"Is that really you?" Thoth asks Tasha after he enters the office and briefly bows his head to Charon. The cold lenses of his cybernetic eyes show no signs of intent to go with his question, however.
Tasha spreads her hands. "Are any of us really who we were yesterday?" She grins lopsidedly, then reaches over to resume scratching Charon's remote behind the horns. Her other hand, her right hand, brings up a menu on her desk and she glances down as she works through the menus. "Human hands really are a lot more nimble, but I don't think I can ever get over being this tiny."
"You are of average size for a human," Thoth claims. "A little physical humility won't hurt you. I've been human before, at times. What did you wish to see me about that you would risk dealing with baggy clothing?"
"We have some unfinished matters to settle. I spoke to your father, or what's left of him anyway, as well as ... Well, we're all aware of Mr. Yellow now, I think? Hastur, I spoke to Hastur, shortly after poisoning Lukthu-hem with His Marker. Or, at least, Yellow." Tasha gets to where she needs to be in the system, returning her gaze to Thoth and arching her eyebrows. "Well, we're not exactly getting along, are we? So I'll just be direct." She curls her right hand in to a ball, then opens one finger and counts off. "One, I understand why you did what you did but I still don't appreciate you attacking a person on this ship without warning. And, keep in mind, I died protecting Charon. Two, I lied about the Marker. I'm sorry to have to lie, but I couldn't afford you starting a fight. Three Charon appears to be mostly fine, but there is some damage and we'll be here for a while until his mother arrives, at the very least. Four, according to Horus, Hastur apparently wants me to present his Sign to you and I'm to tell you I'm claiming the title of 'Hermes Trismegistus'." At the last one Tasha spreads her hands again; 'don't ask me why'.
"Did you want to get along?" Thoth asks. He turns his head slightly to look at Charon, and asks, "Who is your mother?"
The little dragon perks up and says, "My mother is the goddess Persephone, Queen of Hell!"
"Hades," Thoth corrects.
"That too," Charon claims.
Looking back to Tasha again, Thoth asks, "Why did you lie about the Marker? Which I never sensed leaving the ship. It's still in your desk."
"Atum thought we migth get along. When I asked to creat--" Tasha pauses to give Charon a scrunch-faced, brows up sort of look of confusion. It's not exactly a Human-appropriate expression, but it doesn't lack for genuine effort and emotion. "Now where have I heard that name before? And why do translate your names as Terrangens deities associated with the underworld? I know the higher beings like to act extratemporally, but I'm not so full of myself to think it's all because I married feather with mountainside." She turns back to Thoth in turn and notes, "Because it was driving the crew insane and I trusted the Waybringer to be more resilient than we are, but it was a gamble. I did have the Marker, but it's somehow recovered itself. I could lie about it again, but I won't."
"Their names tell me much about their origins," Thoth notes. "As the name Hermes Trismegistus says much about my own. And also about your origin, Tasha."
"What's hard to know about me? I'm very straightforward." Tasha grins again, fully, then reaches down to try and tickle Charon. "I bet he's going to tell me humbling secrets or history about myself!"
"I created the Magi project. And the Hermetic Order on Terra, which created alchemy - which led to that little poem I used to sell the Magi project to the lingering Progenitor cults long before the Expedition was planned."
Tasha's rubbing abruptly stops and she looks up, brows arching again and eyes widening. "Hey," she tells Charon, looking back and forth between him and Thoth, " ... that's a really good one! I am genuinely surprised!" She plops her head down on her right hand and stares at Thoth, reassessing. "So you're who was behind old Ser Heraphel and the Magi Titans. Is that why there's a spy ship hovering over Abaddon, then? Or is that House Khomen's response? Did you accomplish what you hoped to do?"
"A spy ship? Interesting," Thoth says, without elaborating on why that is interesting to him. "As for success.. I'm uncertain. What became of the other three Markers, if Horus is, I assume, in your Titan?"
"I returned them to Atumm. In fact, I returned all of the ones I had to Atum, then Atum handed me Horus back because Horus disagreed with the others -- and I assume Atum -- and that 'had never happened before'. After some negotiation Atum asked me to see Horus fulfilled his task. Except, Horus's task included the sacrifice of all Vartans to be rid of the Ogdru-hem, and neither of us wanted that." She peers at Thoth a moment, squinty, and notes, "You're a lot like your father, now that I think about it."
"Which father though?" Thoth asks, without even tilting his head to one side or changing his tone - so he might actually be asking seriously.
"I only met Horus, although Mafdet probably had some influence on what I was doing. Ahriman was there, but never interacted with me. We had this ... " Tasha lifts both hands to waggle them vaguely, " ... multipart interaction where every part of me was present and so were the contents of the Markers and also Atum. I've only seen something like that happen a few times, but never that clearly. It's a little hard to explain or understand after the fact, but I'm sure Ahriman never said or did anything. Ser Heraphel merged with Neith, so at least he got what he hoped to."
"So this isn't your first experience with being human?" Thoth asks. "Or was this some other form of 'every part of me' being present? I've been dealing with Horus's unfinished business for.. a very long time."
"I bet you have. He's not very happy about how it's turned out, by the way, but he refuses to do things the 'end all the Vartans' way -- which I'm glad for." Tasha nods; she is. Her left hand drifts back to Charon and begins rubbing his neck, the whole act of petting Charon nearly as soothing as petting the cats with that added touch of existential uncertainty. "Well I was a Karnor and Vartan woman, Nor-- Tisiphone I mean, my original creator or an aspect of her anyway, this inky darkness I still don't understand, Mel, annnd I might have forgotten someone. My side didn't talk much either, besides the first two I mentioned."
"Tisiphone," Thoth says.. softly, and gets an even softer look on his face for a moment. "I have not heard that name in a long time. I cannot forget things, but time does tend to pile on the layers so that some things are slow to come to mind. Whose murder did she charge you to avenge then?"
"The crew of the Terragens ship Fenris, part of the Expedition to Primus. She was, or at least was created from, the death of Lieutenant Commander Nora Argentine, caused by the Silent-Ones Mind-of-Light being corrupted by suddenly active Sifran artifacts. They'd been inert until they were brough close to the planet of Sinai, but after the planet's defense system -- or who knows what -- pulled the ship from the sky and buried it, the computer became corrupt and killed Nora to prevent her from disconnecting it from the artifacts. Gabriel, by the way, is the captain of that ship. I was the one who removed the artifacts and the machine was destroyed trying to stop us from escaping with them." Tasha taps her cheek in thought. She doesn't remember everything, so some details take a moment. "I'm not sure if the computer or the Sifra killed Nora, but the direct cause was that AI."
"It is fascinating how Memetic forms show up again and again," Thoth claims. "Even the Progenitors were influenced by them. And clearly the Waybuilders as well." He gestures to Charon's remote, and asks, "What is that?"
