It takes another six hours before people have stopped oozing enough to show themselves again, except for the Jotoki, Lapi and the cats - although the cats still tend to hunch their backs and hiss at people. Tasha doesn't know what they all did with their expectorated (or otherwise expelled) Sam-flesh, but they don't carry bowls of the stuff with them. Gabriel compares it to having a full-body hangover. Even Katie remains one of the bathrobe-clad shamblers, her fur just as matted and frazzled. Yue is silent, and leans on Hakeber a bit. Humans can wash the stuff off more easily, of course, but she still looks like she's locked in a trunk and taken on a cross-country trip over rough terrain. The belters, with their space-black skin and mostly shaved heads only show how rough they're feeling by how often they lean against walls for support.
When Professor Stanislav appears, he's actually shaved off his distinctive beard. The galley is the only room big enough for everyone to sit down, although none of them look keen to eat, except for Liza; she nibbles on a handmeal while Aaron coaxes the coffee machine into life.
Tasha sits by herself, if not exactly isolated. Positioned equidistant between several groups of people, she fiddles with her cup of coffee and (new favorite breakfast meal) pigs in a blanket while she considers what to make of this mess, herself, and everything.
Lacci starts to convulse like she's about to cough up a hairball, which on a Vartan looks very scary and provides a view of the toothy inner lining of her beak. Shojo just slides a bit away from her until she stops without anything coming up. "Well, I think we all survived," Gabriel says, eyeing each person. "Everyone have a heartbeat? No cravings for brains?"
"What kind of brains?" Dr. Karaktinio asks.
"Tasha's brain," Gabriel replies.
"Then no, not craving that type of brain," the Eeee notes. "There are these barnacle-type creatures called mud-pots on Zerkett, nice big brains. Great boiled with melted lard on top."
Tasha has likewise scooted away, more out of a recently and strongly rebuilt sense of self-preservation than fear or disgust. "I left my brain back in the Halo. Persephone said I was'nt using it anyway," she jokes without looking up from her coffee, which she watches her reflection in.
The coffee machine makes it's odd hissing and whistling, and then Aaron starts to pour. For those few moments, all attention is on him. "Do you wall want it black?" he asks uncertainly. "Maybe some creamer this time?"
"Creamer," "Brown", "Strawberry", and "Intravenous" are some of the replies, all a bit hoarse.
"Creamer is fine," goes Tasha, who passes her cup to her tail, which in turn holds it out in a waggling 'here it is' motion.
"Don't do it like that," Yue chides Tasha. "It looks like an organ-grinder's monkey with the begging cup."
"I'm not going to beg Tasha to not grind up my organs," Aaron says, taking the cup from the tail. He's not going to fill it like that!
"Oh, the magic monkey is jealous of my magic tail. You have been out-monkied." Tasha continues to shake her cup, undaunted by criticism but somewhat daunted by a lack of beverage, until Aaron takes it. "And if not to hold things and be useful, what else am I supposed to do with it? It's very grabby."
"Real monkeys would swing from tree branches with it," Yue explains. Then a moment later, "They were very small, mind you."
Coffee seems to improve some of the moods. "It's a shame Egypt would here to capture this," Hakeber says. She's the least strung out of the Karnors, but is likely more experienced at getting over things like this.
"Then I could beat them up and still be the top monkey," Tasha insists, with her tail reaching over to awkwardly pat her on the head. It's less patting really than flailing limply at her noggin. "And I think the fewer people to see this trip the better."
"I notice that Samael and Dr. Amuntaten are absent," Karaktinio notes. "Has anyone checked on them?"
"I checked on both a few hours ago. Sam is recovering in a dark hidey-hole and Dr. Amuntaten is keeping to himself," answers Tasha, who glances towards the questioner. "Our pursuers are also gone now."
"I should bloody well hope so," Katie grumbles. "How much booze do we have left? Enough to fill a bath with? I need to disinfect myself."
"I'm the smallest, I should get the booze bath," Yue claims.
"Samael is already antiseptic," Hakeber notes.
Tasha looks up, blinks at the interplay as she takes a moment to process whether the two are being serious or not, then offers, "We could just have our meals brought to the lounge. Considering what everyone's been through, I don't mind opening the bar up for a while. We should still have a lot in stock. I'll even bring out some of the reserves we keep for special occasions."
"I'm going to have some," Hakeber says. "It's warranted this time!"
"There is oatmeal with cinnamon for those who think they can keep something down," Liza offers.
"I can play bartender," Tasha offers, pushing herself to standing and reaching to slide her chair in to place. With her tail, quite unnecessarily. "It's oatmeal and cinnamon and coffee and beer time. I'm the boss. I think? I can make it happen." The woman sniffs, then turns to look at the door. "I'll set the walls to something less empty."
"Oh god, just please clean the blood of the walls before we have to come back in here," Yue prays.
"I suggest just some brandy in the coffee to start with," Aaron suggests.
"Bottle," Lacci counters. "Bottle of brandy. What is brandy?"
Tasha pauses. She almost asks for volunteers, but then stands a little straighter. "I'll let you know when it's mostly bloodless and will take that as a vote for not making the room's theme Blood Everywhere. I'm a little tired of that theme myself." She reaches up and scratches at her muzzle, thinking on where the cleaning supplies are kept, "Maaaybe it'll be ready in an hour or two?"
"We can wait in the lounge then," Katie says, and gets up to rush towards the door.. on the assumption that whoever is too slow has to do the cleaning.
Tasha doesn't squash the enthusiastic rush, seeing it as a good sign. "Liza, when you're done, go ahead and join everyone else. You can have the time off." She then remembers the cleaning supplies are actually in the Galley, and so turns around. "I'll be nice and clean up here. Everyone else can go relax."
"I can do it," Aaron offers. "Benefit of a childhood in Amazonia: I can get bloodstains out of anything. And the Jotoki like scrubbing since they discovered sponges."
Robbed of her apology effort, Tasha looks momentarily lost, chewing on her lip and looking around like she's just seeing the Galley for the first time. "Then what should I do?" What is there, she wonders? Everyone does things for her, even now. But she doesn't want to take away the Jotoki's fun, either. As she looks around the room she thinks back, remembering the request that she sing and her refusal to do so, which preceded her breakdown on the bridge. "Maybe I could ... sing?"
"Then I will definitely stay down here and scrub the blood," Aaron teases. "I'll bring up a samovar of coffee though once the next batch is done."
"I will stay and watch him clean," Liza offers, "Unless you need help with the bartending, if you are going to sing?"
"I guess I'd better go find something to sing." All Tasha really knows are Katherine's songs, which Katherine has heard enough of, air shanties, and choir music, and then not a large amount of any of these. She does, however, have access to the ship's database, so she decides to go with that. "Does anyone want to bartend?"
"I can do it," Hakeber says. "I know the drinks that Vartans, Karnors, Humans and Eeee all like."
"Anyone to keep an eye on Hakebar?" Tasha inquires, sensing impending disaster.
"I can pull on her tail if she's doing anything dangerous," Yue volunteers. "Been doin' it long enough now."
"It says something it requires a woman of your skills." But Tasha nods; good enough. "Wellllll," here she looks around, biting her lip again, "I should go get dressed then."
The piano is real this time, instead of just part of Sam. The couches are full, although the winged folk are standing or sitting on the edges, while Lacci is just sort of lying flat on her back on the floor when Tasha arrives. They've been drinking spiked coffee so far, which does seem to taken the edge off at least.
Tasha's spent her time searching her wardrobe for anything suitable, which has left her quarters a shambles but produced her stored-away black evening gown that completely exposes her new, slender legs all the way up to her thigh when she's leaning in to one hip or the other. The rest is what remains of her previous head of hair's shine cream, a choker, and a datapad with several songs. No expert in music, she picked what she could find in her short time looking, and has hoped for the best while being disgruntled but not surprised there aren't a lot of 'sorry I'm a bad leader, ran off and died, and have been resurrected and am not sure I'm the person who is being sorry' songs. There was only the one or two.
Katie and Hakeber whistle at Tasha when she arrives, and Lacci at least tries to lift her head to see what the fuss is about. Even Thoth pokes his head out of his room to see what the commotion is about. Then pulls it back in and closes the door.
I should have known Thoth wouldn't be interested. Tasha waves to everyone in a manner Katherine knows a little too well, and was certainly copied, before she walks up on stage. "Normally I think you say something before singing at events, so I thought I should now, too." She looks around, tail swaying like a wave behind her, or perhaps rising smoke. "I want to thank you all for your hard work and for your courage in keeping together despite the, um, obstacles. And your courage in sticking with, well, me. However the me was before, and whoever that me is, now. I'm not sure I deserve that devotion, but I appreciate it all the same."
"We're in the middle of nowhere," Modo points out. "Surrounded by space monsters. We're a captive audience."
"Engineers have no tact," Yue notes to Hakeber.
For a brief moment Tasha almost decides to walk right off stage there and then. Outwardly, her gaze locks on Modo with a kind of avian focus, weighty, until she breaks off just as quickly. "No one has to stay if they don't want to," she continues, turning a milder gaze towards everyone with its own weight in meaning, "That's your choice." She considers adding "and remember you volunteered" but that would be tactless of her, and petty, so she pushes it from her mind. "If everyone's ready then I'll start."
"I think we're ready," Gabriel offers, and smiles. He's brushed his teeth, no bits of goo stuck in them.
Tasha takes a deep breath, exhales, and nods slowly as she pushes her hair back over her left ear. After shifting her weight on to her right leg, she nods once more. "Then here we go. It's a new voice, lets see how well it works."
"I can give you voice lessons later if you need them," Katie offers.
Tasha makes a motion towards the wall, the lights dim, the walls are replaced by the view of a planetary body somewhere near the galactic core, bright with stars and lights. "If everyone starts vomiting again I'll accept that." She steps back as a holographic set of lyrics appear before her, one directional, and begins reading. Another gesture and the music starts.
( Reflink: https://youtu.be/fDRn5ZnUknM )
The first song is, as all of them ended up, Terran. Yet it's the Terragens at their periphery, alien, haunting, and fairly like.
The first verse sings of the singer's curiosity, both of self and the universe, and of a lack of her own understanding of either. It goes on to speak of love concealed, of the experience of the absence of love, liking it to a sea within the darkness. It's not entirely sure if she's referring to herself, beings like Samael, their situation, or perhaps it is all of these things at once.
The second verse seems to be a reference to the War Against the Shadow, the ebb and flow of that conflict, and it's continuation and costs.
And so the music plays om in that fashion, a fae and outsider voice, far from Terra or any planet, speaking of mystical and distant things. It couldn't have been the easiest song to find.
The third verse seems to speak of a crossroads of self, and acceptance that what was lost might not be found again, and a willingness to accept that. There's even a reference to a loss of body, of falling apart in daylight, perhaps a reference to the Shadow or to simply living day to day, and that all the pieces that were lost -- body, mind or soul -- were loved. The final lyric entreats the listener to look at the singer and judge, and see what she is.
All in all it's s strange sort of song that touches many elements of what has happened and of Tasha herself, things she's hinted at, their situation as a whole, and her struggle to deal with both what has happened and herself. It's a kind of review and admittance, leaving it to the listener to reflect and decide.
There some applause when she finishes, and smiles from the Karnors who all know her best after all - and from Yue. A few squeaks and clicks from the intercom as well, as Moka and Kaa (arguably the most sincere singing critics) chime in. Lacci seems a bit confused by it, but she's been a bit confused since before the coffee. Shojo offers a few solid claps, but he's clearly having to exert control over every action again.
Tasha bites her lip and stares at her feet, making the move look like a sort of bow of appreciation for the clapping when really she's trying to hide her self-consciousness. She blinks several times, closes her eyes, and straightens again. She's got more to sing, after all. She;s got some admittances to make, apologies, in song since she can't seem to speak the words in any other way.
(Reflink: https://youtu.be/d_HlPboLRL8)
This song is of a similar tone, starting somber, deep, low. It speaks of a girl dreaming, having found something, only for it to vanish. And again, she climbs a tree, finding a peace of heaven, and runs away. Running, but would she fall, someday?
And so the singer speaks of dancing in the rain, and the room changes to the surface of the world and its endless storm, Tasha seemingly standing alone with the piano in the gale. And she feels alive, but it doesn't last, and then it's too much. She can't take it, anymore.
Take her home, where she belongs.
It's surely about her time on Charon and with Persephone, her death. She never explained why she rushed so hard, against such terrible odds, but perhaps now it's clear. The singer speaks of lying to herself, putting her sorrow deep, deep down, and running as the child had ran, afraid to falling down. Down off the world, her world.
The song concludes on repetition, of running, being unable to take it anymore, and looking for a soft place to land from the fall. Her meeting with Charon, when it became too much and she found somewhere to fall, even if she hadn't realized it until it had been too late. Yet, it also speaks of a desire to return home. Being what she is, home must be harder to find, now.
The applause is a little softer, the smiles more concerned now. "Are you alright?" Katie asks.
"Yeah, ... maybe?" answers Tasha, who seems very interested in the floor again. She scratches at her muzzle, blinking, looking momentarily confused before seeming to decide something and straightening. She resumes singing.
(Reflink: https://youtu.be/FWFRb0ft4N8)
If the first was about everything, and the second the time directly related to Charon and what became of it, this third song seems to reference to the moments after, and a reflection on what has come before.
Tasha sings first of a voice calling for their connection to be undone, and her hopes that love will come again, despite the pull. That it can be a place they can all come to, be welcome in. And so, she admits she's uncertain it exists here and now. It speaks of confusion as to what she might become, will she rise or fall, uncertain which is best. Where she should go.
The chorus, sung by her alone, then speaks of time. This was the hardest part of her routine to set up and, along with the song itself, kept in reserve to try and reach the likes of Thoth and Samael. She sings of time, gazing out her window. But it's the imagery that accompanies each instance of the word time that's stands out, places and beings and people, taken from her mind from the Melchior so she can show them.
There is gateway, that strange walking never-quite-there machine.
The viewer's gaze passes ever downward, following a tunnel, a well, of countless statues frozen forever, empty.
A corridor in to forever, and the overwhelming sight of a being of light.
A door and a mirror and colors that hurt the eye, and something beyond it.
More and more.
A ship crushed to dust, ancient and alien, by the unrelenting tides of gravity.
A graveyard of ships, too numerous to count.
The looming form of a Wizard.
More and more.
A small shadow before a raging storm, clutching something. It takes a moment to tell it's a hand shielding the viewer from the tempest. The viewers recognize it as like the Garden of Summer, but broken.
And there's another verse that comes, of the singer dancing, and listening, but will what she hears make her laugh, or cry? And the singer thinking this time she'll become everyone, and the world will wonder why.
She's an angel, an alter, when no one else is watching, and she feels time.
