It was an hour. Or was it two? Niamh isn't sure because she fell asleep at some point, and is only now coming around thanks to a soft rapping at her chamber door. "Are you okay?" the voice of Miyuki, well, she's pretty sure it's Miyuki, calls out. "You missed the dinner bells, so I have come to collect you."
Niamh jerks awake, and then has to brush her hair out of her face. "Bells!" she squeaks, then gets up and reflexively tries to brush down any wrinkles.. but the temple clothes are too loose to wrinkle anyway. She hurries to the door and slides it open. "I'm ready!" she insists.
Ever feel like the scullery maid invited to a ball? Well, Nimah might now, as Miyuki isn't dressed in her typical priestess robes, but instead a flowing silk kimono, all blacks and silvers, with a bright white obi about her waist. Even her hair is untied and has been brushed out, and looks midnight black, save for that one errant stripe in her hair. Her think brow arches as she looks Niamh from head to toe. "Are you sure?" she inquires, sounding a little confused.
"I.. is this a formal dinner or just.. how you dress every evening?" the foreigner asks. "I don't have a fancy dress with me, any my ceremonial stuff isn't really fit for dinner." She looks worried now, especially since she hadn't even combed her hair.
"This is how we dress for dinner. Hmm. Well, you are a foreigner; it should be expected you would not know. It will not bother anyone," Miyuki decides after a bit of thought on the matter. "Most of the human staff have already eaten, so it will primarily be myself, my brother, and my parents.
Perhaps looking slovenly will help put off further suggestions of bearing a litter for Noboru, Niamh hopes. Still, she pulls her hair back and rolls it into a bun at least. "I don't think the humans have a very high opinion of me to begin with," she admits. And in her mind, that probably includes the entire population of Japan at this point. Or at least the ones that've seen her.
"I doubt they care one way or another; they don't know you at all," Miyuki points out, then taps her chin. "Ah, yes, Lady Inari sends her regrets, she cannot attend the meal and meet you," she says.
"I'd certainly want to be better dressed to meet the shrine's goddess," Niamh notes, and finishes futzing with her hair before she takes a deep breath. "Alright, please lead on?"
Miyuki bows deeply, then turns and walks down the hallway, glancing back now and then to make sure Nimah hasn't gotten lost, or distracted. It's a couple minutes walking, a few stairs up, and ... hm, they might be on the top floor of the temple building. Miyuki approaches a large double-door with ornate carvings upon them, then with what seems like no effort, she opens the door wide and beckons Niamh to pass through."
Nervously, Niamh enters the chamber beyond. The doors aren't bigger than those she's used to for the great hall at home, but just seem for more ominous for some reason. Probably because she doesn't know what's waiting across the threshold. At least her sleeves are wide enough that she can clutch her hands together over her stomach (to keep it from trying to escape up her throat) and they'll still be covered.
And when Niamh steps through, she comes face to 'face' with a giant stewpot. A ladder leads up to a platform where some great oni is slowly stirring. "Ah, the main course has arrived," the creature growls, and motions for Niamh to climb the ladder.
Niamh looks at the ogre, and does not move. Being paralyzed is probably a normal reaction, part of her mind tells her, when you can never be certain what to take seriously among pranksters. And also when you can't tell which reaction they want, lest you just set yourself up for a worse prank later. "I.." she struggles to say, and wonders what to say next. "Stew makes me gassy!"
Miyuki comes in behind Niamh and sighs, then covers her face. "Noboru!" she calls out, "Stop trying to taunt the human." There's a snicker, and the scene before them abruptly dissipates, leaving a long low table, surrounded by small cushions, and Noboru kneeling at one side, looking fully human, for once. No ears or tail. His hair is still white, though. "What?" he asks Miyuki, "She knew it wasn't real and she responded with something worthy of a kitsune."
It only occurs to her then that an Oni wouldn't be speaking English. So Niamh smiles and says, "Good try." She then wonders where she's supposed to sit (or kneel, rather) at the long table, and looks to Miyuki for direction.
Noboru answers that question by patting a spot beside him.
So the redhead takes the spot next to Noboru, and looks to see if Miyuki will still sit with them or across. "Are you appearing human for any particular reason, Noboru?" she asks.
Miyuki settles herself on the other side on Nimah so that she's surrounded by supernatural beings. "To make you more comfortable?" he suggests. "Or confuse you," Miyuki claims. "He's like that."
The mostly human girl thinks on this, and decides to try and confuse Noboru back, asking, "Can I have some of your hair?"
"As a beard? Wiskers, tail?" Noboru ticks off. "Hairy hands? Paws?"
"Don't be silly," Niamh says, tut-tutting. "To weave a belt out of, naturally."
"That isn't fun," Noboru points out. "Why would you want a belt of my hair?"
"Quite; he's stinky and unkempt," Miyuki comments.
"Give me the hair and I'll tell you why," Niamh replies.
"No. It would be ill-thought to hand over part of a celestial kitsune without a reason," Noboru notes. "Quite," comes another voice, then a pair, male and female, enter the room and move to sit at one of the ends of the table. The resemblance to Noboru and Miyuki is apparent; so it is probably their parents in human guise ... if you can call humans that tend to glow slightly humans.
Niamh bites off her reply as the elder kitsune arrive, and sits up straighter. Then wonders if that's wrong, and she's supposed to bow instead? But she's already sitting with her legs tucked under her. But maybe sitting up straight comes across as acting proud? In the end, she decides not to say anything until spoken to as well.
The elder male waves his hand effortlessly ... and the food starts to arrive. On the backs of wispy spirits! How they carry the trays is ... well, probably best to not think about it other than they're floating food trays on the backs of little balls of light. "How are you enjoying your stay in our lands?" he soon asks Niamh, with a voice that is somehow both soft, and yet seems to vibrate right through her.
Once again the girl struggles with decorum. So far she can't say her stay has been, on the whole, pleasant. But lying or glossing over things may not sit well with her hosts. "I've enjoyed the company of your family, Lord and Lady," she offers, which is true enough. "I'm still adjusting to the rest. I've had some trying experiences in the few days I've been here."
"And seem to be trying to develop the skills of a politician," the elder male notes. "You have not enjoyed your time here, I think you meant to say."
"I've had a long journey," Niamh admits. "The first morning after arriving, I was attacked by my own possessed underwear. The local spirits want to eat me, and I haven't had a restful night of sleep since the first. I.. I'm just on edge, I suppose."
"You have left out being tormented by the local kitsune envoys of the temple," The elder corrects, looking amused. "I am aware my son has been a bit merciless in his tormenting of you. Understand it can mean many things, of course. But most of them are not bad meanings. I do not believe my daughter, Miyuki, has been all that trying, has she?"
"No, she's been very helpful, despite her feelings on my task," Niamh says, and turns to smile at Miyuki. "I've been told that immature boys often tease or torment the girls they like," she also notes.
"Noboru is over five hundred of your years old. He is not young," the elder points out. "He is a five tail, technically, but circumstances cost him a tail. He will grow anew eventually."
"Perhaps he is young at heart?" Niamh suggests, and risks a grin.
"He is simply kitsune. It is our nature to be playful. As well as remind humans when they step further than their skills allow," the Elder points out. "Such as taking on ancient Inu spirits ... when she can barely face her own undergarments. If his simple planks are too much for you, how ill you fare against someone whose actions are not merely pranks?"
"I hoped to get assistance," Niamh says. "I'm not just here to help with my parent's task, I'm here to make contact with the forest. On behalf of my forest, and the spirits that call it home."
The mother shakes her head. "Do not be so hard on her. She is a cub, and cubs often think they can take on the world," she says, gently, "It is their nature." This makes Miyuki look down and away. "And come, please, be welcome and eat before the fish festers."
Niamh smiles even more at that last comment. She's hungry. And only slightly worried that her hosts will complain about the parts she helped with.
Miyuki and Noboru both pick up the chopsticks that the spirit-servants brought, and then each select a small set of different rolls and simply sliced fish. "We have forgone voles, mice, and rats for additional flavors tonight. It is our understanding that humans do not care for them," the elder woman notes. "The breaded cubes are fried tofu, something all of us enjoy, and we do believe most humans tend to like it as well.
"Tofu isn't a rodent?" Niamh asks as she manages to pluck one of the cubes with her own chopsticks, surprised at how 'tender' they seem.
"No, it is soybean curd," Miyuki explains as she daintily eats. Small delicate bites, using more teeth than lips ... but hardly surprising given they normally don't have such flexible lips.
At least 'curds' are something familiar, even Niamh knows them as cheese byproducts and not bean ones. But it doesn't taste bad! She tries a bit of everything, and doesn't try to be as delicate as Miyuki is, for the simple reason that she probably couldn't hold onto the food properly if she had to take more than one bite of it.
Noboru is just as delicate as Miyuki, which might seem a little strange. "You say you came to meed the forest lord?" the elder woman inquires, "Does that mean you wish to pledge yourself to him as a wife to unite the two forests?"
Niamh manages not to choke on her food. She finishes swallowing before turning to the Lady, and asks, "Surely there are ways of achieving my goals that do not revolve around marriage? It seems the forest here is very different in its makeup than I am used to, so I hoped first to simply contact the forest yosei."
"Bonds are often forged between unions of family," the elder woman points out. "Just as in some day Miyuki will be wed to another clan to expand our family, as it were." This makes Miyuki grumbles and mutter to herself.
"And Noboru as well, surely," Niamh suggests. "There must be other kitsune clans with unwed daughters."
"His mate died some time back," the elder woman notes, "If he ever mates again, it will be his own choosing."
"Plus, he is male. Males are not forced to wed generally," the elder kitsune notes.
Now, Niamh only knows that Noboru had a human mate before.. but this implies he may have had a kitsune one as well. She isn't certain she should follow up on that. She doubts he'll be out courting when he has to guard the temple though.. maybe that's why he's interested in her? She's probably over-thinking things again. "I admit that I do not know how kitsune courtship or arranged marriages go. Or.. any of the Japanese customs regarding such things," she notes.
The mother kitsune gestures towards Niamh. "Your doe ears implies you may wish to mate with the Forest Lord," she comments. "Is that not the case?"
Niamh had actually forgotten about the ears! Even when she was fixing her hair! "Noboru gave me these because I had an experience of being a doe during part of my priestess training," Niamh says and blushes, forcing herself to not reach up and grab them.
"Ah, so they are not preparations to run on four legs with the Forest Lord, then," The elder kitsune notes and nods slightly. "Shall I remove them, then?"
The girl is not certain how to respond to that offer. She hasn't been certain of much throughout the meal, but now worries that having his father remove them might embarrass Noboru somehow. "I'm sure Noboru will restore them to normal when it suits him, Milord," she finally replies. She doesn't think she's being like a politician (because she isn't sure how politicians act), but hopes she's at least being thoughtful.
"Ah, so you like it when Noboru does things to you. Curious," the mother notes while hiding a smile behind her hand. Noboru starts snickering.
"That.. is not what I was saying.." Niamh says weakly. There's just no winning with kitsune, even the nearly-god ones. At least she can put her ears down now to show embarrassment instead of just blushing.
"Then what are you saying? Do you dislike Noboru then?" the mother inquires.
"I am not his plaything, but he will claim the opposite and do things like this when I protest," Niamh explains. "If I ask to have them changed back, he will have won. And if I don't ask, but also do not complain or seem to suffer for it, then perhaps he will not feel compelled to make other changes. I honestly do not know if it is possible for him to respect me, but I can at least try to not be broken by it."
"You sound angry with him," the elder notes, head tilting in a way canines do, which looks odd on a human. "He is trying to include you and show you things. Make you feel welcome, as none of these silly things cause you any harm at all, and give you changes to experience things few humans don't. Do you truly resent it so much?"
"Human lives are so fleeting. How can your kind be so ... resistant to experiences? You have so little time to experience life, and then you're afraid or deny really experiencing things. It is difficult to understand," the mother adds.
"I'm human enough to enjoy the illusion that I have some dignity," Niamh claims. "So.. it is hard when I'm made to feel like a plaything, I suppose. And I'm just not in any condition to appreciate it at the moment. Experiences that are forced upon you, which you have no say over.. they can be unpleasant due to that circumstance. Please forgive me if I seem ungrateful. I'm very far removed from the things that make me feel secure or comfortable, and I haven't had time to adjust."
"Life is like that, you realize. There will be much out of your control and much you simply have to deal with and accept," the elder points out. "Learing to accept and work through, even embrace, and knowing when to do that, will make your life easier, as well as dealing with dangerous things simpler. The inu aren't going to stop because you feel uncomfortable, so you have to learn how to not feel uncomfortable by such things. Do you now understand what my son is trying to teach? It is not all about you being his plaything; though yes, there is some of that."
"I'm never certain what Noboru is trying to do, and for whose benefit," Niamh admits. "I'm sure he's trying to break me of the habits I grew up with, which do not seem to apply here. It's just very confusing to me still. I want to feel protected. It's why I came here to the temple. So I can prepare myself without being at the mercy of dangerous spirits. To learn how to bring things to a conclusion that doesn't involve one or more parties stuck in a cycle of suffering. I'm a fool to want that, probably."
"The world is forged by idiots. You are in good company," the elder emissary points out and raises a finger in punctuation. "Even if you lack a proper tail."
"I didn't realize a tail was that crucial," Niamh admits. "I'm very young yet."
"Yes, you are," Noboru's mother agrees and nods sagely. "Humans lost their connection to nature when they gave up their tails. They traded them in for something called progress. A vexing idea, and very foolish."
"I'm still very connected to nature," Niamh insists. "I've gone through the rites of the Horned God already, and.. some of the Lunar Goddess ones. I haven't had a chance to call down the moon since before leaving home, which may be why I'm so.." She flounders for a word, and just looks to Noboru to describe her mood.
"A child desperately trying to prove she is not a child," Noboru offers. "Also, jumpy, angry, trying to be overly controlling, and terrified of us."
Niamh sucks in her lips a bit, but doesn't disagree with Noboru.
Noboru reaches over and taps Niamh under her chin. "No pouting; you asked me. You are like a lost kit. You're welcome here, no one will actually harm you here. Play with, yes, harm, no," he points out, then brings that finger up and around and tousles one of the doe-ears with it. "When the time comes you will leave as you were when you came, physically. Mentally, that is out of our control."
"May I borrow your courtyard tonight?" Niamh shyly asks the elder kitsune once Noboru finishes. "And one of your children for protection?"
"For?" the Elder inquires.
"An invocation of renewal, to the moon," Niamh says, trying not to sound too desperate. "It would attract fairies back home, so in these lands I assume it would attract yokai."
"Unlikely, given we are here," the Elder notes. "Also, I am not sure the Goddess would like foreign rituals being done here. You would need Her permission."
"How.. do I ask for permission?" Niamh asks with a bit of hesitation in her voice. She's surprised that the request would need to go above the kitsune.
Zahnrad says, "It's inset."
"You ... ask? You have already met Inari this evening," the Elder points out. "Do you not ask your Gods back home?"
"Well.. not really," Niamh admits. "That is, I haven't asked them for anything, other than by performing the rites. They aren't the sort of gods that.. talk. The moon, the sun, nature, spirit, wilderness are things they sort of just embody. As a priestess I'm forming a relationship with them."
"Then are you sure they are Gods at all? Our Gods communicate with us much as I am communicating with you now," the Elder explains. "They even hold Court, and yearly all gather to discuss current issues."
"The Sidhe hold court, but their gods do not," Niamh explains. "I've never had a conversation with a god."
"Then it doesn't appear that you have any Gods. Hmmm, that is most curious," the Elder notes. "Still, you have to ask Inari directly to use Her temple for foreign rituals. I assume you did not annoy her too much when you helped her prepare dinner?" Noboru snickers.
"That was Inari?" Niamh squeaks, and blushes. "She.. was a little annoyed."
"Yes. She desired to meet the foreign Yokai, and figured it would be simplest if you thought of her as a normal human so you would act as yourself," the Elder explains. "What did you do to annoy her?"
"I couldn't understand her directions clearly," the girl admits. "I didn't know about washing the rice."
"Were you rude?" the Elder asks. "Did you follow directions? Did you be respectful of her age?"
"I wasn't rude," Niamh insists. "I was respectful. I didn't do anything to the broom."
"I did not ask about the broom," the Elder remarks and even arches his brow slightly at that. "Do you have prejudices against brooms?"
"No.. I was asked to watch for anything unusual," Niamh claims. "The broom had a big eye. I'd turn it around, but the eye would keep coming back."
"Did you poke it in the eye?" the Elder has to ask. Noboru is simply snickering.
"I generally don't poke things in the eye," Niamh claims. "It.. was a broom."
"Yes? Do your brooms not have eyes?" the Elder has to ask. "What a primitive place it must be," his mate comments.
"We have pucs and household goblins that might use them, but the brooms themselves are just.. brooms," Niamh notes. "I can't imagine what sort of life a broom would have."
"Ah, I see. It is the human feeling of superiority over all things. That explains much," the Elder says as he bobs his head. Miyuki is now looking away from the table. She might be trying to not laugh at this point.
Niamh makes her I'm-sad-that-you're-teasing-me face. "Why couldn't Inari join us for dinner?" she asks.
"Gods have more important things to do than dine with us," the Elder comments. Noboru, though, leans over and whispers, "She wished to bathe in the hot spring tonight. She finds pretending to be an elderly human makes her feel sweaty."
The notion of a god that sweats makes Niamh's brain go cold for a moment. "But she made the.." she starts to reply, then stops, and takes a breath. "When might I talk to her next?" she asks.
"Mm, tomorrow, I imagine, when she returns to her inner sanctuary," the Elder's mate comments.
Just one more night, I can survive that long, Niamh thinks. She does not dwell on what would happen if the goddess refuses her request, or what she might ask for in return. It's not like she wants to do anything religious. She just wants to wash her spirit a bit. "Thank you," she tells the pair. Wait, if the old woman was Inari.. "I'll clean up the dishes," she offers.
"Just don't poke the broom in the eye when you do," the Elder advises. Well, at least Naimh can tell where Noboru gets his sense of humor from. "And Miyuki can help with the dishes."
Niamh looks over at Miyuki to see if this is something she's normally expected to do or if the kitsune is upset by it.
Miyuki's lips are a bit to the side and puckered out, but she isn't arguing.
Please don't take it out on me, Miyuki, Niamh prays silently. "Are there any other duties you want me to perform while I'm staying here?" she asks the parents.
The elder chuckles softly. "That is a dangerous question to ask," he notes. "Especially of a kitsune. But no, nothing more tonight, on one condition."
"Condition?" Niamh asks. If she breaks it, that means they will ask her to do something humiliating, she reasons.
"Ask Noboru for your tail. It is very strange to have someone staying here without a tail," the Elder says. "It is unnatural."
"A small tail," Niamh tells Noboru firmly. "I'm too young for a big fluffy one, after all. It would be above my station."
"No, you're too young for many tails. The size isn't the factor, it is the number," Noboru counters.
"I'm not a kitsune," Niamh reminds, and waggles her doe ears up and down. "I should not have a fox tail, at least."
"Quite. How about a nice rat tail?" Noboru asks. Miyuki is rubbing her temples.
Niamh seems to consider this. "Not a monkey tail?" she counters. "What do you think I should have, Miyuki?" she asks, trying to avoid something too horrible - and hoping Miyuki likes her butt as is enough that she will suppress her instincts for humiliating humans.
"I would like to stay out of this," Miyuki notes, quietly.
"I suppose it could be a deer tail, though it is rather small," Noboru laments. "But, you need to ask me for it, nicely," he adds and smiles in the way only he seems to be able to. The sort that somehow says, "I have you now."
"What about the spots?" Niamh asks, looking Noboru in the eyes. "There should be spots on my butt to go with it. You can do those, right? And up my back?"
"Fauns have spots, not adults," Noboru notes, "But yes, such are possible. It does mean having a little fur, though."
"Is that too much of an effort?" Niamh asks. "I don't want you to over-exert yourself. You have to protect the shrine after all." She's determined to not let him feel like he's getting one over on her. "I suppose just the tail is enough though, I don't want to seem vain. Could you please give me a doe's tail, Lord Noboru?"
"Well, if the question is about my ability," Noboru notes, his brow arching up, "I could simply turn you into a deer completely. It would be of little effort to accomplish. I mean, I don't want you to feel lacking in our care..."
"Wouldn't people wonder why there was a deer at the shrine?" Niamh asks. "And I wouldn't be able to talk."
"I could understand you," Noboru points out. "And no, we get wildlife here all the time. You seem to think you might tax my abilities, and that simply won't do." Miyuki just starts shaking her head. "Baka," she mutters.
"Just the tail please, for now," Niamh replies. "Until I can call down the moon, I won't have the willpower to avoid losing myself and just running off into the forest."
Noboru smiles and pats Niamh on the head. "After you clean," he says.
"Miyuki, you'll give me instructions I can understand, won't you?" the girl asks Miyuki.
Miyuki says something in Japanese, naturally.
"I'll just watch you and imitate," Niamh replies a bit drolly. "We monkeys are good at that, I've heard."
"Well, now that is settled, we shall retire and leave you two to clean," the elders say, and Noboru stands. Then the Elders stand. They all bow, then quietly exit the room. "I was going to say that I am sorry for everything they are putting you through," Miyuki says quietly. "But ... you seem to want to keep poking the hornet's nest with a stick. Why would you challenge my brother like that?"