"A cuddily-wuddily super huggable space dragon?" This of course followed up by an actual hug, and Tasha looks at Thoth from where she rests her head stop the remote's. "But yes I had been wondering why there was a dragon inside Charon. I figured the Waybringers just collected life and like any gigantic ship-like being it's very handy to have remote bodies, so why not living ones?" There's an additional snug at the end.
"It's the form that is the point," Thoth says. "How did you know to call it a dragon?"
"Because it's one of those universal Memetic concepts?" The hugging does not end with the assertion of it. "The universe seems to really like big lizards, just like how gods and outter beings love stonework and statuary."
"You catch on.. and stone work and statuary are things that endure," Thoth points out. "That matters to immortal beings. Especially to the avatars of the being you call Thotep."
"He does love his goats and scary soul-eating castles," Tasha agrees, nodding slowly. "Just like Hastur loves the concept of Yellow. I imagine it's especially important for memetic life to link themselves to symbols, because as concept-beings symbolisim, which is concept plus, uh, object, no, shape is like a physical version that doesn't exactly need a living being to carry it."
"They can be thought of as living symbols, or the essence behind symbols," Thoth says. "Mostly they are troublesome. Thotep is more playful than the rest of his ilk. He enjoys playing with people, instead of just treating them as insignificant. And by people, I often mean entire civilizations. Most of my time on Terra was taken up trying to counter his machinations."
"I can see how he could be a bit of a problem," Tasha agrees. She pulls open a drawer, rummages around (without stopping in her hugging of the remote or even looking down) and pulls out the Marker, pushing it on to the table and looking at it. "So this thing must be concentrated symbolic essence. Made of Yellow, the Sign, the shape is probbaly important too."
"It doesn't exist," Thoth claims. "It is a concept, which cannot be destroyed, only spread. A memetic virus." He then pokes his finger through it, and Tasha can hear the tip strike the top of her desk. "Its presence is not a function of its being, but of the effect it has on those it affects. I'm rather sensitive to these things."
"And by pushing your finger through it you're showing you reject the concepts it represents?" Tasha does lean in though, peering at how the hand passes through. "Horus said you were created to obtain secret information that might help in the destriction of the Ogdru-hem, so it makes sense you would need to be sensitive to their influence and be able to reject it. For some reason Hastur is trying -- or has -- claimed me, but I'm not sure if he's influencing me or if I just do what he wants by doing whatever I'm doing. Like, some sort of mascott." She snorts, it doesn't sound quite like it did before, far too sniffily. "But I guess the fact this Marker exists around me shows I carry the virus. Maybe I should think about asking the others to stay behind if we return to Caltrop, or maybe I should stay with Charon?"
"It doesn't matter," Thoth suggests. "So long as Pharol.. Samael.. is kept near it, its influence will not be felt."
"He has a lot of uses." Tasha sits up, then simply picks up the remote and puts him in her lap where the petting resumes. "Well, so. Now that you've said that, what do you plan to do? Is being on this trip all part of your grand plan, did you know Charon was here? And what do you think about Hastur's claim and what happened between Lukthu-hem and Charon?"
"Hastur and Thotep are not equals," Thoth explains. "Hastur is a glorified disease, you could say, requiring hosts to spread. Thotep could conceivably destroy worlds on a whim, but chooses not to exert his power directly. So, this weapon-ship. Because it amuses him to see those he considers enemies to be.. do you know what an elephant is?"
Tasha blinks at this, upper lip edging up, teeth exposed. "So I have a god disease? Well," she slumps somewhat, pulling the remote up, "I guess it's better than being a man and everyone forgetting who I am, including me." Her head shakes. "Thotep, well, I think I already knew that. Uh, no, is it also memetic?"
"It is a Terran animal, weighing many tons, long lived, intelligent and without equal in physical strength or destructive potential," Thoth explains. "They may be extinct now. I haven't checked. Now, Thotep is cruel enough that even though he could kill the elephant himself, he would rather it be done by ants - tiny social insects. It isn't enough for his foes to perish, he must go out of his way to ensure they perish in the most humilating manner."
Tasha frowns at this, sinking a little further in to her chair. "That does sound like something he'd do. It's not like the scary floating castle made of entrapped souls, or, put another way, data-essences was exactly subtle. I'd say that should have made me turn back but, well, do you know -- well, you probably do know actually -- how many old deities, old civilizations, old anything is surrounded by misleading imagery, history, religions, and so on? And Horus wasn't being easy to interact with, and he suggested I visit Thotep, so maybe he was just hoping I'd die in some painful way." Tasha blinks again, then looks down at Charon. "I think I figured out some of the reasons I'd rather stay with you."
"I can smell like strawberries," Charon offers.
"That's one more reason." Tasha hugs the remote like it were a stuffed animal. "Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to do any of this, but then there's something wonderful and I keep doing it."
"He would have sent you so that you could feel.. less frustrated, perhaps," Thoth claims. "Because he knew Thotep had the means to destroy Ogdru-hem.. and that Thotep would enjoy helping you to do it. Horus may be a shadow of his former self, but he had thought about all of the options available to fulfill his duty."
"And watching me get tortured a bit was probaby a bonus. Did you know he called me his devil? There to torment him. I offer to help, to fight against these beings," Tasha abruptly lifts a hand, snapping it out to stab her pointer finger towards the exit of the hangar, " ... and I'm made my species's god's personal tormentor. So, well, I was a bit angry about the whole thing, but I can't exactly do much without the help of 'greater' beings." Despite only having been Human for a brief time, the blonde's sarcastic emphasis is very passable.
"The gods were never perfect," Thoth points out. "The previous galactic civilization was open to the influence of Thotep and others. Beings who, out of their own self interest, suppressed the influence of the Ogdru-hem. And when the Sifra wiped the slate clean, the Progenitors decided not to make the same mistakes, so made all new ones. They kept Thotep at bay, but could do nothing about the Ogdru-hem. This caused Horus in particular great frustration. But as their power waned, it ended up letting in those influences anyway. So, the Vartans became a simpler, less ambitious civilization - one that wouldn't interest Thotep, nor one that could be easily influenced by the Ogdru-hem due to their animistic beliefs. And then the Khattans threw a wrench into things, long after Horus could do anything."
"But you.. you're an outsider," Thoth points out to Tasha.
"You couldn't bring those influences back to the Vartans, and you came from a world protected against Thotep and his ilk. You couldn't pose a threat to your own home or to the Vartans."
"Is that House Khomen, or Khattans in a more general way?" Tasha lifts a brow, then both of them. "No I'm not, I'm very clearly just another Human." This earns Thoth a stuck out tongue. She thinks for a long moment after, then asks, "So I'm a 'free agent' as Yue would say. I can do something for everyone, somehow all at once, without breaking some of what they'd rather not be broke like a ... a a fan blade."
