt I had to save Charon from his mistake, and had to destroy Lukthu-hem to do it. Maybe I was being a bit self-destructive after the long and unpleasant trip, but I felt that it was right. Now I'm less sure, but still kind of sure." Tasha twists a lock of her around her finger, frowning at it. "Charon's very cute, too. I'm not sure I could just stand by and watch him be killed -- or worse. I did try to offer Lukthu-hem surrender, but she refused and attacked me. After that, it was destroy her or be destroyed. Plus, she was holding the Dark Horse, we couldn't leave."
"Did she kill you?" Mel asks, sitting next to Tasha and putting his (big taloned) hand on her shoulder.
Somehow when it's Mel Tasha doesn't feel the slight fear she feels -- but will never admit to -- around Lacci. Or for that matter, the Karnors, though she admitted to that one because it's also exciting. "One of her children did. There was this, um, ball that unwrapped in to teeth, and I think it ate me. I got killed by a space baby." She heaves a sigh. It might have been more heroic if she called it an organic attack drone or a psionically directed exobody missile. She leans against the avatar, feeling small but safe.
"Later the second time I was running out of options and I was afraid if I made a mistake we'd all die, so I used all the exobody's -- the dragon's -- main power to charge Lukthu-hem's core and poison her with the Yellow. But, there just wasn't enough and I ... " She waggles her hands. "I think I went unconcious, I thought I was all done, and there the Yellow One was. He said it wasn't acceptable and did things to me, and then up I went, ready to do everything at once. Told me I had more to do. That I'd lost my color, and it wasn't acceptable. I think his eye's a dimensional portal, did you know that? Uh, anyway, that was the sceond time."
"You only killed her once, so I think the balance is in your favor," Mel reasons, by way of inscrutable moral mathematics. "I would not have died on you like your space dragon. I am reliable."
"I think it's just taking a nap, and you would have if I used up all your power. I did it for a reason too, to maximize the chance for success. I though we had enough left for life support but we were caught in some space-time thing and I could barely think straight." More shrugging. She tugs at the curl of hair, watching it bounce. "Also you'd have kind of floated in space, because we can't move in space. I can't just throw the shaard at everything you know, especially in space. I don't even know where to get another one!"
"We could have ridden on the dragon," Mel suggests. "You find me lacking, don't you?"
"I find me lacking. Everything is lacking." Tasha sits up, spreading her hands. "Even big old Charon made a big mistake and almost got eaten. There's nothing wrong with lacking, as long as you know it and try to do something about it. That's why Humans made tools! And Karnors. And spaceships. And the Vril-ya uplifted. And the Vril amde the Vril-ya. And I left home and did all this, and so on, and so on. Saying you're perfect, isn't that, what's the word, uh, Noooora ... hubris?"
"No, perfection is a state where one cannot improve or decay," Mel explains. "For a living being, that is impossible. For a machine, it is designed."
"So you're saying ... I'm also a machine?" Tasha squints. "I mean Nora did kind of make me, but I was also born. Now I'm reborn, and I'll be re- ... uhm, rereborn in a little bit. I sort of think of myself as AI-like, I mean I'm technically artificial. Where was I going with this ... Oh. Wait, no, machines can be imperfect, Nora was debugging one back on Abaddon. The Berserkers went crazy. You're cinfusing me, Mel."
"You are a biological machine," Mel says. "You grow. Your body changes. Adapts to the stresses it is put under. You complete me and make me perfect. I can learn, but I cannot truly change. I am not made for it.. here." And then he taps the side of his head with a talon.
"Oh. So you were made for a task, and now that it's done, you're not really made for a new task?" Tasha tilts her head. She doesn't like where this is going, because it feels like one wrong word and she could lose her friend. Yet, if she decides on another path, she may also never get to see him again. A part of her wishes she was back fighting, at least that was straightforward. "Sooo, I should change for you?"
"You can change for me, yes," Melchior agrees. "That is your role. But you must understand that artificially intelligent machines like myself must have imposed limitations. It is a razor then edge that separates something like me from a Berserker."
"Because you'd just grow and grow," Tasha acknowledges, nodding slowly. "But what if you had me around to help you avoid becoming like that? And couldn't I go the same way? I mean, if everyone else wasn't around, maybe I'd have lost myself or become a Berserker."
"Life has its own limits which prevent that," Melchior points out. "I am what I am, no more, no less, for so long as you are my pilot."