"Because if I'm going to lose anyway, I feel better have some.. say.. in how I'll lose," Niamh admits, and falls forward to rest her forehead on the table. "Really trying to fool myself into thinking I still have any spirit left."
"You really do not deal well with spirits, it seems," Miyuki notes, "You don't win by challenging anyone out in the open. You comply and work from the shadows. Let them think they've won and you won't be a problem, then you can act. What you did was escalate the situation, which has the exact opposite of what you desired."
"If you just want to curl up in your room, I'll take care of this. You don't need to help," Miyuki adds and pats Niamh gently on the shoulder. "I know you've had a hard time, and we are not the simplest creatures to deal with. Our nature is to ... make others uncomfortable and push them. But, you do seem at your breaking point."
"I need the moon," Niamh mutters. "I can't make good decisions when I'm feeling so dried up. I've had one decent night of sleep in the past hundred days. I should at least come with you. I can carry things still. I don't have to think to do that much."
"You need to quit relying on things so much. Rarely will you have what you think you need in a situation. It's best to work with what you have and less try for more," Miyuki comments, then goes about collecting some of the plates from the table. Her hair flicks a little, too, and two large white ears pop out, as does a fluffy tail from her backside. "And sorry, it is hard for me to completely maintain human form all the time. It ... drains me. At least here I can let it slip some."
Getting to her feet, Niamh helps collect the rest of the tableware. "You don't.. when I say I need the moon, I mean I need it. It helps me keep my spirit from just leaking away. Since I wasn't going to be using any of it on the voyage, I thought I would be fine. And I couldn't do anything at the inn because of the Inu. And everything else that wants to eat me. I'm really not usually this hopeless, I mean."
"Not everyone wants to eat you," Miyuki points out. "You haven't been eaten here, after all. You're only so strained because you seem to think you have to solve everything. Your parents are trained in dealing with Yokai, yes? Let them deal with the Inu. Don't try to take on all the world's problems; you'll just be run over. You're feeling exhausted because you're trying to do more than you really can. I can tell you from experience that usually doesn't go very well."
"My parents aren't any more used to your local spirits than I am," Niamh notes, but doesn't put a lot of strength behind it. "So.. just take all this back down to the kitchen, or is there a different area for cleaning? Is there a ritual involved?"
"Just take it to the kitchen," Miyuki confirms, "Follow me." The young Kitsune heads out of the room now, tail swishing in her wake, as she heads through the building, then down the stairs and back to the kitchen.
"Do kitsune wag their tails?" Niamh asks as she watches. She does not add "like dogs" because her brain isn't that dried out.
Well, she's wagging it now, sort of. "Of course. Tails are outlets for mood," Miyuki explains and puts her dishes into a wash-pan. She gestures for Niamh to do the same.
As she sets the dishes down, Niamh asks, "How does that work when you have more than one? Do they all move in unison? Can you teach me how to read them?"
Miyuki looks confused. "Do all your fingers always move in unison? Of course not, that would be silly. We can use each independently. Noboru often uses his like extra arms, to grab and lift and the like. As for how to read them? As in what moods they convey? Why?"
"Why?" Niamh asks. "You complain that I haven't learned to speak Japanese yet. Understanding your moods.. wait, can you deliberately swish your tails to deceive?"
"Can you lie?" Miyuki points out. "Of course I can. I can teach you the basics, but always take it as just possible mood, don't rely on it."
"Alright. It will help me feel less.. terrified," Niamh says, and looks for cleaning tools. Washing dishes is not something she's done since she was little.
"Do I scare you?" Miyuki asks as she looks over, that strand of white hair falling across her nose. "My kind are tricksters, but we are not generally cruel."
"Would you tell me if you were playing a prank on me?" Niamh asks. "There are many tricksters among the fey, and some of them do it to lure in their prey. So it isn't that you personally are frightening, Miyuki. It's just that I was taught to fear powerful beings who toy with people."
"You don't tell people you are pranking them. Well, perhaps afterward, but not during. It isn't a prank if you know about it," Moyuki points out and actually rolls her eyes a little. "Also, I'm not that powerful, I'm a one-tail."
"So you are not that powerful compared to the rest of your family you mean," Niamh points out. "Don't you have a goblin to help with the cleaning?" She eyes the broom. "Dishrags don't have eyes too, do they?"
"I can cast some illusions and other minor spells. That's it," Miyuki counters. "And no, I don't. Are you tired of cleaning already? You can return to your room." She, however, goes right back to cleaning.
As promised, Niamh watches Miyuki work until she learns what to do, and tries doing that. "The sooner I go back, the sooner I'll have a tail," she notes.
"Possibly not. Noboru won't do it if you really don't want it," Miyuki notes, "He likes to make people uncomfortable, not actually hurt them. Especially people he likes."
"He hardly has to try, I'm always uncomfortable," Niamh points out, setting a cleaned dish aside. "He didn't do things like this to you when you were younger, did he?"
"Oh God, he was far worse. He still does things to me. I'm his baby sister, after all," Miyuki points out. "But he also cares deeply for me. I would not be here now were it not for him."
"That is very confusing to me," Niamh admits. "My brothers didn't tease me or play tricks on me. Not since that thing with the.. uh, they didn't tease me."
"I don't believe you. All siblings torment each other," Miyuki asserts.
"They can't do spirit stuff like I can," Niamh says. "Only the women in my bloodline have the potential. The men can just be wizards. It's complicated. And we were raised differently, I suppose. What sort of things did Noboru do to you? And did he ever feel guilty about it?"
"Just typical pranks. Waking up lime green, things like that. I can't get too mad at him, he did sacrifice a tail to save me," Miyuki explains and shrugs a little. "It left me scarred, but I'm alive. And as it is said here, it is your scars that give you your beauty."
"That seems an odd saying to me," Niamh admits. "I don't think we have any sayings about scars back home. At least that I've heard."
"Why is it strange? It shows you have lived, endured, and survived. How can that not be beautiful?" Miyuki inquires as she starts drying the dishes now and stacking them neatly on the counter.
"I just haven't heard anything like it before," Niamh says, and looks at Miyuki. "So you aren't self-conscious about your scars then?"
"I can appear as I wish to appear for the most part. I just can't change this right now," Miyuki says and gestures to her hair and bi-chromatic eyes. "Humans stare, of course, but it is nothing to Yokai.
"They do seem to enjoy staring at people here," Niamh notes with a frown. "And whisper." She sets the last plate on the stack, and then pats her cheeks. "Ugh, I can't let things like that get to me."
"You let everything get to you," Miyuki points out. "Which is why Noboru likes to tease you. But, I am just some supernatural monster, what do I know, hmm?"
"And you were never like this when you were younger?" Niamh asks.
"I am young," Miyuki points out and looks over. "By kitsune standards, I am your age. It's just that over seventy of your years."
"But you still have seventy years of actual experience," Niamh points. "What were you like when you were just seventeen years old?"
"A kit," Miyuki points out. "I haven't been able to take human form for very long, realize. Early years, I was simply a fox."
"Do mean an actual fox?" Niamh asks. "Chasing mice and such?"
"Of course? What else would I mean?" Miyuki has to ask.
"I assumed kitsune were different than wild foxes is all," Niamh admits, blushing again. "I should get back to my room now, I suppose."
"Oh we are. We live much, much longer and are smarter even at a young age," Miyuki says. "But, I suppose you now just see me as another animal."
"Since you want to run off now," she adds.
"Are.. are you teasing me?" Niamh asks. "I can't see you as animals. I'm just.. tired." The girl slumps, and rubs at her face. "Please don't make me feel worse, Miyuki.."
"No, I'm being serious. You learn that I grew up as any fox would at first, and now you wish to depart quickly. It was hard not to wonder," Miyuki points out and shrugs a little. "You may go, though. I'll finish up. Get some sleep."
"That's not.." Niamh starts to argue, then runs out of steam. What would the Horned God think of her now, unable to talk to foxes that aren't really foxes?
So she climbs the stairs and staggers back to her room, where she collapses onto the thin mat.
At some point, Niamh fell asleep. She knows this because she's now waking up. The room is dark and cool, and as quiet as a tomb. She's still without tail; but she does feel rather stiff at this point. The floor isn't terribly comfortable.
"Uggh," Niamh moans and pushes herself back up. Maybe foxes can sleep on this floor, but it's going to take getting used to. She goes to the window shutters to get a look outside.. since she doesn't actually know what it looks out on. But hopefully she can see the moon at least.
Alas, it's rather dark, and the sky looks overcast. She can't see much of anything out the window right now.
"Well.. I shouldn't be surprised," the girl mutters, and closes the shutters. This makes it dark again, and she tries to remember if there was a candle or taper or similar. Kitsune can probably see in the dark.
There was a candle on the small table in the room, as well as a small clay oven for heat, in needed.
Reaching for where she remembers the candle is, Niamh then tries to recall if there were matches. There must be matches in Japan, she reasons, unless they've been determined to be too barbaric.
Niamh grabs something, but it's rather fuzzy. Then two eyes open in the darkness, followed by a drawing out of sharp white teeth in the darkness.
"Ahh!" Niamh lets go immediately! "Miyuki?" she then asks after taking a step back.
Four balls of fire pop into existence, lighting up the room. A four-tailed fox sitting on top of the table stretches out and yawns widely. "Did you know you snore?" Noboru asks. "Rhythmically, even. Sort of a dueling nasal-flute."
"I.. is that bad?" Niamh asks, wondering if she's somehow nasally offended the fox. "How long have you been watching me sleep?"
"Since you fell asleep," Noboru notes as he folds his front paws together, then rests his chin upon them. "Is that a problem?"
"I don't know," Niamh admits. "Why didn't you wake me up?"
"Because you were tired?" Noboru says, "It would have been rude to wake you." His tails wave side to side like snakes, with the small fireballs floating just above their tips.
Niamh eyes the blue balls nervously. After all he used the tips of his tails to give her the ears of a doe. "So.. is it time for my tail then?" she asks. "Will it make the floor more comfortable to sleep on?"
"I thought I would hold off on it," Noboru admits. "You've seemed very ... tense."
"I've been tense for a hundred days," Niamh claims. "I don't even remember being at ease anymore. That's why I was hoping Inari would let me do my moon invocation."
"You need to depend less on crutches like that, and more on yourself," Noboru counters, then tickles her ears with two of his tails. Fortunately, the fireballs don't help in tickling. "You're in no real danger here."
"Nnnngh!" Niamh tries to wave the tails (and flaming balls) away from her head. "What do you mean by real danger? And it's not a crutch, it's part of my.. essence. People need to eat and drink.. and I need to bathe in moonlight every so often."
"You need to bathe in general more often," Noboru jokes. "And real danger is anything that would do lasting harm to you. Unless you decide to insult the Gods, you're safe."
"I just had a bath earlier today with Miyuki.." Niamh claims.
Noboru rolls his eyes. "I have never met a child wound as tight as you are," he notes. "Maybe you need to get drunk."
"There is a yokai that drinks people?" Niamh asks aghast.
"Are you intentionally trying to be dense?" Noboru has to ask.
"Wait.. you mean drinking wine?" Niamh finally grasps. "I'm.. still not very rested, forgive me for not being all that clear-headed."
"Did you fall on your head a lot as a child?" Noboru now has to ask as he stands up on the table. He's not very terrifying when he's actually the size of a fox.
"You don't have to insult me," Niamh says poutily. "I've had wine. I drink it with dinner usually, and on the voyage over since we didn't trust the water. But getting drunk would take.. a whole bottle probably."
"You mean that colored water your people drink? That couldn't get a mouse drunk. No, you need wine distilled from the holy grains of Inari's garden; sacred sake. A drink so potent it can remove the color from anything," Noboru explains.
Niamh looks skeptical. "Grains? You don't make wine from grains, you make beer," she points out.
"Well, I should expect the uncivilized wouldn't know how," Noboru laments.
"Then what do you make beer out of?" Niamh asks.
"We do not. Traders bring it in," Noboru notes.
"Then.. ah, never mind," Niamh says. "I've never been drunk," she explains. "How is it supposed to help me?"
"It helps you forget and relax. And for humans, I believe pee on themselves," Noboru explains after some thought. "Nevermind, that would not smell very pleasant."
"I'm not sure I want to forget things," Niamh says. "Is that what you drink it for? It sounds like some sort of religious sacrament though."
"I simply enjoy it, and that is reason enough for me," Noboru notes and shrugs. He sits back, then his form ripples and leaves a naked, almost-human-looking Noboru sitting on the table. He has his ears, and four fluffy tails, but the rest of him looks mostly human.
"Are you going to seduce me?" Niamh asks, since.. she's not used to naked men, generally.
"Are you asking me to?" Noboru answers with a question.
"I thought you wanted to?" Niamh counters with her own question.
"I was not intending to," Noboru notes, then flicks his tails and he's dressed! "I forgot your kind are terrified of being without clothing."
"I'm not terrified of being without clothing," Niamh notes. "I just haven't figured out all the ties on this outfit. It's like you need someone else's help to get into or out of it. In the mirror pool shrine, I had to pull it off over my head."
"You don't know how to undress? You have so much to learn," Noboru notes and shakes his head slowly.
"I've never worn something like this before, and it ties in the back," Niamh says. "Miyuki put it on me."
"Mmm. What are your intentions towards my sister?" Noboru inquires.
"She's going to teach me the chinkon ritual," Niamh offers, making it almost a question. "I think she has intentions towards me though, if that's what you mean."
"Mmm, well, yes, females do tend to be more hot-blooded in that regard," Noboru says as he nods sagely. "It will pass. Plus, there are other ways for dealing with it."
"Dealing with it?" Niamh asks. "You make it sound like a problem. And you're the one that wanted me to bear you a litter."
"Yes? There is little correlation," Noboru claims and shrugs. "And yes, there are potions that can calm monthly cycles."
"Now I don't see the connection," Niamh says. "Are you saying Miyuki's interest is driven by her moon cycle? Do kitsune go into heat then?"
"Of course?" Noboru says and looks at Niamh funny. "We are wild spirits, after all."
"But.. wild animals go into estrus only once or twice a year, not every month," Niamh points out. "And wouldn't she be interested in someone that could get her pregnant then, if that were really the case?"
"We are wild spirits. We have our own rules," Noboru clarifies. "If you spent a decade or two as one, you would understand better."
"I haven't spent two decades being human yet," Niamh points out. "But I learned how to control my cycle not long after it started. The nymphs taught me."
"Controling the cycle of something mostly human is relatively trivial," Noboru claims. "I could, if you wish, start yours right now..."
"Why would I want you to control it?" Niamh asks. "Until I want to have children, it's too troublesome to let run on its own. I need my bodily humors to stay where their are, not get wasted every few weeks. But I've replaced the physical cycle with a spiritual one.. which is why I need the moon. I don't know how to explain it more than that."
"Ah, so the secret comes out. You want to do the moon ritual because you are denying your place as a female of your kind," Noborou notes and taps Niamh on the nose. "That is not healthy for you, physically, or spiritually."
"It's also part of my religion and priestess training," Niamh claims. "And not why I'm tense! I just haven't had any chance to really relax yet. Now.. can you show me how to undo the ties on this outfit?"
"That entirely depends on if you can ask politely. Not sarcastically; politely," Noboru says in an annoyingly calm voice.
"Can you please show me how to undo the ties on this outfit?" Niamh tries.
Noboru takes Niamh's hand and draws it behind her back, which makes him pressed up against her, and making her look right into his eyes. "Grab both of these ends at the same time, and simply pull. The knot will release," he explains in a soothing, rumbly, sort of voice ... then demonstrates. Sure enough, the knot releases and one set has come free.
"Is there a special way to tie it?" Niamh asks, a bit more subdued by Noboru's proximity. "How many are there?"
"It's best to have someone else tie them if you're not well-practiced in it. I am sure my sister would do it for you," Noboru notes.
"Alright," Niamh says. "Guide me to the rest of them, please?"
Noboru does, and leans in even closer, until his nose is just touching hers. "You're trembling," he notes as he's guiding her between the ties.
"I am?" Niamh asks in surprise. "Would you like to finish undressing me?" she then adds.
"I think the real question is would you like me to finish undressing you?" Noboru prompts.
"Yes," Niamh says. "I.. wouldn't have asked otherwise, I think."
This makes Noboru chuff a laugh. "How far?" he asks as he eases back a little, then goes about releasing the remaining ties on the haori, as well as the waist-ties on the hakama.
Niamh seems confused by the question. "Until I'm.. undressed?" she offers. It hadn't occurred to here that could be a middle ground between dressed and undressed.
"Well, I assume you can remove your own undergarments yourself," Noboru points out as he helps her out of the haori. That gets folded and set in a corner.
"I could," Niamh says. "But I've never been undressed by a strange male before."
Noboru helps Miamh out of the hakama too, which leaves her just in her bloomers. "Well, I think I shall leave you to that, then, and let you sleep the rest of the night," he says as he steps away to fold the hakama. "We wake with the sun here," he notes, "Now, sleep well, hmm?"
"I'll try," Niamh says, wondering why Noboru was watching her sleep still. But she takes advantage of the bi-light to finish undressing and finding her way to the too-thin pad. "I need to be rested if I'm going to talk to Inari." The thought does not make it any easier to get to sleep though, since it's one more thing for her to worry about..
Logfile from Envoy. (OOC) Log start: d:\logs\fenris\2020-01-20_friends-and-entities.htmlWith Jonas still running tests on Yue and the Lapis, the ship is quiet. Even the splashing sounds made by Rock and Rainbow in the Phin's room are muted, with the doors partially open. The bridge is likewise quiet, save for a chiming from the communications station. Gabriel is already getting the pilot systems started, so isn't really paying attention to the message signal.
Tasha smiles as she walks past the Phins room towards the Bridge, content ib knowing at least a few people on the ship are having innocent, childish fun without the weight of the world on their shoulders. It gives her perspective, and reminds her no matter what happens there is usually someone, somewhere, apart from it all, having a fine time in their own personal reality, a kind of sub-universe lacking in hard boundaries.
By the time Tasha steps on the Bridge she's smiling and, upon hearing the chime, reflexively orients to answer the call. "This is Tasha," she greets whomever.
The waiting message was sent over an hour ago, by Katie. "The Titanians are back," the whole of it.
Tasha replies with an automated 'received and acknowledged', then steps over to the navigation console, leans over the chair, and punches up the system map to hunt for the location of aforementioned Titanians.
The only place they could be is at Caltrop, otherwise Katie wouldn't have known about it. The downside of being a lawless frontier outpost is that it doesn't have convenient Arrivals and Departures listed. "I guess there's going to be a fish fry tonight," Gabriel notes after overhearing. "Any nearby traffic?"
Given that the asteroids are on average a few hundred thousand kilometers apart, no ship transponders are showing on Tasha's board.
Tasha had to check anyway, even if the result is obvious. Enough oddities occur in her daily life that the unusual and inexplicable must be checked for, even if they are unlikely. "No transponders anyway, check for anyone hiding and we'll be clear. Think I can contact the Titanians without anyone noticing, or should I just try it in person?"
"Given the curtness of Katie's message, in person is probably best," Gabriel says, moving Dark Horse into the trajectory Tasha plotted. "They usually just show up and knock on the door. I think they prefer to communicate in ways that don't give people a head start."
"Sounds wise to me. I'll dress as inconspicuously as I can." Which is not very much for Tasha, but she can do something. She steps away from the consoles and stretches a moment, then heads aft. "Going to take a shower and get dressed, be ready in a bit."
"Sure, do all the fun stuff without me!" Gabriel jokingly complains.
"No fun today, you're not going to miss much," Tasha admits, and then she's out and off to find something to wear.
What Tasha does end up wearing is a Vartan youth ensemble popular among station youth. It's a bit young for her, but she's rather short for a Vartan, and she looks young for herself on top of it. The outfit's made of a sturdy somewhat stiff hoodie over a sparkily but nondescript top, long leggings, booties, and a medium length skirt. It takes a while to assemble, since she has to dig the outfit out of its modular storage crate down below, so they're almost to station when she's done with it.
The Dainty Mauler looks smaller when you're not standing on the ground right next to it, but it still dwarfs Dark Horse, especially with all the giant sail rigging. Gabriel brings them in to their usual docking space. Luckily they can use the smaller ones, what with the Mauler and the Celestial cargo transport dominating the bigger ones. "I had to fight off alien monsters," Gabriel claims. He apparently didn't win though since there's a cat in his lap.
This makes Tasha grin, so she picks up the cat and sits in Gabriel's lap, then puts the cat on her lap. "The small ones are the most dangerous, I hope your tail is OK." Tasha's tail is sometimes not OK, when the cats are feeling extra playful. "Well, there's the Mauler. It never really stops looking quirky and out of place, does it? It's kind of comforting, really."
"It make's Tia's ship look normal, which is still disturbing," Gabriel says. "I may visit the junkyard and see what sort of ground vehicles they have, if any. Going to go find Boomer?"
"Yep, as a 'Vartan youth' it's my duty to find trouble and get in to it. And it' Bumper," Tasha confirms. She rubs the underside of her kitty's chin and behind the years, always satisfied by how soft, yet vicious and oddly musical, her cats are. They're a comfortable conundrum.