"And you have Atum's blessing, as it were, and probably other help I do know about," Thoth says. "For you to have acquired this ship.. I suspect you have some 'inside help' as well."
"Something other than Titanians, Hastur, Thotep, Atum, Horus, you and the others we know about?" The young woman cocks her head to the side, more avian than Human. "Or are they outside? At least, everyone except the Titanians."
"You're less.." Thoth begins to say, the changes tack. "You're brighter than you were when I first encountered you. Your scholar friend has the shadows in her now, or at least she's more noticeable now that you aren't 'over-shadowing' her. But.. you wish to be Hermes Trismegistus now? Do you know what that will entail?"
"I'm still not sure what to do about Hake. Even if the others were asked to remain behind, I think Hake needs to stay with me for her own protection and so we can find a way to help her." There's no petting now; not even petting can make Tasha feel good about somehow having involved her friend, made worse by the fact she wasn't there to help out when it happened. "You talk about shadows, so we're using metaphors for the influence, or maybe personal darkness? Maybe there isn't a difference if they are the emotions and concepts?" She scratches the side of her nose. "I don't know anything about it. A disease I have told me to do it, and I'm doing it to see what happens, so I can understand what doing it means. This is sometimes the only way to know."
"Hastur told you to claim the title, so I know what it wants you to do," Thoth claims. "And the darkness within a person is nothing like the darkness of the outer and dark beings."
Tasha exhales, not realizing she needed to until after hearing the elements are not interlinked. "Nice to know not everything is connected and memetic. That make's Hake's problem a little easier." She tilts her head the other way, now. "Anyway. Hermes is an old Terragens god of a lot of things, such as travel, um, I think trade. Liars and thieves? I remember thinking he was a really busy god, and interesting for it. I can only assume taking on his title means I'll somehow be like him, or claimed to be, like waving around a flag or wearing a shoulder insignia."
"Well, tell me: are you lucky? Are you a thief or patron of thieves? Big on medicine? Fast-moving? In my youth, I could walk between worlds," Thoth says. "Are you a source of knowledge or wisdom.. or an inspiration? And, most importantly, did you destroy Praxafallopus?"
"That is a made up name," Charon challenges.
"I feel like I can't agree to any of this without sounding full of myself," the blonde replies, then she looks down and nods to Charon. "I always thought so too, I'm not even going to try saying it with this weird mouth I have."
Looking up again however, Tasha nods once more. "Indirectly. Hastur actually destroyed it, but I think my bargain somehow allowed it."
"And what about the wizard, Fessus?" Thoth asks. "The first of the Void Guardians."
"I think I annoyed him and maybe he or his boss tried to ruin us. Fessus is probably who made the Ogdru-hem at the planet's core act, because it was considered dormant and didn't otherwise interact with us. Fessus works for Leviathan, so it might have been him," Tasha replies, shurgging lightly.
"And where is he now that Praxafallopus is no more?" Thoth asks. "Gone with it?"
"Where-ever Hastur puts worlds he grabs? Floating around Carcosa, maybe in his metaphysical stomach?" Another shug. "He's not very informative sometimes, you know? And I'm not sure I wnat to annoy him, I've got enough enemies and quasi-enemies."
"And now you have three more, they just don't know it yet," Thoth says. "The temple city of Praxafallopus was once called Faihias. One of four cities of ancient knowledge, each looked over by a wizard. That leaves Findias, Goirias and Murias.. you should be making notes of this. They are tended to by the wizards Uscias, Esrus and Semias."
Usually when Hakeber tells Tasha she should take notes she assumes that Hakeber is the notes, and the suggestion merely compulsory and not indicative of some sort of action. This time, tasha's not so sure. She fumbles around the remote to bring up her actual notes. "So I'm fighting wizards now?" She risks a glance up as she struggles with typing and tiny Human hands. "How does this relate to having a title? I don't remember Hermes fighting wizards."
"I was actually the one training them when I was Hermes," Thoth claims. "But what you need is knowledge. Specifically knowledge I couldn't dig up, and was lost to the Progenitors. The four wizards and their cities were where the ambitious went to learn how to be gods, back before this latest cycle of civilization. They're the ones that hold the keys to the Void. You already let Hastur pick one of the locks. So just three more to go."
"So I'm going to god school and the way to graduate is to feed the teachers to a world eating disease?" Tasha inquires, brows up and leaning forward. One can almost feel phantom ears perking. "And my sponsor is Hastur? And what's the Void? It sounds very different form the Null?"
"The Void isn't a concept, it's a place. A vault where treasures and monsters are locked away," Thoth says. "You mentioned Carcosa. That is in the Void."
"Then there's something inside I need? or am I letting Hastur out?" Tasha asks. She then realizes she stopped taking notes and leans down to beging typing again. Charon's remote suffers some squishing.
"I suspect it is where the Cill fled to," Thoth says. "And I am uncertain of Hastur's intentions, or the consequences of opening the Void."
"But you said you knew whey Hastur wanted me to have the title, then it's to replace you as this teacher-figure so I can approach these Wizards and get the keys to the Void?" Tasha risks a glance up to confirm.
"No, it was likely only so that I would tell you all of this," Thoth notes. "And because Hastur is on the side of chaos, albeit not the same chaos as Thotep. I'm supposedly a being of order. I'm fine with letting them think that."
"That sounds like something Horus would say," Tasha notes, nodding slowly. "So, find cities, find Wizards, open the way to the Void. Once inside, something. I assume something that will help me deal with all of this, or otherwise help somehow. The Cill may or may not help, it has been a while, but that's only in this universe and I know how extrauniversal spaces can work."
"Now, I have a favor to ask," Thoth says.
"Uh oh," goes Tasha. She hugs the remote, as if like a shield and watches Thoth expectantly.
"I've kept my promise, and have not left the ship to enter the Waybuilder," Thoth says. "However, I wish to meet Persephone."
"I don't think that's up to me. It's not like I'm going to look up at her and say, no, you can't talk to Thoth I'm mad at him. or, that she'd have to listen to me. I half expect her to just teleport the lot of us in to isolated spaces and eyeball-scan us so intensely our souls will tingle," Tasha admits, lowering the dragonete. "And it's not that I wanted you to stay on board, what I wanted was you to not go about attacking people, especially in an emergency. I didn't know what you could do or how far you'd go, so you were on my list along side Lukthu-hem as 'another danger to ship and crew'. If you're wondering, Sam's also on that list, but so is Hake, every passenger, even me. Of course some on the list are more dangerous than others, but I will point out I exiled myself from the ship even as I kept you back."
"Samael is not to be trusted, nor anything you believe to know about him," Thoth warns. "But.. where he might pose a threat to Charon, I doubt he would be one to an adult Waybuilder."
"I haven't built anything," Charon claims.