"This is getting kind of sad, Mel. I don't want to lose you, but what I'm dealing with is so much bigger than what we had been facing. I've been walking with the beings the Vril-ya think are gods. Lukthu-hem is as close as a being can be to being an Ogdoad and still be in this universe, so what do I do?" Tasha asks. Maybe she should have gone with Thoth, she'd rather be a statue than deal with this.
"You will do what you can," Mel assures. "It may be big, and it may be small. It may be a task that spans many generations. It may fail. What would you do if you did not have the power of gods to back you up? Would it really stop you?"
"I guess I'd have to find some other way? Or ... and don't give me the 'but that's hubris' or 'gods believe their own hype' look ... become a god myelf. They're not really gods, anyway, they're just very advanced. Well, except the memetic ones, they might be gods of concepts. Gods are hard to define, you know?" Tasha shifts to lean against Melchior again, lips pursuing. "But i'd keep looking, I guess. Find the way, or the means, or whatever it is, which is right back to what I said, I guess? It's about finding a way. I mena we sort of killed Lukth-hem by biting a business card."
"Biting things can lead to all sorts of consequences," Melchior notes. "I thought it all started with a shiny rabbit?"
"She was cute! Ugh, so is Charon, but in another way. Cute things are a lot more dangerous than people realize." Tasha rubs her nose, hunching forward and then wrapping her arms around her legs. "Somehow I'm now working with Waymakers to fight the Ogdru-hem because their eldest got his soul eaten, but he's still alive but not exactly, and he's somehow granted sentience to the 'event horizon of oblivion'. I think I met him once." She bites her lip, then rolls her head back and closes her eyes. "It'sareallysadstoryandI'mthinkingofhelpingsomehowandpartofmewantstostayandprotectCharon."
"This Charon may need a babysitter more than a protector," Melchior observes.
"Although the name is disturbing, given what you have told me of your experiences with him."
"He does seem very incompetent for a mighty time traveling god," Tasha agrees, then she reaches out and with some effort fashions not exactly Charons remote, but a stored reference for a dragon, a small one. "But he's also very cute. I did sort of murder someone for him, and biting ancient beings is kind of something he shouldn't have done without thinking it through." She looks overm brows arching. "Why's that? And you know what, now that I think about it, I think someone mentioned him before. Who was it ... was it Atum? I think it was! I bet he knew we'd meet! Ugh, time travel. Well, what about Charon?"
"In Terran mythology, Charon was the ferryman for the river Stix," Melchior explains. "He conveyed the souls of the dead to Hell, if they paid the proper fee first. Otherwise they would be left on the shore, which was somehow worse."
"It was probably really boring, the shore I mean," Tasha suggests, then she tries rubbing her head against Melchior's feathers, since she probaby can't convicne Lacci and she's not sure if it's acceptable with Shojo. "It sounds like a Khattan invention, have enough money or you can't pay for the afterlife. So, for some reason, Charon and everyone else used that name to describe him to me, knowing I wouldn't understand it until now, after I died. So, does that mean I'm going to Hell, or I have to wait on the shore?"
"In some versions of the myth, those who had to remain on the shore were torn apart by hell-hounds," Melchior notes in dry tones. "By analogy, you are already in Hell, having paid the toll by fighting for Charon."
"So Hell is being Human and getting to lounge around in a big garden full of old stonework? Because, I've read some of the old myths there's a lot of stonework in some of the heaven pictures. Gods and demons really seem to love stonework." It's true as far as she knows, something about stones and stone-like things seems to appeal to higher deities. It's omnipresent. "It's not really all the nastiness Hells are usually described as. Am I missing something?"
"Hell was not the same for all cultures," Melchior informs Tasha. "Some had pleasant areas. It is the concept of Heaven that is rare."
"The Null sounds like the one really in Hell, maybe that's the connection. I'm also worried what's going to happen when Charon's mother arrives. Waymakers usually don't talk to other species as a rule, even the Vril-ya seems to barely understand them and they're barely mentioned anywhere else. Our knowing as much as we do might be a, uh ... policy violation." Tasha shrugs; who knows with hyperdimensional, hypertemporal space whales. "So. They knew I'd die, and I'd be here. Maybe they expected me to save Charon? The Niss said I was entangled with an event, that I had to be there. Maybe that was it?"
"Possibly," Melchior concedes. "However, they allegedly have access to potentially infinite universes. It seems unlikely they would care that a few mortals know about them in just one of them."
"But I somehow learned the one name of the one youngest one I'd just arrive in time to help?" More squinting. "Maybe things like this are as easy as basic math is for you, for them? I'll guess I'll just have to aks Charon's mom." And then she gets squintier. "You don't think it's the one we met in the Way do you? You don't remember, they erased your memory, but we did. I think he or she scanned me."