"So Vartan youths are duty bound to find trouble?" Gabriel asks. "Even Lacci?"
"She found us, didn't she? That's a lot more trouble than most find. Shojo found me, too, and look where that's got him. I found all of this." Tasha makes a swirl on the cat's head, which she knows annoys it a little, but it's only fair that she gets to be obnoxious back some times. "Besides I can't just go find them as I am, I'm even more obviously unusual than I used to be. It does help I can pass for a Vartan kid, however."
"Well.. except for your face," Gabriel notes, and boops Tasha's nose.
"I'll keep my hood and head down," Tasha insists, rubbing her nose, head ducked, ears back. "No one pays attention to poor waifs anyway, it's the same way everywhere."
"And everyone knows lone Vartans are crazy, and best avoided," Gabriel claims with a straight-face.
Tasha thinks to retort, but then decides it's mostly true. "True," she agrees, then she boops Gabriel's nose back. Like lone wolves. Anyway, I'm going to arrange a meeting somewhere more out of the way than usual, then I'll figure out how to get the key players there for the Big Meeting. Be ready for the call, and make sure the others are, too. The big planners. If anyone insists they really need to come let them."
"Shouldn't be too hard to find the Titanians at least," Gabriel says, then lifts Tasha up off of his lap and sets her on her feet before standing up himself. "I'll check in on Doc and his patients as well."
"Be sure to give them a hard time for me, I don't want them to feel unloved." She then hands the cat to Gabriel. "Cookie will help." And so she gives him a kiss on his chin because she can't actually reach the rest of him while not wearing elevated booties, and turns to head out and for the airlock.
The bazaar is busy as usual, but there's a tell-tale trail of puddles that probably indicates the passage of the Titanians. Even though they usually go to the same place, as the 'meat market' is further down near the big restaurants and Embassy Row.
Tasha stuffs her hands in her pockets, pulls her hood forward, and just generally tries to look small, unassuming, and grumpy. She was a teenager not that long ago, and got a lot of gruff for it, so she remembers all the things she thought she wasn't doing that made people upset, and will now use them to make herself less approachable. This also affords her the chance to look around without being bothered, since 'kids like her' rarely have any money or anything else worth having, except themselves -- but she can deal with that.
That doesn't keep a few booths from waving 'shinies' about, hoping the glint will catch Tasha's lowered eyes. But for the most part her gambit works, although she does get pushed aside once by a large Naga in a hurry.
Tasha decides that's fine, if people are pushing her she's also not being considered much of a threat or concern which is exactly what she wants to happen. And so she goes, following the puddles -- and the smells -- hoping to pick up on the Titanians themselves.
The market is active when Tasha arrives. And while there are Titanians, Tasha doesn't spot Bumper... or any of Tasha's own crew. But, she's got her tracker, and Katie will probably be wherever Bumper is - spying on her.
Tasha makes sure she has the current set of Titanians well and truly scent memorized before she moves on, just in case she needs to locate them again. She brings up the tracker in her contacts so as to not have to lower her face, projects the local map, and begins heading towards the beacon.
It leads to the Surf-n-Turf, which isn't too surprising. It's one of the few places that can handle Titanians for any length of time. Or at least that's where Katie is.
So Tasha walks over to a wall near the entrance, leans back, and lurks as teenagers are wont to do. She lifts her head just enough to scan the crowd, looking for the Titanians who are rarely hard to spot. She really should have come here first, but taking the chance to work on her convert skills seemed useful, and she learned a little along the way.
She first spots Katie and Lacci, sitting at a small table where they can overlook one of the big round booth ones. The Titanians are there, Bumper and two others. And squeezed between the two big males is a very small looking Tia, clutching a milkshake and looking very uncomfortable.
Well that's not good, how does someone who keeps trying to avoid trouble always get in to it? They must know she's not from this universe and are interrogating her Bumper-style. And so Tasha pushes off and makes her way on close in a winding, aimless path full of fecklessness.
"Tasha!" Bumper calls out almost immediately. "Hey! Over here!" She even waves.
And Tasha was going to try and steal Bumper's wallet -- or more likely gun -- too. Tasha doesn't even bother to pretend she's other than herself, she just walks over and sits down like she had planned to do so all along, a skill she learned from her cats. "Hey, there you are. And I see you've met Tia." She wishes the seats were a bit taller.
"Oh, that her name then?" Bumper says, and throws an arm around Tasha to side-hug her close. Tasha also hears a chirp from a device around the Titanian's wrist. "She no want to talk to us for some reason. And where you been, Rustpuppy?"
"Oh you know how it is, I go here, I go there, I exited reality for a little while to learn new things and, wouldn't you know it, it got very complicated quickly." Tasha doesn't resist -- or mind --being cuddled. Bumper is strange, and dangerous, but she's strange and dangerous in a comforting way, reminding Tasha tougher women than her are out there, that can do something and rescue her. It's not all on her shoulders, after all. "So I've been recovering from that, then my new outsider friend suggested I base-up somewhere, you know, outside. So I've been looking at unreal-estate. have you been worried about me? Is that device telling you I am who I seem to be?"
"Telling me you maybe not all you," Bumper says, but still in a friendly tone. "Bring backs stuff from outside, hmm?"
"Yeah I kind of got my soul cookie-cuttered for a good reason, it was really a big mess, maybe as big as the last big mess." Tasha shrugs with her hands; these things happen. "Brought back a few things but we're still figuring it all out. Have a few more tricks now, made of weirder stuff than before. Got in a big fight with a lot of elves."
"Tell me everything," Bumper says, and slides over a flagon of beer. The Titanians always bring their own flagons for drinking. "You trade in your demon for something shinier?"
"Is here okay?" Tasha gestures around her and her tail makes a little twirl motion to indicate the building. "It's big, though some things I can't talk about due to a promise and, well, two of those involved are even scarier than you lot. There's also planning, I might need your help, and soon, and I'll even say why."
"Oh ho?" Bumper replies. "If we go to Mauler, your spies come with?" she asks, flicking an ear towards Katie and Lacci. "Get Vartan on ship, that be somethin'."
"Ha ha yeah she'll be all poofy for the whole thing, the shame will last generations, and that's fun just by itself." Tasha glances at the spies, makes a two fingers to her eyes, two fingers pointing at them, I'm watching you gesture, then looks back to Bumper. "But yeah, better on the ship. You said talk to you if we're planning something, so we're talking to you and planning something. I think you'll appreciate it, you all will."
"That depends," Bumper says non-committally. "Tea-girl come too. She talk?"
Tasha waggles a hand, maybe. "Tea-girl is very shy. She'll open up more when I talk, I know you're interested in her."
"Righty-dokie, we go now," Bumper says, scooting out of the booth and pushing Tasha along with her.
Tasha is easily moved by large women. She slides right on out, waving Tia to follow and assuming the others will come along on their own. "Come on Tia. I'd say they don't bite but they ckind of do. Meet the least official space police you'll find anywhere."
Tia doesn't really reply, but just keeps close to Tasha as the Titanians crowd around them. Tasha can't see Katie through their bulk, so can't be sure if Lacci will get dragged along or not.
When the rock of Katie comes to the not-exactly-hard place of Lacci, Tasha is certain of who will move, stubbornness or no. For her part she walks along like she had intended this, because in many ways she had. She knew Bumper would have questions, if not which, and she knows Bumper keeps an eye on her, just not how much. She also knows Katie will have informed Gabriel, which means everyone who needs to know will know soon. It's all very relaxing in its predictability, she decides.
As they make their way up along the spine, Tia finally whispers to Tasha, "Are we going outside?"
"Yes," Tasha replies, looking concerned, "Don't try anything sudden, like trying to run away. We're fine, but you won't be if you do that."
They're soon passing the donut shop, and the cluster Celestial merchant-marines. Maybe they like the crullers, but at the moment they are all staring at the Titanians. One of the big fish tanks is being pushed through the large dock tunnel. The shifting gravity looks strange was it affects the water but not the long tank until it's tipped in completely. Their little group follows closely.
"Don't slip," Bumper warns. Then they're at the docking shelf, with the main gangway of the Mauler extended to it. "Grug, wait for spies, take 'em to small debating chamber."
Tasha realizes she's a Vartan child walking with a Human girl on to a Titanian ship, which may cause problems if a Humans or Vartans decide they need to be a hero and intercede. She doens't act yet, but makes ready to if need be. "I appreciate how unsubtle you can be, a shame it only works out here." She looks down at her feet; they're tiny hooves now, so slipping is a problem.
"I very subtle Titanian," Bumper claims. "Didn't set anything on fire."
"That can be hard," Tasha agrees. Sometimes she, too, is subtle. Sometimes worlds go missing and wars start. Life is tricky. "You have a debating chamber? It's reinforced." The last part is not a question.
Once inside, they follow a course that Tasha isn't familiar with. It involves the usual three-dimensional navigation before they arrive. "Here we are," Bumper announces. The chamber does indeed look reinforced, but there are a lot of dents and scorch marks. There isn't any furniture though, as Bumper bids her guests to just sit on the floor across from her.
Tasha expected a table, because a table is how you indicate a room is for planning, but otherwise she's pleased with her mental image of how it would be. She sits towards the center, the 'I'm important' spot. She expects Tia to race to a wall or corner; Lacci will too eventually. Katie will either stay near a wall to appear subtle, or sit behind her.
Tia actually sits next to Tasha. She's still quiet, but probably less fearful outside of the walls of Caltrop. The other Titanians leave them, and Bumper laboriously gets her legs into a comfortable position. "Alrights," she says. "Now, you got demon and bird-head wizard last we check. Then see you vanish and come back a few times. Start there, yah?"
"Yah," Tasha echoes, nodding slowly. "So, first, bird head had been teaching me magic basics, and decided the best place to learn was on Ymir, which has faeries. Around the same time Whale Mom -- Persephone -- decided I was unteachable and decided to make a relative do it instead. These two ideas combined in to me meeting this new mentor deep in who-knows-where faerieland. My new mentor taught me until she thought it was a good idea I see what getting my soul eaten was like, where upon I learned a lot of things very quickly, including mortal limits and how breakable we all are. I then lost it and started killing everything." Tasha spreads her hands in a wide shrug, another what can you do, but the gesture isn't as steady and her attempt to maintain a kind of blaise about it all is not so firm. She's shaking, if slightly. "A bit before that had happened Tia here caught wind I was connected to this new mentor and bugged me about it, a lot. When I went nuts she found me and kind of rescued me, but I was still a wreak, and then we tried to rescue my mentor who I sort of stabbed because, see the part about me losing my sanity and going amok. We succeeded, but that lead to more problems."
"Stabbing is messy," Bumper notes. "So, kill mentor?"
"Stabbed with Yellow sword, much worse," Tasha admits, smiling wryly. "Managed to save mentor from post-stab break down, but just barely. Null showed up and saved us all, punched hole in soul when I agreed it was best, doing okay now. With mentor weakened, army came, fought army with Mel so Persephone could heal mentor, won, then Thotep showed up for next round, and Mel, mentor, bird head, and bird head father all kicked Tia and I out because we were a liability." Tasha wrinkles her nose. She understands why, but she doesn't have to like it. "So maybe mentor is okay? Mel, Horus, and Thoth too. Don't know. Tia is waiting to know as well."
"And where Tia come from?" Bumper asks. "What yellow sword?"
"Huh you not see the Yellow sword before?" Tasha looks genuinely puzzled, leaning back and frowning. "I thought I mentioned it, but a lot is going on and a lot of people. Well, Tia first." Tasha gestures to Tia with her left hand. "Tia is a creation of mentor, one of several, who escaped when mentor's world was destroyed by demons. Like a life boat, but smaller, and more pushy. World was dragon-fairy-magic-science type, another universe, not sure why demons come but it'd not like they need a big reason. Might have been messing with demon-magic, not many survivors."
"Ogdru-hem.. analogues," Tia finally speaks up. "Not demons."
"Servants of some other gods then?" Tasha turn to look at Tia. "Which gods, not the Ogdoad?"
"Essentially the same," Tia says. "Outsider gods, were imprisoned. Had lots of created monsters as their army. Someone let them out, the ones that imprisoned them went to push them back. But their armies woke up, burned all the worlds of the ones that beat them back before. I was on one of those worlds."
"The dark ones do get around, yah?" Bumper says. "So, this mentor teaching you how to fight them?"
"Good reason not to fail," Tasha remarks, grimly. "And also a god reason to have backup plans." She stares at Tia for a long, glum moment, then turns back to Bumper. "So war lost, refugees. What will happen here, except probably better, if we lose. As for the sword, mentor showed me how to focus Yellow-power. Blue, too."
Tasha scoots away from the both of them then holds up both her hands. In her right hand boils up a sword of the most uncomfortable yellow color, as if it were made of burning wax and a thousand unwelcome mornings. It hovers over her hand like an icon, and like an icon, doesn't seem quite real. The surface shifts in uncomfortable ways, as if it were made by millions of worm-like threats that occasionally forgot to stay together. In her other forms a blue shield, and it's not unlike looking at the sky as it darkens in to space, or a seemingly unending ocean. It looks sturdy, unblemished, and stable; perfectly stable. "This is one way I can fight them. They're only manifestations of power attached to me. I can make other copies, and I have the Blue wrapped around my brain constantly. We were going to review more when the soul ... experiment went awry."
"So, that all happen on Ylem?" Bumper asks. "Or here too?"
"On Ymir and off in the Unformed, in fairy-land," Tasha answers.
"Oh soul got tempered too," Tasha adds, poking her chest with a finger after she lets the two floating objects boil right back in to her. "Can't get eaten. Not as great as it sounds in some ways, ways like the kind that made me go berserk."
"Probably Thotep's plan all along, come to think of it," Tasha then adds, tapping her chin. "God that blessed it sounded a lot like him."
"Harsh lesson then," Bumper says. "Thotep again. He being active now, making moves?"
"Is he ever not?" Tasha looks around, frowns, then tosses up her hands because of course he's probably listening somehow. "I don't think he ever stops. It seems he was at least up to that, but could be more.'
"So, what going on here now?" Bumper asks. "You vanish again, reappear. Weird readings from Ymir, then here."
"That could have been my ship," Tia admits. "If you could detect me, you would have detected it too."
"Other-universe tech. Tia brings ship, too, uses old drive from old world. Brought another creation of mentor too, old, uh ... " Tasha turns to squint at Tia for a long moment, then decides she's going to learn about the truth sooner or later, so may as well learn it now. "Old magic assassin ade from bad feelings and no-soul. Secret weapon, for dealing with problems. Kind of like Titanians and like us, except less soul and more-- similar levels of killing. Crueler. Still tool though, so restricted. I am directing her for the moment. Suggested we use elf-world as a base, and drive to shield it. Does not like Tia, good sister bad sister thing. Difficult. Teaching me things now, can make people pass out with magic now."
"So, a second artifact ship and a sentient artifact weapon?" Bumper asks, still keeping a friendly tone. "And is Tia girl also weapon or something else?"
"I'm not a weapon," Tia insists.
"More like ... gardener. Pacifist, doesn't like nasty consequences of fighting. Opposite of weapon-lady. Maybe to much soul." Tasha shrugs her shoulders. "Good sister, bad sister. Mentor problems."
Tia doesn't comment on the sisters analogy, but doesn't look pleased about it either.
"So, why is a pacifist with you?" Bumper asks. "Just because of mentor?"
"Oh, turns out I work for the Null too," Tasha adds, perking up. Then she perks right back down. "Might be unhappy with me, has connection to mentor and I was not, um, doing well mentally, when we met." She then turns to hear Tia's answer.
"I'm going through a lot of things at the moment," Tia says. "I didn't know I still had family until Tasha.. did something that got my attention. I'm in limbo right now. I have to keep an eye on my big sister because she is a monster. A tool, but a willful one and I don't know that she won't influence Tasha into using her like she wants to be used."
"So, can you teach Tasha anything?" Bumper asks.
"I've helped her as much as I'm able to, but I don't have anything else," Tia claims.
"Big sister wants me to use her, but it's not my first tie being handed big scary weapons that want me to use them," Tasha notes, sitting a little straighter. "Get handed a lot of doomsday weapons, have only doomed a few things, and it was usually the best choice." She sniffs. "Tia's been helpful, but I worry about her long-term plans. Just running away. We need to use drive. So maybe we should work together so Tia is safe and we can use drive."
"What?" Tia asks Tasha. "You mean my Dimension Drive? It's fixed?"
Tasha turns and nods. "Kai fixed it, but thinks it's better used in securing a stronghold from invaders than running away. We'd like to study it and, maybe, copy it. In return we can protect you and let you enjoy a relatively normal Human life here, we can clear your enrollment in the local schools and allow you to travel, and you need to stick with me anyway since you're both watching Kai and awaiting a response from your creator through me. It's the best compromise I can think of."
The apparently human girl just stares at Tasha for a moment in silence. "I want to talk to you about this in private," she then says, looking a bit.. haunted.
"Alllriiight," Tasha says slowly, blinking once, then turning to Bumper and splaying her ears. "It's a sensitive topic?"
"Apparently," Bumper says. "So, what other artifacts you gots now? A base in fairy-land. How that work? Magic drive that go between universes. Magic sword and shield. Magic killer robot. That everything? What is exotic matter in you head for?"
"You mean spore or ansible?" Tasha clarifies. Her head is filled with a lot of weird junk these days.
"Whatever is the latest," Bumper answers.
"Ansible. It's like a mini-universe that's used for power and communication. Mentor-tech, Tia uses them, too. I kind of broke this one to try and snap mentor out of murder-fugue, kind of worked, but melted in to hand. Tia fixed it; works for basic communication and some other things, like this:" And so Tasha spreads her wings and, after she slaps the ground, pushes off to over a few inches above it like some sort of grim teen yogi master. "Also lets me make people faint. Won't demonstrate."
"Hmm, all inside your head then?" Bumper says. Then looks to Tia. "Can it be used to kill her or control her?"
"Yes," Tia answers plainly.
Tasha shrugs her shoulders. She had kind of expected anything so powerful to be able to do so. "I assume all the other ones can, too."
"No, only I can use it to control you, or mediate the control," Tia explains.
"Can't the spore, the Yellow, and the Blue also do it? I'm sure Persephone can kill me a billion times over," Tasha remarks. Then she frowns. "Are you going to kill or control me? You could easily do so and recover the drive."
"I don't do that," Tia claims. "And Persephone isn't the sort to kill people on a whim."
The floor drums slightly with Hammersong. "Hmm, spies finally here. Maybe snuck aboard and got lost. You two need a moment alone?" Bumper asks.
"Yah," Tasha goes, then she exhales and flops back on the deck, hands out, looking a little overwhelmed.
"I be back then," Bumper says, and leaves the chamber.. bolting the hatch behind her though. As soon as she's gone Tia stands up and starts pacing.
Tasha lays there like life had run her over. "Kai doens't like you, but you knew that. She thinks you're self-insistent and spoiled. She's older, she was first, I can see why she'd think that, being made a disposable tool with a leash isn't a pleasant experience for anyone, let alone a sentient being. The result is inevitable. But I also see why you fear her, and it's reasonable enough. It's too bad you can't get along, because between you both is a very effective individual with a conscience." She closes her eyes. "I have no idea what Kainudy thinks of either of you. I don't think she's mad at me."
"This has nothing to do with Kai," Tia insists, almost snapping. "I died because my mother took away the only real means I had of protecting my world. Or of escaping intact. And now, just like that, you're deciding the same thing. You're about to fight the same monsters that killed me before, and you're taking away my only means of defense or escape!" She falls to her knees after the outburst. "You're being just like Kainudy."
Tasha absorbs that and says nothing for a long moment, then coughs a laugh. "No, because you can kill me, and because I asked. And of course I'm like her, why do you think Persephone put us together?" She turns her hands up in a shurg, or maybe a sign of helplessness. "Kainudy didn't intend for you to die. If you put it the other way, be holding on to the drive you intended to flee while Kainudy fought for your and everyone else's life. You had no faith in her. Only yourself. What mattered was you survived, you had the best options. So what if the other worlds burned, you'd have been well. That's most important, isn't it? As for the monsters, if sounds like you've decided they cannot be beaten, in which case you've also decided that you will eventually be destroyed by them. Except none of us will be there to try and save you. You will have preserved yourself until nothing is left, leaving those who fight for you to die."
"I couldn't protect any of them, all I could do was send them into other realities," Tia says quietly. "But I couldn't get them all. I could barely save myself. I didn't save myself, not really. You've been dead, and for time were less than what you were. Nobody came to save us. She didn't come back, so.. when the attack came I thought she was dead. I was alone. I was five years old. Nobody's ever fought for me. The things you're fighting aren't even really awake you know. Charon attacked one that was. Look at how that went."
Tasha folds her hands on her chest. It makes her think of all those graves in Kainudy's haven. "Sometimes there isn't a good answer. There's just doing your best, picking the choice you think has the best chance of working out, and going with it. Or doing nothing, and dying. Sometimes you get pushed so hard you break, and the choices fall as they will. And sometimes you just give up for a while." Her ears flick. "When you look in to your future, where does it lead? One place to the next, one burning ship to the next, everyone left behind. What is at the end, where is your golden world, Tia?"