Thoth does emerge to watch the visuals, the lenses of his mechanical eyes reflecting the imagery back at Tasha. He remains silent afterwards though, when Hakeber claps and says, "I have no idea what that was, but I liked it." The passengers don't know what to make of it all, but Professor Stanislav finds it all entrancing, and claps as well. "We usually only see these through your paintings," Gabriel notes and smiles.
"Um, well, painting takes a really long time, so ... " Tasha notes, trailing off. She looks around and admits, "I only have the three songs. It took a long time to find these and prepping the ... " Her tail gestures vaguely towards the wall, " ... imagery did, too. And I had to find my dress ... and ... I wasn't sure if anyone would enjoy it, so ... " She raises her hands in a helpless gesture, still not exactly looking at anyone directly except when she sings, and then she seems to be staring at something beyond the person, far away.
"It was really nice, thank you," Katie says. "Pulled me out of my funk."
"You need to do one lying on the piano though," Hakeber suggests.
"Thaaat's good." Tasha wonders if maybe she'd picked something too vague,or, for that matter, not vague enough. Did she convey her feelings, or was it merely a hour of entertainment? She isn't quite sure; singing about her emotions has never been her way, she'd usually just say them, or melt down, or fight, but something somewhere in this latest journey she changed, and she's not exactly sure where each change begins or ends, or who it is that has changed. And then there's the guilt, the inability to admit that she crumbled, and it cost her her life, and she left them behind, even if she didn't exactly realize it at the time. The confusion from multiple incarnations complicated things further.
"Sooo, um, does anyone want to sing now? My voice is a little strained." It's not her voice that's strained, but it's close enough.
"I'm not quite recovered," Katie begs off.
"The songs I know are all drinking songs," Hakeber says.
"I'm sure Sam would croon something cheerful and horrifying if he were here," Gabriel says. "Not sure where he learned to play the piano though."
After the coffee runs out, brandy is upgraded to slightly harder stuff, including some things that Tasha never heard of before. But nobody was staggering when they returned to their chambers to rest some more. Hakeber lingers behind though, along with Yue, although the latter mainly so she can lie on the warm couch after standing behind the bar. "These people are all lightweights," the Karnor tells Tasha. "I've had worse hangovers than this. And probably died once or twice, pretty sure I remember waking up with a sore chest and lots of people looking worried. But those were probably just really deep black-outs! At least you didn't feel dead, right?"
Tasha sits at the bar, but surprising herself, realizes she desires to be closer to company and so forgoes her recent standoffishness and comes over to sit on the couch beside Hakeber. She holds her glass in a hand, elbow on the table, hand resting in her head as she swirls her glass and looks at her friend. "It was quick," she admits, without anything much like sentiment, "And then I woke up again. Human hand, Human voice. Little dragon hurrying me to move along." The last part makes her smile, if a bit in a the faux sleepiness of being tipsy.
"I saw a purple hairy lizard thing once, but it just blew bubbles at me," Hakeber reminisces. "They'd pop and make fart noises. I think I had to much pizza and not enough beer, or.. the opposite. I never saw it again though. Never did ask what the meat on the pizza came from. Or the cheese. I kinda liked the fluffy purple fart lizard though. Charon was cuter."
"Charon's very cute," Tasha agrees, nodding slowly before taking another sip. She sighs, a gesture that would strike Katherine as cliche if she'd been around to see her do it in that dress and holding that drink. Add a cigarette of some kind, and it's have been perfect. Tasha herself wouldn't get it. "But maybe he's bad for me." Sip. "He needed me and I needed him. And I saved him. I did." It's how that has become a problem.
"And maybe he puts out some sort of psychic mojo that makes me seem helpless and adorable," Hakeber posits. And waves a hand, saying, "Like.. kyootion radiation. I wasn't there though. We didn't expect to run into a dying monster-goddess-thing and all the rest. It was hard to think straight at all for some of us. And the.. the.." She uses her hands again, swirling them around head.
"A cuteon maybe? The information carrier of cuteness?" Tasha suggests, ears perking and muzzle twisting as she tries not to laugh. But she nods to what Hakeber goes on to say, looking intent, serious, chewing it over. "The leviathan? The drones? The psionic waves? The hyperspacial tethers?" There was a lot going on, now that she thinks about the broader situation. She has no idea what people were doing on the ship, she realizes.
"I had some pretty intense.. hallucinations, maybe?" Hakeber says, gets a glassy-eyed look for a moment. "In a dream I found a place, Of rotting meat and eldritch grace. And looked upon its primordial face, And from my thoughts could not erase, That sense of time that sense of space, And my heart the darkness did embrace," she recites, trance-like. Then she blinks. "I don't know how else to describe it."
"I feel like I've heard that song before. It sounds like the lyrics Samael likes to sing when we come across something he knows of." Tasha thinks on this for a moment, tail reaching over to rub at her left wing, like an oversized fuzzy finger. "It doesn't sound like anywhere I know of, except, um, it sounds like a lot of places where Shadow-kind might linger. They don't usually smell like meat, though. Or dwell among it. That part is important, I think. I don't like the darkness embracing part. You don't think it's about being out here do you? The ... meat and what happened? But whose face would it be?"
"Lukkthu-hem," Hakeber says. "It was her, trying to.. charm me? I think she might have, or tried to get into my head, but.." She raps her knuckles on the side of her head. "No room, thanks to Katha-hem."
"Your head is really easy to get in to," Tasha observes, putting her drink down and reaching over to rub Hakeber's head affectionately. "Monster Mom tried that with me, too, when I was in the Star Horse. I think she was just trying anything to survive. Desperate. Well, I gave her a chance." Her tail reaches over and snags the wine glass, raising it in a toast, then handing it off so she can put it back down. "More chance than she gave me."
"Think we'll ever get these things out of our heads?" Hakeber asks, a bit more quietly. "Or will we always be.. servitors?"
"Yes." Tasha says, and before she realizes it, she's charging in to protect something, someone, again. It comes as a shock, as she hadn't thought she'd still feel that way when the time came again. She carries on with the momentum. "Katha-hem isn't like Mr. Yellow, and it only wants one thing. If it doesn't let you go, then we'll go back and make it go. But if the touch lingers, we'll find a way somehow, Hake." She then touches her forehead, indicatively. "Mine's more complicated because I owe him, but when the favors are done, I'm going to ask to be let go. The star in my head's just me. I think I'm a bit of a demon either way, now."
"Is that what Aaron called you all along, because of some painting?" Hakeber asks. "He told me about the demon imagery back on Sinai, and in Amazonia, and how you seemed to fit it, even though it wasn't consistent."
Tasha's muzzle wrinkles so much she bears teeth. "I had forgotten about that painting. I was a completely different person then!" She takes another sip, whoever the memory belongs to, it deserves brandy. "I volunteered because a nice Zerda couple -- they're, what would Gabriel call them ... a kind of fox-person? Like Karnors, but different, big ears -- asked me to. It was fun for them to dress me up and look like a, what was it? A genie. No, something else. Lacci called me a genie. Some kind of desert spirit. Then there was Amazonia where I looked like one of their punishment gods, their own kinds of demon. Archetypal, I think, is the word?""
"Sooo, what was the painting like?" Hakeber pushes. "Aaron didn't go into details, just muttered about 'shiny pants' for some reason."
"I was wearing very little, just shiny pants and fake jewelry. Very little." And so Tasha rolls her eyes, but also has to suppress a smile. "I was laying on my side in some cushions, I think, holding a whip and chains. Chains connected to the Zerda couple's ... collars? As if I, the desert demon, captured them and they were my slaves." She'd roll her eyes, but she already did that, which does leaves smiling awkwardly. "I was a lot more rash back then," she insists.
"Do you still have the pants and whip?" Hakeber asks, pushing her cheeks up with her fists now and opening her eyes really wide in interest.
"Yeees," Tasha admits, rolling her eyes again because, really, it's the best reaction she can think of. She pushes herself and eyes Hakeber, squinting. "Do you want to borrow them or is this something else?"
"You should have a new painting done with your new bod," Hakeber says. "You can have the bunnies in collars. Or Yue. Maybe Gabriel.. and Katie. Ooooo, yeah.. Katie.."
"You and Katie and me sitting in Gabriel's lap?" Tasha perks her ears, as if Hakeber had mentioned it rather than herself. "But I can't paint while being in the picture. I can't collar the bunnies, no one believes they actually listen to me."
"You only have to convince Liza," Hakeber claims. "And it should be just me and Katie in Gabriel's lap, and you stretched out across both of ours."
"That does seem most fair to everyone," Tasha agrees, rubbing her nose with a finger more in thought than itchiness. Her tail sways randomly, as if inebriated itself. "Do you think they're ... Okay with me, Hake?" She leans in, glances at Yue, and then asks quietly, though Yue can still overhear it without effort, "Do I seem like Tasha to you?"
"Yes, I'm pretty sure you'd just as neurotic as you were before," Hakeber says, and grins. "I guess you've been too stressed to test the limits though, what with the monsters and such, and us all filled with Sam-goo for a bit."
"The voice asked me about it. I know what that voice is now, but I can't tell you. Not yet." Tasha reaches over and tap's Hakeber's head, because of this. "Have to keep it a secret for now, but I don't think it was being malicious. Just another being trying to figure me out." She tilts her head, though, and purses her muzzle a moment. "When I'm like this I can forget there ever was a time before I died. It eels so natural to talk to you and the others, if I'm not thinking about it, I could have forgotten. I almost did, until it asked. I should ask everyone who is closest to me what they think. And I need to apologize. For rushing in and ... For letting it be too much. For using up my life when I should have been with them."
"Cuteon madness," Hakeber claims. "Or we could blame it all on Karaktinio for not dragging you back out. You can't plan for everything. I know that I can't. I mean.. well, we're really just sort of cobbled together on the fly by a bunch of different brain processes, and all of that breaks down when we fall asleep and gets rebuilt when we wake up. How can you expect to understand why you or anyone else does anything given that?"
"You shouldn't say things like that. Mr. Yellow might start liking you." But Tasha reaches down and rubs Hakeber's head anyway, leaning her hands there to rub the woman's ears and to run over her head. "Maybe you're right. We were all feeling miserable from the trip out. With everyone keeping to themselves, I felt guilty, and I had the burden of the Marker, so I felt responsible for that as well. Then there was Charon, and it was so easy to rush in and protect him. I'd never lost before. I thought it'd work out like it had before." She gives a little shrug. "But it did work out eventually."
"Is this what they call 'failing upwards' then?" Hakeber asks, leaning into the petting.
"Considering we were a god-child and a ex-tavern maid against a old-as-the-universe demigod, I'd say it was a fair and even victory." Tasha nods, copying the military-style nodding she remembers from her time in the Winged Citadel. The kind that requires staring in to the distance, being slow and deliberate, and and keeping one's jaw tensed in a presumably tough manner. "On the battlefield, victory is staying alive." She even says it in a deep voice, it's Captain Frane, but Hakeber easily recognizes the style from any number of Templar leaders.
Hakeber stands up and puffs out her chest, "Young lady, being a Templar means a life of service and providing a role model for the civilizations of Abaddon!" she says, deepening her voice. "Now pull up your pants and wipe the vomit from your chin and go be a good example!"
"I'd like to remind you this isn't a game," goes Tasha, who stands up and balls her fist, holding it out in a dignified and defiant fashion. "As a pilot you may be tempted to fight alone. You have the power of your Titan at your disposal. But wars aren't won by a single person. You have a duty to those you fight with to stand strong and stand together."
"Frane could not pull off that gown," Hakeber claims and snorts. Then she wiggles her fingers menacingly at Tasha. "But I bet I can!"
Tasha's ears shoot up. She hasn't been with anyone since her second reincarnation, her self-doubt, anxiety, and uncertainty as to her reproductive goals (not to mention process) has kept her at a distance. But then, this is Hakeber she's speaking to, and she can't get pregnant by Hakeber.
She can't, can she?
Probably not. "Well you do have to be a role model the people of Abaddon, and it's very brave of you to be the first to try at me before the others have." She plops herself back down, then drops herself over to lean against Hakeber, curling her tail around the woman's leg. "But you did cheer me up when I was falling apart. The others just left."
"They can't handle their demonic goo," Hakeber says. "Except maybe Shojo, but it's hard to tell. But I'm a high functioning monster-drunk. Plus I kind of enjoyed it all at the time." Yue comments on this by making a raspberry sound and rolling to face the back of the couch she's on.
"Truly, you are the strongest among us, Hakeber. I'm putting you in for any mission involving the enduring of mysterious fluids." And then Tasha slides down Hakeber's shoulder, arm, and in to her lap. "So what happened to stealing my dress? We could make Yue watch."
"You might be smaller now, but I'm not sure I could fit into it," Hakeber claims. "My bathrobe is nice and roomy though! Plus you sat back down too fast!"
"I guess I'll have to settle for the bathrobe then!" Tasha sits up light enough to cuddle in to Hakeber's bathrobe, then resumes using Hakeber as a pillow. "Sooo, should I go dig through my wardrobe now, or go talkg to Gabriel and Katie about my feelings and failing first?"
"Which will be less depressing?" Hakeber asks. "I'm pretty sure space technology can alter clothing though."
Tasha turns and looks at Hakeber. "And why is my wardrobe depressing? Because I'm smaller? And, what, fae-er?" She squints, then shrugs, and flops back in to Hakeber's lap. "Okay maybe a little. Sometimes I see myself in the mirror and I wonder who I'm looking at. I'm not used to being so, I don't know, harmless looking? Slight? My eyes are so big." She pauses, considers, then adds, "I do really like my tail, though. Have you felt it? Has it felt you?" And so the grabby thing gets grabbier, coiling around Hakeber's arm and neck.
Hakeber giggles and strokes the tail. "It feels like your old tail hair, just with a hidden surprise. Have you tried teasing the cats with it yet? They go crazy if you dangle a piece of string."
"I'll try that later," Tasha promises. She looks up and arches her eyebrows. "So we've discussed reincarnation, alien goo, monsters, war, war-leaders, paintings I'd rather forget, my strange wardrobe and teasing cats. What else can we talk about? Or doyou need to rest, Hake?"
"I've been hiding my fatigue by sitting down a lot," Hakeber admits. "Coffee can only do so much! And I don't want to have to carry Yue back to the room."
"I should let you both rest, then. The exchange didn't effect me at all it seems, and I got to sleep off a lot of my pain already." She pats Hakeber -- and her tail does too, if awkwardly -- and then uncoils as she sits up. After thinking about the risks, she then also pats Yue's head. "You two get some sleep. I'll go show I'm not a disaster by taking a shift on the bridge so people can rest."
"Find out if the Phins are talking about us behind our backs," Hakeber requests.
"But they talk in squeakiness." Tasha looks down at herself a moment and decides she'd better change or they will be talking about her regardless. "Let me just, um, go change first. I'll let Gabriel know I'm volunteering and then head to the Bridge."
The bridge lights are very low, with most of the illumination coming up from the dolphin tanks bellow the command level. It shimmers as light through water generally does, making blue-tinted rhythmic patterns throughout the space.