"I have no baseline for assuming the properties of a parent of a being I have only second-hand knowledge of," Melchior says diplomatically.
"It's hard isn't it. And me, maybe I'm babysitting the being that's trying to put my dead self back together, after killing my ship's mom. At least I could prevent us from having to use Tatha-hem against her own mother, what a horrible thing that'd be." Tasha turns to stare off at the infinite, frowning. "And I have to meet Horus soon, too. And Thoth. And Sam, who is at least not a statue anymore.Thoth slapped him and used magic, it was actually really scary. I had to chastize him. He's going to be mad. Or worse, disaappointed. I sort of lied to him, too."
"Was it a necessary lie?" Mel asks.
"I did it to protect the crew because Mr. Yellow told me if I didn't, everyone would probably go insane. Thoth was protecting the Waymaker, I was protecting everyone else. Yellow said the Waymaker wasn't from this universe and would be fine. I decided to trust the the Waymaker's strength over our own, but I still felt bad about it later." And so Tasha shrugs, life's hard decisions. "Maybe that's part of why I fought so hard. I couldn't really return, either. Maybe I'm still dangerous, still Yellow somehow."
"You are more of a pale pink," Mel points out. "Only your hair remains yellow."
"It's some sort of essence of metaphysical-memetic Yellow, not the color yellow. It's very strange. Pink is more dangerous." Tasha spreads her hands. "Things get really weird once you leave your home universe's laws, you can encounter anthing at all."
"I would not have thought to ascribe sinister motives to part of the color spectrum," Melchior admits. "How do you plan to broach all of this with Horus?"
"A very big, very powerful god-like being just loves the stuff. The Yellow, I mean. That's another thing ... " Tasha slumps, then leans forward and puts her hands under her headm resting on Melchior's knee. "I think he saved me the second time. I thought I did what he wanted -- I owe him for saving us back of Praxafal- Praxso- that world when one of the Ogdru-hem edited our worldlines. I thought I was done, but just after I did what he wanted he saved me again. Now he wants me to kill one of the Ogdru-hem, and now I think I owe him for not being dead. Really dead." She sighs, something of an understatement when one owes a demon god favors, but she's too exhausted to do more. "I'm not really sure what to tell Horus other than the truth, and then there's Thoth who might just slap me in to a statue the second I run in to him."
"He can turn people into statues as well as demon-kin?" Melchior asks.
"Maybe? Who knows how his powers work, they're as alien to our universe as Mr. Yellow's or the Waymaker's. Maybe he could, but maybe not. I guess we'll find out?" Tasha rolls her shoulders, no way to know. "He'll probably be mad either way. I lied to him, maybe endangered the Waybringer even if I saved him later. He's probably feeling resentful about everything right now, what with me betraying him and the Waymaker being, um, well a bit child-like, however powerful he is. As for Horus, I have no idea what he'll make of all this. I did tell Thoth Horus is here though, because I was afraid I'd die and he'd never know. That was really mature of me in hindsight."
"So he definitely knows that you betrayed him?" Melchior asks to be certain. "I'm sure you can ask Horus about Thoth's abilities."
"I said I wouldn't bring the Marker to the Waybringer. I brought the Marker to the Waybringer. At the time I just wanted him to not be one more threat to manage so I'd have told him anything just to keep him from attacking anyone else why we were away. I don't like lying to people, but when things are that dangerous I don't have time or patience for people endangering everyone, even if I now understand why he cared so much. It's especially hard because I can't really blame him even if I had to stop him for our own reasons." Tasha nods, as if certain of something now. "I'd better ask Horus, and better sooner than later. We have no idea when Charon's mom will arrive, or how she'll react to us. I need to be ready for her."
"Good luck," Melchior says. "I'll always be here for you."
"You know maybe I was wrong. It's not your physical power or ability in the real world that makes you valuable, Mel, any cheap robot or half-brained monster can do that. It's here in your head, when we talk and when we're one being. You truly are a 'wise man', I see now that you'll never be obsolete. I'm sorry for focusing on other things, sometimes I forget how important this sort of thing is when I'm facing the other threats." Tasha pats Mel's leg, then stands. "Alright, lets go talk to our favorite patriarch."