"I just don't want to be hurt anymore," Tia says, sounding defeated. "You hurt me with that black soul-burn dagger. Everyone hurts me eventually. Nobody protects me like they promise. You say it's bad for me to run away, but you don't really give me the choice. I've been told that before too. Been a slave, and worse. I just.. didn't expect to feel betrayed so soon."
She then looks at Tasha, and asks, "Would you have even considered keeping the drive if Kai hadn't suggested it?"
"I hurt you to get Kainudy to wake up before she devoured us all, and only after you dragged me back to the place where my soul had been eaten because you needed me to fight," Tasha points out. She then spreads her hands again. "Do you think I really enjoy this, Tia? The endless war against unfathomable powers that seems like it has no end? Oh it was fun for a while, it gave e purpose, but it burnt me out quickly, and ran me dry. Now I keep fighting because I have to, because it's in my hands, now. Or I could run away. I thought about it. But I have too many people who want to stay here to run. I might seem like fun and games, but it's the veil that keeps my sanity in check and keeps me going. Otherwise it's just an endless crushing war I'm nowhere near qualified to fight. That I win impresses everyone, including me. And I have won. More even than your people did. And that matters. I can win. I must win." She cracks an eye open and looks at Tia. "I hadn't considered it beyond the idea the technology can be useful. I'm not in the habit of stealing from my allies. Kai tricked me by making it a required element, explaining its great uses, and then at the end after it was all there presented to me delivering the catch. You don't think I feel a bit used? You both know full well what I'm fighting for here."
"And Kai knows I may have children. She dangld your drive in front of me saying, 'you want your children to safe? then take this'." And then the young woman sits bolt upright. "And I still gave her the benefit. I give all of you the beenfit. Because I need you. Because I can't do this alone, and I can't do it well, and I don't know what I'm doing, so I can't afford to tell you to all just leave. Caring helps make all that matter, seem to matter, bind me to you and you to me. But maybe I'd also like to not be saddled with your problems and have my emotions played with while I a trying to save my reality."
"You're using monsters to fight monsters," Tia points out. "Samael and your ship. The King in Yellow. Don't let it corrupt you. Kai will try to make it feel easy. Treat her like an addictive drug that makes you feel powerful, so that she'll end up controlling you. I don't have any illusions anymore about my mother and what she used Kai for."
"What else should I use, Tia? Cowards like you, who will run? The people of the Galactic, who can't even handle the truth? Where is my army, Tia? Who can stand beside me? Where are the angels, where is the good in the universe? Why are there no great gods to save us, when there are so many cruel ones?" Tasha gets up, and now she's pacing. "You think I'm oblivious to Kai? Of course I know what she's doing, she's just the next in a line of beings like her. Thotep, Hastur, now Kai. And unlike you, I wasn't pre-built with knowledge of them, I wasn't a towering world construct. And you know who introduced me to Thotep? Horus. Our creator. Because his creator decided I should be his jailer. My own god pointed me at Thotep, probably hoping I'd die."
"I don't know. I'm not a fighter, like Kai, or a god-killer like my mother. I'm not.. anything anymore. I was a house. That was my purpose. Then it snowballed when I woke up. That's where all my problems started. I haven't had any mentors or gods telling me how things are. When I was still.. home.. some people were afraid of me, or hated me because the old gods used living things like me. Tools, weapons. Like the Ogdru-hem. That's what they saw me as. And nobody would explain why, because nobody wanted to talk about a war fought billions of years ago. Because they were supposed to be beyond such things."
"I'm just another abandoned monster, it doesn't matter what happens to me," Tia sighs. "But I won't fight, and it's not because I'm a coward. It's not the enemy I'm afraid of, it's myself."
Tasha slows down as she listens, then finally just sits back down, and lays down again. "No one tells you anything. You just appear, start moving in a direction, and all of ten billion intersecting problems run right across your path, because it's all old. Well, how about this: stop blaming me for fighting badly, or being corrupt, or what-ever-else you think I'm doing badly on the war front because as you said you don't know. Neither do I, but I do know I'm better at it that you. And maybe the ancients, which is weird and kind of stupid, but it might be true." She then sucks in a deep breath, exhales, and adds, "You are a coward, a coward is someone who runs away from something they should probably fight. It doesn't matter if it's a real enemy or yourself. You're refusing to resolve the problem, which is different than facing it and deciding retreat or avoidance is best. That's a decision. You know you won't just self-destruct or vanish if you face yourself, right? I've done it lots of times, and it hurts, but I'm better off for it. And monster is just a word. It's just a word for saying something is bad and you don't like it, different from what it might actually be."
"All I'm criticizing you for is.. using me without asking," Tia says. "Without thinking of what it means to me. I don't want to be like my mother, I don't want to be like Kai, I don't want to be like you either. I want to be myself. Follow my rules. Not fighting isn't just running away. I could have fought when I was a captive. I could have destroyed whatever I needed to, killed whomever I needed to. But I know what that can do to you. And how much easier it becomes when you live a long time, and feel alone and distant. I have to fight that all the time. I don't have any illusions about what I could become."
"I don't know if that's really true. I've heard it before, but it seems limited, as if everyone's just the same being with the same sad feelings. I have killed a lot of people, and I don't feel bad because I did that. I usually believe in the destruction I cause, because I stand for something, and I can usually tell what side of that something something falls. Then I don't worry about it anymore, because I chose not to, and then I chose to forget about worrying about it at all. What I do worry about is who and what matters to me." Tasha sits up and looks over again, frowning. "I didn't use you. You might remember I presented a situation and you went off on me. You can say: no. I will find another way. And do remember you butted in to my life and made yourself my problem, did you ever ask me if I wanted to be involved in your problem with your mother, or be followed around and interrogated? You attached yourself to me, that's not manipulation, that's being dragged along because you didn't let go.."
"You seem to attach yourself to a lot of people and blame them for not leaving you be when you won't let them go. You could have easily said 'to hell!' with all of us and just left. Forgot Kainudy, Kai's not your problem. Fly and fly until you found your paradise. I think you need us for some reason," Tasha adds, brows going up. "There's something you need from all of us."
"I want to trust you," Tia claims. "If you need my drive, then ask me to help. I'm really just.. waiting to find out if I'm an orphan again or not. I have no idea what to do if and when I find out. I don't want Kai manipulating things. Maybe I'll help you fight, even if I won't kill. Maybe I will say to hell with it. Maybe I'll go live with my mother and just let you have the Astraea. I can't know the future. I don't know who these giant wolves are, even. They just showed up while I was going to the Library. I finally got my identification.. stuff. I could just go the asteroid. I'd be safer there, and I could keep a closer watch on Kai."
"I was created to be a house," Tia says. "I still have an urge to be useful after all this time."
"It might help to know the asteroid is now a portal in to the fae realm where the drive is. If you're seeking to take it back, you'll find it there. The realm is shielded by the drive, so at least make sure everyone evacuates before removing it. On the plus side, if you leave it there you have an extended base in which to rest and relax, where attack is much less likely and will have to go through all of us. Come to think of it, why not oversee our house?" Again Tasha is up. "If we develop on the drive, we could create a ship, or, I don't know, a moving world. Ship. A world ship. Then we can be safe, you can retreat, and we can study the drive. I can tell you right off I would not want any mothership to engage in combat, it would be a staging ground, not a battleground. Even we need somewhere safe to come home to. I do not want my children on the front lines with me. Not until they're old enough o chose that for themselves."
"Oh, and the big wolves are Titanians. They're a little like us in that they were created to solve a problem, in their case that problem was removing all the previous civilizations dangerous leftovers. Except, like us, circumstances caused them to have to do more than that: become warriors when the warriors were allowed to retire. You know those warriors as Vartans. You know, part of me. Karnors were also made for combat, by the way." The red woman shrugs; you can't escape the ghosts of the past. "I am also cleaning up that mess too, by the way."
"The drive opens wormholes, it doesn't shield anything," Tia explains. "I don't know what Kai told you. I need to straighten her out. But taking care of the homestead isn't disagreeable. So.. that is why the woman was so concerned about artifacts. I don't want to be a 'dangerous leftover' either. How did she know you left this reality to go to faerie?"
"It doesn't? Kai said it was shielding the reality so that only those we chose could enter, though I suppose if it controls wormholes that's technically correct." Tasha frowns, but decides it's a matter for later. "As for knowing where I am, they track my resonance. The Titanians like me, and trust me, but they trust me with caution. So if I die or go berserk or become a huge menace, they can come deal with me. They can track the Horse, and they can track me. So when I die or vanish from reality, they always know when and where. They're my friends and my, uh, safety net slash good behavior evaluators. Like the Null. Both watch me for abuses of power."
"Does Kai know about them?" Tia asks. "Because she will get you in trouble if you don't tell her you're being monitored."
"I sometimes forget all the bewildering cosmic and mortal forces hovering around me like angry planets, okay?" Tasha looks at Tia, leans in, and shrugs hands up. "I forgot to mention it. Sometimes I forget it's true. Which I suppose makes me an evern better person, because I police my own abuses even if I forget others are watching."
"You have to watch out for abuses done in your name, too," Tia points out.
"I didn't think I had enough of a following for people to use my name to do things," Tasha admits, both surprised and intrigued, frowning as she leans forward. "I tend to think if someone abuses my orders they're at fault for knowingly abusing the order."
"Not when some of them are literally tools that need you to tell them what you want," Tia explains. "Kai will do whatever is necessary to fulfill a request. Up to and including genocide, probably."
Tasha winces. "Genocide's usually a very last resort," she agrees, having rather bad memories of the last time she had to utilize that options, back when she was more sensitive and less, well, jaded. "I'll try and treat her like I treat asking Sam to do anything, which is to say, sparingly. Also, I might need you to check a doll for its potential to cause genocide."
"A doll?" Tia asks. "You mean.. a toy doll?"
"Kai made one for Mariel, for me. Something I can use to communicate with her, and show her I care, without darkening her doorstep with my presence," Tasha admits, ears wilting. "But Kai made it so now I'm afraid of what it can do. I don't mind being it able to protect Mariel, but I'd rather not subject her to ... you know. There are some things I just can't live with."
"When you requested it, do you remember your specific intention?" Tia asks.
"No? I was just being irreverent and jokey, you know how I am," Tasha admits.
"I will try to examine it then," Tia says. "Do you need me for your planning?"
Tasha sniffs in a breath, then shakes her head. "It's more war stuff. You may want to be aware of the potential fallout, but you'll also be happy to know we're going after a House that tried to overthrow a government by replacing their leader and tried to conqueror my home by abusing artifacts. They brought this on themselves. They also have an Ogdru'hem in some sort of captivity, and are exploiting it, but I have the sinking feeling that's a linchpin to a few deific plans, so beware there may be fallout. Other than that you don't need to even be near the actual mission or its planning, just keep things safe back home."
"Alright," Tia says, and goes to knock on the hatch. Lots of bolts get thrown on the other side before it opens. Tasha can see Katie and a very nervous looking Lacci on the other side with Bumper. "Any boo-boos?" the Titanian woman asks.
"Only ego, heart, and soul," Tasha replies, then she gives an extra enthusiastic wave to Lacci. "Wow Lacci, super brave!"
Katie and Lacci enter, and the Vartan does look a bit poofy. "I'm a historian, and this is.. uh.. historic," Lacci claims, as Tia slips out behind them. "I'm going for a walk," she announces.
"Got some others waiting outside, you want them too?" Bumper asks.
"Yeah, just let Tia walk, too, but not off the ship. Maybe show her the tiny trees the Captain cuts?" Tasha steps aside and waves people to take a seat where-ever, as it's all the same. "The center is mine by the way!"
"So, we aren't going to be abducted for violating Titanian law then?" Katie asks, sitting down.
"Not today, but there's always next time," Tasha assures the others. Then she pauses and frowns. "At least I don't think we are? Well, we'll find out soon enough."
Mr. Invention and Shojo were the next ones to arrive, followed shortly by Gabriel. The last one was Hakeber, who was late because she stopped to pick up pizzas and beer.
Lacci was a bit frazzled that Shojo wasn't upset about being on a Titanian ship.. but then Shojo never showed his reactions to things unless he means to.
Tasha remains where she has been, sitting in the center to show she's both important and unafraid. Whether she's either of these things is debatable, but even Titanians fall to appearances. Now, she is in the center with a slice of pizza and a beer. "Looks like almost everyone's here now."
"Yue is still recovering on the ship," Gabriel notes. Bumper sticks her head in and asks, "Anyone else comin'?"
"I have no idea where Sam has gotten off to," Gabriel says after the interruption.
"I think that's everyone who is involved in major planning," Tasha replies as she opens her beer can. It's not exactly a Abaddonian can-can, but she thinks of it as a can. "As for Sam, if he means to be here he could be, but I suspect he doesn't mean to be in this ship. Titanians are hunters, and he's a kind of prey."
"Reeka is here, but you prolly no need her for this," Bumper notes, and sits in the circle (closest to the pizza).
"Reeka and Sam have a lot in common. I should call them the Hidden Crowd or something, my phantom people." Tasha slides the box over to Bumper and asks, "Is the Captain going to join us?"
"I tell him what go on," Bumper says. "If'n we need t'be involved at all. I'm best strategist."
Tasha grins a little at that. "Okay. Well, here it is then: we're going to sneak in to Daltoona Station, deal with the Ogdru'hem there, and maybe see about House Kkomen while we're there. We also think it's a key hub for artifact transfer and may use internal gates to sneak in artifacts and evade Titanian patrols, that's why you can't intercept them."
"So, using Ogdru-hem to seam powerful so they can sew chaos?" Bumper asks. With a straight face no less.
Tasha chews on her pizza and stares at Bumper with all the the tiny faux-fury of her adorable new face. "Yes. Daltoona is also the seat of House Khomen, and no one really knows what's going on in the core area. That's where their inner circle lives, and it's likely that's where their forbidden research goes on. I'm betting they have a lot more in there than a Ogdru-hem, their work might help a lot in accelerating our own, and yours."
Mr. Invention opens his briefcase, which folds out flat to reveal a holographic projector in one half and a secure computer in the other. It looks very archaic compared to what Tasha has seen in common use, but the werewolf probably has a reason. It soon displays Daltoona in the space above it, with major ports, industrial, commercial and residential zones labeled.
"As noted, we only have information on the publicly available areas so far," Invention notes. "The industrial zones are also restricted, but we've begun to collect information on them."
"They'll have to rely on people somewhere along the chain, it's just not possible to transport things like this and rely on pure automation. Not safe, either. But they wouldn't want them shipped right to their inner sanctum either, so there must be middle men and one or more arrival facilities. These facilities will have special defenses against the supernatural, or else they'd have probably fallen by now," Tasha reaches over to point to the core and the industrial areas. "And of course they're using Ogdru-hem 'blood' to make stators, which means that blood must be physically transported to the stator production centers. Those may be a way in."
"They seem more intent on thwarting industrial espionage than protecting the facilities against entry," Mr. I notes.
"So it's getting out that's the hard part," Katie surmises. "The workers must be monitored for who they interact with."
"They don't appear to be, according to our agent currently in place," Mr. I responds. "The ones she's been keeping tabs on don't socialize at all it seems. The go to work, then they go home."
"They'll have to focus that on the source of the black box core material too, since a sudden realization it comes from a demon-like pan-dimensional being would alarm any Galactic, and I assume people like that get silenced, one way or another. That could be a lead, and people who have lost family and friends may wish revenge -- if they still exist." Tasha rubs her nose and asks Mr. Invention, "Do the workers seem controlled at all? Signs of technological of supernatural influence?"
"They only seem to interact with each other, and none of them live alone - always with a coworker," Mr. Invention reports. "No signs of family. Usually four workers to a domicile, with alternating shifts so two are always there. It seems odd. If they were completely controlled they should be living at the facility itself, unless it's a recent change and the factories don't have accommodations."
"Why would they need workers at all?" Gabriel asks.
"As cover, or decoys," Katie offers. "Give people like us a target to look at."
"Ogdru-hem don't interface well with machines," Hakeber claims. "They aren't meant to. Unless that's specifically what one is for."
"They may be needed to handle the core material. As beings of a partially memetic nature, Ogdru-hem may not be perceivable to AIs and other machines. The automation may be unable to detect the blood, or even see it," Tasha says at the same time as Hakeber.
Tasha then nods to Hakeber. "It's a problem I've run in to before as someone who has linked to machine minds. They routinely have problems detecting these things. Also, machines may be more easily deceived and corrupted as they are even more dependent on a reliable space-time and this-reality laws. This is one way the Sifra destroyed the last Galactic civilizsation."
"So, the workers could be affected by the contact, then," Gabriel says.
"They may be in pairs to observe for instability," Tasha notes. "And that they don't have family may make them more easily hidden if they should go mad or, well, become food."
"They workers are a mix of Khattans and Vartans, at least from the facility that's been under surveillance," Mr. Invention notes. "But everything else is pretty mixed. Daltoona has some of every Galactic species, even Silent-Ones and Vykarin. It's a major trade center after all."
"Khattans and Vartans are Galactic citizens they have full control over, so they're their employer and government. That would make complaints of abuse very difficult," Tasha suggests.
"Vartans?" Lacci asks. "They live together in groups of four then?"
"Yes, we don't see Vartans and Khattans in the same apartment," Mr. Invention answers.
"Makes it hard to infiltrate their ranks, unless we can physically replace one so nobody notices," Katie says.
"Four can also have numerological significance," Tasha also notes. "But I think it's more of a support and buddy system. Everyone knows everyone else." Tasha takes another bite then shakes her head. "It would also make losses more impactful, but maybe that's the point. Losing one of the four would have a strong impact on the others, emotionally. Some Shadow-beings appreciate that ... flavor." And so she wrinkles her nose.
"Any relationship info on the groups?" Gabriel asks. "They aren't families but is there some other sort of relationship?"
"Not that Batty has uncovered," Mr. Invention says. "We're still trying to get identity information on them through Mrs. Teatime's connections on Daltoona."
Tasha goes to take a sip of her beer, then pauses, frowning. "Children, maybe? Orphans?"
"We'll hopefully know soon," Mr. Invention says. "There may be siblings or other family ties, they just aren't grouped together from what we've been able to tell."
"What the connection is may tell us what their real jobs are within the facility. Emotional connections matter with these things," Tasha explains, putting her beer back down. "We should also find out who works on the 'core' stator assemblies if it's not these people. There might also need to be semi-regular sacrifices to the Ogdru-hem to conserve its power, their 'blood' is themselves, and they diminish when they lose parts of themselves; they can recuperate by consuming souls, or at least some of them can. Ogdru-hem are a bit unusual in that they're also partially physical, and task-specific."
"If they really do need sacrifices, then that's another avenue of potential entry," Mr. Invention notes. "Not for inserting Shojo's assets though. We're still looking at potential communities and businesses."
"The sacrifice route might be better suited to people like myself, with special abilities," Tasha notes. Then, she adds, "But I'd prefer to get a look at the manufacturing process, I just don't think the blood shipping system will allow movement back towards the center as easily as out to the factories. This may be a useful route of escape form the core, however."
"We don't have much information on core access yet," Mr. Invention notes. "They're likely hidden in other structures, like high-end hotels or other elite venues."
"Very likely, and heavily, heavily guarded and screened. We can't use the Horse either, because the sheer amount of mass and stators will create havoc with us, and probably significant structural stress to the station. Someone will notice, so it's better as an escape than a way in. Other ideas include using purely supernatural entryways, which may only be viable for a few of us. I can discuss that with our supernatural elements. Speaking of which," Tasha then contacts Tia, "Tia, we know of the Faewild, and it can be entered by pools and natural places. Is there a way to traverse in to the station in the same way? Through, I don't know, parks, or people's dreams, mirrors, right angles, anything like that?"
"I don't know how to access it," Tia replies. "I've only been able to use the dimensional drive to do so due to having a beacon, namely the ansible. I can open a gateway to anywhere.. usually.. with a beacon like that. I couldn't do it anywhere that is actively suppressing such things, like in the interior of Caltrop."
"Thank you, I'll keep that in mind." Tasha stops staring off in to space and states suddenly, "It may be possible but it would require more research. Speaking of supernatural intrusions, we'll also have at least two deity-level Shadows paying attention to what happens in Daltoona: Mr. Yellow and Thotep."
"But what are their interests, exactly?" Mr. Invention asks.
Tasha spreads her hands in a 'who can say?' gesture, but does elaborate after a moment. "They are non temporally linear entities capable of multi-point co-locational existence across dimension, including world lines, times, and realities. Understanding what they want specifically is very difficult, but they do have preferences that seem consistent: Mr. Yellow's portfolio is the color Yellow and the madness of having no boundary between self and true reality, while Thotep seems to have a very wide set of interests and favors mortal madness and destruction through the more infuriating manner, namely through small cuts, such as, well, me. Both seem to have some greater plan here and Mr. Yellow directly 'stole' me from Thotep by timely intercession, so I had a deal with him and not Thotep. I suspect his interests rest in how the removal of the Ogdru-hem will impact Galactic space, and the overall effort against their masters. It may cause madness somehow, or trigger it. It's hard to know. I could ask him, but that's not done lightly, and he may not tell me. Thotep's conversational, but most of them seem to only touch upon a mortal interaction, to say nothing of the damger they represent."
"King in Yellow locked up, so prolly want out," Bumper suggests.