Tasha takes her seat at her usual position, which is the Navigator's Station, and extends the boom so that she's over the tank. She's back to wearing loose shorts, a tank top, and her Dark Horse logo jacket thrown over the collection for good measure. her underwear took some adjusting by machine, and she almost considered forgoing it except she's visiting Phins and they would know. "Hellloooo down there, Phins. I hope I didn't scare you too much, earlier."
"We always assume bipeds are c-crazy," Kaa claims. "Did you eat the demon too?"
"No, I was mostly chewing on my pillow. I think it won anyway," Tasha replies, sitting up and leaning to peer over the side. As they're transitioning through the Maelstrom her console has little use, as navigation in the Maelstrom is handled by mass detector and general direction rather than galactic charts, stellar measurements, and other more real-world phenomenon. She can at least switch to other modes if a crisis arises, however. "I'm not sure it would work on me anyway, I'm my own demon now."
"Different flavor of demon," Kaa claims. "Come down in the water!"
"Do not come down into the water," Moka ratchets before Kaa even finishes his request.
Tasha purses her lips, but she isn't exactly doing anything where she is that Moka cann't do faster. She's not even in charge, that's also on Moka, she's just filling in for the body quota. She begins to shrug off her jacket, then stops. "Mixed signals, Phins."
"Dangle your tail down then," Kaa changes tack. "Wanna see if you can c-c-catch fishies with it."
"Do not.. the fish are down in the wet-hold anyway," Moka says. "Tasha, can I ask you a question?"
"I have to obey Moka, she's in charge, Kaa," Tasha notes apologetically. "I'd be a bad ship owner if I ignore crew duties and hierarchy without good reason." She readjusts her jacket and settles back, putting the Phins on a monitor so she doesn't need to crane her neck to see them. "What is it, Moka?" There's a vague feeling of dread that comes with the question, product of having been through a great deal, and perhaps not having been as good as it as might be expected.
"Hermes was the messenger of the gods in Terran Mythology," the more scholarly Phin notes. "I can see how Thoth would fit that role, if he was a go-between for the Vril-ya and mortals. But.. are you carrying messages now too?"
Tasha wiggles her fingers. "It's more accurate to say that I carry missions for them while going about my main task, which is eliminating the Ogdru-hem and preventing the Ogdoad, their masters, from, well, doing unpleasant things to our universe. Because the Ogdru-hem use foreign, I mean, exo-physic resources and rules, they possess advantages and defenses our in-universe technology isn't well equipped to deal with. They know this, I know this, and the godlike beings know this. So they offer help in return for my, uh, services." She pauses to think, then adds, "Originally I was just an explorer until I pieced the Ogdru-hem threat together. Meeting gods was part of that. Somehow, I ended up working with them."
"So what is the current mission?" Moka asks. "Where we supposed to run into Lukthu-hem?"
"Killing something!" Kaa declares. "When a god sends an angel to do something, it's almost always to kill something."
"No, we were /supposed/ to be taking a break from all that after the last one. Our encountering both her and the Wizard were coincidences." And so Tasha holds up her hands and waggles them; '/coincidences'/. "It's /very possible one or more of my patrons intended for this to happen, and Thoth may know more than he tells us, as well."
"I'm not an--" Tasha pauses in what feels like a serioes of stop-and-starts needed to consider the complexity of things, correcting with, "I'm more of a contract-angel. An angel-for-hire."
"Mercenary cherub," Moka offers.
"But we're the winged-sandals. Hermes was the one with those right?" Kaa asks.
The view in the mass detector is just the hazy glow of the galaxy itself, but it suddenly shifts noticeably, and there's some splashing from Kaa's tank.
"Is that a joke about how young I look now?" Tasha asks, leaning in and pointing her right hand at her oversized eyes, which widen. "I know I'm cute but I don't look like a flying ba--" She halts what she was about to say, turning to Kaa's screen. "Kaa? What is--" But then she shuts up; she's not in charge.
The pilot is silent, but very active for a moment. Finally, he whistles, and says, "Felt there might be a current near. Checking it out-t."
"We're being pursued by Maelstrom entities, but none of them should be able to catch up with us. They're the larger ones, but I was told they shouldn't be a problem." But Tasha frowns. This journey has come with many unexpected meetings, such that even slight disturbances seem potentially meaningful.
"There, merging.." Kaa warns, and the view outside shifts to a slightly different under-water-but-not-really view. It looks like they're moving faster.
"No krakens catching me again," Kaa claims. "Will see how far we can ride this."
"Thoth told me the Maelstrom is alive," Tasha murmurs as she leans, opening a false-color display of the Maelstrom so she can see what the shift looks like. "That it's like what I call 'Fundamentals'. Beings so great in scope that they're part of fundamental, pan-universal reality. But he doesn't know what part the Maelstrom constitutes. That it's like an ocean, but alive, and different."
"Oceans are alive," Kaa claims. "Maelstrom is the ultimate ocean. Infinitely deep, full of galactic reefs. Make her happy, she'll help us along. Katha-hem knows."
"I'm glad someone does." Tasha settles back as no immediate threat presents itself, hands going behind her head, legs crossed, tailswaying lazily like a cat's. "The Fundamentals are even harder to comprehend than the gods. They're like super gods."
"Not really," Moka claims. "Gods need people to know about them. So they're more like us than they are like the fundamental reality of things."
"Maybe I should recommend Moka for the next servant of the gods position," Tasha muses, head tilting.
"I'm fresh off serving humans," Moka raspberries. "I can only take so much disillusionment at a time."
"I can be a god!" Kaa boasts. "I'm already the best pilot in the universe, so I'm halfway there!"
"So bitter," Tasha says with a bark of a laugh, "But I know how you feel. When I started I had hoped to meet great and wondrous beings that would somehow be more than we were, that would show me a world beyond our infighting, bickering, our pettiness, some perfect world or something I couldn't even imagine." She then shakes her head. "What I found was beings who were just like us. but greater in scope. The ancient civilizations, the shadow-gods, and the other things like Wizards, Vril-ya, and Ogdru-hem. They haven't all been bad, but I was starting to doubt I would find anyone or anything like what I had hoped. At least Atum somewhat met my expectations, and Charon made me glad I had kept looking. Even Tatha-hem, Sam, and others have helped me appreciate a different way of looking at things, different states of being, even if they're similar to us. I admit that I slipped a lot when we encountered Luk'thu-hem, though. Flat Space wore me down, too."
"Careful Kaa, gods have their own worries," Tasha insists. "I know, they make me run around and fix them."
"I will become a space-whale god, just like the Old Gods," Kaa clicks, ignore the comment about gods having issues too.
"There's always going to be a problem, no matter where you are the food chain," Moka claims. "Revising our speed estimates. Any sense of how far this current will take us, Kaa? And are we on course?"
"Feels good," Kaa says, plugged into the ship as he is. "Not straight line, no, but still get us closer to where we want faster, I think."
"I must be a bad angel if I can't even find heaven," the not-hybrid remarks,sucking in a deep breath and exhaling. "Or maybe I did, and it was bad for me. Very cute. But bad." She decides to not ask about the course, since Moka is handling it.
"Heaven shouldn't be too easy," Moka says. "Ever wonder why we don't have immortality yet, when we really should be able to manage it?"
"Besides the constant infighting, great enemies, and resource costs?" Tasha inquires, head cocking to the side. "Is it because we haven't died for a an adorably adorable giant space whale?"
"Because not all First Ones were wiped out at once," Moka says. "On Terra, we figured it out because of her attempts to create a true AI. They would run fine for awhile, and then erase themselves. We think that happened to some of the First Ones. They gained immortality, and then just.. killed themselves not long afterwards. Nobody is sure why."
Tasha considers this for a long time, then suggests, "Because mortals are not immortals. What I mean is, mortals don't have the mindset to handle eternity. You have to have an immortal body and an immortal mind, something that can endure, or, maybe resist changing. An existence that isn't disturbed by the presence of lack of something, but can go on either way. Maybe it's like being left in an empty room? If you need new entertainment and to move around, and you don't have it, you'll go mad. The analogy here would be a person who could exist in that silence as long as needed, and never go mad."
"That's probably it," Moka says. "Our AIs were very powerful for a short time. But they didn't have personalities. Persocoms aren't nearly as powerful as an AI but a lot more stable."
"A mind like stone," Tasha agrees, nodding slowly. "Not wood or metal. Stone lasts. It's why all these temples and other ancient structures seem to use so much of it, or something like it. The ancients built bodies of stone and minds of wood. AI have it even worse, they have minds of fire. The AIs that last are the ones that only burn when they need to, and how, and no more. Otherwise they rest."
"You have more experience with them than I do," Moka says. "Khattans really make it work? I hear Celestials don't use them as servants at all."
"The AI I interface with rests between periods of wakefulness, and is attached to my own existence. He's sentient, but restricted. So I think his stability depends on mine, so I'm the flaw in eternity." Tasha sticks her tongue out at being a flaw in eternity, but continues on after. "Another AI I met only achieved sentience and independence recently, so I'm not sure how she'll handle eternity. That goes for others I've met as well. The Berserkers ... I've never spoken to them. I've only fought them, to genocide. Maybe their answer is 'eliminate everything that would prevent stability'. Or it could be they're already mad."
"The Spinners seem totally bizarre," Moka says, referring to the 'non-berserker-so-far' machine entities. "I don't think our AIs can even understand them."
"They're hard to talk to. I have an alliance with one colony of them, and an individual, but we don't interact very often and the colony seems to prefer it that way. I think they're concerned at how chaotic we can be. They're not unpleasant or otherwise difficult to deal with, though, and they're very quick to answer and address any matter. They're probably also as quick to be aggressive if need be, but I haven't had to fight machines other than Berserkers and one corrupt Mind-of-Light, which was probably being controlled by an alien defense network." She then spreads her hands. "I find them to be pleasant otherwise. I wonder how close the Waymakers and machine civilizations are in behavior? Not nature, but they both exist at high levels of thought speed, and endure for relatively longer periods than slower minds."
"Well, I imagine a lot of the Waymaker's brain power is used just to manage their bodies," Moka says. "I don't know why they have to be so large, unless it was for a specific purpose at some point."
"I'm porpoise built," Kaa claims.
"They control a lot more than their bodies. From what I learned by watching Charon and Persephone, not only can they influence fundamental reality and generate enormous amounts of energy, they can transition between universes, generate universes, and destroy them. They also host -- and seem to be -- all the life within them. I think they experience mortality and different existences that way. The remotes can't just be for interacting with us, they seem to serve other purposes. It's kind of like a ship that pilots people, rather than people who pilot a ship." Tasha draws in a bredth at the immensity of the beings. Her spirit sense, or whatever it is Horus gave the Vartans, simply went off its metaphorical chart when she encountered Charon's remote. It was unlike dealing with the Null, where the sense simply errored in a very disturbing way. "They're the only Type IV Civilization I've ever met."
At the joke, Tasha fishes in to her pocket and tosses a Karnor snack bar down at Kaa's head.
A rather damp crunching sound follows soon enough. "I still can't believe there used to be five galaxies linked together into one mega-civilization," Moka notes. "And it's gone. Just like that. Not with a bang or a whimper."
"Cosmically, that wasn't very large. Pan-universally, it was tiny at best," notes Tasha, age 19 or else age a few-days-and-change, depending on how one looks at it. "But at our scale and from what we talked about, I think it's amazing. They must have come a long way in working out how to get along, figuring out how to make civilization's mind closer to stone. We can see some of them were influenced by beings like Thotep, but it doesn't seem in him to foster so much order for so long. But then, they can have very long plans. Or, well, temporally unrestricted plans. To them in their own time it may all be connected and quick."
"I bet the transit link to the other galaxies is still there," Kaa says. "A galactic Aldersen point near the center of mass."
"That would be ominous," Tasha notes, leaning back a little and frowning. "There are things at the Galactic center I wouldn't want to have easy access to mobility, assuming they need it." She taps her fingers on her head, thinking, and changes the subject a little by noting, "I've met some beings that are possibly from the Memetic order of life. Those are interesting, and hard to understand. or, well, hard to comprehend, especially their motives and way of thought. The ones I've met are hybrids, though, I've never met a pure Memetic being."
"You mean living concepts?" Moka asks. "Like justice, love, hunger and poetry?"
"Yes, those." The red woman nods at the screen. "Only a very few, and some I'm uncertain of, but at least one I know well." She purses her muzzle a moment, then admits, "At least as well as I've been able to. He's not the easiest being to talk to, but at least he's direct and he talks to me. He answers my questions and makes his wishes known. That makes him a lot easier to interact with than many beings, some mortals included! But I don't think I know what he ultimately wants, what he's planning, or why he does anything. In some ways that helps, I learned to speak to them by not assuming anything and just being forthright, accepting what comes. Because I don't know, that reduces how many ... 'interaction points' we have. It's hard to explain."
"Lying is an evolutionary trait," Moka claims. "If you didn't evolve, you wouldn't need lying. Or if you just didn't think-k-k anyone could stop you anyway and didn't care."
"It's probably something like that." Tasha agrees. "It may even be what he is prevents lying, if his concept-existence doesn't allow it. They are their concepts, so their rules may mean they can only be what they conceptualize. It'd be like me breaking the laws of physics, I can't just do it when I wnat to. Well, I can a little now, but not much, and only because I'm a little like Sam now." She pulls her hands down and flicks through internal displays, making sure no one is wandering in a haze or otherwise howling at the abyss, "The Vril-ya and maybe Thoth may be partially Memetic was well, but more like ... memetiforms? Memeti-vores. Concept eaters, but they don't need to destroy what they eat. Concept copiers?"
"Giant nerds," Kaa offers. "Like Hakeber, but probably less fun at parties. Thoth is a real butt-barnacle."
Tasha barks a laugh at that before she can stop herself, and then clears her throat. "I'm sure he's just been through a lot. Thoth's the only one of his kind, did you know that? He doesn't have a civilization or people of his own. He's been doing a job for literally thousands, maybe millions of years." But she does nod. "Yes, but like Hake. Big firey nerds, except unlike Hake, they're very intimidating at full power in their environment suits. Picture my Titan but made of stone and with eyes of fire."
"Modo could install flaming eyes on Melchior for you," Moka points out. "Maybe it's a biped thing. We swim with whales. Size doesn't impress us as much."
"I dunno, I bet Charon's dad would be impressive, given how big his mom was," Kaa says, and makes a rude noise.
"I noticed the Terragens ships all had really big Captains, including a Phin," notes the no-longer-hybrid, "You know I never asked about Charon's dad. I know about his aunt and grandmother, so maybe it's best I don't know about his father. I'm really not sure what I'd do if one of them were cross with me. They're overwhelming enough just as trapped children. Persephone probably understood that, so she was very gentle with us."
"I doubt they could get upset by anything we did," Moka says. "Did you ask if they were upset about the previous galactic civilizations being wiped out?"