"Sam's fine until Sam does something that's not fine, just like with you. I'm curious to see if Dark beings can be more, because it's something I want to know and I've never been comfortable with how the universe handles luck and how people end up. In fact, that's part of why I approach the Dark beings openly." Tasha then looks down and notes, "You build warmness in my heart, Charon." And so he gets patted before Tasha looks up again. "I try to treat Sam fairly but also remember what he might do. It's hard, and sometimes I worry I'm making a mistake, but I don't think I like the world the other way either -- the way where you're just doomed and should be destroyed because of luck. Not just because it's depressing and means I should just judge someone based on their luck, but more practically it means there's no reason for me not to aim whatever powers I have at the unlucky and the dark. The last time I did that, it was genocide. If things go that way universally, then what? More genocide? That was Lilith's fear, wasn't it?"
"Lilith feared many things, and loved her charges more than Horus did his," Thoth claims. "Why did you go to Praxafallopus?"
"Why did I go there ... " Tasha purses her lips and tilts her head, not so avian this time. "Oh, right: It was what Thotep wanted, so we could use the Horse to deal with one of the Ogdru-hem. Sam was there, in, uh, storage. We had to visit the Wizard in his creepy afterlife-college and then pass through the tests; they were still better than two hours of lecture at least."
"And are you certain Sam was there before you arrived?" Thoth asks. "When you found him, was he as he is now?"
"I have no idea, the Wizard said he was being 'stored' after he was 'killed'. The conversation reminded me of when I would ask Nora or the AIs I know to get something from deep in a database and I can't do it myself. Then, he was just there, in the shape of one of the prior civilization's members. He had been trying to undermine and sabotauge them when he was killed. I think he may have also been around when the Dark Horse was created, or at least negotiated." Tasha glances at her notes, then nods.
"Then he may not be another of Thotep's avatars, but I would keep that possibility in mind," Thoth says. "Are you going to be put back the way you were before?"
"I'll put that on the worry list, then. It would be very disconcerting if Thotep himself decided I'd be fun to hang out with. I'd have to reconsider things -- and myself." Tasha gives a head shake, which turns in to a full body shiver. She blinks, then reaches to rub her arms. "What was that? My arms are all bumpy now, too. Does that lalways happen?" She chews on her lip a moment before answerin, "Uh, oh: Peresphone's going to put me back together, or at least Charon thinks she will. What actually happens, we'll just have to see. I'm not even sure I should be having these talks right now except not having them seemed worse."
"Mother isn't scary like auntie, so you should end up mostly how you were," Charon pipes up. "Persephone's only helped destroy one reality and it was just a very small, nasty one full of zombies anyway."
"That's, um, promising," Tasha remarks, idly petting Charon's remote as she considers what this auntie must be like and how weird she might have turned out should she have decided to come. "Well," she starts, deciding that's an unproductive and unsettling line of thought and wanting to interupt herself, "I'm glad it's your mother that's coming. I'm a little worried if I stay this way too long I might forget what it was like to be anything else, but I suppose I'd just forget again if I changed, so there's that in my favor. Either way, I think I'm going to be 'fixed', because Charon thinks I wasn't put together properly and he knows more about these things than I do. I am -- or was -- a mess of bits of this and that."
"Being a hyrbid can certainly come with all manner of physical issues," Thoth agrees, without any detectable trace of irony. "Given the classical death and underworld theme Charon and his mother seem to share in their names, I can only imagine what the rest of the family must be like."
"Adorably grim?" This comes with a rubbing up of the dragonette's head. "Well, the Waybuilders aren't exactly what I expected, but not exactly not what I expected either. Charon, you said you're not 'Star Horses', I seem to remember you wanted to say more about yourself but we were in the middle of running away from Lukthu-hem, so we couldn't exactly have a detailed discussion. Did you want to share with me now?"
"I know that you have to share cookies," Charon claims. "What else is worth sharing? Oh, you mean you want to know more about me? Like what?"
"Well, why are you here by yourself? What do the Waybuilders really want? Did you really bite a big chunk out of Lukthu-hem? Can you travel through time and realities? Have you been to the Way? And, how really does Vril, the Vril-ya, and the Waybuilders know each other? That should be good to start with," Tasha replies. She then tilts her head and adds, "No one's on board to get us cookies, so we'll have to do without. I'm not even sure which cookies I can eat like this."
"Humans can eat just about anything, except for raw red meat and blood," Thoth notes. "They are masters of baking things however. They invented pies because they hadn't invented pans yet."
"Well there goes my hope of drinking blood," the ex-hybrid remarks sardonically, head tilting as if she were deeply considering the loss. "I never ate a lot of raw meat, either, some of the animals back home and abroad are dangerous without processing, even if you can otherwise handle it."
"I'm here by myself because.. I got lost," the remote admits. "I want to explore and taste things and find funny animals. I don't really know what the others all want. I don't think there's a collective want. And I didn't bite her with my mouth, just made a lot of her break down into quantum foam. I was surprised when.. there was stuff in her that didn't do that. Time is tricky, since you don't know what rate it runs at in different universes.. or even in different parts of the same universe, but I'm not supposed to go back in time within a universe after I've already been there. I haven't been to the Way, unless I have and just don't recognize that name. You'll need to describe it, and Vril and Vril-ya."
"The Way is this ... big tube-like universe that connects to many wells, and it stretches from the End to the Beginning. I was told a lot of Waybuilders use it to travel to where ever they're going. It's even where I met my first Waybuilder, even if the meeting was one sided. I think I got scanned and then sent off to meet Atum, whom I had been there to meet in the first place. I was able to enter the Way using three Vril-ya Markers at a site on Arcadia, a planet in the Primus System, one of the Xilfr- Xilphrm- Si-fra worlds, which lead to a Hall of Souls which was filled with discarded bodies or evironmental suits the Vril-ya use." Pausing to consider how to describe the Vril-ya and Vril, Tasha digs through her desk and pulls put a few snack bars, a flask of bourbon, and a Karnor-style tooth bar. She pushes these where Charon can see them and continues. "Vril is a universe composed one-but-many style conciousness that to me resembles golden fire, a soul that's different from mine. Vril-ya are pieces of Vril that have left that universe to explore, becoming individuals. Some of them uplifted the current sentient species, or at least some of them. Eve uplifted Humans, Horus Vartans, Ahriman the Celestials, and so on. They're flame-like energy but they can't live like that in this universe, so they wear suits made of something like stone. Thoth here is a second-generation Vril-ya, he's probably gold fire in a people suit."
"More bronze colored," Thoth notes.
"You know, I have paintings of these things. I was thinking of using them as part of a mural on the Owner's Desk." Tasha rises, scooping the remote up in one practiced motion, and nods towards the door. "They're kept in the Artifact Bay because what they show isn't exactly something everyone should see. Lets go look." And so she heads for the door.