In the sea without lees standeth the Bird of Hermes, eating his wings variable and maketh himself yet full stable. When all his feathers be from him gone, he standeth still here as a stone. It's debatable if Tasha is somehow more stable now that she's lost her wings and feathers, but the urge to stand still in this situation is pretty strong. There's no waiting for Horus to show up this time: he's already there. "He's here, isn't he?" the Vartan-form ex-god demands. "I felt the use of Vril. What has been happening? Why do you look different?"
"Uhhhh," begins Tasha who wrings her hands and looks anywhere else but at Horus, "A lot has happened, actually. I've been, um, busy, and I haven't had time to stop by. I'll just go ... uhmmmm ... in order and you can ask me about any item in particular you want to know about."
"First, we left Caltrop on an Expedition to the Galactic Halo with some Seeders, one of whom is actually Thoth, except I didn't know about that until right before we arrived when there wasn't time to get to know him better and work things out. Second, on arriving, we discovered a massive Ogdru-hem presence and signs of an ancient battle, and at its center Lukthu-hem herself -- and a Waybringer. Charon. Thoth realized this and used his Vril to entrap or seal Samael before anyone could even realize what he was doing. I don't like my guests attacking my crew or other guests, regardless of who they are, and we argued. I made some promises to get him to relax, and then broke them because I had other things to worry about -- like Lukthu-hem, the Waybringer, and well making sure all of us weren't about to die." Tasha's head shakes, what a stressful time it's been.
"So I promise not to bring the Marker to Charon and then did it anyway, because Yellow was driving everyone crazy and Hastur more or elss told me I'd better do it or everyone's going to lose their mind. I bet on the Waybringer's resiliency, which seemed safe... ish. Except, the Waybringer's just a child and he's actually really cute, if kind of wreckless and not very good at picking fights with the oldest of the Ogdru-hem. He and Lukthu-hem, were stalemated, and I think he was slowly losing."
"Well I kind of felt really bad about what I did and everything else, and I really didn't want Charon and everyone else to die after meeting Charon, so I agreed to help any way I could. It turns out every way I could menat being killed twice, being restored as just a piece of myself, and killing Lukthu-hem with the Yellow Marker."
Tasha rubs her nose. It's not itchy, but it helps her to think. "I also spent some time in a gigantic exobody Charon provided. I'm like his anti-virus now, I think. I fight viruses. His remote is sitting in my lap in the cockpit. He's really cute, and I think I'm attached to him now. Oh, and Sam's not a statue anymore, I guess Thoth turned him back. They're still fighting, though. He knows you're here -- sorry, but I thought I'd die and I didn't want him to not know. And, um, I did die so ... very responsible of me?"
And so the girl shrugs again, turning to Horus. There it is.
"So, Thoth hasn't used up all of his power yet," Horus notes, and.. shakes his head. "I did not instill the proper values in him, if he felt a servitor was a threat. I'm surprised you let him know about Hastur though. Did he sense this yellow marker on his own?"
"Yes he did, he could smell 'the Yellow' and seemed to guess who was behind it. Hastur still has a claim on me too, but not like the Source did, exactly." Tasha looks own at her hand, her tiny, fragile human hand. "I think Hastur saved me the second time, when I made a suicide charge at Lukthu-hem using the exobody. It wasn't supposed to be a suicide charge but I cut it too close and my knowledge of the body and Lukthu-hem's core nature was off, so it ended up being that way. He wants me to confront Thoth and say things to him, and also go kill Sedu-hem." A lip bite, a chew, then more head shaking. "And I still want to protect Charon. His mom is coming, and who knows what she'll do. Also, um, Thoth may just slap me the second he runs in to me, I did lie to him and now maybe I have to endanger him. Maybe you should, um, slap me too?" Despite the suggestion, Tasha doesn't move away nor cringe, she just stands there staring at her hand and chewing her lip.
"I have never slapped anything," Horus notes. "What are you supposed to say to Thoth?" he then asks.
"I need to show him The Sign -- you know the one -- and say I'm 'Hermes Trismegistus'. Then something will happen. Hastur doesn't exactly elaborate when he doesn't have to," Tasha explains, glancing over and looking up. "And I don't think I need to say he's a bit frightening. Do you know, I think his eye is some sort of gate somewhere? And I think he might be keeping me alive?"
"Or you were not dead," Horus offers. Then he sits down, folding his legs. "That is an old name. Thoth's old name. He was originally both Hermes and the Bird of Hermes. Does he have his wings still, or feathers? In any case, for you to say it is to declare that you are officially claiming the title from him. I'm uncertain what he's done with it since the time I was last active. You might want to ask him. As for showing him the Yellow Sign, that is inform him that you have a sponsor, where he no longer does - unless there is still one of the Vril-ya in this universe that he is in contact with."