"Probably. I imagine the monochrome decor gets old," Tasha notes, brows going up. "So, well, I might be a part of that, fair warning to everyone here." And so Tasha raises her hands in helpless surrender; it is what it is.
"One hellbeast at a time," Katie says, waggling her half-empty beer can. "First, we need to get Hakeber to the Ogdru-hem so she can get rid of whatever it is in her head. Then we can worry about repercussions. We don't really know what is supposed to happen when she does her thing."
Hakeber hmms. "Yeah. Katha-hem said to 'free' Sadu-hem, but.. what does 'free' actually mean to them? Why did Urgo-hem react the way it did to part of it?"
"Hake and I both need to be there, I think. And a few others, in case one or both of us become compromised. I still want to talk to the Ogdru-hem," the red woman notes as she picks her beer up. "I was told differently, free or destroy. Mr. Yellow told me to destroy Katha-hem."
"Either way, getting out quickly is important," Gabriel says.
"Very, assuming we can't displace core system control and the ruling House members. I've thought between all our talents we might be able to do it, especially if we can get the Niss to the system core to begin unraveling core control, and we deal with the secret leaders of the House. They're very top-down, if their leaders vanish, who would know? And who would dare say anything if they did? It'd endear us to the Star Empire as well."
"Removing the Niss means the Dark Horse because a very exotic brick," Gabriel points out. "We don't know yet to how to get anyone to the core, much less a three-kilogram civilization."
"That's way it's just a tertiary objective. If we can do it, we can do it, otherwise it's an objective of opportunity, like gathering their research and taking any useful artifacts. They're not supposed to have either." Tasha takes another sip, then shrugs. "Who knows what they have, and we might not get another change. They're going to be livid if they survive, secretly if we're covert enough, openly if we're not."
"That's why we have mercenaries," Gabriel says. "We're more recognizable in a crowd than they are. But I don't know how predictable or reliable our weirder assets are. Samael should be able to get into places and easily impersonate people. The new girls are scary, but we may need them for performing a deep extraction."
"Tia isn't going to hurt anyone, so she's purely extraction-side. Kai wants to hurt people badly, she's like my worse side if it had to have permission, so she'll be useful in and out, and if things go very badly, but at the same time she must be used with caution or she'll start murdering people for the fun of it. Sam's an unknown this time, more than usual. He may have secret objectives from Thotep. We can bring him but we should keep that in mind. The same goes for me in a sense," Tasha explains.
"So, Samael can imitate someone, but so can Kai plus she can read minds apparently," Gabriel says. "I imagine she can be non-lethal if you tell her to be though. It's like the old fairy tale genies: you have your wish granted, but you need to be very, very careful about how you word it."
"Why won't Tia hurt anyone?" Katie asks. "I mean, I'm glad to hear it, but what's her reason? Or is she just programmed that way?"
"I'm going to break the whole station," Tasha says with a straight face before tipping her head back and taking a long drink of beer. She licks her lips, then exhales. "Kai can't read minds, she can house souls, and therefore read them. She's literally a soulless killing ... well, not machine. She is alive and has preferences. As for Tia ..," Tasha glances to Katie, then to the door, " ... she doens't like the repercussions. She doesn't want to look back and be saddened by her choices, or how those actions undermines her mind. She doesn't want to become 'a monster', though she doesn't seem to have realized abstaining comes with its own consequences."
"So, some sort of trauma," Katie gathers. "Better to have murder-woman than someone who may freeze up."
"Yes, and I don't really want to force Tia in to more trauma. We're not here to push people who don't want to be involved on to the battlefield," Tasha confirms, nodding.
"This brings up another issue," Shojo says, finally speaking up. "How are we going to introduce my squad to all of this? Katie is teaching them undercover tactics, and I want to do one more team-exercise at the asteroid. The latter is our best chance to rattle them with something unexpected to see how well they adapt."
Tasha raises a hand. "I'll volunteer. Kai will volunteer too if I ask, and so will Samael. We can set up some one-on-one matches between us all, apart, and then let the team come back together and discuss how the three of us are incomprehensible threats with extraordinary powers, then we can come and talk to them as a group. Having each member relate their experiences to the others might help break them in for how we're even stranger as a group. And, having them split up is less dangerous should they decide, as a group, to try and escape or damage things."
"I figured we'd just have Sam and Kai pretend to be alien monsters haunting the mining base," Gabriel says. He actually makes air-quotes around the word pretend. "Or just let them go down the shaft and see how they react to what's at the end of it."
"What's at the end of it?" Hakeber, Katie and Shojo all ask at once.
"Well, that works, too." Tasha shrugs with a palm up. She then looks over, arches a brow, and then laughs. "I forgot we hadn't told them yet. It's a rabbit hole: a breach from this reality to a pocket plane deep in the Unformed. A self-contained universe."
"And.." Katie prompts. "What is inside the pocket?"
"You know, ... stuff." Tasha then takes an obnoxiously long sip of beer.
"Is there food?" Hakeber asks.
"Oxygen?" Lacci adds.
"Not that stuff. I mean, possibly, but you have to kill it first. And then eating it might turn you in to a a dragon or something. Oh, and there's oxygen. Fairy oxygen." Tasha' makes spooky hand wiggles at 'fairy oxygen'.
"Is that different from regular oxygen?" Katie asks.
"Scarier oxygen," Hakeber says.
"It'll probably mess with you at some point," Tasha insists.
"So long as it doesn't turn to dust if you leave, it should be fine," Mr. Invention claims.
"Many of the atoms involved are brand new," Tasha promises. "Kai can do a lot of amazing things."
"That's impossible," Lacci claims. "Unless you have a supernova."
"Lacci, Lacci, Lacci, haven't you realized by now we do the impossible all the time? And that only applies to local rules, once you introduce external rules, you can do all kinds of normally impossible things. That's really the basis of many forms of magic, though you can also understand reality enough to do seemingly impossible things, which is Wizardry," the red woman chides.
"So, how are brand new atoms made then?" Lacci challenges.
"You'll have to ask Kai, warning: you'll have to ask Kai." Tasha shrugs with her hands. "If I knew how all this amazing magic and technology worked I wouldn't need to keep relying on strange powers to do it for me."
"Is this ability available anywhere, or is it restricted?" Mr. Invention asks.
"The teacup," Hakeber says.
"I assume she needs the unformed stuff of the, well, Unformed, but she can probably create lesser versions like the teacup out here. The Unformed just has a lot more raw material to work with," the canine fuzzy-necked woman answers.
"So, no conjuring up a bomb or weapon on demand," Mr. Invention notes.
"We can ask, but probably not. What she's doing is no mean feat either way, Tia was surprised at how much power she wields. Kai was intended to fight beings of a similar danger level to what we face, maybe a little less, alone. And she has won, many times. She's probably more dangerous than Samael and if we ranked everyone, at the top tier of the dangerous persons we include." Tasha's head shakes. "But she's also not used to fighting in the 'real world'. She was mainly tasked with destroying beings in the Faewild, and the Unformed. Elf lords and the like."
"So other magical and demonic beings?" Lacci asks.
"So this is another artifact person?" Bumper asks. "Opposite to the other one loose on my ship?"
"Yes, though she's unfamiliar with Ogdru-hem, and probably Shadow beings and beings like Mr. yellow. They, for whatever reason, cannot influence the Faewild nor the Unformed. They don't even perceive it, and by extension, don't seem to have an interest in it. I was able to see that myself: Kai put my mind in a haze, but the spore was not effected, and I could ... perceive what realm as it seems to Ogdru-hem." Tasha then turns to nod to Bumper. "Other-universe, outsider weapon. Not old Galactic tech. Their own world was destroyed by demons different from our own, but same idea."
"So, not gonna go crazy and break Dainty Mauler, yes?" Bumper asks.
"Naw," Tasha says dismissively, waving a hand, "he's very focused, and requires direction to do many things. She doesn't seem inclined to just kill everything, but I can't say for sure. Tia is much less so, at worst she'd try to flee and use your technology to do it, in desperation." She sniffs, takes another sip, then adds, "Same deal as all the rest, powerful beings with their own agendas that don't conflict with ours, and we can aid each other."
"That raises an unsettling scenario though," Hakeber says. "Thotep and Mr. Yellow don't know about them, right? Could they turn them against us?"
"Kai's soulless, Tia's foreign. I don't think either of them overlap enough in the rules to allow that, or even to make them visible. It'd more likely be the other way around," Tasha answers, head tilting. "In fact, it may have already happened that way."
"Samael didn't always notice Kai, yeah," Hakeber says. "So.. better to not let them meet up though, just the same."
"Do you mean Sam is being influenced by Kai?" Gabriel asks Tasha.
"I'd suggest not, especially with Kai. I would imagine Kai has safeguards against just anyone using her, though. I suspect only people with a connection to my mentor can do so, which is why she's focused on me over Tia." Tasha turns to Gabriel and shakes her head. "Sam's just concerned by Kai, he picked up on her power and danger well before the rest of us. What I menat was it's possible Thotep and or Mr. Yellow angled me to meet my mentor expecting disaster, so in that sense I was turned against them. Or it's a coincidence. Beings don't need to be directly controlled to use them against another after all."
"Being controlled can set off alarms," Katie claims. "Spy agencies don't use actual spies very often. It's normal people, who work best when they don't know they're working for real spies. But with the whole multi-universe aspect who knows what they can orchestrate?"
"A lot, which is why I try not to worry about it anymore. Not until the stars have aligned, the day has come, and you can see the narrowing of fate and machination to briefly glimpse a likely plan. Then you might be able to do something." Tasha takes one more sip then slams her empty can back down. "So I really don't know if I was manipulated to cause a problem or if we're just two damaged people who damaged each other. But it's also why we got along."
"And our various problems tend to combine into something functional, somehow," Katie suggests.
"I did sort of help a resolution happen," Tasha admits, giving a thumbs up. "And I think she forgave me. I hope they're okay. If all goes well with this, I might sit down while we wait out the storm and see if I can go check on them."
"What's our time pressure on Daltoona?" Gabriel asks around. "There's going to be a point where we have enough information to decide it's time to act, and since we don't know when that will be we should try to suss out what level of information we'd want."
"We should also try Pyr Winlass, in case that contact still works. Warloq suggested I try them, but Warloq was hardly my friend. It's worth investigating, just in case. As for the rest, we need several reasonable rotes in and out, for multiple parties, with multiple goals. The core penetration team must reach the Ogdru-hem; the armed support team must reach suitable sites for distraction, infiltration, and exfiltration, to aid the other teams. The information gathering spy team needs to be ale to reach its surface-level areas and extract information so the other teams can get in and out," Tasha replies.
"It seems to me it's a three-part operation once we arrive: the spy team gathers low hanging fruit, explores social locales, and works with people. Once they report in, the mercenary team heads in deeper, until they've secured a way in, or aid to a way in. Then the core team uses the routes secured for them and enters the core," the red woman continues.
"Generally, it's a we'll know when we know sort of situation," Katie suggests. "We shouldn't think of deadlines. We may even want to come and go until we aren't unexpected. Or move one lead time out and put another in, and keep up a rotation. There will be times when we find something, but then need to wait for any related attention to die down. This is a big place, certainly bigger than anyplace I've had to work before. Mrs. Teatime will be the one that provides us with options: how many identities we can use. Somebody finds something, then we move them to a different city with a fresh identity. I don't know that we'd find everything we need in one place after all."
"It's definitely a bigger metropolis than I've ever had to work with, Despite the scales I deal with, and beings like the Niss, I've never really worked in a city before. Not really." Tasha rubs her nose. "It's hard to grasp in some ways. I'll leave most of the planning to those more experienced with this sort of thing. As for deadlines, our deadline is when Hake or I run out of time."
"We'll need to get used to the scope then," Katie says. "These cities look bigger than anything we've seen, and they're way more mixed than what I'm used to. I was always able to depend on just having one culture at a time to deal with."
"There's another concern: House Khomen may well be aware of us. The longer we remain the more chance they'll take notice, and they may notice our arrival immediately. The Horse is an exotic, unregistered -- a House capital will know we're not legitimate most likely -- experimental vessel piloted by a weird mix of species. It would be very foolish of us to assume they don't know we exist. I think our one saving grace is that I doubt they'll expect us to show up, even if they anticipate it as a possibility. We haven't gone after 'local' targets, after all. They may also have supernatural assistance, as we have. We should beware of special agents and powers," Tasha adds.
"We don't need to go in with Dark Horse," Mr. Invention says. "Commercial ships would be easier. It's how the troops will get there, all on separate ships, from different ports. The most exotic thing we bring will be you, Tasha."
"Awww," goes Tasha, who puts her hands to her cheeks and tilts her head. "Even after all this, I'm still the most exotic."
"We could turn you into a Vartan," Lacci suggests.
"I suppose I'll need a disguise ... " Tasha looks about to say more, then turns to Lacci. "We could? The last time we tried that it didn't last long enough."
"Now that I've seen flatlander Vartan, it shouldn't be hard," Lacci says. "We just need to.. replace your face, and stick feathers on your upper body.. We've got shapeshifters, maybe they could help?"
"I'm glad you didn't say 'rearrange your face', or we'd have had to fight." Tasha smooths her muzzle out and looks down at herself. "I can ask. It's an idea. I think Katie had an idea to train me in her own skills, so we could use something like that as a cover, too. We can see which works better. Both a surface Vartan and a entertainer mezzode make sense."
"I've yet to see a Vartan that could dance though," Katie notes.
"It'd be a one-or-the-other option," Tasha notes. "Or I could switch back and forth if the disguise is more fluid. I'll talk to our shapeshifters to see what they can do, and what the limitations are. I might have down time or I might not."
"No pole-dancing," Gabriel says.
"Well, there's still training for some of you," Gabriel says. "That should buy us time."
Tasha gives Gabriel a mock-pout, but then scoops up her beer can and stands up. "I think we have our plans then. Bumper, make some brain crunch and let me know what you think on your end."
"Hmmm, will talk about looting station when everything go to hell as planned," Bumper says. "You go collect artifact girl from observation dome." The Titanian's had one one palm to the floor the whole time, so has probably been 'listening' to the hammersong updates through the hull.
"I figured she'd go there," Tasha starts heading out, feeling she remembers well enough to navigate, nless they changed the interior. "Okay people, I'm off to go get Tia, the rest of you can head back unless you want a tour, or, I don't know, a workshop in building whatever from whatever, dangerously."
"Lacci is the only one who hasn't already been on the Mauler," Hakeber notes. Lacci looks torn about it.
"Nobody else up in dome but girl," Bumper tells Tasha. "I take good care of nervous bird."
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Tasha tells Lacci before heading out. She blows Gabriel and Katie a kiss, and then she's gone.
There's a familiar figure standing guard outside the observation dome: Blammo. He's even got his multi-gun with him. He's added a spiked ball on a chain since the last time Tasha has seen it. "Hai!" the Titanian barks when he sees her. "Got extra Titan?"
"Hai!" Tasha replies, lifting a hand. She then shakes her head. "No extra Titan, not even old Titan. I am sadly Titan-less at the moment. Mel got a soul and went off to fight in a war on some distant plane. I don't even know if he's OK."
"Awww, can't fight then," Blammo says, sounding disappointed. "You here for moping thing?" he then asks, thumbing behind him to the hatch.
"Yeah no fight, buuut ... " An idea occurs to Tasha. "Got kinetic-only weapons? Not kill weapons, but maybe bruising." She always wanted to try and fight a Titan on foot, and now she's closer than ever to being able to try it. It might be good fun, and educational. "And yeah, here for moping thing."
"Yeah, got these," Blammo says, holding out his left fist. Then he switches the gun over so he can hold out his right fist next. "I open door," he then says, and turns to open the heavy hatch.
"Maybe fight later then, have new exciting powers," Tasha notes in an almost conspiratorial way. She then gives the man a nod and thumbs towards Tia. "Need to handle mopey first though, not as fun. Have real responsibility now -- awful."
"Bang on hatch when ready to come out, or if you die," Blammo says, then closes and secures the hatch behind Tasha. Since the Dainty Mauler is docked, the usual squad of people that send information down to the captain are absent. Instead there's just Tia, sitting in the center of the floor with her back to the hatchway.
"Hi Tia, I'm done with the meeting. Enjoying the view?" Tasha walks around Tia in order to sit in front of her, where she can't be avoided.
Tia doesn't look up from her lap, where she's holding something in her cupped hands. It's black and ugly, with spikes coming out of the irregular edges, like a shard of glass made up of other shards of glass. "Not particularly," Tia replies.
Tasha leans to the side, trying to get a look at the ball. "Did you make a friend? Or make a friend? If you stole it, the rule is you can only keep it if no one knows, you have a good excuse, and you need it to build something."
"You gave it to me," Tia claims, and turns the object so that a relatively clear facet shows. There's an outline floating in, resembling a snarling wolf. "It's your marker, from when you stabbed my ansible."
"I'd like to note she gave it to me," Tasha says defensively, leaning back. "And I was not told the whole truth about it. And I -- we -- we desperate. I'd also like to remind you that short of divine nonintervention we would be dead or worse by now, intervention neither of us saw coming." The red woman sniffs, then tilts her head the other way and frowns at the Marker. "So that's mine? I know the Vril produce the originals, but I've seen non-Vril entities make them. I didn't think I could. It's a bit disturbing how vicious it looks."
"Well, I suppose I made it then," Tia says. "I think Kainudy managed to extract about ninety-five percent of the trauma before you.. interrupted the process." She closes her hands and the marker vanishes. Then she looks at Tasha and says, "I'm not afraid of pain, or even death. I'm afraid of what they might make me do. Do you really think I'm a coward?"
"I'd say 50 percent tops. You got some, then Wolf did, but it was the Null that made it work. I learned, very intimidatingly, how fragile mortals are, and that there's a limit. A limit beyond which you'll do anything. I don't remember what that feels like, because it's gone, but I know it's true. The consequences are more dire still." Tasha frowns for a long moment, taking her turn to stare in to spare, emotionless, and then she says, "Well, that's dealt with for now." Looking back, she raises an brow. "Yes, in a way. Avoiding something our of fear or distaste is cowardice. And as you've probably seen, even doing nothing leaves scars. Kainudy hid herself away, she did nothing, and it scarred you. It scarred her. I'm not sure it's possible to live and not be scarred, maybe only in a universe of stillness and silence. Persephone would know more about that than I do."
"I'm going to tell you a story, if that's alright, to try and explain exactly what it is I'm afraid of and why running away is best," Tia says. "About fifty years ago, for me, I found a world I thought would be interesting. It was technologically advanced, but hadn't left its own star system. No poverty or disease, but it had two closely related sapient species. Let's call them the Hylax and Hygon. The Hylax were dominant, and controlled all government and industry. They owned everything. The Hygon were the workers. They didn't really get a say in things, couldn't own property or businesses but seemed very lively. I inserted myself into their society as a Hygon."
"Before you go on, I want to also say your choice of words is suggestive. Running away versus non-interference. The Vril chose non-interference, because they assess that as best. It's a choice based on what they know. Later they would run away, but that wasn't the same. They were afraid. They cannot handle fear, they are beings of logic and can't handle adjustment well, especially immense adjustment. You may gain by speaking to them." Tasha then rolls her right hand in a 'go on' manner.
"I made friends with a brother and sister. I liked them a lot," Tia says. "They didn't worry about anything. But they were approached with an offer for more money than they'd ever be able to earn in their lifetime. See, their civilization made their advances because of thousands of years of social stability. But that means the ruling Hylax had grown jaded. And when you have a subservient species, certain ideas seem to occur. So, they had an underground syndicate that recruited Hygons to be willing victims of torture. The Hylax had very good medical technology to fix the recruits, and the money bought silence. Sometimes things went too far though. That was the risk. So I went with them as part of it, so I could make sure things went as promised."
"Things went too far, though. Both of them died, and so did I," Tia notes, then frowns. "Of course I recovered, after we'd been collected. I thought that must have some way of suppressing my will. But once they had me, they hung on. I could be rented out over and over to people who wanted to really see how far they could go. So for twenty-three years, I spent every day being raped, tortured, murdered and worse. Being skinned alive, vivisected. Nobody seemed to question how it was possibly, only that I was available. But, the head of the syndicate wanted to retire, and decided to auction me off."
"That sounds familiar," Tasha remarks, remembering parts of Rephidim very well and, while she hadn't seen most of it, much of it was widely known, if not discussed openly. There were places you didn't go if you knew what was good for you, and when powerful people show up to invite you to a good time, or offer payment, the consensus was that of raw danger. Blackwings, of course, was one of such people, but there were many others more powerful than the pirate queen. "Go on."
"So, I was shackled and brought before him on the night of the auction. The first time I'd ever been in his presence," Tia says, pursing her lips for a moment. "I broke my bounds, killed my guards, and strip-mined the broker's mind for every bit of information about the syndicate. Including the security codes for the building. I used those to seal everyone inside. Then I pulled out his bones in front of the ones that came to bid on me. They couldn't get out. So I did the same thing to each one of them. Then I left, covered in blood, used the information I'd extracted to find the rest that were involved. Over the course of one hundred days I killed over thirteen thousand Hylax. In the guise of Hygon. That was a sizeable chunk of the planets political and industrial leadership. There were riots, and reprisals and economic collapse. I don't know if the civilization survived. But during it all I didn't feel anything. Not angry, not disgusted or ashamed. Nothing. And it was after I left that I realized something in me had kept me from escaping. That all of that.. it was just so I could dismantle it once I got to the top of pyramid. I had no control over what happened."