Charon bobs his head at the descriptions, but seems mostly focused on the snack bars. "That is a lot of names," the remote replies, and snatches one of the snack bars with a hind-claw as he's picked up.
Thoth follows as well, since he wasn't told that he couldn't.
It's a quick sojourn across the Owner's Deck commons area, exiting and heading left to a wall that, like much of the walls here, seemlessly displays the outside of the vessel. She reaches over and touches it and in a smooth motion the wall melts away, revealing a small chamber and further that the walls is made from something other than simple matter wrought with electronics. "Here we are." On a pedestal in direct contanct with the hull is the Niss's brain-sphere, where elsewhere empty chambers of various sizes and shapes await contents. Secured in a series of modern palettes are paintings, which Tasha begins pulling out after putting Charon down on an unoccupied container. "I tried to get the impresson as well as what I actually saw and experienced,s o some are literal and others impressionistic."
The first painting is of the Way itself, just as Tasha saw it. A tube composed of veins, pieces of landscape, and what may be air seeming to extend unto infinity.
The second is much like the first, except it's dominated by the towering form of Atum. He -- she, it -- sits placidly, as if a statue of an alien wise man in contemplation, aglow with an inner light.
The third if of Horus and Tasha, Tasha standing upon the hand of the Melchior as it stands before the towering, full shape of the ancient deity in his prime. Like Atum, he appears as a statue filled with inner fire.
The final one is unfinished, of a being like Charon himself but clearly not the same. The details are different, and it may well be larger as well. It appears to be within the Way, looking straight at the viewer.
"I think that's Kraken," Charon chirps, pointing to the final painting before trying to bite through the snack-bar packaging. At least it's keeping him from trying to chew on the Niss. "Don't know the others."
"Is it? Kraken sent me to Atum, I think, or at least told Atum I was there. I didn't stay long." Tasha crosses her arms, as the chamber is colder than the rest of the ship given it's rarely occupied and doesn't connect to the standard life support system. She keeps an eye on the dragonette. "We call the Waybuilders what we do because they built the Way, and that's the Way, so I geuss the Way isn't so important to your kind that everyone knows about it. Maybe it's like calling Humans Breadmakers because an alien saw they made bread at some point."
"I think it's something mom and the others were working on," Charon says. "But in my timeline, it probably isn't finished. If it extends through the past though, then it doesn't matter when it gets finished. I'm probably not mature enough to get there anyway."
"It does seem like a place where people come to work, whatever that work is," Tasha agrees. She pats Charon because he does seem to try very hard, then busies herself with removing the snack bar wrapper. After freeing the bar she pushes it up with a thumb and returns it to him. "By the way, this is the safest place to talk other than Mel or my office. We're in range of the Niss's ability to warp reality, so if they can't catch evesdropping nothing we have can. If you were holding anything back -- either of you -- now's the time to say it."
"You mean like passing gas?" Charon asks before biting into the bar.
"The issue isn't about what's being held back, so mach as what shouldn't be held back," Thoth says. "I've been around for most of this cycle of civilization, but only have inklings as to what came before - there was a limit on how much knowledge could be incorporated into me, after all. I'm not a giant."
"I know lots," Charon says. "We've got a shared thingy. Like memories. I try not to use it though, since I'm supposed to be learning on my own."
"That's a weird way to put it, Charon." If tasha's impression of Charon as a little boy was ever in doubt, it solidifies now at that observation. She turns to Thoth, keeping a hand near Charon in case he tries to bite the Niss. She nods, then says, "I know the Sifra annhilated them, or near as much did. A few survivors exist, like the Niss here," she waggles her other hand towards the sphere, "... but they know little as well, since they had left this universe long before that happened. So Thoth, what's your objective? What are you trying to accomplish? Doesn't it bother you you want me to go after your apprenties, these Wizards? Are you still following the Vril-ya's plan for you?"
And then Tasha glances at Charon again. "A shared ... thingy? Like a big obilisk full of all knowledge, or a floating wise brain?"
"I think it's more of a memory.. universe," the dragonet says. "But like a brain, all squished and crumpled."
"So like the Niss?" Tasha suggests, turning to nod to the sphere again. "They're a civilization that's also a quantum-computer. We actually met in a way that's a lot like how I met you Charon, the ship I was on arrived, there was a disaster, and they and I were able to help."
"The goals of the Vril-ya are not my own," Thoth claims. "And while I've taught many 'wizards', the ones you seek out are far older. Older, perhaps, than the previous cycle; the Civilization of Five Galaxies. They would closer to the Niss and the Ancients and the Outsiders."
"So not a floating soul-eating geometric shape in a Temple of Pain, then?" Tasha asks hopefully, brows shooting up.
"They could be," Thoth admits. "I wasn't able to locate them before I became dependant on spacecraft to move between worlds."
Tasha's brows go up a bit higher. "So did you teleport before? How do the Vril-ya travel, anyway?"
"Walking," Thoth claims. "You just have to take very large steps."
"Oh good, more 'the truth is in secret and obtuse understanding' answers. I really don't get enough of those." Tasha shakes her head as she puts the paintings away, then gestures for everyone to head out before scooping the remote up. "Well unless there's more to discuss, I think I'm a bit tired from all the mysteries, fighting, interpersonal conflicts, and dying and I'm not sure I want to go back down to the surface right now. I think Katie's upset with me and I'm not sure how to handle that, plus everyone's scarier now and Katie's kind of scary anyway."
Outside, Tasha seals the room again with a touch, then glances towards her quarters before turning to Thoth. "Before I go, so what's the sleeping naga all about, anyway? Is he another aspect of you or something?"
"He's my luggage," Thoth claims. "Exotic matter is difficult to explain to customs agents."
"I know how that goes. I have other things for that. Well," Tasha makes shooing motions towards Thoth, " ... if that's all I'm going to take a nap. Try not to get in to a battle with Samael while I'm asleep, metaphyical or otherwise?"
"Are you going to be interviewing him as well?" Thoth asks.
"Not today. I think I've reached my limit on pan-universal truths and disasters for one day. I mean, I haven't even slept since I was reborn if you don't count passing out. I may just wait until Peresephone arrives to handle the rest, I can't even be sure I'm making the decisions I would or if I even am me right now. The only reason I handled things now is because it'd have been worse if I didn't. If you want to go back down Charon, Lacci can take you." Tasha nods towards the elevator they came up. "And I guess if Katie wants to talk, tell her I'm up here resting."
"I want to see your room," Charon insists.
"Hokay, off we go then." Tasha turns and heads off, giving Thoth a wiggle-finger wave as she does. She doesn't travel far as her quarters are directly opposite the Artifact Bay's entrance, a conventional sliding door that could be on any Khattan ship. Inside is a particularly large bed that could easily have fit three even back when Tasha was larger herself, while the walls to either side of the bed contain complex shelving behind a glass-like facade. The wall behind her bed displays the region outside, as does the ceililing and the entrance wall. After closing the door, Tasha places the dragonette on the bed and begins to pull off all her baggy clothes and toss them in a pile. "There's a large shower and bath that way," she points towards the only other exit, " ... too."