"I see." Tasha looks at Horus, then sits down infront of him. The fact that they're both sitting and facing each other reminds her a little too much of the situation she just left, but she reminds herself Melchior and Horus are very diffferent and she shouldn't seek the same comfort from him. At least she can be glad he hasn't noted she's now a non-Vartan at least, she decides. "Hastur sort of grabbed me from Thotep, I never agreed to it so much as I'm doing it out of gratitude and respect. It's, well, awkward though. You understand, don't you?" She lifts her brows. "He is what he is?" And so she tilts her head. "So I'll be laying claim to a title. It's more than just a fancy name, isn't it?"
"Names have power. What power lies in that name depends on how Thoth has used it," Horus notes. "So you will have to ask him. You say that you used the marker.. the 'Yellow'.. to defeat Lukthu-hem. How?"
"'Yellow' is poisonous to being of this universe, yes? Well, it turns out it's also poisonous to Dark beings, something Charon told me himself. We couldn't do much to Lukthu-hem with what we had, so we took piece of the Marker and used those. I was doing very well that way until one of her children, um ... " Tasha rubs her arm, curling inward, grimacing. "Ate me. I woke up later in pieces, the rest of me is in Charon somewhere. His mother will have to fix me, he said. So I'm just a piece." Her head shakes, she's not sure if dying, being Human, or being a piece of someone that was and yet not feeling she's missing anything disturbs her more. "In the end I just charged in to her core after clearing the way, then fired the Marker in to it. She must have died while I was being, er, maybe-dead."
"Convenient," Horus admits. "And Thoth was part of this expedition as well, and not picked up elsewhere?"
"He came here specifically, he was part of the original group and at the pre-launch party." Tasha pulls her knees up and rests her head on them, frowning. "You're thinking this was all planned in advance by someone, aren't you? Someone like Hastur."
"No, if anyone it would have been Thotep," Horus claims. "How exactly did you come to encounter Hastur?"
"Thotep. He's the original maker of the Dagger, along with the aliens that built it. Except, I think he helped bring them down and I think Sam was there at the same time. To use the Dagger we need Sam who is the Hilt, and to get Sam we were sent to ... Praxx where the Ogdru-hem who changed our worldline later was. We got Sam, met the Wizard, then were leaving when the Ogdru-hem at the core of that world attacked us -- someone said it could have been the Wizard or the Wizard's patron Leviathan but we still don't know exactly why it attacked since it was otherwise dormant. So, then our worldline is changed and Sam's the only one who noticed, he helped us find a way to change things back by diving in to the event horizon gate leading to the twisted space that is the Ogdru-hem annnd we ended up in Hastur's universe, somewhere called Carcosa. We eventually met Hastur, he offered to fix things, I didn't have any other options so I agreed. I think he did it to spite Thotep, who probably wanted me too." Another shrug, the only response to pan-universal uncertainty. "Hastur handed me the Marker and said I'd carry his influence. Mind you, I was also a man and another me at the time, so I can't be exactly sure why I did anything. Sasha is me, but he's a different sort of me."
"So Thotep sent you to Hastur, planned or unplanned," Horus notes. "Unplanned does not seem Thotep's way, for all that he claims to search chaos. He serves himself, and is not limited to this reality in the slightest. But the servitor you acquired was the only one to notice the manipulation of your worldlines, and had the solution ready to suggest."
"It did occur to me that might have been intentional. I knew that, but not only was I not myself, I was also way beyond my understanding and I didn't have any resource to draw upon. I couldn't reach you, even if I had thought of the idea, and no one else would recognize us anyway. All I had was Sam, and Sam's answer. Which, well, makes it a very good setup if it was one. I guess I shouldn't feel bad a pan-dimensional demon god tricked me?" Tasha gives a little shrug; what can you against that sort of power imbalance? "If it's part of his plan I'm not sure what to do about it. Should I abandon Hastur? I'm worried he and Thotep will try something else if I do, worried about what it will be. Most of my family is here."
"Tell me, Tasha, what were you going to do next, if Hastur had not given you a task?" Horus asks.
"Keep hunting for the Ogdru-hem and either negotiating a way to remove them or find a way to remove them by force, to prevent the Ogdoad victory scenario. Atum told me someone else is dealing with the Sifran side of things," Tasha explains, spreading her hands. "The task didn't effect that much at all, except maybe he knew I'd meet Charon if I kept chasing the Ogdru-hem. Except, the Halo Expedition was never intended to be a operation against the Ogdru-hem, it was a civilian exploration undertaking, we were contracting out to perform their interests. I thought it'd be a nice change of pace from the horror of the Ogdru-hem." Tasha's thin smile is exceedingly wry.