"So, that is what I'm afraid of, Tasha," Tia says. "My mimetic heritage. One of my mothers was the mimetic avatar of Justice, and Kainudy was the one for Necessity. So maybe that makes me Judgment."
"I hoped Kainudy could.. fix me. We'll see how that works out," she adds.
"That is very gruesome. I have thoughts, but there's something I should say: I'm only twenty years old. Maybe you shouldn't worry about what I think," Tasha admits, shrugging a little. "I'm sorry you suffered. It seems like an inevitability when you exist long enough. I'm sure Kai would say the same. But you wnat ore than 'I'm sorries', and I won't comment further on the difference in our experience, because you already know about it and have chosen to talk to me anyway." Tasha then leans back and taps her chin with a finger, thinking. "I dodn't know about this part. It changes things. I couldn't have known either, so I hope you took that in to account when considering things." More tapping. "The closest I have to something like this is my creator, my non-organic one. A ghost that later became Tisiphone, a kind of vengeance god. She punished crimes of murder, especially family murder. The woman had been murdered, you see, and could only watch as those who relied on her were left abandoned." An ear flick. "But I'm not her, I have a broader sense of vengeance. But, I do know several mimetic beings and see how strong a pull that can be. It's a valid worry, I think, but avoiding it probably isn't the best choice. It had to be dealt with. If it bothers you, then it's the enemy, and you have to face it."
"And what if it happens again?" Tia asks. "It took me twenty years of isolation to try and come to terms with the idea that I'm not a person. That something else could just decide to take over and enact its own agenda, and I wouldn't even notice when it did? I don't know what triggers it, only that it doesn't care about collateral damage."
Tasha snorts, then leans in. "Why does being taken over not make you a person? You can probably take me over, am I not a person? If not, why are you listening to me at all? You've clearly decided I am, or else have decided I'm not and are still talking to me. Being controllable might even be part of what makes a person a person and not, say, an omnipotent being because it's our weakness that lets us be controlled. But you might not mean exactly that, you're concerned this element of you can take control, but that's also part of people. Sam's controlled by Thotep, Horus was controlled by Vril and Atum. I can be controlled, including by my own rage. And there's one more thing." She leans back out, the points at Tia. "In that whole story I didn't once hear you say how sad your friend's deaths made you. Not how much you suffered, or how angry that made you. How much you wanted them to pay. Your beloved friends were destroyed and you were tormented. Either you ceased carrying, ceased thinking about it, or you never cared at all. Are you sure this mimetic sense was in charge, or did you direct it to be?"
"Because if it had been me, I would have destroyed that operation. I would have killed them all. I'm not sure I'd have left it at that, I think I'd have wanted to rub the world's face in their behavior, really rub it in how pathetic they'd become, how monstrous. But, well, the rest would have been the same," Tasha adds, ears back, tail stiff.
"I don't feel anything, and that disturbs me the most," Tia says. "After I had control back.. I should have felt horrified. Or something. But all I feel is horrified that it happened and I let it happen.. for whatever reason. What you did to me hurt more than a quarter century of being tortured and killed. And I didn't really feel anything after that either. That is why I'm so worried now."
Tasha frowns, looking away. She props her head on her right hand and notes. "There's a limit to pain, Tia, just as there's a limit to mortal suffering, to what we can handle before we break. I think we stop feeling when we get close to that limit, because beyond it is breaking time. It's like, um, a reactor shutting down before it goes critical. You'd been tortured for a long time. You shut down at some point, then you acted. There's nothing wrong with that, I think. Maybe you have more to it than some others, a memetic quality, but the rest? No. I think you're still looking at yourself like you had been, a world that could endure more than a small mortal or immortal. But even who you had been had limits. You are afraid of limits, like I am. You're seeing what I saw when I was tortured: the sad realization your beliefs, your dreams, all those things you believed you never would ever do ... You'll do them if pushed hard enough. I thought maybe it was limited to mortals, but I see now it's not. Beyond a point none of us can be trusted, and all we hold dear, we'll betray. It's the consequence of not being invincible."
"I feel like I understand Thotep and Mr. Yellow better now," the red woman then admits, quite out of the blue.
"I choose not to fight in this war," Tia says softly. "I don't want to start something I might not be able to stop. It's for your safety too."
Tasha looks back, sits up, and nods. "It's your choice, if you think that's the best one. Are you going to leave, then?"
"No, I'm still bound to you at the moment," Tia says. "I'll help, but I won't fight."
"That's fine, any help is welcome. There's a lot of defensive technology and non-combat assistance we could use. That said, just because you don't fight doesn't mean our mutual enemies won't try and fight you. Are you prepared to deal with that?" Tasha raises her ears, brows too. "Even watching our home, it could fall under attack."
"Doors can be closed," Tia notes. "I can defend if I have to. Even against mere mortals."
"Well sorry for being mere," Tasha remarks, leaning back and then sticking her tongue out. She grabs her tail and begins to pet it down towards the tip in long strokes. "Come to think of it, why was my suffering so much worse than all those years? I don't remember it, so I can't really say. I probably can't remember it, which is good. Less, sometimes, is more, as the Terrans say."
"It's an existential attack," Tia claims. "You got through only because your soul was hardened. For anyone else, it would destroy the self. My sense of self was already in jeopardy, so it hit me hard. It would probably instantly kill anyone else. Psychic poison."
"Great, my suffering is so intense I can now kill people with it. Nora will be impressed, and then make fun of me." Tasha drops her head back on her hand and begins twirling a finger around her tail, which of course twirls back around her finger. "Gabriel would make a joke about teenage angst, if I were a little younger. Well, maybe I can weaponize it. Or could have. No, definitely don't want it back. Why are you keeping it, anyway?" A brow goes up.
"It's part of me now," Tia notes. "Nobody offered to take it away, because it wasn't causing me problems at the time."
"Well, feel free to get rid of it. Or hand it to me, assuming it won't break me again. It's mine to deal with." Tasha holds out a hand. "And I doubt you want to hold a ball of psychic poison, it's not a pacifist's tool."
"It can be duplicated, but not given away," Tia notes. "Like Hastur's Yellow Sign. This is Tasha's Black.. Bile. I'm not good at naming things."
"Lets not use 'Tasha's Black Bile' please," Tasha insists, holding up her hands palm out. "I'll get made fun of and kill people's brains. And it's only part of my sign, a part of me, not the whole me. Like a glass ... facet. We can call it the Facet of Glass. It shows how breakable we are, like glass. And it will cut you if you break it. Like glass. And me."
"I suppose that's better than Cosmic Mistake, which would have been my second choice," Tia says. Then tilts her head as she looks at Tasha. "A Vartan?" she asks.
"I'm not sure my ego is big enough anymore to call my suffering cosmic, maybe in a metaphorical every-person sense." Tasha then blinks, sitting straighter. "A Vartan? Are you reading my mind again?"
"Again?" Tia asks. "You were going to ask me about it anyway."
"I was?" Tasha tilts her head, avian-like. "I suppose I was. I need to be a Vartan, for an upcoming mission of unknown, but considerable, duration. Out of everyone who can shapeshift, I've decided you, Kai, or The Reflection In The Eyes of Others are the best people to ask."
"I may be able to do something with Kai's help," Tia says, pursing her lips again. "Without actually changing you, which is difficult."
"I could ask The Reflection, too, who probably would change me, but maybe I could use a break from being 'more Karnor' and so ... Human. I'm not sure it was wise for me to distance myself form Vartans, mostly, that's been painful," Tasha admits, shrugging a bit helplessly with her hands. "Abandoning what I had been connected to leads to making further abandonment easier. And now that I can have children, the idea seems a lot less desirable. The devision is ..," here she leans in, whispering, " ... it's kind of crushing me. I've seen to many families, groups, nations, and civilizations collapse to ignore the consequences. Gabriel wants it, but I don't know. I need to not thave to think about it for a while. Maybe this isn't want I want after all."
"I'm sure we can add more uncertainty and confusion to it all," Tia says, and smiles. "It's the least we could do."
Tasha squints. "You're going to get me for stabbing you, aren't you. I refuse to take total responsibility for that, by the way."
"Why not?" Tia asks, leaning in.
Tasha leans in too. "Because one, Kainudy subjected me to something that would break her and I'm a twenty year old mortal who just got murdered and brought back to life, two, I have deadly powers attached to me and a tendency to go berserk, three, I think I distinctly noted I was not feeling very well at the time and didn't want to go back in to the place I was tortured, four, I was falling apart while you were not helping and I had to do something to wake Kainudy up, and five, if the Null hadn't saved us that might have been all that did. Persephone will back me up on this, it was all very irresponsible." And so Tasha sniffs, indignant. "Very."
"I do some responsibility, just not all of it," Tasha then adds, nodding a little.
"I take responsibility for murdering all those Hylax," Tia says. "It wasn't something I would have chosen to do. But I still did it, regardless of what brought me to that point. I'd essentially 'decided' to do it before I even knew who they were, even though I wasn't conscious of it. Always own your actions."
"No, because then I take responsibility from others. I take what I think I am due, and no more. Beyond that's victimizing yourself. If you accept all blame, including what wasn't caused for you, you let those responsible escape blame by dumping it on you, or worse, you dumping it on you. So, no, I don't agree with it," Tasha counters, folding her arms. "I've seen too many people ruined by what others have done to them. They can take responsibility until they choke on it, but it does them no favors. It makes what happened to them their fault. No. No. The fault belongs with it's source. Look at it this way, you murdered those people, right? Isn't it their fault for dying, for being murdered? They could have done more, they could have been better. If they own their actions, they're responsible for dying. For being killed. Even if they did nothing. The truth is, you are both responsible."
"It's also arrogance," Tasha adds, ears flicking. "As if we can fix all the things done to us by our own actions. As if we're omnipotent, immune to influence, immune to being controlled. That it's all our fault for any failures."
"That seems to be an argument for an objective form of morality," Tia says. "By their cultural and social standards, they were not guilty of anything. An external force, me, decided they should be punished. Regardless of what you experienced.. and I imagine you chose to.. you tried to kill my mother. I can and do hold you responsible. And when I was distressed, you tried to kill me. After I tried to help you recover. You didn't know it would have worked, but you chose to take the risk. I haven't done anything to you because of it though. I still tried to help you. But I do blame you."
Tasha lays her ears back, and looks about to growl, but she closes her eyes and rests her hand on her muzzle and exhales, very slowly. "I wasn't in my right mind. I killed everything near me, which were all demons I might add, and then she was just there suddenly. If she hadn't intervened I'd have crumbled entirely. Well." Another inhale, another exhale. "Maybe you should move on. Beyond a point ... I don't accept responsibility at all. Because it's pointless. I didn't mention it, but I don't. Justice is something people create, but it's not possible or practical in a sea of contradictions. I know we're discussing blame here, and I went along with it, but I also don't care. I can't afford to. I expect more of immortals who dwarf me in age and experience, but if you're holding me to your standards, then I guess I am guilty. Just don't expect much from it. I am sorry, but I also didn't have a better idea the face of annihilation. As for Kainudy, I think she already understands how i feel. Like I said, we're similar."
"Then she should have taught you that there are always consequences," Tia says. "I'm not going anywhere until I know the final outcome. I'm not going to punish you, because while I feel wronged, I don't feel I have the right to do that. And for everyone's sake, I will act to ensure that that does not change. If I can see my mother again, and if she can fix me, then things might change. But for now I feel the need to keep you alive."
"If it helps any, I punish myself all the time," Tasha says, wincing, one eye closed and the other opened a hair. "The endless choices, the endless consequences, personal weakness, inter personal weakness, a universe to save, people to protect. I don't know, maybe Kai's the lucky one. Or no one is. The second you start being responsible is the second everything because painful and unenjoyable. Maybe we shouldn't. I don't know. I'm sure Kainudy and all the others ... Horus ... Thoth ... they all feel it, too."
"I suppose it had to balance out, but I also think I've had enough of thinking about it. Thoth tried to make me be a god, and maybe you think of godlike terms because of what you are, but I don't want to be a memetic avatar or a beacon of truth. I've seen that, and no, no thanks. I'd rather be a god of the land, like Wolf. I'd rather live than whatever this mess is," the young woman adds.
"She always dealt with the consequences," Tia says, and frowns. "Which is why I must be broken. Maybe Lothrhyn left out something important because there wasn't enough room left in me. But I'm dangerously flawed."
"Did she? I think you said she abandoned you and hid in a bubble," Tasha replies, looking up. "But then she's some sort of super-dragon, isn't she?"
"Hiding in a bubble was the consequence of her actions, I think," Tia says. "She's not even a true dragon. She was made into what she was, just like we were."
"Even your maker was made," Tia points out. "Maybe regular people don't deal with these sorts of things."
"By that golden dragon lady, right? The one that showed up towards the end of the battle, while I protected her," Tasha asks, then she perks up. "See! I did take responsibility. I was able to see a resolution, if indirectly. I did what I could to make things better, when I was recovered enough o do so. And, I suppose maybe they don't. Being made means you have to judge the making; if you're just made by chaos, it's a lot harder to judge that."
"Or we just feel our flaws are deliberate," Tia says. "The both of us are just last-minute attempts to fix something."
"You mean you and me, or you and Kai? Or Kainudy? Not that it's less true for them, I suppose ... " Tasha frowns, considering. She doesn't know why Kainudy was made, presumably for some reason or other.
"You and me," Tia says. "We didn't rebel against our creators like Kainudy did."
"Nora' obnoxious but she's not unlikeable, and it helped what she wanted was easy to want, when you felt why she wanted it. In the end, I just wanted to help her, and them. Although, now I fear I just brought them to even greater danger. I still wonder if they're all better off without me." It's not said with great sadness but more something akin to sad resignation. Understanding, if too late. "And Kainudy ... wanted a house?"
"Yes," Tia says. "Lothrhyn even hid that she was self aware from her for awhile. A house with delusions of personhood."
"So, I had to wonder if all my personhood was just a delusion," she adds, "After seeing just how fragile it was."
"I think if you believe you're a person you might be. Or want to be. Or are. I don't know, it's one of those questions like, "am I still Tasha?" because you could argue I am or I'm not, just like when I was Human. Maybe some things have to be claimed, not proven." Tasha nods slowly to this. "Yes, i think I like the sound of it, even if it has some flaws. I can see, as I've gone along, that maybe there are things, many things, that can't be resolved by discussions of proof and certainty, they have to be assume, or claimed, accepted or denied."
"I envy Kai for her certainty, and the freedom it seems to give her," Tia says. "No questions of responsibility or morality. No guilt or remorse. And she seems to enjoy it, which is the most galling thing about it all."
"I think that's part of what I mean. Responsibility doesn't seem to be required by the universe. Wolf probably doesn't think about it either. I'd been leaning away from thinking like this, I know Horus doesn't, neither does Kai, and of course not Wolf. Maybe you can live without it and not be a terrible being. Decide what's important to you, and act accordingly. You don't need the rest. That's what I've been thinking. I've had to consider it, what if I have to chose between, for example, a world and Gabriel? Those people are doomed." Tasha slaps a fist in to her open palm. "Yes, maybe complete responsibility is just a trap created by people, like religions that beleive in something that's wrong. Important to the believe, but not correct or ultimately productive except to the self's comfort. I'm made from many animals, and they didn't need it forever."
"It's probably different for houses," Tia notes. "We exist for the benefit of other people's comfort, not our own."
"Then it sounds like you're ... over thinking it. I've heard that a lot since I started this journey, over thinking. You're hoping strict responsibility will alleviate your worries and elevate you, but I think relying on it will be disappointing. The universe isn't very responsible, except maybe to the rules it operates on. Same with other universes. And you're trying to comfort everyone, rather than a few beings. But you can't really comfort people when you're not comfortable, as you've probably noticed with my decidedly lacking attempt to comfort you. yes, i think you helped me see something, it's not responsibility I need, but prioritizing and decisions. I'd already been leaning that way. I think you should try it, too. Decide what matters to you, and act from there," Tasha suggests.
"Rules are important to me," Tia says. "I depended on them for survival. And they're probably why I killed all those people, despite 'not killing people' being one of my most important rules. I'm a mobile home now though. That's probably the problem."
"That doesn't apply to me, which is probably part of why I've been increasingly miserable despite being successful. I mean, besides the being killed and tormented parts. I never wanted to lead, I was happy to follow because I enjoyed the structure, but now I'm beyond it and there's no going back. I am wolf, I am bird, and I am Human. Two thirds of me is a wild animal. Rules and responsibility are civilized things, but I don't need them. I don't know. I need to think on it, but I have a lot to do, and I just finished a war meeting." Tasha rubs her face, leaning back until her tail pushes to stop the tilt. "Something's got to go, though. I'm no longer comfortable with these 'responsibility' discussions. I'm tired of the infinite repercussions of what could be, and responsibility. I think at least, for me, that tells me it's not for me. I'm going to follow a different route."
"I don't fairies worry about it, and some of them are practically gods," Tia notes. "But they also aren't particularly nice. And work so poorly in groups that they needed Kainudy to lead them."
"I'll find something," Tasha insists, folding her arms again. "I've done the impossible, I can find an acceptable morale position. Maybe I'll ask Wolf. Or Horus. Again. Or just do whatever."
"I want another milkshake," Tia says. "Before I go meet up with Kai. I also didn't get to finish my Library research."
"Come on, lets go, I think we've had enough philosophy for a while. I have a headache and need a beer." Tasha hops up with surprising energy despite her words, but ruins it by yawning. She does however hold out a hand. "I'm going to just do things and hope it's correct. And eat. Lets go eat, tomorrow I might have a beak or something."
Tia takes the hand, and says, "Lacci is running around loose, and may be lost. I was listening to the Hammersong through my butt."
"Speaking of someone who needs direction and a milkshake." Tasha leads Tia out while continuing to hold her hand. She then diverts to find Lacci, who probably also needs a hand to hold.
Logfile from Envoy. (OOC) Log start: d:\logs\fenris\2020-01-20_friends-and-entities.htmlWith Jonas still running tests on Yue and the Lapis, the ship is quiet. Even the splashing sounds made by Rock and Rainbow in the Phin's room are muted, with the doors partially open. The bridge is likewise quiet, save for a chiming from the communications station. Gabriel is already getting the pilot systems started, so isn't really paying attention to the message signal.
Tasha smiles as she walks past the Phins room towards the Bridge, content ib knowing at least a few people on the ship are having innocent, childish fun without the weight of the world on their shoulders. It gives her perspective, and reminds her no matter what happens there is usually someone, somewhere, apart from it all, having a fine time in their own personal reality, a kind of sub-universe lacking in hard boundaries.
By the time Tasha steps on the Bridge she's smiling and, upon hearing the chime, reflexively orients to answer the call. "This is Tasha," she greets whomever.
The waiting message was sent over an hour ago, by Katie. "The Titanians are back," the whole of it.
Tasha replies with an automated 'received and acknowledged', then steps over to the navigation console, leans over the chair, and punches up the system map to hunt for the location of aforementioned Titanians.
The only place they could be is at Caltrop, otherwise Katie wouldn't have known about it. The downside of being a lawless frontier outpost is that it doesn't have convenient Arrivals and Departures listed. "I guess there's going to be a fish fry tonight," Gabriel notes after overhearing. "Any nearby traffic?"
Given that the asteroids are on average a few hundred thousand kilometers apart, no ship transponders are showing on Tasha's board.
Tasha had to check anyway, even if the result is obvious. Enough oddities occur in her daily life that the unusual and inexplicable must be checked for, even if they are unlikely. "No transponders anyway, check for anyone hiding and we'll be clear. Think I can contact the Titanians without anyone noticing, or should I just try it in person?"
"Given the curtness of Katie's message, in person is probably best," Gabriel says, moving Dark Horse into the trajectory Tasha plotted. "They usually just show up and knock on the door. I think they prefer to communicate in ways that don't give people a head start."
"Sounds wise to me. I'll dress as inconspicuously as I can." Which is not very much for Tasha, but she can do something. She steps away from the consoles and stretches a moment, then heads aft. "Going to take a shower and get dressed, be ready in a bit."
"Sure, do all the fun stuff without me!" Gabriel jokingly complains.
"No fun today, you're not going to miss much," Tasha admits, and then she's out and off to find something to wear.
What Tasha does end up wearing is a Vartan youth ensemble popular among station youth. It's a bit young for her, but she's rather short for a Vartan, and she looks young for herself on top of it. The outfit's made of a sturdy somewhat stiff hoodie over a sparkily but nondescript top, long leggings, booties, and a medium length skirt. It takes a while to assemble, since she has to dig the outfit out of its modular storage crate down below, so they're almost to station when she's done with it.
The Dainty Mauler looks smaller when you're not standing on the ground right next to it, but it still dwarfs Dark Horse, especially with all the giant sail rigging. Gabriel brings them in to their usual docking space. Luckily they can use the smaller ones, what with the Mauler and the Celestial cargo transport dominating the bigger ones. "I had to fight off alien monsters," Gabriel claims. He apparently didn't win though since there's a cat in his lap.