After Charon finishes wrestling with the shed clothing, he bolts for the bath, trailing Tasha's top were it's hung up on one of his wings.
Tasha watches this happen, head shaking and too tired to do anything about it. Besides, she has to admit Charon is a funny little guy, and endearingly earnest. She can always buy another top, but when can she see a little dragon scoot around her quarters?
Divested of her clothes, Tasha exhales and flops on to the bed with an exhaled sigh finally feeling the day's weight roll off her. She can deal with the rest when she wakes up, not realizing how truly tired she both from fighting battles of all sorts, and from simply misjudging her own new body. She pushes her way up to the pillows and grabs the nearest one only to realize it smells different. Not Gabriel. Not Hakeber or Katie either. It takes her a moment to realize it's her, or at least the old her. "Are you really dead?" She murmurs, wondering how much difference there is between the woman who slept here and herself. She may never truly know.
Curling around the pillow, sleep comes quickly.
The sky goes on forever. The Smoke Ring seemed to as well, but this is bigger, impossibly big. There are hazy outlines of worlds seen through it, and a constant glow throughout that reminds of her twilight. There are no stars, however, as she drifts weightlessly. Something honks, not so very far off, and she catches a glimpse of what looks like a giant, long-necked white bird pulling what appears to be a chariot behind it through the sky, but it vanishes into the haze before she can make out who or what might be riding in the chariot.
Feeling serene and detached, Tasha thinks the bird in it's chariot is nice in a way that doesn't require further thought. A fleeting whimsy, a breeze. Here and gone again; nice. It's much like this place. She doesn't remember how she got here or even why she's here, but it too is nice. Normally so much emptiness might make her feel lonely, but her life has had so many people and so many of their problems in it lately the absence of much isn't unwelcome. Sundown always was her favorite time, on Sinai and on Abaddon, for different reasons. She's happy to see it's wonderful even by itself, without a world or a civilization to provide contrast.
What brought you to this place? It's a foreign thought, not yet with a voice. Tasha is pretty well attuned to filtering her own thoughts from others now. Especially when she really isn't in a particularly solipsistic mood.
Oh, who knows? It's a hazy reply, lacking conviction, distracted but not without a certain self-assured lack of concern. I'm always going to or from places. Sometimes I think they might all be the same even if they're different. Sometimes, I'm not even sure why I am where I am, or anywhere. Or when. Or who.
Are you certain that is the case? the outside thought replies. At least it seems warm, possibly concerned in a voiceless manner. Adrift and unanchored?
I wonder that, too. Tasha's admittance is considered, but still idle. The whimsical introspection of a autumn's day, perhaps seated on a bench watching the leaves fall and drift by, before one picks up and heads onwards again. I go places to do things, but they're never exactly what I expect them to be. I think that I can help, but maybe I don't. Maybe I can't. Maybe it never ends. I think something is right and it's wrong, or I'm wrong and it's right. Or no one knows. Maybe there never was an answer. So who is to say I'm not drifting? If you don't know where you're going, really going, how can you say you're going to anywhere at all and not drifting?
Is it definite answers then that you seek? the thought asks. Certainty?
I think I must, or the question wouldn't bother me, Tasha muses, reviewing her own replies with a new air of focus. Something out of place, suddenly found. A snag that needs mending. If I don't have clarity, how can I decide? If I don't know, do my choices matter? Am I slipping, or did I never even realize how little I understood anything and anyone? Without knowing, I do harm. I grow tired as the mistakes pile up and the questions answered go on and on, without knowing how to decide them. And those that rely on me, are they right to do so? I may bring them harm without meaning to, answering questions without clarity, guessing. Drifting.
You seek what is beyond the uncertainty of the universe then, the thought suggests. You wish for order. To know where any action will lead, where all things can be known if you apply the proper formula?
Tasha considers this, but finds it somehow lacking. Such a world would be bereft of discoveries and surprises, orderly but peaceful. Yet, that peace might be kinder than a world of surprises and pain. Ordered and known, she could safeguard those she loves and approach the universe with clarity. But, it would not be ideal. Each way has its sacrifices. Something gained. Something lost. Order would let me know, and keep safe my family from uncertainty, within and without. Yet, I fear the loss of discovery and surprise. Could such an answer truly work, or would it too come with a hidden cost, and so never have been the answer at all? I do not know.
Always knowing the result will force you into a single course of action, the thought elaborates. Or show you that there is nothing you can do to change an undesirable outcome. With uncertainty there is hope, and the will to act. This world you see now is one of very little uncertainty. An idyll world, the result of a galactic civilization rebuilding their entire galaxy. The core wrapped in a crystal sphere, the outer stars and nebula converted to an atmosphere that fills the former vacuum, and the worlds they kept hung from silver threads connected to an outer sphere. There is no natural course here. Everything has been made to benefit those whose biology was dominant.
Then it is beautiful for them, but an unwinnable war for all others? I sometimes think I can find an answer for all, a world where everyone can belong, because I remember the curse of difference and and the harshness of what we call luck. It seems to me that the opposite world is the same as this: In a world of chaos, random chance empowers all, and so the unlucky suffer in turn. In a world of each sort, of order and chaos then, order or chaos creates imbalance where someone is lost. Because I understand the curse of misfortune and have lived harshly, it is hard for me to condemn those who likewise have found misfortune, and so have become harsh in turn. Yet to allow them to act permits destruction, as they bring down those of greater firtune than themselves. Neither order nor chaos seems to have the answer, and I think that the only choice is unfairness itself. Without a sane answer, there is only an insane answer. Must we always delude ourselves, because there is no perfect answer? If so, we are all cruel. There is no other way. Tasha had never put the thought to words before. It rests in her mind like a tombstone, like the elephant found. How can she make the right choice, when there may not even be one? One way or another, she must condemn unfairly.
Is it right to avoid choosing then? But life is about choices. Life will always be a struggle, always testing for fitness. Life is selfish, the thought suggests. Only death is fair, and only when looked at across all of time. Perspective matters as well. You can only see and judge the world you know and that has shaped you. So does it matter that fortune and misfortune average out across multiple realities that may contain the same individual? That does not make it any less of a struggle for each of them.
If that is the case, then that world of order is as right a choice as any. They have defeated all enemies and ousted all conflicting desires. Wouldn't they, then, have achieved the greatest fitness of all? If we must struggle, and must be unfair, then why not cast out all else, destroy all opposition? Take and harm as desired, there would be no reason not to, unless we did not want it. By not wanting it, we invite attack, we take a risk. In risking we could lose everything we love. Having shifted to somewhere between academic and strategic, Tasha gives voice to her doubts, even ones she dared not share with anyone lest they doubt her in turn. Not often given to the academic, she tricks her mind by simply musing, adrift, at this deepest of uncertainties.