"The ancients did not deal with the Ogdru-hem by force," Horus notes. "They could not destroy them, but they could contain them. The ones they could access. There are rules, and ways to exploit those rules that allowed mortal beings to bind such entities. Lukthu-hem.. was not one of the Ogdru-hem. She could not be bound. Thus the great fleets would attempt to deal with her by force. Perhaps what you need is not power, but lost knowledge. That was, in part, why Thoth was created."
"When you put it like that I'm reminded how rediculous my life is, you know." Tasha waggles a hand at the ex-god, then rolls her eyes at her own antics. "I'm joking, I've known for a while now." The hand falls and she drops her gaze with it, staring at it as if it confused her. "And Human. And Charon. I wonder what to do about Charon. I've never really felt at peace before I met him, not really. I'm not sure what to do about it, when I still need to do so much else. And I need to think very hard on if I should bring everyone with me. I might not be the savior I appear to be. I'll talk to Thoth."
"I've lost most of my knowledge," Horus notes. "But Atum would not have expected you to take on the Ogdru-hem directly. Some of them are not even physical at all. We had hoped the Cill would have found the answers, but.. they found something else, apparently."
"Despair?" Tasha says it before she can really think to stop herself and so the word hands in the air, or at least in this not-space regulated by ancient technology. he drops her head back on her hands, resting them on her knees. "And then they left, or died, with Marduk."
"I don't know if there are other Vril-ya still active, although it is possible," Horus says. "The Titanians claim that Vulcan is still active, after all. There could be others."
"I think he is too, but I don't know why. I just do." Tasha rolls her head to the side, brows arching. "But at least now we have you, Thoth, Samael, Charon, all my mortal friends and family, and maybe the support of the Waymakers, Atum, and even Hastur. Everyone's got their reasons, but together we've been able to do what the ancients could not. Even if it's all a trick, we've done that much."
"Actually we do not know what the ancients accomplished," Horus admits. "They were before our first visit to this universe. But the Sifras imprisoned the Ogdoad, so others may have thinned the Ogdru-hem as well."
"Well, um, at least we've done something?" Tasha's shoulders slump and she purses her lips. After a moment of silence, she asks out of the blue, "Am I doing the right thing, Horus? I'm dead and broken, I made everyone worry, I'm bringing them to these dangerous places and every time I think I make the right choice I seem to regret something afterwards. Last time I nearly lost myself and everyone on board, this time I actually died. All I can be sure of is Charon's safe even though it was his fault for picking a fight and that Lukthu-hem is gone, oh and I know more about the Waybringers now and the Null. Beyond that, what am I doing?"
"I don't know if you are doing the right thing," Horus replies. "Because it is very difficult to objectively define 'the right thing'. You can only do what you think or feel is right. Right for yourself, right for others, right in some other context. But no action is likely to be universally right for everyone. I don't believe in right and wrong so much as I believe in consequences and outcomes. What level of consequence are you willing to accept for the desired outcome?"
"I won't sacrifice my family. It's really the other way around: I'll sacrifice others for them, if I have to. At the same time, I want -- maybe need to follow some task or, I don't know, keep chasing the stars, and it's easier to chase them when I have a reason too. Stopping the Ogdoad is a good reason, so I do that. But I don't want anyone I love getting hurt. I've considered asking to stay with Charon and seeing if he wants to become our base of operations, then sending everyone who isn't going to just flat out refuse back to Caltrop with the others, maybe let them work from there so they aren't just sent home. I can't help but feel this is a turning point for me and what comes after this?" Tasha sits up now, eyes wide. "Maybe I didn't take my work seriously enough, or my family. I should. But even if I chose to do nothing, the other beings will still act, so I must act as well and won't stop."
"Charon," Horus says. "You describe as a child who rushes in where he should not. And got himself injured and nearly killed. You do not know how his mother is going to react to any of this. My advice would be to not plan around such things until you have spoken to the adult."