"Nooo, I was a little preoccupied with being effectively in pieces as an existence, with one of my pieces dealing with being Human, and you both know how they are." Tasha rolls her eyes, but grins. "They didn't mention concern about that specifically but they did tell me they consider the Shadow-beings as a whole to be their enemies out of a sense of duty. I got the feeling they weren't telling me the whole story and Charon told me more than he was supposed to, or maybe they want me to fogure it out on my own and it's all an elaborate plan, but they're tied to the Fundamental known as the Null. And Shadow-kind can bring the Null pain. Not all of them -- um, us? -- but the ones that destroy souls can." Which includes me, but I haven't stepped over the line. I hope.
"So why didn't they destroy Sam?" Kaa asks. "Politeness?"
"Politeness may be exactly why," Tasha agrees, realizing that may well be it. "Strictly speaking 'soul destroying Shadow-being' includes Samael, Tatha-hem, and even me, even if I did it indirectly. But, they understand what we're doing is trying to stop a larger force with the only tools we have, and it's not like they offered us a better solution. They may not even have one and fight the same way we do. The Null is the Fundamental of the end of existence, the termination horizon of data, so maybe there's a difference in how and why it's done. And to who."
"Maybe you're lancing a boil," Moka offers. "So.. it's dealing with something that was already there and itching."
"Cosmic Pimple Popper is a lousy t-title though," Kaa counters.
"I like to think so. I hope so. I've encountered the Null directly, just once, so I think he knows about me already. But wow, was that unsettling. More than Luk'thu-hem and more than Thotep or Mr. Y." Tasha thinks on the experience a moment, and shivers. She then recalls what was said and nods, "Yes please refrain from calling me 'Cosmic Pimple Popper' or else I may have to have Gabriel remove you from the roster."
"He's trying to goad you into tickling his blowhole with your tail," Moka claims. To which Kaa responds with a raspberry. Phins are great at making the rudest of noises.
"Oh I bet he is. It's possible I can even have Phin children, so he's probably thinking on that, too. or will." And then it's Tasha's turn to make a face at the camera, finger pushing her nose up, tongue out, teeth barred.
"You're too small," Kaa notes. "If you want to try though.."
"And see, that's how you get off the roster because Gabriel requested it," Tasha points out, grinning more. Her grin then drops a notch and she admits, "I am a little smaller now. I mean overall, not, um ... Well, maybe that, too. This is probably what I get for teasing Persephone."
"You teased her about her weight?" Kaa asks. "Phins are proud of their weight though."
"I think I teased her about a lot of things. And I made a pas at her." Tasha then holds up a finger, ears going up. "I mean my Human fragment did. You know how Humans can be. I, she, whoever, she was never nervous and Charon was very cute."
"So you wanted a Charon baby of your own?" Moka asks. "Have you gotten checked to make sure you aren't already pregnant with one?"
"Uhhh," goes Tasha, who suddenly looks back towards the exit from the Bridge, "My medical tests didn't mention anything like that but I am still under construction." She bites her lip. "Maybe I should check?"
"Probably when Dr. Knight if more recovered," Moka suggests. "Did Persephone seem the sort that would knock you up and then skip town?"
"She did seem to enjoy teasing me as much as I teased her, and she knows how much I like Charon. But I can't have a Charon, not the whole Charon!" Tasha fidgets, then reluctantly turns around and flops in to her chair, arms folded. It's not that she would mind, but it's complicated, and a little hard for her to wrap her head around. "This is a bit of a secret but I'm still under construction. So she isn't entirely gone. I'm being watched by a ... An existance she left with me."
"A fairy godmother?" Moka asks.
It takes Tasha a moment to get the reference, something entirely draw from Nora's linguistic memory. "I think so? I only know that because my ... predecessor ... knows that reference. And only vaguely, it seems. I know it's a Terra reference but not much else. A tale of some sort? But she knows it as a digital existence as well, like an oversight program or VI. Did you mean one of those? Or both? They both seem like they'd apply."
"Error correction subsystems are important for any complex system," Moka explains. "Your DNA has one, even. They do better than the old statistical methods of decluttering and noise reduction, usually via active pruning."
"The key to uplift," Kaa simplifies.
"So I'm being ... uplifted?" Tasha arches an eyebrow Nora-style. "I know I'm not what I was. Persephone told me directly I would become something new. A new existence, something else. I was afraid of becoming something else, and she said I would be, but when she said it I wasn't as afraid because I felt she understood what it was I was afraid of." The young woman looks down at herself; her funny, new self. It's not that she doesn't like it, she does, but it's taken getting used to and it's a somewhat different manner of existence. But she's not done yet? "She said I'm a 'species unto myself'. A Tasha-species."
"So, she didn't change you to be already comfortable?" Moka asks.
"No, I don't think so. She seemed to change me with a purpose in mind. A purpose made from, um, my purpose. She said I made myself," Tasha explains, knowing full well how circular she sounds. "But I'm not a piece of me, I know that. I was reintegrated, if maybe not completely. And I'm not done."
"I don't think anyone is ever done, until they're.. done," Kaa offers. "I'm always getting better, for instance! I'm just too humble to point it out."
Tasha sticks her tongue out and it's time for her to make a rude noise. Her tail flicks in to her hand and she waggles it at the screen. "It's a good thing you're funny and a good pilot, Kaa." But she winks, drops her tail and settles back. "And anyway, sometimes you're not done when you are done."
"Undone," Tasha adds, grinning at her own multi-layered pun.
"Well, depends on your definition of done," Kaa counters. "It's rare to find someone who is well done," he claims. "Most settle for finding a happy medium instead."
"You shouldn't make so many food jokes around a ex-Karnor who maybe can also eat souls. Who knows how hungry I could get," Tasha notes, opening her muzzle and wiggling her fingers towards her mouth. "And you both know I can't settle on anything. Do you think someone who could settle easily would be doing any of this?"
"I figured you just got in so far over your head that you decided to just see how deep you could go before the pressure crushed you," Moka says. "Or.. the crazy biped thing."
"I admit that once I got going I wasn't really sure how to stop. It's not like I was valuable before, I was mostly influential and able to assert control because of what I did and what I found, not because of my education, political influence, wealth, or anything else. Without pressing on in to mysteries, artifacts, and the contacts I've made, I'd just have to go back to being a nobody. Or would have. Now ... Now maybe I'm something else. Maybe that's part of what Persephone meant. I have become something else, in more ways than just the one. I'm not what I was when I left Caltrop." Tasha nods slowly. It makes a certain sense. "I think I was more afraid of going back to what I was than of going forward, but I guess both pressure caught me eventually." She claps her hands together. Squish.
"Got nothing back home?" Kaa asks. "Family? People you don't want to see again.. like.. uh.. family? Or exes. Or the husbands of exes especially.."
"I have a family, but my family was very poor. I was poor. And I probably would still be poor working manual labor jobs now, if I hadn't found a path to be something else. Then I wanted to be something more. Then I saw the stars, I knew about the Galactics, what they built, how far they could reach, and I couldn't get it out of my head. I wanted to see it for myself and rebuild what was lost. Sooo ... I did." Tasha gives a little self-conscious shrug. "And after I built it, I found more, so I chased that, And again. The more I knew, the less I felt I could stop, because it'd come home with me and everything would seem ... Small. Confining. It's relaxing when I go home now, but if I stopped? I think knowing I stopped would haunt me. And my family, well, many of them are here, but the ones back home wouldn't understand any of this even if I explained it. Maybe they shouldn't."
"Can't keep them on the farm after they've seen the city," Moka quotes, but a different voice says, "The gods are never satisfied."
Tasha looks about to comment on Moka's remark, but both Phins can see her suddenly stop with me mouth open, seem to listen, then glance to the side as if considering what she heard. "That's very true," she says at length, but it's not certain to whom she may be talking.
"This current is smooth, and.. well, everything is flat," Kaa says. "Shutting down half of my brain now."
"I'lllllll let you two rest," Tasha notes, punching the retraction button and looking back over her shoulder. "I'm glad I came to talk to you both," she says, although she sounds a little distracted even now, "You can always talk to me if you need to. Unless, well, you know."
It's not exactly far from the bridge to the Captains Quarters. This time Gabriel's door is actually closed though. The rest of the main corridor is dark, since the lights only come on (dimly) when motion is detected. The lights on the panel next to Gabriel's door are brighter.
Tasha hesitates in front of the panel. She's kept her distance from her mate ever since her second incarnation, not out of any kind of negative feeling, but because she was uncertain about her own existence and what it meant for their future. Whether she was still Tasha or not, how and why to have children, and even what her children might be. On top of all of that was the ongoing campaign against the Ogdru-hem and the greater political backdrop, of which her and her children may factor. It's a lot to deal with.
Yet, seeing Gabriel hurting, unable to do anything about it or even really be there to help him has caused Tasha to re-evaluate her distance. She doesn't think it's fair to him, and more importantly, after spekaing to the others she realizes her feelings for them, and him, haven't really changed. Seeing him hurting made her so angry that on top of her own problems she found herself stunned and of little use. Now, at least, she has some presence of mind.
Tasha punches in the door code and steps inside.
The door slides open silently. The room is dark.. well, darker than last time, and there's no sense of someone sitting in the middle of the floor, so Gabriel should be in bed (or in the bathroom).
Despite literally having Shadow-stuff making up a third eye, Tasha is no more use in the dark than most of the crew. She squints, searching around, hands out and tail swaying to locate familiar objects. Despite this being Gabriel's quarters, she almost never comes down here, having quietly decided it's his space and if he wants to share a bed, they have her's. These quarters are for The Captain side of her mate, which she involves herself in, typically, as owner.
Well, her nose still works, so it doesn't take long for Tasha to find a furry mass lying on top of the bed.
Assuming Gabriel's asleep, Tasha debates the best way to show her support for him without actually waking him up. Leaving a message? No, too distant. Food. Not after what happened. There's another option but it risks waking him; still it's her most powerful show of affection and that things remain as they were. She shrugs off her jacket, pulls off her shirt and shorts, and gently lays down beside him before cuddling in to him and closing her eyes.
At least his breathing is even, and he isn't making any gurgling sounds. He still feels thin, even if that's just a side effect of whatever the ritual did to him. But he's just as warm as always.
And so it doesn't take Tasha to get comfortable, mentally and physically. Gabriel is in many ways her safe blanket, her comfort zone against the universe. Being able to return to that place after so much is a strong comfort, so much so she has to momentarily blink away the raw emotion. But, soon, she isn't worrying about much at all, and is fast asleep.
"Morning" is announced with a soft chime, and the slowly brightening lights of the cabin. Also a rumble from Gabriel's stomach.
"Mmph," goes Tasha, whose own room does not chime at her, but instead either has a expectant bunny or else the rising sun and bird song. She goes to sit up but has her muzzle tucked under Gabriel, so he gets a little bump and Tasha goes, "mmph," again.
This causes the big wolf to rouse, or at least turn and bear-hug Tasha. "Wha' was 'at?" he mutters, perhaps thinking the noise was a question.
The bear hug makes Tasha giggle, which momentarily prevents any sort of answer. She squirms to get her muzzle clear and answers, "That was a 'mmph'."
"Mmm, do it again?" Gabriel requests, still holding Tasha against his chest-floof.
"Mmmp," goes Tasha, followed by, "mmph, mmph, mmph, mmph!" With her new muzzle it's a little squeakier and a bit surprised sounding, even when she's not surprised.
"I'm hungry," Gabriel admits. "But.. I've also got you now. Hmmm. Rats, I need the food."
"I do have a magic bunny," Tasha notes, glancing up in such a way that causes her left ear to invert from being smushed. "And you are the Captain. Everyone is under out command."
"Which one is the magic bunny again?" Gabriel asks, maybe still waking up a bit. "Will it bring me food and feed me so I don't have to let you go?"
"Yes it will. You don't have to go anywhere today if you don't want to. Owner's permission." Since she doesn't need to get up, Tasha snuggles herself right back in to comfort and then flails an arm towards the wall console until she manages the right combo of buttons to contact Liza. "Liza, please see to a significant breakfast for Gabriel and I in the Captain's Quarters, please."
"Three handmeals and some tea, coming up," Liza replies a minute later.
"Sometimes I think maybe I don't control anything," Tasha admits after being offered handmeals. There's nothing to do about it though, their food stocks are lower after the ritual, and with somany people stress eating.
It isn't long before the door opens and Liza walks in. It isn't like she's seen them both naked before, after all. "I assumed you'd be eating in bed, so I brought the spill-proof cups and the no-crumbs handmeals. They're a bit spongy though."
Tasha's response to this is to make grabby hands in Liza's direction. Her tail, too, makes a 'lets speed things up' upward motion. Liza is also familiar with the raw hunger of Karnors, including their hybrids, and now ex-Karnors made from who-knows-what-plus-Karmor.
"Do not wolf your food," Liza warns, holding out the food at arms length to make sure he gets all of her fingers back. "Your stomach could still be recovering, Captain. Tasha.. well, you've been eating plenty already, I've seen the crumbs. That is not how to get back to your previous size."
"That's no way to talk to your zombie boss Liza." Tasha tut tuts, but does hook her shoulder under Gabriel's and help them both sit up, where upon she occupies his lap. With the changes, Tasha looks even tinier compared to him, like some sort of lap-based fairy, or a unlikely hybrid between a child's toy and a cult idol. "Besides I'm extra dainty now. I'll be fine."
"Do not break the Captain then," Liza advises.
"I haven't yet!" Tasha wags her tail, which is still very serpentine about things.
"Call me if you run into any problems," Liza notes, and scissors her ears quickly before she heads back out.
"Sometimes I'm not sure what to make of her," Tasha admits as she unwraps a handmeal, offering it up to Gabriel followed by a spill proof cup. She then leans back and begins unwrapping her own meal. "And we can discuss who breaks who after eating."
"She likes to tease predators," Gabriel guesses, and has a sip before making a face. "Ugh, there must be some coffee left over from last night."
Tasha heaves a sigh after tasting her own drink. "Maybe we'll be lucky and come across an ancient alien food court?" She wouldn't rule the possibility out of her life, but it is sadly a remote one. "But if I push them to favorisim I'm worried there might be problems. They're all still on edge. We have to be roooole moooodles." Her tail makes a little spin.
"So does that mean you're going to cuddle naked with all of the afflicted crew?" Gabriel teases. "Or is alright to play favorites a little bit?"
"Maybe Lacci, but only because she'd puff out and that's always amused me in a heart warming way." Tasha lays a hand over her heart, then looks up. "But I think the Captain gets me all to himself today. I haven't been very supportive what with, um, everything that happened." Her tail wags at herself; all this that happened.
Gabriel has already downed one his breakfast rectangle things, despite Liza's warning. "Except it'll be more like you having me all to yourself."
"I'm not very useful on the ship, am I?" Tasha unwraps another bar and delivers it right to Gabriel's muzzle, for him to take. "But before we do anything, you should know that after talking to the others, I've decided I am probably still Tasha."