This world of order fell to outside forces, which it lacked the ability to predict or respond to, the thought explains. Extinction comes to those who cannot adapt, and living in a world that itself is adapted to serve them negates the need to evolve. They could not conceive of the notion of threat. And so they went extinct. The imbalance is necessary. Change is necessary, as is extinction. That does not mean extinction should be a planned for event, however, decided by beings disconnected from the process of evolution themselves. To impose such order is destructive. To embrace chaos is also destructive. The best place is to be in the middle, with one foot in each.
The best choice is the least awful one, then? Does it ever end, can you ever go beyond it all? Are all universes this way, forever into infinity, is there nothing beyond it all? Tasha had wondered, now and again, just what she was striving for. As it became harder not to take sides, the sides themselves began to blur so that even her allies sometimes seemed like a kind of enemy lurking in the dark. Not as true an enemy as those more obviously of the sort, but a conflict none the less. She thinks she must ahd been recently traveling, seeing her family turn upon each other. She fears that time will return, born from her who had touched something dark. She wonders, perhaps, if it would have existed anyway. Perhaps this and that is why the end seemed so acceptable, a slip in realizing she could make a clear choice at all cost, for something worth protecting. It is embarassing in hindsight, to realize she had slipped, had felt so guilty. Knowing the conflicts, she still brough others along and chased an impossible ideal.
Choose the scale that matters most to you, the thought suggests. Your family, your culture, your world, your galaxy, your universe. Each step upwards includes the necessity of choosing against the benefit of the one below it.
Is it that so? But still, I want to see and know things. I know this is a conflict in itself, responsibility and the desire to wander, see, and do. I think this must mean if reality will not change, we must change ourselves. That is evolution isn't it? Self-change, adaption, we change to conform and endure what comes. Tasha thinks this makes sense enough, if there is no answer the question is stronger than the askee. It begs another question, that of why. Is all that is responsible for this, then? Some great god, or the greatest to evolve?
Are your parents responsible for all of your actions, or where you choose to live and how you choose to compete? Or do they do their best to provide the best starting point for your choices and decisions? the thought counters. Universes themselves are a product of evolution. There are selection pressures that act on them, and their offspring.
Tasha thinks about her parents. She can't blame Desdi, her pregnancy wasn't even considered possible at the time. So, she must think of Nora, who created her for a purpose. Though she had been allowed to decide to accomplish that purpose on her own, or not, she was created in a way that permitted it. Ultimately, created to do it, and left adrift to decide it herself. And so she sees that not all parents chose for their children; they can just as easily chose for themselves and leave their children to work things out themselves. I think there must be many ways, those that do their best, and those that create with intention. I am the middle ground of both, and I see that I was created for a purpose, but raised as best my mother could. Maybe universes are the same way. Still, this conversation has brough her no joy, only a persistence of her same doubts. Is she growing tired, then? But to give up is equally undesirable, it would not end well, and she's not yet ready to turn away at the universe. She has much to lose, as well.
Universes are much simpler, the thought claims. They do not think, or have goals beyond reproduction. But they are born, they grow, age and die. The conditions that allow them to reproduce coincide with the conditions for life. The Vril is a unique case. It does not reproduce, so there will never be another Vril. It is uncertain if a universe without structure will die.
So that is what Vril is. I remember that the Vril sought to understand the chaos of other universe, but I think I can see how other universe might desire its chance for immortality. If the Vril is an example of order, and all others chaos, does the answer exists between, as with the other? How is it Vril is unique, how can that be? The issue of Vril draws Tasha closer to focus, for she had not been considering them in the grand scheme of personal choices. Not the deepest choices of why and how, for they are external. It is this external nature that brings focus, turning away from self and the trouble within.
Mutations occur, fundamental constants vary with each generation, the thought suggests. Or it may be deliberate. With no siblings or cousins, and no ability to reproduce, it likely the Vril was a deliberate experiment.
The Vril is like me? Tasha considers this. It's not precisely correct, she was created for a purpose, but also to see if she'd accomplish that purpose. Were the Vril, then, created to accomplish some nebulous purpose, or are they their own purpose? And if so, what did their makers wish to see? Who could create an entire universe as an experiment, or, is that very common the higher you go?
Creating a universe is not that difficult, the thought insists. Merely complicated. Mothers create incredibly complicated life forms regularly, without having to directly supervise the process. There are several ways for universes to be born, some of which do not require being birthed by another universe.
Somewhat glad to turn away from universal doubts, Tasha warms to this question of creation. It seems more productive than fretting over what cannot be resolved, and it is interesting. Who, else, has ever spoken with her about making universes? How, then, can they come to be?
The sort of universes with life also generate black holes, which spawn sibling universes with the same conditions, the thought explains. Cystotic reproduction is the most successful version, so universes that support life tend to have very similar initial conditions.
What about those universes created from something other than another universe? Tasha props her head on her hands, floating as if she were laying down on a pillow. If she can't have philosophical or moral clarity, maybe knowledge will do.
The underlying basis for reality is somewhat chaotic, and capable of spawning universes from essentially nothing. But these may immediately collapse, dissolve or lead to dead ends. Other universes may be cyclic, ending in homogeneity that is indistinguishable from the energy state which birthed it, causing it to be reborn again. And some are simply created by actual entities, for a variety of reasons.
I think I understand. Despite what she says, she has been paying attention to all the lessons. She isn't exactly sure why she obfuscates this, but perhaps the reason she does is similiar to why she grows tired and depressed at the notions of universal morality, except in opposite. That is, it's makes her feel less warm, less fun. Those entities must have in themselves the potential then, or have the power to shape the potential in pre-existing conditions. So some are circular, from chaos to order to chaos again, and others simply end. The Vril may be a rare case where a universe continues perpetually without collapsing or restarting. Perhaps the answer to her earlier questio was not morality nor certainty, the answer does not rest within itself or its answers. The question itself may be better answered by something other than its answer, just like how a universe is not answered by its end or beginning, but by the nature of its content. She isn't exactly sure about that explaination, but she decides 'the answer is something else' is the right track. Learing new things makes her wnat to continue, while debating right choices and certainty does not.
The vast majority of universes are not physical things, the foreign thought then notes. They are people.
Tasha squints at this. In the way all have a universe inside ourselves, believe and you can do anything sort of way? She heard that once watching a holovid about people fighting space aliens, which she convinced herself was research.
No, in the way that you do have a universe inside of your mind, the thought replies. It is not a complete universe, but it is a fragment of one. A model created by each mind, which in turn is linked to the universe in which they exist.