"That's the plan, I didn't mean to suggest I wouldn't have. Not, of course, that we could have done anything anyway, it's not like we can just head off and a pan-temporal, hyperdimensional being be unable to find us." A toss of the hands. "I have a feeling I'll know when she arrives, because she'll find me where ever I am." Her head shakes, then she looks down a moment before pushing up t her knees. "I'll miss this place if I have to leave. Aaron said it's unnatural for me to be at peace, that I should keep going, but part of me doesn't want to. But, like you said, maybe I can't stay here, and maybe I'll have to go out there again. Sorry, I do sound confused, don't I? Contradicting myself." She pushes up tp her feet and rises. "I gues I should wait until I'm fixed, too, before making any major decisions. Still, I should talk to Thoth."
"Perhaps he will be more inclined to be forgiving given your current circumstances," Horus notes. "What has his reaction been to meeting a Waybuilder?"
"Charon said he's boring, and someone told me he wasn't sure at all what to make of him. To be fair, neither was I, except somehow I also knew what the remote represented in a ... " Tasha waggles a hand vaguely. "A sense. I could sense the spirit behind the remote, and it was overwhelming, yet I also knew immediately what I had to do. It was like meeting Gabriel or Katie, a kind of instant love." And then she tosses her hands in a shrug, not sure how else to describe things. "That's hwo it goes with me some times. Charon will be with me, so I don't think he'll Vril-me without serious thought."
"Thoth is not Vril-ya, and to use the Vril would mean expending his life-force," Horus explains. "For him to have survived this long, he must have used it very sparingly."
"Then he really went all-out on poor Sam, didn't he? I guess he thoguht it was necessary. At least we have wanting to protect Charon in common now, we'll just have to work the rest out." Tasha tilts her head to take in the empty sky, then the expanse around her. "I should get going, I don't know when mom will arrive and I'd like to meet with everyone before that happens. I don't know who or what I'l be the next time I return, so, um, in case ... something ... happens, I, uh, I'm glad we got to meet. I hope you'll consider still helping if I'm not around anymore."
"That would be problematical in that you are the only one who can contact me," Horus notes. "You posses the only key to my cell, as it were."
"I'd guess I'd better keep living then," Tasha decides, as if it were a topic that required a moment of thought yet not gravitas, such as what she might buy the next time she's on Caltrop. "Lets hope mom knows what she's doing and I don't end up something weird."
"I should probably point out that you were already weird from birth, but I do not understand humor well enough to do so in the appropriate manner," Horus replies. "Though I would have liked to meet a Waybuilder back when I was more alive."
"I'll see if I can get them to say hello, if not I'll try and save some recordings -- if they let us." Tasha then nods, folding her hands behind her back. "Alright, no more delaying. If I don't talk to Thoth now I'm not sure I'll have the desire to. After everything and all the uncertainty, part of me wants to crawl back in that pod and sleep until mom arrives. I'd better get this done before I don't want to deal with any more."
"Nobody has visited while you were inside your Titan," Lacci reports. "Although if Sam were here I might not know it."
"He's spooky sometimes, isn't he?" Tasha had collected Charon's remote from the cockpit, and now he's in her arms getting petted. The climb down was something of a challenge with the remote on board. "I'm going to go find Thoth and have it out with him." She begins that way, but then suddenly pauses beside Lacci and tilts her head up as she asks, "Hey, Lacci? Do you ... regret coming with me?"
"I regret many things, Tasha," Lacci replies. "Otherwise I would not have come along in the first place."
"Ah." Tasha stands there, awkwardly, patting the remotes head. "You don't like me, do you, Lacci?"
"But," she adds, "I am an historian. I should not be afraid to live through some of it. I am impressed by you. And confused. I come from a very stoic clan, so.. some things are hard."
"Hard," Tasha repeats, nodding slowly. "Hard I can understand. Well, if I do ever do anything you really don't like, you'll tell me won't you?"
"Probably not," Lacci admits. "Stoicism, and all that."
"Hard," Tasha agrees. "Well, I'll try and figure it out, anyway. Come along Charon, we have a demigod to be sorry at." The Human women starts walking, but pauses long enough to give Lacci a chance to pat the remote's head.
The Vartan does pat the dragon. Because how often can one say they've done that?
Tasha smiles at the gesture, then it's a short walk out of the hangar in to the ship. Without knowing where Thoth resides currently she simply takes to wandering around and taking in the sights. Being shorter, slighter, wingless and generally off the ship feels familiar yet with something out of place, just different enough to disturb. Unlike usual, this time that off things is her, and she's well aware of it. It all makes for a strange juxtaposition, like walking through a dream. "Thooooth? Are you here somewhere?"
With the ship empty of mortals (save two), things seem to echo more than they used to. At least on the main deck. "He's up in his room," Samael answers from where he shouldn't be.. directly over Tasha's head.