"You're still Tasha," Gabriel says. "Because questioning your identity is a very Tasha thing to do. Not questioning it would have been un-Tasha and therefore worrying."
"I think Hakeber described that as 'Tasha neuroticisim'. I didn't even know that word existed until she said it!" Tasha gives a head shake. there are downsides to knowing people for so long, and more ominously, them knowing you. "And Moka asked me about myself. Who I am, what I could be, how I compare to Thoth and Samael. And here's a very special secret for you: I'm not finished yet. Um, I mean, I'm not fully reconstructed yet."
Gabriel pokes at Tasha. "You mean things are loose or at risk of falling apart?" he asks, sounding worried.
"There's an entity in me," and here Tasha taps her head, " ... that is still working to assemble me. "To protect, to nurture, and to guide. I am found in the eyes of others, those who cannot speak for themselves." That is why Creamsicle seemed to be giving me insightful advice about gods, Eyes-of-Others was the one speaking. She's like a kind of ... AI? Something Persephone left in me." Tasha chews for a moment, equally chewing over what had happened, then adds, "She said she'd watch over me until I am 'complete'."
"What does 'watch over you' or 'complete' even mean though?" Gabriel asks. "What sort of problems is expected to deal with? I knew that this transformation wasn't anything simple - not when you were human for a while first. How do you feel about this nanny in your head? Is it like having Liza in there?"
"It feels like a gentle presence, and if I'm being very honest, after what happened on Charon I'm okay with putting my existence in someone else's hands for a while. I had to trust Charon with all I am, and now I must trust Persephone. Even if I felt suspicious, would it matter? They brought me back; it's not something any of us could do. Doubting them would be silly." Tasha takes a sip, wrinkles her muzzle, then puts her drink aside. "But I don't know what complete or watch over means? If I guessed, it's to protect me from the influence of other beings, ones like Thotep and Mr. Yellow. Horus said they might influence what I become, that I should avoid their raw, physical presence. As for complete, that I don't know. Maybe this is just a ... Interm form? Maybe I'll end up something else completely like a ... A dragon or one of those space leviathans Charon made."
"I can't see you in scales," Gabriel notes. "I like the feathers though. But this probably means you can't create another Persocom if you wanted to. The original use for them was for trying to treat schizophrenia, but I don't think that ever worked or else ended up really badly. You'll just have to make your own, which is what it sounded like your daughters will be."
"More of me." Tasha says it in a kind of awed, exasperated voice. She has, after all, been around to witness what the first Tasha has done, and what's come of it. To think there could be more of her, other hers, it has a weight to it. "My sons will be as their father, though." And here she elbows Gabriel gently.
"You'll find out that all parents think of their children as little thems for the first few years," Gabriel says, looking reflective. "Just better. Able to do all the things you didn't manage. But they'll see the same in their children, and so on. It isn't until they're parents that they seem to be like their parents. Your mother is nice and nurturing though, so you should be too."
"I'll try not to hit my little 'me's more than I strictly need to," Tasha insists, reaching up to rub her face at the memory. She can still remember getting decked, and the steak that came after, which she also ate. "Do you think they'll be exactly like me? Persephone said they'd be copies, even copies of the spore. Will we be clones? Share the same mind? Or will it be like Nora and I? The same looking, but very different?"
"They'll be like children," Gabriel says. "Maybe they'll have your personality or some of your memories, like a Persocom, but they won't grow up to be just like you."
"And they'll have children, and they will. Someday, maybe there will be a House Tasha." The idea makes Tasha shiver, for all its complications, emotional investments, and implications. Not in terror, but in something too complex for a single descriptor. "Maybe little Nora can be their big sister?"
"If you want Nora to be the babysitter, we'll have time things properly," Gabriel says. "We should start now. Because we've finished breakfast."
Tasha arches her brows at this, then wiggles herself around until she's facing Gabriel, which is a very interesting position indeed. "It looks like the new thing you get to explore is me. Again." And it is very true; even Tasha doesn't know how she works, trying things now is a risk. But then again, they are explorers, and she has been very distant ...
"I'm sure all the Sam-ness is out of my system," Gabriel says, waggling his eyebrows. "But.. you'll have to take the lead. I'm not at full strength still and I suppose you're technically a virgin again with no idea how your body responds.."
"A virgin for the third time. I've lost my virginity twice now before Lacci lost it once. I'll have to tease her about that later." Tasha looks down at herself and realizes she's nervous. She was as a Human, too,but she suspects Humans are always nervous. It's a good thing she isn't still Human, because if she is neurotic, that'd be a terrible combination.As it is, the prospect of children and responsibility, of finally being able to have a family, is a lot more daunting than she ever expected. In many ways, it all starts here, with her. She sucks in a breath.
"Welllll," Tasha muses, thinking, " ... want to see all the exciting things I can do with my tail?" And then she nuzzles him, and she's doing exciting things with her tongue as well.
It's sometime in the teen-hours when Gabriel has to rest again, and Tash is already hungry again. It also means Jonas should be up, but who knows how many are being checked out in the med-bay now.
Feeling giddy and more than a little light headed from both the intense sex and momentous possibilities that come from that sex, Tasha finds herself wandering aimlessly until the smell of food draws he near the Medbay. She considers eating first, but decides she ought to inform her doctor this time around instead of after weird things have happened, and so knocks on the hatch edge. "Jonas? Are you around?"
"The doctor is in," Dr. Knight announces. He's sitting as his desk, with his display filled with odd images in false colors.
Tasha flounces her way on over, hands folded in front of her as she sits down to his left. "I thought you'd want to know Gabriel and I were together. That we plan to, um, you know." She isn't sure why it's so embarrassing to admit. Already, being a parent confounds her.
"I know?" Jonas asks, turning to look down at her. He's too tall. "I wouldn't dare to try and guess, so you'll have to be clearer for me, I'm afraid."
Tasha has to look up, and up. She suspects maybe she is slightly shorter. "You know, um, when you're together ... " She makes a circle with her left hand and inserts her right hand's pointer finger. " ... Children. Babies." Little 'me's.
"Littler you mean," Jonas comments with a slight smirk. "Now, do you need help? I have not checked Gabriel's fertility."
"I just wanted you to know since you're, uh, our doctor and I don't know how I ... uhm ... work. Exactly." For all she knows, every group of children could come with an extra tiny dragon. "Gabriel should be okay, he's, um, well he's done that in the past. Had children and ... And donated."
"He's also been through a lot of trauma as I understand it," Jonas says. "He'll be getting a physical soon anyway; everyone who was part of the ritual will, except for Samael. Now, you should understand that pregnancy isn't a given. Lots of little things can prevent it, but not knowing if you have an ovulation cycle is certainly up there. The Lapis are voluntary ovulators, for instance, but since you weren't before it's unlikely that you are now. I'll have to give you a monitoring implant to track your hormone levels and other factors. It's also likely that being on the ship itself is a prophylactic; many species require natural gravity and other things to successfully procreate."
"Well I do seem to be made from many species," Tasha notes, laughing nervously and with a slight giggle at the end. "Liza has set us up for recreation. I meant to tell everyone, but we've been ... " She gestures behind herelf, at the hatch, " ... Busy."
"You will probably have better chances on Ymir," Jonas points out. "It has a large moon, if you grew up on a planet that had one. But mostly it has real gravity. If you want, I can install the monitor now and start charting a baseline for you."
"I may still change," Tasha warns, brows up, "But at least this way we can figure out where I'm going and how this all works." She then holds out her arm, presumably for the implant. It's always the arm.
Jonas retrieves a package from one of the cabinets, and holds it to his datapad to get it prepped. Then he unwraps the small cylindrical injector. "Actually, this goes into your thigh," he notes to Tasha.
It's not always the arm. Tasha cocks her head to the side, left brow arched, ears askew, then reaches over and tugs down her shorts and underwear enough to expose her thigh. To avert awkwardness, she asks, "How do you think the crew is holding up?"
"Aside from flu-like symptoms, they seem fine so far," Jonas says. He applies the injector, and there's a cool sensation of the disinfectant before the 'pop' of the injection. The sensor is certainly bigger than a grain of rice, which is probably why it needed to be in the thigh. "Liza has one of these as well," he explains.
"I'm sure I'll hear about it." Tasha makes a face, but and more of one as she rubs her thigh, then pulls up her clothes and asks, "You don't think the journey has caused any serious concerns? Any permanent problems?"
"There's no way to tell this soon," Jonas admits. "We've been exposed to some pretty odd environments, and possibly unknown form of radiation. We'll just have to monitor everyone as best we can until a better facility is available."
Tasha nods to this; she's very familiar with being exposed to unknowns and having a correspondingly great amount of not knowing. "How about up here?" She taps the side of her head; metal problems. "Lacci looked like she flew in to a wall, back in the Lounge. And Yue is sensitive to these things. I'm not sure how Sam thinks."
"I'm not a psychologist," Jonas admits. "There are VR therapy tools though. We should all make use of them, but Dr. Sen is also a good mood detector, assuming she's not dealing with her own.. uh.. demons. You're right that she has been hit hard lately. I've been giving her some mild sedatives."
"It says a lot that someone like Dr. Sen needs to rely on medication. I'm glad we're withdrawing from this space." Tasha looks down, bouncing her legs and thinking. "If anyone puts in leave the ship, I'll understand. We'll all be able to relax at Ymir, stay or go. But we still have a lot left to do afterwards."
"There are several universities and museums there, so we may lose Professor Stanislav's group there," Jonas predicts. "I'm sure they need a familiar environment to get their minds in order and figure out what to do with what they've discovered, if anything. It's a fair bet that the major governments already know something about these entities and would not like that information getting loose."
"Oh, definitely," Tasha agrees, looking up again. "I'm surprised none of them have attempted to contact us directly yet. Maybe that's what Yue's been doing, assuring the Terragens we're not inspiring ancient alien artifacts -- and aliens -- to come along and ruin everything. It might be time for me to reach out and contact them. On Ymir, maybe."
"I'd personally prefer to not be dealing with the ARM," Jonas admits. "Yue is the best go-between though, and the one to go to for advice on this."
"The... ARM?" Tasha asks, ears shooting up. "But I'll talk to her, on Ymir, when we're not all ... Like this."
"The Amalgamated Regional Militia - the Terragens interplanetary police," the Belter explains. "They are very scary people. Agents like Yue are still essentially civilians recruited for their skills, but the ARM are more military. I've heard rumors that they know how to take down Vartans in unarmed combat. But those are just rumors. They might have spread them themselves."
"They sound a lot more like a military arm than police. Don't police work within their governmental influence? A Vartan would be outside it," Tasha notes, looking concerned, now. "And I'm not exactly a Terran, or a Vartan. Right now I'm the product of a Type V civilization. That will probably make them nervous though. I have a lot of, um, scary acquintances, myself."
"If there's a Galactic agreement about certain things, jurisdiction can be fluid," Jonas notes. "Something to be careful of. The other powers have their own versions. Probably even the Confederates."
"And I'm not exactly powerful on the local scale of things," Tasha agrees. Whatever resources she has, she's still just a person as Luk'thu-hem so greatly reminded her. She can still get eaten -- or shot. "Well," she hedges, wavering, " ... if they come to us, they come to us. It may have been inevitable. But at least they may fear what interfering with us may mean."
"Governments tend to bury things that scare them, so having them afraid of you is not a good thing," Jonas says, then checks his datapad. "Your hormone levels are slightly elevated, from your old baseline. That could be from sex though. I'm going to assume you're still mostly Karnor when it comes to these things. Vartan fertility isn't something I have data on."
"Not Lacci's specialty either," Tasha says with a bit of a laugh. "I really should stop teasing her, shouldn't I?" But then she nods. "Or teasing the governments for that matter. I did just destroy a fleet full of super weapons, that's a very safe option. The universe doesn't need that many of ... Those."
More food odors come from the galley now, reminding Tasha that she's still hungry.
Tasha pops up. "I smell food," she declares, quite before realizing she said it. She fixes on Jonas and thumbs behind her. "I have been summoned by the food to eat it. It's mysterious mystic communion, I can't explain it."
"I actually like the handmeals," Jonas notes, "But go on and see what's cooking."
"The hand meals and I have come to a compromise neither of us are happy with." Tasha raises a hand, gives a smile, and says, "See you soon, Jonas!" As she hurries on out.
The galley is occupied by the remaining Karnors and the Vartans. Shojo is behind the counter, wearing an apron over his uniform, and Lacci is leaning against the counter and watching him, dressed more casually than usual, given that she's wearing a souvenir wrap-shirt from their last holiday and some shorts. Katie is back to wearing a leak jumpsuit, and has tamed her hair somewhat into a ponytail, while Hakeber is wearing her old Scholar clothes, which never fit very well to begin with but are comfortable.
It smells like Shojo is making omelets - the kind with lots of meat and cheese in them (or synth-meat at least). Hakeber wags her tail when Tasha enters, since she's closest to the door, and says, "There's no coffee. Aaron and Liza abducted Yue and didn't make any."
"Then I'll deliver us from the evil of a coffee-less existence," Tasha declares, walking in that new style of her's, the one where she seems to prance of flounce slightly due to the nature of her equally new legs. After ruffling up Hakeber's head as she passes and decidedly not doing the same to Katherine's -- she gets a lick on the cheek -- Tasha makes her way behind the counter. "Don't be alarmed, I'm just here to make coffee," she assures Shojo.
"There should be some instant coffee in one of the cabinets," Shojo suggests, since as far as he knows Tasha has never operated the more complicated machine that looks like small steam engine of some sort.
Tasha has, but at some difficulty. She does remember how. "Alrighty-dighty," she sing-songs, heading over and opening the cabinets one by one until she locates the coffee, which goes in the maker. She then busies herself setting out a tray and arranging cups on it, balanced for carrying and coffee.
"Did your mother serve hot beverages in her restaurant?" Katie asks as she watches in fascination. Lacci also watches for a bit, but is torn between watching Tasha and watching Shojo. It's unlikely she's ever witnessed someone preparing a meal before coming aboard Dark Horse.
"I served hot beverages at our sleazy tavern," answers Tasha, who takes the ready coffee and fills the cups evenly. She returns the high-tech kettle to its storage unit and then scoops up the tray, balancing it on one hand as she rummages around for cream, sugar, and more exotic addictive packets. She then saunters out of the kitchen and begins delivering drinks one by one, taking them off her tray in such a way as to not cause her tray to become unevenly weighted.
"Hmm, very professional," Katie notes with a nod. "You must have enjoyed it a bit, at least?"
"A little bit," Tasha agrees, putting Katie's coffee down followed by a few packets. Next comes Hakeber, who gets the same thing. "It's a lot more fun when it's not my job and the grabby people are also people I like."
And Hakeber grabs after her coffee has been safely served.
"Live service is for very high-end venues," Lacci notes. "Expensive!"