This makes Tasha grin, so she picks up the cat and sits in Gabriel's lap, then puts the cat on her lap. "The small ones are the most dangerous, I hope your tail is OK." Tasha's tail is sometimes not OK, when the cats are feeling extra playful. "Well, there's the Mauler. It never really stops looking quirky and out of place, does it? It's kind of comforting, really."
"It make's Tia's ship look normal, which is still disturbing," Gabriel says. "I may visit the junkyard and see what sort of ground vehicles they have, if any. Going to go find Boomer?"
"Yep, as a 'Vartan youth' it's my duty to find trouble and get in to it. And it' Bumper," Tasha confirms. She rubs the underside of her kitty's chin and behind the years, always satisfied by how soft, yet vicious and oddly musical, her cats are. They're a comfortable conundrum.
"So Vartan youths are duty bound to find trouble?" Gabriel asks. "Even Lacci?"
"She found us, didn't she? That's a lot more trouble than most find. Shojo found me, too, and look where that's got him. I found all of this." Tasha makes a swirl on the cat's head, which she knows annoys it a little, but it's only fair that she gets to be obnoxious back some times. "Besides I can't just go find them as I am, I'm even more obviously unusual than I used to be. It does help I can pass for a Vartan kid, however."
"Well.. except for your face," Gabriel notes, and boops Tasha's nose.
"I'll keep my hood and head down," Tasha insists, rubbing her nose, head ducked, ears back. "No one pays attention to poor waifs anyway, it's the same way everywhere."
"And everyone knows lone Vartans are crazy, and best avoided," Gabriel claims with a straight-face.
Tasha thinks to retort, but then decides it's mostly true. "True," she agrees, then she boops Gabriel's nose back. Like lone wolves. Anyway, I'm going to arrange a meeting somewhere more out of the way than usual, then I'll figure out how to get the key players there for the Big Meeting. Be ready for the call, and make sure the others are, too. The big planners. If anyone insists they really need to come let them."
"Shouldn't be too hard to find the Titanians at least," Gabriel says, then lifts Tasha up off of his lap and sets her on her feet before standing up himself. "I'll check in on Doc and his patients as well."
"Be sure to give them a hard time for me, I don't want them to feel unloved." She then hands the cat to Gabriel. "Cookie will help." And so she gives him a kiss on his chin because she can't actually reach the rest of him while not wearing elevated booties, and turns to head out and for the airlock.
The bazaar is busy as usual, but there's a tell-tale trail of puddles that probably indicates the passage of the Titanians. Even though they usually go to the same place, as the 'meat market' is further down near the big restaurants and Embassy Row.
Tasha stuffs her hands in her pockets, pulls her hood forward, and just generally tries to look small, unassuming, and grumpy. She was a teenager not that long ago, and got a lot of gruff for it, so she remembers all the things she thought she wasn't doing that made people upset, and will now use them to make herself less approachable. This also affords her the chance to look around without being bothered, since 'kids like her' rarely have any money or anything else worth having, except themselves -- but she can deal with that.
That doesn't keep a few booths from waving 'shinies' about, hoping the glint will catch Tasha's lowered eyes. But for the most part her gambit works, although she does get pushed aside once by a large Naga in a hurry.
Tasha decides that's fine, if people are pushing her she's also not being considered much of a threat or concern which is exactly what she wants to happen. And so she goes, following the puddles -- and the smells -- hoping to pick up on the Titanians themselves.
The market is active when Tasha arrives. And while there are Titanians, Tasha doesn't spot Bumper... or any of Tasha's own crew. But, she's got her tracker, and Katie will probably be wherever Bumper is - spying on her.
Tasha makes sure she has the current set of Titanians well and truly scent memorized before she moves on, just in case she needs to locate them again. She brings up the tracker in her contacts so as to not have to lower her face, projects the local map, and begins heading towards the beacon.
It leads to the Surf-n-Turf, which isn't too surprising. It's one of the few places that can handle Titanians for any length of time. Or at least that's where Katie is.
So Tasha walks over to a wall near the entrance, leans back, and lurks as teenagers are wont to do. She lifts her head just enough to scan the crowd, looking for the Titanians who are rarely hard to spot. She really should have come here first, but taking the chance to work on her convert skills seemed useful, and she learned a little along the way.
She first spots Katie and Lacci, sitting at a small table where they can overlook one of the big round booth ones. The Titanians are there, Bumper and two others. And squeezed between the two big males is a very small looking Tia, clutching a milkshake and looking very uncomfortable.
Well that's not good, how does someone who keeps trying to avoid trouble always get in to it? They must know she's not from this universe and are interrogating her Bumper-style. And so Tasha pushes off and makes her way on close in a winding, aimless path full of fecklessness.
"Tasha!" Bumper calls out almost immediately. "Hey! Over here!" She even waves.
And Tasha was going to try and steal Bumper's wallet -- or more likely gun -- too. Tasha doesn't even bother to pretend she's other than herself, she just walks over and sits down like she had planned to do so all along, a skill she learned from her cats. "Hey, there you are. And I see you've met Tia." She wishes the seats were a bit taller.
"Oh, that her name then?" Bumper says, and throws an arm around Tasha to side-hug her close. Tasha also hears a chirp from a device around the Titanian's wrist. "She no want to talk to us for some reason. And where you been, Rustpuppy?"
"Oh you know how it is, I go here, I go there, I exited reality for a little while to learn new things and, wouldn't you know it, it got very complicated quickly." Tasha doesn't resist -- or mind --being cuddled. Bumper is strange, and dangerous, but she's strange and dangerous in a comforting way, reminding Tasha tougher women than her are out there, that can do something and rescue her. It's not all on her shoulders, after all. "So I've been recovering from that, then my new outsider friend suggested I base-up somewhere, you know, outside. So I've been looking at unreal-estate. have you been worried about me? Is that device telling you I am who I seem to be?"
"Telling me you maybe not all you," Bumper says, but still in a friendly tone. "Bring backs stuff from outside, hmm?"
"Yeah I kind of got my soul cookie-cuttered for a good reason, it was really a big mess, maybe as big as the last big mess." Tasha shrugs with her hands; these things happen. "Brought back a few things but we're still figuring it all out. Have a few more tricks now, made of weirder stuff than before. Got in a big fight with a lot of elves."
"Tell me everything," Bumper says, and slides over a flagon of beer. The Titanians always bring their own flagons for drinking. "You trade in your demon for something shinier?"
"Is here okay?" Tasha gestures around her and her tail makes a little twirl motion to indicate the building. "It's big, though some things I can't talk about due to a promise and, well, two of those involved are even scarier than you lot. There's also planning, I might need your help, and soon, and I'll even say why."
"Oh ho?" Bumper replies. "If we go to Mauler, your spies come with?" she asks, flicking an ear towards Katie and Lacci. "Get Vartan on ship, that be somethin'."
"Ha ha yeah she'll be all poofy for the whole thing, the shame will last generations, and that's fun just by itself." Tasha glances at the spies, makes a two fingers to her eyes, two fingers pointing at them, I'm watching you gesture, then looks back to Bumper. "But yeah, better on the ship. You said talk to you if we're planning something, so we're talking to you and planning something. I think you'll appreciate it, you all will."
"That depends," Bumper says non-committally. "Tea-girl come too. She talk?"
Tasha waggles a hand, maybe. "Tea-girl is very shy. She'll open up more when I talk, I know you're interested in her."
"Righty-dokie, we go now," Bumper says, scooting out of the booth and pushing Tasha along with her.
Tasha is easily moved by large women. She slides right on out, waving Tia to follow and assuming the others will come along on their own. "Come on Tia. I'd say they don't bite but they ckind of do. Meet the least official space police you'll find anywhere."
Tia doesn't really reply, but just keeps close to Tasha as the Titanians crowd around them. Tasha can't see Katie through their bulk, so can't be sure if Lacci will get dragged along or not.
When the rock of Katie comes to the not-exactly-hard place of Lacci, Tasha is certain of who will move, stubbornness or no. For her part she walks along like she had intended this, because in many ways she had. She knew Bumper would have questions, if not which, and she knows Bumper keeps an eye on her, just not how much. She also knows Katie will have informed Gabriel, which means everyone who needs to know will know soon. It's all very relaxing in its predictability, she decides.
As they make their way up along the spine, Tia finally whispers to Tasha, "Are we going outside?"
"Yes," Tasha replies, looking concerned, "Don't try anything sudden, like trying to run away. We're fine, but you won't be if you do that."
They're soon passing the donut shop, and the cluster Celestial merchant-marines. Maybe they like the crullers, but at the moment they are all staring at the Titanians. One of the big fish tanks is being pushed through the large dock tunnel. The shifting gravity looks strange was it affects the water but not the long tank until it's tipped in completely. Their little group follows closely.
"Don't slip," Bumper warns. Then they're at the docking shelf, with the main gangway of the Mauler extended to it. "Grug, wait for spies, take 'em to small debating chamber."
Tasha realizes she's a Vartan child walking with a Human girl on to a Titanian ship, which may cause problems if a Humans or Vartans decide they need to be a hero and intercede. She doens't act yet, but makes ready to if need be. "I appreciate how unsubtle you can be, a shame it only works out here." She looks down at her feet; they're tiny hooves now, so slipping is a problem.
"I very subtle Titanian," Bumper claims. "Didn't set anything on fire."
"That can be hard," Tasha agrees. Sometimes she, too, is subtle. Sometimes worlds go missing and wars start. Life is tricky. "You have a debating chamber? It's reinforced." The last part is not a question.
Once inside, they follow a course that Tasha isn't familiar with. It involves the usual three-dimensional navigation before they arrive. "Here we are," Bumper announces. The chamber does indeed look reinforced, but there are a lot of dents and scorch marks. There isn't any furniture though, as Bumper bids her guests to just sit on the floor across from her.
Tasha expected a table, because a table is how you indicate a room is for planning, but otherwise she's pleased with her mental image of how it would be. She sits towards the center, the 'I'm important' spot. She expects Tia to race to a wall or corner; Lacci will too eventually. Katie will either stay near a wall to appear subtle, or sit behind her.
Tia actually sits next to Tasha. She's still quiet, but probably less fearful outside of the walls of Caltrop. The other Titanians leave them, and Bumper laboriously gets her legs into a comfortable position. "Alrights," she says. "Now, you got demon and bird-head wizard last we check. Then see you vanish and come back a few times. Start there, yah?"
"Yah," Tasha echoes, nodding slowly. "So, first, bird head had been teaching me magic basics, and decided the best place to learn was on Ymir, which has faeries. Around the same time Whale Mom -- Persephone -- decided I was unteachable and decided to make a relative do it instead. These two ideas combined in to me meeting this new mentor deep in who-knows-where faerieland. My new mentor taught me until she thought it was a good idea I see what getting my soul eaten was like, where upon I learned a lot of things very quickly, including mortal limits and how breakable we all are. I then lost it and started killing everything." Tasha spreads her hands in a wide shrug, another what can you do, but the gesture isn't as steady and her attempt to maintain a kind of blaise about it all is not so firm. She's shaking, if slightly. "A bit before that had happened Tia here caught wind I was connected to this new mentor and bugged me about it, a lot. When I went nuts she found me and kind of rescued me, but I was still a wreak, and then we tried to rescue my mentor who I sort of stabbed because, see the part about me losing my sanity and going amok. We succeeded, but that lead to more problems."
"Stabbing is messy," Bumper notes. "So, kill mentor?"
"Stabbed with Yellow sword, much worse," Tasha admits, smiling wryly. "Managed to save mentor from post-stab break down, but just barely. Null showed up and saved us all, punched hole in soul when I agreed it was best, doing okay now. With mentor weakened, army came, fought army with Mel so Persephone could heal mentor, won, then Thotep showed up for next round, and Mel, mentor, bird head, and bird head father all kicked Tia and I out because we were a liability." Tasha wrinkles her nose. She understands why, but she doesn't have to like it. "So maybe mentor is okay? Mel, Horus, and Thoth too. Don't know. Tia is waiting to know as well."
"And where Tia come from?" Bumper asks. "What yellow sword?"
"Huh you not see the Yellow sword before?" Tasha looks genuinely puzzled, leaning back and frowning. "I thought I mentioned it, but a lot is going on and a lot of people. Well, Tia first." Tasha gestures to Tia with her left hand. "Tia is a creation of mentor, one of several, who escaped when mentor's world was destroyed by demons. Like a life boat, but smaller, and more pushy. World was dragon-fairy-magic-science type, another universe, not sure why demons come but it'd not like they need a big reason. Might have been messing with demon-magic, not many survivors."
"Ogdru-hem.. analogues," Tia finally speaks up. "Not demons."
"Servants of some other gods then?" Tasha turn to look at Tia. "Which gods, not the Ogdoad?"
"Essentially the same," Tia says. "Outsider gods, were imprisoned. Had lots of created monsters as their army. Someone let them out, the ones that imprisoned them went to push them back. But their armies woke up, burned all the worlds of the ones that beat them back before. I was on one of those worlds."
"The dark ones do get around, yah?" Bumper says. "So, this mentor teaching you how to fight them?"
"Good reason not to fail," Tasha remarks, grimly. "And also a god reason to have backup plans." She stares at Tia for a long, glum moment, then turns back to Bumper. "So war lost, refugees. What will happen here, except probably better, if we lose. As for the sword, mentor showed me how to focus Yellow-power. Blue, too."
Tasha scoots away from the both of them then holds up both her hands. In her right hand boils up a sword of the most uncomfortable yellow color, as if it were made of burning wax and a thousand unwelcome mornings. It hovers over her hand like an icon, and like an icon, doesn't seem quite real. The surface shifts in uncomfortable ways, as if it were made by millions of worm-like threats that occasionally forgot to stay together. In her other forms a blue shield, and it's not unlike looking at the sky as it darkens in to space, or a seemingly unending ocean. It looks sturdy, unblemished, and stable; perfectly stable. "This is one way I can fight them. They're only manifestations of power attached to me. I can make other copies, and I have the Blue wrapped around my brain constantly. We were going to review more when the soul ... experiment went awry."
"So, that all happen on Ylem?" Bumper asks. "Or here too?"
"On Ymir and off in the Unformed, in fairy-land," Tasha answers.
"Oh soul got tempered too," Tasha adds, poking her chest with a finger after she lets the two floating objects boil right back in to her. "Can't get eaten. Not as great as it sounds in some ways, ways like the kind that made me go berserk."
"Probably Thotep's plan all along, come to think of it," Tasha then adds, tapping her chin. "God that blessed it sounded a lot like him."
"Harsh lesson then," Bumper says. "Thotep again. He being active now, making moves?"
"Is he ever not?" Tasha looks around, frowns, then tosses up her hands because of course he's probably listening somehow. "I don't think he ever stops. It seems he was at least up to that, but could be more.'
"So, what going on here now?" Bumper asks. "You vanish again, reappear. Weird readings from Ymir, then here."
"That could have been my ship," Tia admits. "If you could detect me, you would have detected it too."
"Other-universe tech. Tia brings ship, too, uses old drive from old world. Brought another creation of mentor too, old, uh ... " Tasha turns to squint at Tia for a long moment, then decides she's going to learn about the truth sooner or later, so may as well learn it now. "Old magic assassin ade from bad feelings and no-soul. Secret weapon, for dealing with problems. Kind of like Titanians and like us, except less soul and more-- similar levels of killing. Crueler. Still tool though, so restricted. I am directing her for the moment. Suggested we use elf-world as a base, and drive to shield it. Does not like Tia, good sister bad sister thing. Difficult. Teaching me things now, can make people pass out with magic now."
"So, a second artifact ship and a sentient artifact weapon?" Bumper asks, still keeping a friendly tone. "And is Tia girl also weapon or something else?"
"I'm not a weapon," Tia insists.
"More like ... gardener. Pacifist, doesn't like nasty consequences of fighting. Opposite of weapon-lady. Maybe to much soul." Tasha shrugs her shoulders. "Good sister, bad sister. Mentor problems."
Tia doesn't comment on the sisters analogy, but doesn't look pleased about it either.
"So, why is a pacifist with you?" Bumper asks. "Just because of mentor?"
"Oh, turns out I work for the Null too," Tasha adds, perking up. Then she perks right back down. "Might be unhappy with me, has connection to mentor and I was not, um, doing well mentally, when we met." She then turns to hear Tia's answer.
"I'm going through a lot of things at the moment," Tia says. "I didn't know I still had family until Tasha.. did something that got my attention. I'm in limbo right now. I have to keep an eye on my big sister because she is a monster. A tool, but a willful one and I don't know that she won't influence Tasha into using her like she wants to be used."
"So, can you teach Tasha anything?" Bumper asks.
"I've helped her as much as I'm able to, but I don't have anything else," Tia claims.
"Big sister wants me to use her, but it's not my first tie being handed big scary weapons that want me to use them," Tasha notes, sitting a little straighter. "Get handed a lot of doomsday weapons, have only doomed a few things, and it was usually the best choice." She sniffs. "Tia's been helpful, but I worry about her long-term plans. Just running away. We need to use drive. So maybe we should work together so Tia is safe and we can use drive."
"What?" Tia asks Tasha. "You mean my Dimension Drive? It's fixed?"
Tasha turns and nods. "Kai fixed it, but thinks it's better used in securing a stronghold from invaders than running away. We'd like to study it and, maybe, copy it. In return we can protect you and let you enjoy a relatively normal Human life here, we can clear your enrollment in the local schools and allow you to travel, and you need to stick with me anyway since you're both watching Kai and awaiting a response from your creator through me. It's the best compromise I can think of."
The apparently human girl just stares at Tasha for a moment in silence. "I want to talk to you about this in private," she then says, looking a bit.. haunted.
"Alllriiight," Tasha says slowly, blinking once, then turning to Bumper and splaying her ears. "It's a sensitive topic?"
"Apparently," Bumper says. "So, what other artifacts you gots now? A base in fairy-land. How that work? Magic drive that go between universes. Magic sword and shield. Magic killer robot. That everything? What is exotic matter in you head for?"
"You mean spore or ansible?" Tasha clarifies. Her head is filled with a lot of weird junk these days.
"Whatever is the latest," Bumper answers.
"Ansible. It's like a mini-universe that's used for power and communication. Mentor-tech, Tia uses them, too. I kind of broke this one to try and snap mentor out of murder-fugue, kind of worked, but melted in to hand. Tia fixed it; works for basic communication and some other things, like this:" And so Tasha spreads her wings and, after she slaps the ground, pushes off to over a few inches above it like some sort of grim teen yogi master. "Also lets me make people faint. Won't demonstrate."
"Hmm, all inside your head then?" Bumper says. Then looks to Tia. "Can it be used to kill her or control her?"
"Yes," Tia answers plainly.
Tasha shrugs her shoulders. She had kind of expected anything so powerful to be able to do so. "I assume all the other ones can, too."
"No, only I can use it to control you, or mediate the control," Tia explains.
"Can't the spore, the Yellow, and the Blue also do it? I'm sure Persephone can kill me a billion times over," Tasha remarks. Then she frowns. "Are you going to kill or control me? You could easily do so and recover the drive."
"I don't do that," Tia claims. "And Persephone isn't the sort to kill people on a whim."
The floor drums slightly with Hammersong. "Hmm, spies finally here. Maybe snuck aboard and got lost. You two need a moment alone?" Bumper asks.
"Yah," Tasha goes, then she exhales and flops back on the deck, hands out, looking a little overwhelmed.
"I be back then," Bumper says, and leaves the chamber.. bolting the hatch behind her though. As soon as she's gone Tia stands up and starts pacing.
Tasha lays there like life had run her over. "Kai doens't like you, but you knew that. She thinks you're self-insistent and spoiled. She's older, she was first, I can see why she'd think that, being made a disposable tool with a leash isn't a pleasant experience for anyone, let alone a sentient being. The result is inevitable. But I also see why you fear her, and it's reasonable enough. It's too bad you can't get along, because between you both is a very effective individual with a conscience." She closes her eyes. "I have no idea what Kainudy thinks of either of you. I don't think she's mad at me."
"This has nothing to do with Kai," Tia insists, almost snapping. "I died because my mother took away the only real means I had of protecting my world. Or of escaping intact. And now, just like that, you're deciding the same thing. You're about to fight the same monsters that killed me before, and you're taking away my only means of defense or escape!" She falls to her knees after the outburst. "You're being just like Kainudy."
Tasha absorbs that and says nothing for a long moment, then coughs a laugh. "No, because you can kill me, and because I asked. And of course I'm like her, why do you think Persephone put us together?" She turns her hands up in a shurg, or maybe a sign of helplessness. "Kainudy didn't intend for you to die. If you put it the other way, be holding on to the drive you intended to flee while Kainudy fought for your and everyone else's life. You had no faith in her. Only yourself. What mattered was you survived, you had the best options. So what if the other worlds burned, you'd have been well. That's most important, isn't it? As for the monsters, if sounds like you've decided they cannot be beaten, in which case you've also decided that you will eventually be destroyed by them. Except none of us will be there to try and save you. You will have preserved yourself until nothing is left, leaving those who fight for you to die."
"I couldn't protect any of them, all I could do was send them into other realities," Tia says quietly. "But I couldn't get them all. I could barely save myself. I didn't save myself, not really. You've been dead, and for time were less than what you were. Nobody came to save us. She didn't come back, so.. when the attack came I thought she was dead. I was alone. I was five years old. Nobody's ever fought for me. The things you're fighting aren't even really awake you know. Charon attacked one that was. Look at how that went."