"Gak," goes Tasha who hops backwards, then almost falls over because she tries to compensate her balance with non-existant wings. After taking a moment to very deliberately straighten herself and adjust her outfit, she looks up to glare at the morphic being. "Nice to see you're not a statue. Were you waiting up there just to scare me?"
"You were supposed to be naked," the dark blob on the ceiling gurgles before draping down to the deck in a series of ever thickening pseudopods. When he reforms, it's.. as a male human version of Tasha, of course.
"Oh wonderful, now I know what two males versions of me look like. That's never leaving my head you know." Despite her words, Tasha does look with interest if not exactly appreciation. She's still not sure how she feels about Humans, though now that she is one they at least don't feel like tricky aliens who might steal her family at any moment. On the other hand, they do feel tricky, and she is still processing how her own emotions explain Humanity in general. "I was naked, but I got dressed, I don't want to talk to Thoth naked, it'll be hard enough as-is."
"But you could have worn me, I'm sure Thoth wouldn't mind that," Samael teases. "And I'm fine, in case you were wondering. After being turned to stone. For no reason at all."
"Yeeeah I think I'm good with this shorty-short skirt that's now just mid-sized and all my stretch clothes, they're less likely to get me blasted by mysterious fire energy." Tasha does smiles though. She's still not sure if Samael is out to use her or ruin her, but at least he's entertaining. "I'm glad you're okay. I don't know if you heard me, but I did yell at Thoth on your behalf. Whatever his reasons, attacking a crew member -- or anyone else on board -- without warning is not okay."
"Well, be sure to kick him then," Sam says, and looks down. "Well, when you get rocks for toes again. Or are you committed to the primate thing now?"
"Eeeeh, I don't know. I feel like I'm barely here, and I'm not sure I'm complete even if I don't feel incomplete, which worries me. I'm sure I'd have a lot more clout with some of the crew, and working with the Terragens would be a lot easier, but ... I don't know. It's hard to decide how I feel while working through so much." Tasha shrugs, overwhelmed. "Hopefully Charon's remote will keep Mr. Eyes from getting too upset."
"I could bite him," Charon offers. "I'm good at biting things."
"Well, he's on the upper deck with his pet snake," Samael claims. "Don't let the snake eat either of you."
"Don't worry, I have some idea on how to resolve things one way or another." Tasha pats the remote. "Yes you are, but lets not be too mean to Thoth, he meant well for you and he'sgot his own problems." She looks up and nods to Samael."I'll see you later, in one form or another. Hey, I guess it's my turn to change in to random things, huh?" The young woman winks, then heads off.
"I'm never random, only chaotic," Sam claims.
"He is funny, isn't he?" Tasha asks the remote before stepping in to the elevator.
"He made fart noises before," Charon claims. The lounge is.. empty, of course. But in one of the VIP cabins is an ancient being.. and a presumably less ancient Naga. There's also Tasha's office and plenty of liquor.
Tasha considers the liquor, but given how light she is now she suspects she'll end up face down on her desk before she ever gets anything done should she drink. Still, she reasons her office is a lot more reassuring than Thoth's quarters, and it lends her more authority and certainty than shuffling in clutching the remote. She heads there.
Once settled behind her desk with her (Vartan styled) Dark Horse jacket hanging off her chair, as well as the chair raised so she doesn't feel tiny, she engages the intercom system to Thoth's quarters. "This Aldara Tasha Argentine to Dr. Amuntaton, also known as Thoth, and his assistant. Would you please join me in my office? It's off the Owner's main area. Thank you." Meanwhile, she pets Charon's remote, whom she's placed on the desk.
"There's something in your drawer," Charon notes as he curls up like one of the kittens on top of the desk.
Tasha has to go through a quick inventory of what she keeps in the drawer. Sometimes it's liquor, usually it's her datapad -- which is now presumably lost somewhere inside Charon and quite possibly in pieces -- some snacks, a personal imager, and other electronic goodies. Except, none of these would interest Charon, so she opens the drawer to try and puzzle what might have caught his attention.
Inside the drawer is Hastur's marker, despite the impossibility of it. The Yellow sign is very real, however. Then the door chimes, presumably with Thoth on the other side.
"How does he do this?" Taasha exclaims, throwing her hands up at it all. The Dark Horse isn't exactly accessible, it's bent space containing faux-matter, but she supposes that means little to a being who can insert itself in time and space from an external context. It's still upsetting, either way. She snorts, then shakes her head. WIt at least explains where she'll get the Sign, otherwise she was going to have to draw it. "Come in."