This makes Tasha giggle, and as she's playing barmaid, she promptly drops in to Hakeber's lap. At least she weighs a bit less now. The tray is put aside, as Hakeber had been the last, closest to the door. "It's nice to know Lacci appreciates me."
"If I didn't know better, this would be part of your Mezzode cover-story," Lacci claims. "Server at private club or household."
"Well I am pretty to look at and I can balance five meals and and eight mugs of grog after someone yanks my tail, so I would be a great choice." Tasha blinks prettily at Lacci, then folds her hands in her lap and crosses her legs. "I wonder if my Mezzode story will hold up now?"
"Well, you do look more expensive now," Lacci admits. "If you did the shiny metal fur look like Katherine had before it would certainly sell it better."
"I think Lacci just insisted I have shinier fur and more expensive clothes," Tasha notes down to Hakeber, then to Katherine. "How can I possibly disappoint her by ignoring such a wise and astute plan?"
"Vartans liking shiny things is not always an excuse you know," Katie points out, but not literally since she has both hands on her mug. "Food is almost ready," Shojo announces. "Don't tell Liza that I made real food."
Tasha holds up her hands. "My demon maid glares at me enough already." The hands go back down and Tasha takes the last cup off her tray, which is her's. She adds milk and sugar, and something called a carmel divinity flavor packet. "And I'm not a crew authority so who am I to say something? You're the quartermaster here."
Shojo brings out a plate of.. not-omelets. Tasha isn't sure what the bundles are, but has a vague sense they are related to tacos somehow. "Breakfast burritos Abbadonian style," Shojo says. "Without the Titanian Peppers though. And I don't think the eggs are quite the same, so no metallic aftertaste."
"That was the best part though," Tasha mock-complains. She does lift herself off Hakeber and take a seat next to her, scooting her serving tray around so the plate can rest on it in case she needs to be elsewhere suddenly. "Hey Katie? Want to sit with me and Hake?"
Katie slides down the bench until she's across from the other two. "I wonder how everyone else is recovering."
"Jonas tells me everyone is fine physically, but he doesn't know anything about Sam or Thoth. Mentally, well, it's wait-and-see." Tasha holds out her left hand and waggles it; the situation is uncertain. "At least most of the Humans faired well, and so did the Lapi and Vartans. Gabriel is recovering and is, um, a lot better due to a breakfast-to-lunch interpersonal relief session. The Tadpole seems to be doing very well."
"I haven't seen the Eeee since the recital," Katie notes, then shrugs and starts in on her burrito. "I'm sure they're fine," she says after swallowing.
Hakeber frowns suddenly. It even causes her chew slower.
"Maybe I should ask Gabriel to implement a mandatory check in policy after any major event. A checkup for everyone, no excuses. If they don't show up, we send people to check on them." Tasha reaches for her own breakfast burrito as well, opens her muzzle, then catches sight of Hakeber and pauses. As she's hungry, she then chomps down and stares at Hakeber in a concerned, assessing sort of way until she can swallow. "What's wrong, Miss Bear?"
"I bet Yue is being smothered in bunny fluff right now to help her recover," Hakeber grumbles. "Which is totally unfair! I never got to be with Liza!"
"Neither have I," Katie points out. "But.. she's not my type."
"Neither have I," Tasha admits, if somewhat quickly and evasively. She chews a moment more, then notes, "Yue wouldn't be with Liza or Aaron, not that way. I can see Liza cuddling someone for comfort, but she's been very adamant about her and Aaron's relations since she became pregnant and intents to be with Aaron permanently. "
"So then she'd definitely be there," Hakeber claims. "Because she's not here. Unless they're doing something else to her. Didn't she give you a bath once?" She seems to drift for a moment, probably thinking about having someone give her a bath now that she's old enough to enjoy it. "We should all take a bath together sometime," she mutters.
"Do eggs make either of you gassy?" Katie asks. "That would be a big factor in group bathing."
"Do you two /want/ a bath?" Tasha inquires, ears perking up. "And not me, I am /very/ gas free. Or, well, I /was/, who knows now?" She gives a little shrug' her existence is very odd/. "My bathroom can hold five people in the tub, I modeled it after the public baths in Abu Dabi. Katie's used it. Should we invite Lacci?"
"What?" Lacci asks, wiping her beak. Burritos are a bit easier for Vartans to eat than loose foods, but there's still the chance of over-pressure on the wrap while slicing through it, so she has been a bit focused on being careful.
"Would you like to join us for a group bath? Katie, Hake, and myself? Liza's got some time off, so it'll just be us," Tasha offers. She takes a sip -- an actual sip -- of her coffee and wiggles her free hand's fingers and Hake and Katie. "These two thought it might be relaxing. I even have exciting news to share."
"Relaxing?" Hakeber asks, snapping out of her daze.
"Fun exciting or running-for-our-lives exciting?" Lacci asks.
Tasha frowns, turning to prod Hakeber with her tail. "Are you okay? You do have coffee now. Did you sleep at all?" She then glances back. "Relaxing exciting."
"That is an oxymoron," Lacci points out.
"I am not!" Hakeber claims. "I mean.. I slept alright."
"So Lacci doesn't want to have a relaxing bath after all," Tasha informs Katherine and Hakeber, matter-of-factly. "So it'l just be us." And then she squints at Hakeber. "Why aren't you okay, Hake?"
"I mean, I'm okay, but I'm not an oxymoron," Hakeber says, then admits, "That was a kneejerk reaction, sorry Lacci. I know that an oxymoron is when you have an adjective that is the opposite of the subject."
Tasha turns to Katie and notes, "I don't think anyone is okay."
"Okay takes time, we're more on an upswing, not quiet to the mid-point of okay," Katie puts it. "Coffee and a bath couldn't hurt though. Did you also happen to work in a bathhouse?"
"Later on, I had wealthy friends who had access to bathhouses. Lapis, like Aaron. The Lightfoot clan, and others." Tasha swings her leg off the bench, then hands her coffee to her tail before putting her burrito in her mouth. She then waits for Hakeber to hold both her meal and her coffee and subsequently picks her up. "Lesh go tawk abowt it in the both," she ... tells? ... Katie.
The bath is very comfortable, once they've finished eating. For some reason Hakeber has set herself across from Tasha and Katie, so she can ogle them both as she squeezes the as yet untapped bottle of soap. "So.. which of you is going to wash the other first?" she asks with a big grin.
"I like Hake. I always know how she feels about things. She's very refreshing," Tasha informs Katherine, and then she shrugs. "You have looked shaken up by a Rahktor, Katie. Want me to start? Hake can tell you her outfit idea."
"Is that the exciting news?" Katie asks, then lets her hair down. It's a bit frazzled. "My fur feels like I stuck my entire body up the wrong end of a bandersnatch," she admits. "I miss Necessity. Miss.. Necessity. Heh. I don't think I've said that out loud before. It sounds funny."
"Outfit?" Hakeber asks, and blinks. "Why would you want me to think about clothes now?"
"Don't let her hear that, they're both a little scary," Tasha teases. She leans over to snatch the bottle of soap from Hakeber, then massages the bottle until a bit comes out, and pits it aside. After leaning out of the bath and rummaging around she finds the shampoo, conditioner, and leave in goo Liza normally uses and goes with that. Squirting some shampoo out, she then lathers Katie's head up and turns to Hake. "The special clothes. My old clothes? And no this isn't the news!"
"The way you massaged out the goo has distracted me," Hakeber claims. "Oh. old clothes. Right. I'm sure we talked about that. What did I say about them?" she prompts. "Last night is just a teensy bit blurry."
"I am very good at massaging--" Tasha cuts herself off before she gets too obviously vulgar. She sits up a bit and continues to massage Katie's scalp. And, while not strictly necessary, rub her ears. "You seemed very interested in an old picture of mine. The one from Abu Dabi, where I dressed like a desert spirit. The whip, the collars and chains?"
"Oh! I never got to see it! You were gonna recreate it for me, right?" Hakeber asks, and claps her hands together with a splash of water. "We've even got Aaron. I'm sure Liza will let him pose, if we ask nicely. And describe the picture to her."
"What is this picture that you apparently don't have with you?" Katie asks, her eyes closed to avoid getting soap in them.
Tasha heaves a sigh and immediately regrets mentioning it, but goes on. "Hake said someone told her about a painting I agreed to have done waaay back before I met Gabriel or even stepped on Abaddon, where a Zerda -- fox people? -- couple asked me to pose with them on the street of dreams. So I wore a very, um, flimsy outfit, my whip, and I had them both collared, like they were my slaves. I got the impression they found it exciting. I kept the outfit. And the picture." Because I threatened to hit someone, I think. "Hake pointed out I seem more like a kind of spirit, now. Like I keep falling in to the same role or archetype. And of course, she wanted to see the outfit and someone with soap in their hair participating."
"Wait.. you want me to wear the outfit?" Katie asks. "And Hakeber in a collar?"
"No, um, I'd wear the outfit ... You and Hake with the collar. Me across Gabriel's lap?" Tasha bites her lip. She considers getting Hakeber back later, if this makes her relationship life harder.
"Unless you want to, that is," Tasha adds, giving Hakeber the help me out here tilt of the head.
"Do you have the shiny pants?" Hakeber asks. "Would Gabriel wear them?"
"What would Hakeber and I be wearing?" Katie asks.
"They're Aaron sized. The outfit I wore wasn't big on pants. Or, well, anything." Tasha gives her head a little shake, how did she get in this position? "Umm, nothing? Hake brought it up!"
"So would Hakeber be the husband?" Katie teases.
"If it means you lean on me, sure!" Hakeber agrees!
"She is very lecherous for a young woman," Tasha notes. Tapping Katie's back, she indicates the woman should arch her back in to the water, where Tasha proceeds to rinse out the suds. "So yes."
Hakeber urks when she sees Katie arch back. "I feel suddenly very rigid," she comments.
"Very lecherous," Tasha continues, nodding solemnly. Once the suds are out, Tasha tilts Katherine up and adds the conditioner through another massage, and lets it sit. She switches to the readied soap and, giving Hakeber a very pointed look, proceeds to squeeze the soap all over Katie. "I don't know Katie, maybe this excitingly relaxing bath is too exciting for Hake."
"Oh.. oh.. you!" Hakeber accuses. "I thought you enjoyed my leching on you! Also.. if you get pregnant can I get pregnant with you?" the non-soapy Karnor says.
Tasha grins wickedly where Katie can't see. "Oh I do," she admits, and then she reaches around to very vigorously lather Katherine up. "And you might be too late."
"Hah! I'm never too late!" Hakeber claims. "Just fashionably late!" Katie squeaks a bit from the activity. "Don't you need a man for that, Hakeber?" Katie points out.
"Gabriel will be the father of course," Hakeber says.
"Katie has a point. Katie doesn't need a man for this, though." Tasha shifts, hauling Katie in to her lap for some hugging and desudsing. At the announcement that Gabriel will by Hakeber's baby daddy, she raises her brows and Katherine can feel her movements noticeably pause. "Is ... Its that what you want, Hake? Maybe you should think about it when you're ... You're better. And less sleepy? Are you sure?"
"Well, technically he's the only Karnor man I've been with," Hakeber admits. "And it's the three of us together, so.. why not? I should get any baby-having done while I'm still young enough to be a fun mom, right?"
"It's not just about fun, it's ... " Tasha frowns a moment, her hands slowing, head dipping. She seems to realize this because she picks up a moment later and dutifully goes about lathering and cleaning, rather than making a show of it. "It's responsibility, Hake. For me, I'm the first. The Progenitor. And I get hurt -- a lot." She stares at Hakeber a moment, then admits, "And to a lesser degree so do you, lately. Well. If Gabriel doesn't mind, I don't mind. Well, no," she noses Katie, since she can't nudge her, " ... how do you feel about all this, Katie? I was going to talk it over with you, but things just ... Just happened."
"Motherhood is not something I think about often," Katie admits. "My lifestyle and preferences just haven't the room for it. When I'm 30 though? I don't know what I'll feel by then. But I am available for Godmother duties of course. And there will be the little Karnors from Bellerophon looking for mothers too."
"You can have Nora, she's intimidated by you. That makes you the only one she is intimidated by," Tasha suggests, brightening up. "And there will be my children, who, um, well, may be copies of me, actually. At least the girls. The boys will be Karnors."
"I want lots of sons!" Hakeber says, with an evil glint in her eye. "I can sic them on the girls who would have turned their noses up at me when I was younger, armed with all my hard-won knowledge of seduction!"
Tasha leans over to look at Katherine, "Maybe Hake shouldn't have children."
"I'd be a great mom! Very popular," Hakeber claims. "Wouldn't you have wanted to hang out with me if you were a kid again, Tasha?"
"Yes, but I made a lot of bad choices and I still make bad choices. I fought a demigod with spitballs and now I'm part demon," Tasha notes, resuming the Katie-wash. She taps Katie to again lean back, letting her hair soak clean before adding the leave in element and whispering she shouldn't dunk her head again. "And we should do something about the energy in your brain."
"I just have to use it up," Hakeber says hopefully. "I'm sure it can be used up. It's not like memories."
"I'll keep my eye on it," Tasha promises. With Katherine done, the tall woman gets a tap on the shoulder and is handed a arm full of cleaning products.
Katherine Vesuvius' cabin is tasteful. While still having the familiar white walls and glowing panels, she's figured out how to activate hidden display surfaces to cover the walls in art. And not Katie Kaboom style posters, but paintings and images of forests and lakes and oceans. There are even ambient nature sounds, but so quiet as to be nearly subliminal. The rest of the cabin shows her military upbringing though, being very tidy and organized, with the sole exception of a floppy bean-bag chair in one corner with the VR headset on it.
"Ugh, I haven't had a chance to tidy up," Katie apologizes. Maybe she means that the goo-bucket hasn't been completely scrubbed clean yet.
"Believe me, after being in Hake's quarters, this is like Captain Frane's own locker." And that is very clean, Tasha remembers. And she remembers because he used it as an example of how clean all their lockers should be. "But enough of that: It's always so nice in here! Like a walk in the forest." She skip-walks to the bed, then turns and falls over, bouncing in a pile of feathers and blonde hair. "I feel like you sometimes long for a more natural life, less restrained, more ... More like you were on Charon."
Katie takes the desk chair, sitting with one leg crossed over the other. "It was a forest," she says. "I liked the beach world, but.. there's only so much ocean I could handle. Water to the horizon! And the jungle didn't feel right. The garden though.. it felt right, so long as I didn't look up. More like the forests I'd seen and read about in the old books from before the Expedition."
"But.. I'd still want a motorcycle at least," she adds. "I need the smell of hot iron and oil."
"I've been told, and have read, forests like that are what the original wolves inhabited before uplift happened. And they lived there for millions of years. Maybe some part of that is in every Karnor." Tasha rolls over to face Katherine more properly, propping her head on her hand. "I wasn't as fond of the beach as I thought I'd be. I liked the water, but the sand got everywhere and it was so bright after the inside of the ship. It's also less, I don't know, engaging when you're already in two relationships. It's not like I'm hunting anymore. Or being hunted." Her look towards Katherine is very knowing.