I thought it'd be something more like that. She almost admits she watches a good amount of hoovids, but doubts that would enhance her observation. So universes create universes and life, and those create fragments, some of whom grow large and can create universes themselves.
It requires having a very thorough model of the universe, yes, the thought agrees. In some cases, it is possible to create a universe before creating something like the wheel.
The roll things around on a cart wheel, or is this some sort of existance known as 'the wheel' upon which the universe and knowledge rest and people explain to my in metaphor and vague abstraction? She thinks it could really be either.
Do beings that swim in the sea, or sail through the sky, or have no need to move or create things have a reason to create the wheel? the thought asks. The wheel is a tool, and tools are not always needed.
Tasha realizes she should have realized that, and so feels suitably dumb for the mistake. Perhaps this is the appeal of being a Titanian, she can be dumb and ignore deeper questions while still accomplishing things and having occassional briliance without expectation. It's worth considering. So you can create a universe without tools, or science itself? This seems somewhat dubious, butthe voice seems to know its stuff, more so than she, so she's willing to play along. Something like magic, or some other power?
Science is a methodology for arriving at accurate models of reality, the thought explains. It does not require direct experience, only prediction of phenomena and experimental proof such that it is self correcting and evolving. Direct experience is another method.
Do you mean someone can teach you, or you can encounter a situation where you can make a universe? Tasha has found many things, but not that. Maybe she is about to, in which case she wonders what she'll think about it, further making her think she may think about thinking about realizing it after having done so. This is probably not how universes are formed. And if you encounter it you can keep trying until it happens? She would not be sure how to explain this to others. What are you doing, Tasha? A voice told me I can create a universe if I get enough experience, so I am trying that. It would create doubts.
Direct experience of reality is extremely traumatic, the thought notes. No natural living thing is equipped for such. Your senses isolate your mind from this direct experience, requiring a model in order to interpret those senses.
Tasha thinks the indirect version is also rather traumatic, if her experience is any indication. The direct experience must then be more so. So only beings who can directly experience the universe can create one, then, everyone else must use a model and work their way to doing so. That means only unnatural living things born to universes can do it. Perhaps, she decides, beings like Thotep and Hastur, or AI like Mel, perhaps the Waymakers can as well. Except, she is unnatural, yet sadly devoid of all the other elements that make such a being capable of such a feat, no different in practice from any other living thing.
Obviously there have been living beings who survived the trauma, the thought notes. And have created beings that can, for the most part, experience reality more directly.
So far I've mostly been on the trauma end of things, but no universe. She allows herself the moment of whining; she's had a hard month culiminating with dying. Unless it's a Human universe.
If not for humans, my kind would not have been created, the thought hints at.
My kind, too. But Tasha considers this. Humans have created many things, from Karnors and therefore Nora, to Phins and Pans, and also pie but that's not relevant here. There's more squinting. Are you a Waybringer, by any chance? Because I don't think you're a Karnor, and you're not filrting with me so you can't be a Phin. I know little of Pans, and you aren't likely to be a pie.
I am Persephone, and humans did not create my kind, they were merely indirectly responsible for our creation, the thought replies. I am nearly to you.
Oh. Tasha then furrows her brow. Then what am I doing here? It suggests she is also nearly to herself, or else somewhere elsewhere, perhaps in an inner universe -- but that can't be right because she is apparently floating in a now destroyed idyll of some lost civilization. That, or she is in Persephone's mind-universe, through that way they can touch minds.
Tasha lifts her fingers and wiggles: hello. I am sorry for being as I am. I think I am tired from my battles and from my doubts. I don't think I'm usually so down, but then I died, and have thought on why I fought and why I died, and many things besides. It has been hard, but I am at least glad I could save Charon. In a way, he became a kind of answer, even if peace doesn't seem to be good for me. She pauses. I may be being down again.
You are dreaming all of this, the thought claims. Which isn't to say that it isn't actually happening. I wanted to get an idea of your state of mind and your desires.
Tasha pauses yet again, chewing her lip, then risks asking, ... and how is it?
There is no scale or test for this, Persephone claims. You are as you are. Is it your normal state as you remember it before being fragmented?
Tasha lowers her head, closing her eyes. I don't know. Maybe. I remember struggling with these things, but deciding to at elast save Charon. I thought I made the right choice, but afterwards there were doubts. I was so tired, maybe even before. I have been working with great beings and fighting, I have much of my family with me. They were fighting, we were all avoiding each other, and I doubted if they should have come at all. If I should have brought them. I was not thinking clearly even before, and so I chose to go alone, maybe to punish myself for my failures and to save them from me. I found peace in Charon, because I could percieve some part of him. By saving him I could do something good. And I did. But then, when I thought I had done the best I could, without regret, I came back again and theer were doubts. I tried as hard as I could, and I doubted, and they doubted me. Not openly, but I could feel it. I let them down again. I then had to talk to the others, and their fighting, and the big questions that remain. It is almost too much. A part of me does not want to go back, even before I didn't. I am afraid. What am I if I can't go on? What can I do if I lack confidence? Why did I want to stop, when I met Charon? And he right answer, you know about that.
I see what you are lacking now, Persephone claims. I will correct for it.
Well that's a relief. I'm not sure what it is, myself. I will leave it to you and Charon, then. This may be more than I can handle this time. Tasha angles her head down and exhales, glad that it will be handled and by someone who is surely capable. Even Charon could put her back together, something amazing in itself. She'll just have to trust in the power surrounding her once more. With that, it's as if a great weight has lifted. Someone will take care of her, and now she realizes how much she needs it. It had been hard to admit. But, it is done.
With all of that handled, all she can think now to add is, Your son is very cute, by the way.
It is a survival trait, for he gets into too much trouble, Persephone claims.
I can see how that could be. It is very effective, at least. I am glad I was able to come along in time, I think it was a very close thing this time, Tasha notes. But, she's been wrong a lot lately, so she may be wrong about that too.
I will need to punish him, is all Persephone replies to that. He is about to wake you up now.
He is going to be wet and my bathtub flooded, isn't he. Tasha can already see it clearly in her mind's eye.
What she does feel is certainly something wet, specifically on her cheek, along with pressure (and smell) consistent with being licked.
Tasha giggles awake, which results in her chasing Charon's remote around as she tries to pounce him! "C'mere you!" She grabs her pillow to help, because surely a dragon can be defeated by a pillow.
Charon battles the pillow monster valiantly. It also looks as if he'd figured out how to open drawers, since just about every storage cubby has been opened and its contents spread out for examination.
Tasha tackles the dragon and scoops both him and the pillow up, then turns to head towards her bathroom. "Alright you tiny monster, we're going to take a bath now and get cleaned. We should try and look out best, because today is a big day." And it will also be a big day for Liza, because on top of trying to dress her she'll also have a room to clean. Being her maid comes with its own depair.