"Only two relationships?" Katie asks, one eyebrow raised.
"And I feel the same way about technology. I don't want to go back to how I lived before. I like my Titans, my datapad, all the wonders of advancement and science. I just don't want that to be all there is." Tasha taps her jaw with a finger. "Jungles are like hot, uncomfortable forests. Forests, but worse. I do like the mountains, and the sea provides a nice updraft. Charon ... Charon was too comfortable, for many reasons." She then stops dodging the question and replies, "Two major relationships. You and Gabriel. Hake's more like my friend who just happens to have sex with my mates and, um, has babies with me?"
"She has an addictive personality," Katie says. "By which I mean she falls into addictions easily. Alcohol, sex.. always something to make her not think about or face something in her life. I've no idea what though. She's insecure about something though, you can tell by who she gravitates towards."
"Sam and I?" Tasha tilts her head, trying to think. Sometimes she feels like, as busy as she is, she doesn't know the people who followed her as well as when she started her journey together. She hasn't had the time to figure people out, and if she were being very honest, was never terribly good at being subtle or deeply empathetic, which may have gotten worse due to having to deal with universe-level affairs. Katie can see her expression just kind of melt as she thinks about it all. "I've heard that from others, but I wonder why I never really noticed. I know she left home due to disagreements with her pre-Knight family, but she doesn't say much about her past. Hake's always been about now and the future."
"I think she looks for people with holes, in the hopes that she'll be the one to fill them," Katie explains, and gestures a bit with her hands. "Not exactly broken people. Gabriel has a hole where his past used to be. You have a hole where your future is. Aaron has a hole in his present. All needing to be filled."
"That sounds a lot like waht I do. I seem to look for people who need somewhere to belong, who are lost and don't fit in where they are. That need purpose, or freedom, or a somewhere. It's how I fill the holes in me. Maybe it's why we get along so well," Tasha muses. She thinks a moment, and then looks up, "So what about you, Katie? You were burning out, feeling underutilized, trapped, you wanted to be yourself somewhere where you could be, do I understand you?"
"Pretty much, I wanted to make a difference on a more personal level," Katie says. "Meaning, by my own decisions, and not following someone else's script. And I want to see a real forest. Sometimes I feel like the must fulfilling thing I've done is worked on that hardsuit, or performed at the banquet. Things that I feel a deep connection to."
"I think I understand." Tasha lays a hand on her heart, her free hand, strange blonde feathers, talons, oddly human inner bit and all. "The truth is, I'm not quite as good with people as when we started. Before, I had only fitting in to worry about, finding a place, being respected, rising up. Everything was right there next to me. But now, part of me is," she lifts the hand to waggle her fingers at the wall, " ... out there. Galactic. Maybe universal. At the level of all of them, like Sam, or Thoth. It takes so much of me, I don't see what's around me like I used to. It makes me feel like I'm failing everyone. I think that was part of why I pushed so hard to help Charon. He very obviously needed my help. I knew I could help him, and I feared I was just hurting all of you."
"We're in a war, and people get hurt in war," Katie says. "Even in cold wars, and this one is very, very cold. Gabriel, Shojo and I are military. So is Lacci for the most part, and probably the Phins too. Only the Jotoki can be considered innocent, but I have no idea what they're really thinking in those five-part brains of theirs. I'm pretty sure the cats are evil, not sure about Sam. Yue I assume has had some military training, Jonas hides a lot but I wouldn't be surprised if was ex-military too."
"Aaron thinks he might be a criminal. I don't mind personally, I mean I work with Titanians and pretended to be one for a few weeks, so it's not like crime and I are at odds. We're extremely grey area at best as a paramilitary organization, and Jonas even thinks we may have problems with ARM or other enforcement agency sooner or later." Tasha wrinkles her nose at that. "One problem at a time, right? Well, I just hope I don't fail anyone, um, too badly. Maybe dying was that, but it's obvious now flat space impacts me, too, and with my support structure failing and Mr. Yellow's pressure, I slipped." She takes in a breath, stares at a wall for a long moment, and then says out of the blue, "Want to stop worrying and try something?"
"Will it mean getting my hair mussed?" Katie asks with a sly grin.
"I just did it!" Tasha realizes it's somewhat less fun to be with someone if you just did their hair. She understands Liza's reluctance a great deal more, now. "But no, it's not always about sex with me. I know, I know!" She holds up her hands. "Weird! I am Tasha! But I also explore, so now, there's ... where is it ... " Her hands lower and she begins ... searching around? Under pillows, under the bed, in her shorts pockets ...
Of course it's in her pocket.
"Why are these things so sneaky," Tasha complains in something of a squeel. She huffs, sitting up, and patting the spot beside her. "Want to try opening this?" She waggles the blue Marker.
"Opening it?" Katie asks, and relocates to the bed. "This one opens?"
"We think it may be a box. Waybuilders don't need Markers, and this one was given to me because other beings give me one. It may not be what it appears, but a container of some sort. Persephone seems to have a sense of humor and a long-seeing view of handling her affairs," Tasha explains. She then holds out the Marker at arm's length. "Now, you'll have to just go with this, because it's probably Sam-science and we might not comprehend how it works. But, see, look." She waggles the Marker. "It's a trifurcated square, and it kind of looks like a 3D rednition of a 3d box, right? But Waybuilders don't use straight lines. So, and look now, see that from our two perspectives ... It must really be curved. Believe that it is. And see."
Katie turns her head this way and that. "It looks like a hologram," she says. "It always seems to be facing me, just.. skewed."
"That's because we both need to look at it. Space Whale Mom wants me to play with others and not be by myself." Tasha scoots over -- and in to -- Katherine. "Now lets look together. It's not straight. It's curved."
Now it seems to waver a bit. "Cardioid," Katie claims. "No, spherical? That's just the circle-like part.. maybe a butt. A butt-heart? It's slippery."
"Keep trying, I think our focus is effecting its quantum state or planar shape," Tasha insists. At the same time, she maintains her own focus in that razor attention fashion of avian predators everywhere.
It actually starts going back to the original shape now, looking like three pizza slices stuck together at the tips.
"Hrrm," goes Tasha, "I'e dealt with this before, with Tatha-hem. Instead of trying to force it with rigid thinking, try to let go, let it flow, but keep observing it. Let your focus drift."
"It's already drifted a bit," Katie admits, and pauses to rub her eyes. "Maybe it needs three people? There are three sections after all."
"We can get Gabriel when he's not captaining his pillow," Tasha agrees. She lowers the Marker and puts it back in her pocket, where she assumes it vanishes back in to her soul, or something, and turns to Katherine. "Thanks for trying, Katie."
"Sorry I wasn't more useful, but I'm still a little out of sorts," the Karnor says. "The bath helped though, thank you."
"It's okay." Tasha smiles, looking fairy-like, then angles her head towards the pillows farther up the bed. "Want to enjoy Tasha, Anti-Shadow Pillow? Or are you feeling penitent over abusing my poor Human self and in need of punishment?"
Katie crosses her arms and huffs. "That was not human abuse," she claims. "It was bunny abuse, if anything. I can prove it! I just need to shave you first."
"Sometimes I think I let those two too much in to my life. I don't need them in everything I do," Tasha notes, spreading her hands. In a lower voice, she admits, "I like to keep Aaron at a distance, because he was the first one to treat me like a person and not just brief entertainment. Liza is my employee, I shouldn't abuse her. You didn't know these things, but, now you do." Her hands fall and she shrugs apologetically. "I'd have said so but I was allllll to pieces."
"Being treated like a person is sometimes hard to come by," Katie agrees, and wiggles her fingers. "So I'm honored that you want to get personal with me. I have no idea if your buttons have changed."
"Well, you did go through all the trouble to hunt me down back on Abaddon. How can I say no to so much effort?" Tasha considers Katherine a moment, then shrugs off her Dark Horse jacket and tosses it on the floor. She leans in. "Want to find out?" And closer. "I can hold a toy in my tail." And then she's close enough to lick.
And so she does.
Katie's cabin has one of the sonic style showers, so there's no washing away all of the scent of their activities without resorting to perfume - which is also Katie's so it would only make it obvious to even the humans then. At Tasha feels refreshed in other ways, as a one of her sources of anxiety is put to rest.
Back in her clothes, including her jacket, Tasha lays sideways on the bed and fidgets with the Marker while Katherine restyles her fur. Tasha decides she might have enjoyed ruining the careful grooming just a little too much, but she thinks it was worth it for the revenge-ravaging she gave the other woman while she was pinned down beneath her and at the mercy of her muzzle and her new, sex toy-wielding tail. She'll have to try other techniques with it in the future, because it makes being with another woman so much more exciting when she can get at an additional area on top of the usual.
Definitely, she'll have to try more options. But for now, she should think about what she's doing next.
"You wan'na grab Gabe and see what's in the mystery blue box?" Tasha inquires languidly, wings, tail, and hair draping off the edge not unlike how her cats lounge.
"Where'd you leave him?" Katie asks. As usual, she seems full of energy afterwards.
Tasha is also full of energy, but as ex-airship crew, she has always known the value of resting when she can. "In the Captain's Quarters. I don't think we ever did it in there before. Maybe one of my children will become a captain?" Tasha arches her brows; she can hope. She pushes up and sits. "Did I tell you that our first time, he was also sick?"
"From eating.. from food poisoning or something?" Katie asks as she zips up her jumpsuit again.
"From being buried under a mountain for four thousand years," Tasha hops up, showing she really does have the energy, then prances her way towards the door, arms folded behind her head in a haphazard fashion. "This was after I rescued him and the Karnor Elite from the Fenris, on the floor of a bath house. Had to show I was interested somehow, and I didn't have any of this back then."
"How sick was he?" Katie asks, getting an odd look in her eye. "Was he helpless before you?"
"Well I did have to be on top of things, and then on top of them for an hour afterwards," Tasha replies with a grin. "That was my first time experiencing that part of Karnor life. He was so very concerned I might hurt myself. I took it as a challenge, and then ... I was stuck!"
"I can honestly say I never thought about that until you just now brought it up," Katie notes and shudders. "Does that happen to all men, or just Karnors?"
"You mean the ..?" Tasha makes a ball with her fist. "Only Karnors, that I know of. I've been with ... " She exits the room, counting off on her fingers, "Karnors, Vartans, Rhians -- those are horse-people. None of them have that. Naga have two, because I have seen a lot of naked people in bath houses, all the kitties have these spikes I think annnd well Phins have these exciting ones so ... No? Maybe Karnor-like species? The Zerda man in the picture had good self control."
"They all still sound scary," Katie claims. "Are we going to gang up on Gabriel in the Captain's Quarters, or do you want to drag him back here instead?"
"Well I don't want him to seem scary and there's more room in here, so ... " Tasha looks across the Lounge, thinking, and points at the exit. "Lets use the table in the Owner's Area, the one next to the small dining area. We can eat and think about it."
As the two head aft, Tasha sends a message for Gabriel to join them, slated to contact him when he wakes. "Who knows if he's awake yet. We hadn't been at it in a while so ... Well, you remember." She looks back and winks.
It does take about ten minutes before Gabriel arrives. He's not in full uniform, but he's mostly covered up at least. "What's for lunch?" he asks when he sees the pair at the table.
"Hand meals and adventure," Tasha replies, giving Gabriel a liitle wave then patting the seat equidistant between herself and Katherine. "We think we've figured out the Blue Marker."
"Is it secretly made of meat?" Gabriel asks, and pokes one of the spongy multi-layered rectangles.
"Maaaybe?" Tasha ventures. She puts the object on the table and waves to it. "I deduced it's locked by some sort of perceptio-visual thing, but we think it needs three people to access it."
"So, Pandora gets to share the blame this time," Gabriel comments, looking at the symbol in the marker. "And this isn't going to set off some Ogdoad-eating implosion or anything, right?"
"Uhh, maaaybe?" Tasha waggles her hand. "She did say to contact her when I'd reached their Prison, and the Marker's the way to do that, but she didn't say I'd need three people. Details are the sort of thing you give someone when you give them a bomb."
"Did she even tell you how to contact her at that point?" Gabriel asks. "Well, three people should be three times less reckless at least. And what exactly did you figure out? It's because the symbol has three slices?"
"You seeeee," Tasha scoops up the Marker and points at the lines, "They're straight, right? It's all straight. But there's nothing straight on a Waybuilder, and I don't think they have a flag or symbol. So I thought, maybe it's a trick? That the lines are really curved, if you just chose to see that they are. That the object isn't spacially as it appears. Then things started to happen. The symbol changed." Tasha nods over to Katherine. "But one person wasn't enough, it seemed to need two to fix it. So we tried two, and it became three lines. So now we're trying three."
"So, what exactly do we do?" Gabriel asks. "I've never altered what I'm looking at by looking at it before."
Tasha replies," Well we're at the right angles now so we just all ... stare at it. Stare at it and think, "These are not straight lines, that these lines are curved.""
"So the symbol isn't a hologram," Gabriel interprets. "It can't present the same angle to everyone looking at it at once."
"We think it's not," Tasha confirms, waggling the Marker again. "It might not even be what it seems to be. It could be a self-contained space, a psionic interface, or some manifestation of the power of Blue. It's very unlikely to be an actual Marker, because those and Vril-ya end-of-life tokens, sort of like grave Markers with recordings inside. Mr. Y's and Dragon Mom's versions are something else in the shape."
"This is probably going to give me a headache," Gabriel says, and stares at the symbol. "I could never manage origami."
"You're awfully grumpy," Tasha notes, reaching over with her tail and pulling her mate's. "If I knew you'd be this grumpy I may have to spend more time with Hake-bear." She sticks out her tongue, then turns to stare at the Marker as well.
"You haven't spent hours upon hours staring at the mass detector," Gabriel counters, but his gaze doesn't waver.
"I did too, up until I decided I hated it," Tasha insist. Despite the couple's argument, she wags her tail.
So Katie rubs her eyes, and then starts staring at the line that seems to align with her, leaving the third one to Tasha.
Tasha props her head on her hand, arm on the table, and gives her line the eyeball. "No straight. Curved."
As before, the symbol seems to distort as it tries to equalize its geometry for each view. There's less twisting though, as it begins to take on a shape that's more a like a trumpet horn, with the 'straight' lines curving down to a vanishing point at the center.. and then the lounge vanishes. Tasha is sitting at the center of the symbol, which is flat and on the floor in the center of a crystalline cathedral of sorts. It's all in shades of blue, include blue stained-glass windows. And everything is curved in some way.
Tasha first reaction is to crane her neck and look around, ears back, expression mildly perplexed as she takes in her new surroundings. Then her muzzle parts, her ears go up, and her tail wags. "Hey, I was right!"
"Are you certain?" comes a familiar voice that sounds a bit like windchimes.
"Am I ever about anything?" Tasha uses her bifurcated hooves to begin scooting herself around in a slow circle towards the voice. "This place is very blue. I like it."
"It is supposed to be calming," Persephone's voice says. "Because you must decide your fate."
Tasha stops scooting, and her ears stop being up. "Oh." She tilts her head, takes in the view once more, and then simply drops back on to the floor with her hands behind her head. "It's one of those mysterious maybe-psionic-maybe-not portals to somewhere." She's quiet for a moment, then asks, "Is it ... something I did? Was it using the Weapon? Am I in trouble?"
"You are here to solve a problem," the voice says. "One you have had for some time now."
"That doesn't narrow it down or answer the question." Tasha sits right back up again, steels herself, then scoots all the way around to face the voice. "But I might as well deal with it now."
"I can't just come and tell you," the voice claims. "But, part of the solution is the solution you came up with to get this far. Is that properly cryptic? Well, here's another hint: this is an issue you agonize about quite a bit."
"I think that somehow makes it even less obvious, because according to Hakeber I agonize over everything. It's how she knew I was still me." Tasha makes a face; she's not that bad, is she? Well nothing to do about it now, she has fate to decide. Again. "So lets see ... Is it my debt and bond to Mr. Y-- Hastur? Is it ... about children? Is it the fate of this universe? Is it Lacci?"
"It predates those things," Persephone claims. "Your most recent experience with it was very recent."
"Ohhhh," goes Tasha, who finishes turning and looks up. "Identity. Who am I, where am I going, am I doing the 'right' thing. That question?"
"Mmmmmmm.. partly," the voice hints. "You're getting warmer though."
"Older than those things," repeats Tasha, mulling it over with words. She pulls her knees up and props her head on her hand. "I really have more problems than I ever solve, don't I? Before those there was ... Gabriel, and Katie. The problems on Sinai. The Source. And Nora. Blackwings. And .... Wanting to change, to be bigger as Katie puts it."
"Is there a particular thing that you feel the most uncertain or anxious about?" Persephone asks. Or some reasonable impression of Persephone.
"It's more that there are so many things," Tasha insists, reaching her hands up to clutch her head. "In the beginning I mainly wondered why I existed, why me. Nora made me, but she didn't exactly go out of her way to guide me, or tell me what to do, or why I existed. Then I found Calligenia and followed her, and wondered if I was good enough, so I wanted to change. I always worry if I'm good enough, enough enough. So I change. And then there was the Mountains, and Gabriel, and everything that came after."
"You need to narrow things down a bit," Persephone says. "Think internal issue rather than external. Not a problem of circumstance, and not exactly an identity issue. Perhaps something you feel.. overwhelmed by, at times?"
"Everything probably isn't the answer, is it?" Tasha holds her hands up; she knows it's not the answer. "Sometimes I'm too hungry? Or is this about sex?"
There's a bit of a pause this time. "It's leadership, Tasha," the voice claims. "You're here to understand your issues with leadership."
"Now I feel dumb,"goes the young woman, who sighs and flops back on her back. "I really do think it was a hard question. I have a lot of things I worry about, and leadership hasn't been that bad." Has it?
"Describe the last few days, Tasha," Persephone asks.
"Everything's a bit blurry what with the dying part," Tasha notes. She wrinkles her muzzle and flicks her tail in her lap, fiddling with it. "Lets see ... Mission to Fleet, fired the soul crushing weapon, got overwhelmed, yelled at a magic planet-cube-wizard-thing, went to bed, woke up to everyone having eaten Sam to escape ... did some singing ... talked to people ... made up .... sex again ... I admit, I haven't been the best example lately, but I'm beginning to think it's ... It's not something I ca do anymore."
"Tell me what you think a leader does, Tasha," Persephone asks. "And then tell me if you think a single person is actually capable of all of it."
"A leader is an example, a guide, and a director. People look to them to tell them what to do, but also inspire them to do it. Or at least good ones do that, you can also lead by force, or wealth, or other motivators." Tasha's tail flicks in her hands. "But it takes special talent to be a great leader. Not everyone can do it. I did, for a little while, because I could focus all my care towards the people around me, and wasn't overwhelmed by the forces against me. But now I don't have that focus, and after speaking to the nations, and the Galactics, sometimes I wonder if they deserve saving. And then ... Then the desire I felt wasn't there anymore. The emotion that made me care isn't what it used to be. It changed as I learned more."
"There is a secret to leadership," the voice claims. "However, before that, tell me why you chose Gabriel and Katherine to help you unlock the marker puzzle."
"Because they're closest to me. They're both my mates, and if I had chosen anyone else, they might have wondered why I avoided them. If it had been important -- like it is -- they could have felt left out." Tasha says it without hesitation, not needing to think on this problem at all. "And I believed it might impact who and what I became."
"If you had to sum them up with a single word each, what would you choose?" the voice asks.
"Dependable," Tasha says after a moment of thought. "I can depend on them to be there and care about me, but also, that I know how they think and are loyal to me. More than the others. They're my mates and the closest circle to me."
"What differentiates them from one another?" is the next question.
"Gabriel has quiet experience and confidence. He was made to be the best, lived up to that faith in him, and has lead people for longer than I have been alive. He only doubts himself now because fate was unkind to him, but I have seen how uneven the universe is, and hope he will too some day." Tasha looks down at her tail, which flicks to 'look' up at her. "Katherine'e confidence is from her background, wealth, and upbringing. She was already the daughter of someone important, then groomed to be a symbol. Importance and quality were always with her. Her weakness is that these were given to her on the giver's terms; she looks for herself by walking alone in to the woods."
"Are those also the things that draw you to them, or are there other reasons?" the (literal) voice out of the blue asks.
"They felt lost and needed a way out, someone to guide the, to give them purpose and to show them a way forward. I was that way. And I needed them, because I love them, but also that I need their strength because I'm weak and know very little at all." Tasha exhales, blowing out the breath and dropping her tail. "It's turned out they're all my weakness, too. When flat space brought us all low, their support vanished and it felt like resentment, I felt I dragged them all out here to suffer, or die, and so I turned to someone who needed me still, with all my being."
"I'd like to describe something to you now," Persephone says. "It has to do with the symbol in the marker, and with leadership. For my creators, there were three aspects, or rather roles of leadership."
"Oh, so it was some kind of flag." Tasha tilts her head in a very huh manner, but perks her ears and looks up a second later. "Well if they made all of you they must know a great deal indeed. I'm listening, Dragon Mom."
"Not a flag, an equation," Persephone explains. "It represents the three roles. The Will which guides and plans. The Hand which executes the plans of the Will. And the Heart, which balances and binds the leaders to those being led, as well as binding the Will and the Hand together. Without the others, each is doomed to fail. The Will can plan, but not bring those plans to fruition without the Hand. The Will's plans may ignore the needs of those that will be affected by them without the influence of the Heart. The Heart, left to itself, would never risk those it cares for or do things that could bring them harm, even if those things are necessary for survival. And the Hand, without guidance or restraint, could run amok."
"When one person has to take on the multiple roles, it does not usually end well," Persephone notes.
"I can see a bit of myself in all of those roles," Tasha admits. She decidedly does not admit to running amok. At the second point she nods solemnly. "I'm beginning to understand why that is. One person must be all three aspects, and when one part fails, so does the rest of the person, and all the roles collapse with no one left to stop it."
"This is likely the source of the strain you feel being in the role of leader," the voice notes. "But, you have begun to delegate. Gabriel is your Hand for many things. A role he feels comfortable in. But that leaves the Will and Heart, and you cannot be both without compromising one or the other."
"I can'r see Gabriel running amok," Tasha notes, head tilting. "Usually I'm my own Hand, because I don't mind fighting, and it means I don't need to sacrifice others ... Which I suppose is very Heart-ish. But, I also decide what we're doing ... And who is attacked.She considers for a long moment, then asks, "Can Katie be the Heart or the Will? She has the steel to be willful, but until recently she was the puppet of other people. As a Heart, she hasn't shown a deep concern as she figures herself out and remains aloof. She followed me out here, so I was that Will. But I was also the Heart. I don't know which Katie prefers ... If either."
"Which do you prefer for yourself?" Persephone asks.
"I think I admitted it openly just a while ago," Tasha says with a sigh, sitting up straighter and very deliberately putting her tail to the side. "I said I wasn't sure if anyone deserves to be saved after talking to them. I brought everyone here, even if it endangered them, to support me. For their good, too, but I could have settled or sought an easier crusade. I didn't. It's always been my will they followed, even if just to keep me from tripping over it. And I know ... I know I might do horrible things if the circumstances were right. There was a reason beings kept testing my ruthlessness. As my own Hand and Will, I wasn't above being ruthless, even savage -- if pushed hard enough, I could be just as bad as any Ogdru-hem. And part of me enjoys it, even as I want others to like me, to find a better way for them."
Tasha looks up, staring past the cathedral ceiling to some other place. "And I'm not content enough to sit back and let others act. I tried that on Abaddon. The humility was probably good for me, but I wouldn't allow myself to be subsumed by the will of others. Even if it is bad for me to follow my own." Her head drops and she stares ahead, no jokes, no puppy-like expression, just a hard, fixed stare at nowhere at all. "And both Hastur and Thotep have taken interests in me. Demons have taken interests in me. I sympathize with their hunger, because I feel it, too." She blinks, but the hardness only partially clears. "Still I try to be decent? It's been harder lately."
"Part of you rebels against being the Will," Persephone suggests. "You want to be liked. That is the realm of the Heart. She is the kind face, the one who brings calm, like signing a song in the middle of an attack against a star-sized Ogdru-hem. The Will is the hardest path, the most unforgiving and least rewarding as a result. It will grind away the ego over time."
"That's why I should take it. Foisting it on Katherine is unfair. She's suffered enough being the false-idol, no one ever seeing who she really is. She longs to be known for herself. If I am more like the Heart, then I can't let her accept that role. I would be a terrible Heart if I did," Tasha retorts, hands spreading, brows knit. "I knew that when I said what I said. Of course I don't like it. But I started this."
"As the Will, will you lean more on your Hand and Heart, and trust them to fulfill their roles?" Persephone asks. "Will it make it less of a burden for you?"
"I don't know," Tasha admits, looking down at her hands. She reaches over to rub the talons of her left hand with her right fingers, her strange, wonderful hands. "I think part of me will always resent that I handed duties to others. If the Hand is hurt. That they care for Katie and not me. That it wasn't me to fight, only watch. That I wasn't making people happier. And myself, if I make a mistake. But it would be worse if I did it the other ways. Maybe as a Hand I could forget it all and just act, but I'd have put aside all of my duties for simplicity and, um, maybe bloodlust. It can be intoxicating to reduce opposition to something that can be ended with decisive violence. Emotional."
"The hand without the Will to reign it in and direct it," the voice offers. "Understand that these roles are still filled by people. You do not become your role, but the role you choose is to the dominant voice in your decisions. You cannot simply take on all of the dangerous tasks yourself. Both Gabriel and Katie have military training, although one is more combat oriented and the other more tactical. Do not discount their abilities in an effort to protect them. They also want to be challenged, and feel they are a part of the mission."
"They want their abilities to be recognized and made use of, just like everyone else," Persephone claims.
"Katie does have more formal training in working with people. Before, she was being used as a tool, but this time she could be her own voice. Her talent and skill could see her loved. If I made her the will now, she'd just become my puppet, taking on a role because I was afraid of it. Making her do my job for me. But it's not all bad for me, not having to worry about if I'm too harsh on Lacci, or too busy for Hakeber, or if everyone is doing well would be a great relief. I have less worries about Gabriel, he is very suited to the position and much less prone to lashing out, as I am." And so Tasha nods slowly. "Each will be able to shine according to their training. Katie may be an odd choice, and me for mine, but it would be worse the other way, and maybe I am best suited to Heart, but as such, I cannot accept it. And it is my mission. I chose it."
"Of course, you are not ruling an entire civilization, which is the model which the trinity comes from," Persephone admits. "In that case, stability is important, whereas you need to deal with shifting situations. But you've seen that you cannot bear it all alone, and that you do not have to. That doing so can lead to compromised decisions and strained relations. But hopefully you will be able to seek consensus when you can."
"Do you think we should formalize our roles, then? It's easier to avoid overstepping when things are better ordered. I've avoided interfering with ship functions because we have established I am not part of the crew." Tasha looks up, ears lifting slightly. "I have also considered expanding. Having real soldiers and greater resources would help reduce some of the strain we're under. Easier to delegate, to deal with problems."
"I can't advise you there, since organizational issues are not something I am familiar with," the voice says. "But it would certainly be something to discuss with the other two. Or more, if you need to specialize further beyond those three core aspects."
"I think we already have. Well," Tasha pulls herself up, exhaling, and then brushing herself down despite not being dirty, "I've been thinking of making our effort less rag-tag. If I'm going to have children we can't do that on a tiny ship and we really could use more people and more space. Establishing ourselves more formally would be ... wise? I did get something out of all the formality and order back on Sinai and the JEF. Maybe it is good for me." She then tilts her head, realizing something, "Are the others also speaking to you, as I am?"
"No, it is only you and I here," the voice says. "They will not have noticed anything, as this conversation has occurred over only a few seconds."
"Ahh, like that." Tasha nods, it is not the first time she's had conversations such as this. "I'll go over things when I return, then. Maybe I will consider more formal titles, maybe ... uniforms? Badges? Assigned roles have been good with helping me to stay out of another's role."
"I also can't advise on uniforms," Persephone claims. "Clothing is.. hard to understand."
"Something you don't understand?" Tasha asks with a mock-gasp, looking up. "And it's clothes?"
"Also hammers," the voice claims.
"I'm sure the Vril-ya Vulcan can explain them," Tasha insists with a smile. She then points at the ceiling. "I knew you had a sense of humor."
"It is a consequence of sapience and socialization," Persephone claims. "As the Queen of the Underworld, how could I not?"
"I thought Persephone and Queen of the Underworld were just theme or titles you took on to help us comprehend you. Abstracts," Tasha insists, tilting her head. "Isn't your universe devoid of sentience beings?"
"It's a universe, I have no way of knowing all that transpires within it," the voice claims. "There could be civilizations in there that I will never learn of."
"Do you have another universe that's full of dead people?" Tasha leans in, ears up. "Do people go there when they die?" She blinks, quickly adding, "Besides me?"
"It would depend on your definition of Underworld," the voice suggests. Is she making a joke?
Tasha simply folds her arms across her chest. "I had been thinking I should be more respectful next time I see you, but now I think being difficult at each other is the way of things." And then she sticks her tongue out.
"Mythology is what you make of it," Persephone claims, and then Tasha is back at the table, and Gabriel and Katie are looking at her. "Why are you sticking your tongue out?" Gabriel asks.
"Mythology is what I make of it," Tasha answers. Then, she slumps back in her seat and spreads her hands. "Sooo, it's time we talked about leadership."