Tasha folds her hands on her chest. It makes her think of all those graves in Kainudy's haven. "Sometimes there isn't a good answer. There's just doing your best, picking the choice you think has the best chance of working out, and going with it. Or doing nothing, and dying. Sometimes you get pushed so hard you break, and the choices fall as they will. And sometimes you just give up for a while." Her ears flick. "When you look in to your future, where does it lead? One place to the next, one burning ship to the next, everyone left behind. What is at the end, where is your golden world, Tia?"
"I just don't want to be hurt anymore," Tia says, sounding defeated. "You hurt me with that black soul-burn dagger. Everyone hurts me eventually. Nobody protects me like they promise. You say it's bad for me to run away, but you don't really give me the choice. I've been told that before too. Been a slave, and worse. I just.. didn't expect to feel betrayed so soon."
She then looks at Tasha, and asks, "Would you have even considered keeping the drive if Kai hadn't suggested it?"
"I hurt you to get Kainudy to wake up before she devoured us all, and only after you dragged me back to the place where my soul had been eaten because you needed me to fight," Tasha points out. She then spreads her hands again. "Do you think I really enjoy this, Tia? The endless war against unfathomable powers that seems like it has no end? Oh it was fun for a while, it gave e purpose, but it burnt me out quickly, and ran me dry. Now I keep fighting because I have to, because it's in my hands, now. Or I could run away. I thought about it. But I have too many people who want to stay here to run. I might seem like fun and games, but it's the veil that keeps my sanity in check and keeps me going. Otherwise it's just an endless crushing war I'm nowhere near qualified to fight. That I win impresses everyone, including me. And I have won. More even than your people did. And that matters. I can win. I must win." She cracks an eye open and looks at Tia. "I hadn't considered it beyond the idea the technology can be useful. I'm not in the habit of stealing from my allies. Kai tricked me by making it a required element, explaining its great uses, and then at the end after it was all there presented to me delivering the catch. You don't think I feel a bit used? You both know full well what I'm fighting for here."
"And Kai knows I may have children. She dangld your drive in front of me saying, 'you want your children to safe? then take this'." And then the young woman sits bolt upright. "And I still gave her the benefit. I give all of you the beenfit. Because I need you. Because I can't do this alone, and I can't do it well, and I don't know what I'm doing, so I can't afford to tell you to all just leave. Caring helps make all that matter, seem to matter, bind me to you and you to me. But maybe I'd also like to not be saddled with your problems and have my emotions played with while I a trying to save my reality."
"You're using monsters to fight monsters," Tia points out. "Samael and your ship. The King in Yellow. Don't let it corrupt you. Kai will try to make it feel easy. Treat her like an addictive drug that makes you feel powerful, so that she'll end up controlling you. I don't have any illusions anymore about my mother and what she used Kai for."
"What else should I use, Tia? Cowards like you, who will run? The people of the Galactic, who can't even handle the truth? Where is my army, Tia? Who can stand beside me? Where are the angels, where is the good in the universe? Why are there no great gods to save us, when there are so many cruel ones?" Tasha gets up, and now she's pacing. "You think I'm oblivious to Kai? Of course I know what she's doing, she's just the next in a line of beings like her. Thotep, Hastur, now Kai. And unlike you, I wasn't pre-built with knowledge of them, I wasn't a towering world construct. And you know who introduced me to Thotep? Horus. Our creator. Because his creator decided I should be his jailer. My own god pointed me at Thotep, probably hoping I'd die."
"I don't know. I'm not a fighter, like Kai, or a god-killer like my mother. I'm not.. anything anymore. I was a house. That was my purpose. Then it snowballed when I woke up. That's where all my problems started. I haven't had any mentors or gods telling me how things are. When I was still.. home.. some people were afraid of me, or hated me because the old gods used living things like me. Tools, weapons. Like the Ogdru-hem. That's what they saw me as. And nobody would explain why, because nobody wanted to talk about a war fought billions of years ago. Because they were supposed to be beyond such things."
"I'm just another abandoned monster, it doesn't matter what happens to me," Tia sighs. "But I won't fight, and it's not because I'm a coward. It's not the enemy I'm afraid of, it's myself."
Tasha slows down as she listens, then finally just sits back down, and lays down again. "No one tells you anything. You just appear, start moving in a direction, and all of ten billion intersecting problems run right across your path, because it's all old. Well, how about this: stop blaming me for fighting badly, or being corrupt, or what-ever-else you think I'm doing badly on the war front because as you said you don't know. Neither do I, but I do know I'm better at it that you. And maybe the ancients, which is weird and kind of stupid, but it might be true." She then sucks in a deep breath, exhales, and adds, "You are a coward, a coward is someone who runs away from something they should probably fight. It doesn't matter if it's a real enemy or yourself. You're refusing to resolve the problem, which is different than facing it and deciding retreat or avoidance is best. That's a decision. You know you won't just self-destruct or vanish if you face yourself, right? I've done it lots of times, and it hurts, but I'm better off for it. And monster is just a word. It's just a word for saying something is bad and you don't like it, different from what it might actually be."
"All I'm criticizing you for is.. using me without asking," Tia says. "Without thinking of what it means to me. I don't want to be like my mother, I don't want to be like Kai, I don't want to be like you either. I want to be myself. Follow my rules. Not fighting isn't just running away. I could have fought when I was a captive. I could have destroyed whatever I needed to, killed whomever I needed to. But I know what that can do to you. And how much easier it becomes when you live a long time, and feel alone and distant. I have to fight that all the time. I don't have any illusions about what I could become."
"I don't know if that's really true. I've heard it before, but it seems limited, as if everyone's just the same being with the same sad feelings. I have killed a lot of people, and I don't feel bad because I did that. I usually believe in the destruction I cause, because I stand for something, and I can usually tell what side of that something something falls. Then I don't worry about it anymore, because I chose not to, and then I chose to forget about worrying about it at all. What I do worry about is who and what matters to me." Tasha sits up and looks over again, frowning. "I didn't use you. You might remember I presented a situation and you went off on me. You can say: no. I will find another way. And do remember you butted in to my life and made yourself my problem, did you ever ask me if I wanted to be involved in your problem with your mother, or be followed around and interrogated? You attached yourself to me, that's not manipulation, that's being dragged along because you didn't let go.."
"You seem to attach yourself to a lot of people and blame them for not leaving you be when you won't let them go. You could have easily said 'to hell!' with all of us and just left. Forgot Kainudy, Kai's not your problem. Fly and fly until you found your paradise. I think you need us for some reason," Tasha adds, brows going up. "There's something you need from all of us."
"I want to trust you," Tia claims. "If you need my drive, then ask me to help. I'm really just.. waiting to find out if I'm an orphan again or not. I have no idea what to do if and when I find out. I don't want Kai manipulating things. Maybe I'll help you fight, even if I won't kill. Maybe I will say to hell with it. Maybe I'll go live with my mother and just let you have the Astraea. I can't know the future. I don't know who these giant wolves are, even. They just showed up while I was going to the Library. I finally got my identification.. stuff. I could just go the asteroid. I'd be safer there, and I could keep a closer watch on Kai."
"I was created to be a house," Tia says. "I still have an urge to be useful after all this time."
"It might help to know the asteroid is now a portal in to the fae realm where the drive is. If you're seeking to take it back, you'll find it there. The realm is shielded by the drive, so at least make sure everyone evacuates before removing it. On the plus side, if you leave it there you have an extended base in which to rest and relax, where attack is much less likely and will have to go through all of us. Come to think of it, why not oversee our house?" Again Tasha is up. "If we develop on the drive, we could create a ship, or, I don't know, a moving world. Ship. A world ship. Then we can be safe, you can retreat, and we can study the drive. I can tell you right off I would not want any mothership to engage in combat, it would be a staging ground, not a battleground. Even we need somewhere safe to come home to. I do not want my children on the front lines with me. Not until they're old enough o chose that for themselves."
"Oh, and the big wolves are Titanians. They're a little like us in that they were created to solve a problem, in their case that problem was removing all the previous civilizations dangerous leftovers. Except, like us, circumstances caused them to have to do more than that: become warriors when the warriors were allowed to retire. You know those warriors as Vartans. You know, part of me. Karnors were also made for combat, by the way." The red woman shrugs; you can't escape the ghosts of the past. "I am also cleaning up that mess too, by the way."
"The drive opens wormholes, it doesn't shield anything," Tia explains. "I don't know what Kai told you. I need to straighten her out. But taking care of the homestead isn't disagreeable. So.. that is why the woman was so concerned about artifacts. I don't want to be a 'dangerous leftover' either. How did she know you left this reality to go to faerie?"
"It doesn't? Kai said it was shielding the reality so that only those we chose could enter, though I suppose if it controls wormholes that's technically correct." Tasha frowns, but decides it's a matter for later. "As for knowing where I am, they track my resonance. The Titanians like me, and trust me, but they trust me with caution. So if I die or go berserk or become a huge menace, they can come deal with me. They can track the Horse, and they can track me. So when I die or vanish from reality, they always know when and where. They're my friends and my, uh, safety net slash good behavior evaluators. Like the Null. Both watch me for abuses of power."
"Does Kai know about them?" Tia asks. "Because she will get you in trouble if you don't tell her you're being monitored."
"I sometimes forget all the bewildering cosmic and mortal forces hovering around me like angry planets, okay?" Tasha looks at Tia, leans in, and shrugs hands up. "I forgot to mention it. Sometimes I forget it's true. Which I suppose makes me an evern better person, because I police my own abuses even if I forget others are watching."
"You have to watch out for abuses done in your name, too," Tia points out.
"I didn't think I had enough of a following for people to use my name to do things," Tasha admits, both surprised and intrigued, frowning as she leans forward. "I tend to think if someone abuses my orders they're at fault for knowingly abusing the order."
"Not when some of them are literally tools that need you to tell them what you want," Tia explains. "Kai will do whatever is necessary to fulfill a request. Up to and including genocide, probably."
Tasha winces. "Genocide's usually a very last resort," she agrees, having rather bad memories of the last time she had to utilize that options, back when she was more sensitive and less, well, jaded. "I'll try and treat her like I treat asking Sam to do anything, which is to say, sparingly. Also, I might need you to check a doll for its potential to cause genocide."
"A doll?" Tia asks. "You mean.. a toy doll?"
"Kai made one for Mariel, for me. Something I can use to communicate with her, and show her I care, without darkening her doorstep with my presence," Tasha admits, ears wilting. "But Kai made it so now I'm afraid of what it can do. I don't mind being it able to protect Mariel, but I'd rather not subject her to ... you know. There are some things I just can't live with."
"When you requested it, do you remember your specific intention?" Tia asks.
"No? I was just being irreverent and jokey, you know how I am," Tasha admits.
"I will try to examine it then," Tia says. "Do you need me for your planning?"
Tasha sniffs in a breath, then shakes her head. "It's more war stuff. You may want to be aware of the potential fallout, but you'll also be happy to know we're going after a House that tried to overthrow a government by replacing their leader and tried to conqueror my home by abusing artifacts. They brought this on themselves. They also have an Ogdru'hem in some sort of captivity, and are exploiting it, but I have the sinking feeling that's a linchpin to a few deific plans, so beware there may be fallout. Other than that you don't need to even be near the actual mission or its planning, just keep things safe back home."
"Alright," Tia says, and goes to knock on the hatch. Lots of bolts get thrown on the other side before it opens. Tasha can see Katie and a very nervous looking Lacci on the other side with Bumper. "Any boo-boos?" the Titanian woman asks.
"Only ego, heart, and soul," Tasha replies, then she gives an extra enthusiastic wave to Lacci. "Wow Lacci, super brave!"
Katie and Lacci enter, and the Vartan does look a bit poofy. "I'm a historian, and this is.. uh.. historic," Lacci claims, as Tia slips out behind them. "I'm going for a walk," she announces.
"Got some others waiting outside, you want them too?" Bumper asks.
"Yeah, just let Tia walk, too, but not off the ship. Maybe show her the tiny trees the Captain cuts?" Tasha steps aside and waves people to take a seat where-ever, as it's all the same. "The center is mine by the way!"
"So, we aren't going to be abducted for violating Titanian law then?" Katie asks, sitting down.
"Not today, but there's always next time," Tasha assures the others. Then she pauses and frowns. "At least I don't think we are? Well, we'll find out soon enough."
Mr. Invention and Shojo were the next ones to arrive, followed shortly by Gabriel. The last one was Hakeber, who was late because she stopped to pick up pizzas and beer.
Lacci was a bit frazzled that Shojo wasn't upset about being on a Titanian ship.. but then Shojo never showed his reactions to things unless he means to.
Tasha remains where she has been, sitting in the center to show she's both important and unafraid. Whether she's either of these things is debatable, but even Titanians fall to appearances. Now, she is in the center with a slice of pizza and a beer. "Looks like almost everyone's here now."
"Yue is still recovering on the ship," Gabriel notes. Bumper sticks her head in and asks, "Anyone else comin'?"
"I have no idea where Sam has gotten off to," Gabriel says after the interruption.
"I think that's everyone who is involved in major planning," Tasha replies as she opens her beer can. It's not exactly a Abaddonian can-can, but she thinks of it as a can. "As for Sam, if he means to be here he could be, but I suspect he doesn't mean to be in this ship. Titanians are hunters, and he's a kind of prey."
"Reeka is here, but you prolly no need her for this," Bumper notes, and sits in the circle (closest to the pizza).
"Reeka and Sam have a lot in common. I should call them the Hidden Crowd or something, my phantom people." Tasha slides the box over to Bumper and asks, "Is the Captain going to join us?"
"I tell him what go on," Bumper says. "If'n we need t'be involved at all. I'm best strategist."
Tasha grins a little at that. "Okay. Well, here it is then: we're going to sneak in to Daltoona Station, deal with the Ogdru'hem there, and maybe see about House Kkomen while we're there. We also think it's a key hub for artifact transfer and may use internal gates to sneak in artifacts and evade Titanian patrols, that's why you can't intercept them."
"So, using Ogdru-hem to seam powerful so they can sew chaos?" Bumper asks. With a straight face no less.
Tasha chews on her pizza and stares at Bumper with all the the tiny faux-fury of her adorable new face. "Yes. Daltoona is also the seat of House Khomen, and no one really knows what's going on in the core area. That's where their inner circle lives, and it's likely that's where their forbidden research goes on. I'm betting they have a lot more in there than a Ogdru-hem, their work might help a lot in accelerating our own, and yours."
Mr. Invention opens his briefcase, which folds out flat to reveal a holographic projector in one half and a secure computer in the other. It looks very archaic compared to what Tasha has seen in common use, but the werewolf probably has a reason. It soon displays Daltoona in the space above it, with major ports, industrial, commercial and residential zones labeled.
"As noted, we only have information on the publicly available areas so far," Invention notes. "The industrial zones are also restricted, but we've begun to collect information on them."
"They'll have to rely on people somewhere along the chain, it's just not possible to transport things like this and rely on pure automation. Not safe, either. But they wouldn't want them shipped right to their inner sanctum either, so there must be middle men and one or more arrival facilities. These facilities will have special defenses against the supernatural, or else they'd have probably fallen by now," Tasha reaches over to point to the core and the industrial areas. "And of course they're using Ogdru-hem 'blood' to make stators, which means that blood must be physically transported to the stator production centers. Those may be a way in."
"They seem more intent on thwarting industrial espionage than protecting the facilities against entry," Mr. I notes.
"So it's getting out that's the hard part," Katie surmises. "The workers must be monitored for who they interact with."
"They don't appear to be, according to our agent currently in place," Mr. I responds. "The ones she's been keeping tabs on don't socialize at all it seems. The go to work, then they go home."
"They'll have to focus that on the source of the black box core material too, since a sudden realization it comes from a demon-like pan-dimensional being would alarm any Galactic, and I assume people like that get silenced, one way or another. That could be a lead, and people who have lost family and friends may wish revenge -- if they still exist." Tasha rubs her nose and asks Mr. Invention, "Do the workers seem controlled at all? Signs of technological of supernatural influence?"
"They only seem to interact with each other, and none of them live alone - always with a coworker," Mr. Invention reports. "No signs of family. Usually four workers to a domicile, with alternating shifts so two are always there. It seems odd. If they were completely controlled they should be living at the facility itself, unless it's a recent change and the factories don't have accommodations."
"Why would they need workers at all?" Gabriel asks.
"As cover, or decoys," Katie offers. "Give people like us a target to look at."
"Ogdru-hem don't interface well with machines," Hakeber claims. "They aren't meant to. Unless that's specifically what one is for."
"They may be needed to handle the core material. As beings of a partially memetic nature, Ogdru-hem may not be perceivable to AIs and other machines. The automation may be unable to detect the blood, or even see it," Tasha says at the same time as Hakeber.
Tasha then nods to Hakeber. "It's a problem I've run in to before as someone who has linked to machine minds. They routinely have problems detecting these things. Also, machines may be more easily deceived and corrupted as they are even more dependent on a reliable space-time and this-reality laws. This is one way the Sifra destroyed the last Galactic civilizsation."
"So, the workers could be affected by the contact, then," Gabriel says.
"They may be in pairs to observe for instability," Tasha notes. "And that they don't have family may make them more easily hidden if they should go mad or, well, become food."
"They workers are a mix of Khattans and Vartans, at least from the facility that's been under surveillance," Mr. Invention notes. "But everything else is pretty mixed. Daltoona has some of every Galactic species, even Silent-Ones and Vykarin. It's a major trade center after all."
"Khattans and Vartans are Galactic citizens they have full control over, so they're their employer and government. That would make complaints of abuse very difficult," Tasha suggests.
"Vartans?" Lacci asks. "They live together in groups of four then?"
"Yes, we don't see Vartans and Khattans in the same apartment," Mr. Invention answers.
"Makes it hard to infiltrate their ranks, unless we can physically replace one so nobody notices," Katie says.
"Four can also have numerological significance," Tasha also notes. "But I think it's more of a support and buddy system. Everyone knows everyone else." Tasha takes another bite then shakes her head. "It would also make losses more impactful, but maybe that's the point. Losing one of the four would have a strong impact on the others, emotionally. Some Shadow-beings appreciate that ... flavor." And so she wrinkles her nose.
"Any relationship info on the groups?" Gabriel asks. "They aren't families but is there some other sort of relationship?"
"Not that Batty has uncovered," Mr. Invention says. "We're still trying to get identity information on them through Mrs. Teatime's connections on Daltoona."
Tasha goes to take a sip of her beer, then pauses, frowning. "Children, maybe? Orphans?"
"We'll hopefully know soon," Mr. Invention says. "There may be siblings or other family ties, they just aren't grouped together from what we've been able to tell."
"What the connection is may tell us what their real jobs are within the facility. Emotional connections matter with these things," Tasha explains, putting her beer back down. "We should also find out who works on the 'core' stator assemblies if it's not these people. There might also need to be semi-regular sacrifices to the Ogdru-hem to conserve its power, their 'blood' is themselves, and they diminish when they lose parts of themselves; they can recuperate by consuming souls, or at least some of them can. Ogdru-hem are a bit unusual in that they're also partially physical, and task-specific."
"If they really do need sacrifices, then that's another avenue of potential entry," Mr. Invention notes. "Not for inserting Shojo's assets though. We're still looking at potential communities and businesses."
"The sacrifice route might be better suited to people like myself, with special abilities," Tasha notes. Then, she adds, "But I'd prefer to get a look at the manufacturing process, I just don't think the blood shipping system will allow movement back towards the center as easily as out to the factories. This may be a useful route of escape form the core, however."
"We don't have much information on core access yet," Mr. Invention notes. "They're likely hidden in other structures, like high-end hotels or other elite venues."
"Very likely, and heavily, heavily guarded and screened. We can't use the Horse either, because the sheer amount of mass and stators will create havoc with us, and probably significant structural stress to the station. Someone will notice, so it's better as an escape than a way in. Other ideas include using purely supernatural entryways, which may only be viable for a few of us. I can discuss that with our supernatural elements. Speaking of which," Tasha then contacts Tia, "Tia, we know of the Faewild, and it can be entered by pools and natural places. Is there a way to traverse in to the station in the same way? Through, I don't know, parks, or people's dreams, mirrors, right angles, anything like that?"
"I don't know how to access it," Tia replies. "I've only been able to use the dimensional drive to do so due to having a beacon, namely the ansible. I can open a gateway to anywhere.. usually.. with a beacon like that. I couldn't do it anywhere that is actively suppressing such things, like in the interior of Caltrop."
"Thank you, I'll keep that in mind." Tasha stops staring off in to space and states suddenly, "It may be possible but it would require more research. Speaking of supernatural intrusions, we'll also have at least two deity-level Shadows paying attention to what happens in Daltoona: Mr. Yellow and Thotep."
"But what are their interests, exactly?" Mr. Invention asks.
Tasha spreads her hands in a 'who can say?' gesture, but does elaborate after a moment. "They are non temporally linear entities capable of multi-point co-locational existence across dimension, including world lines, times, and realities. Understanding what they want specifically is very difficult, but they do have preferences that seem consistent: Mr. Yellow's portfolio is the color Yellow and the madness of having no boundary between self and true reality, while Thotep seems to have a very wide set of interests and favors mortal madness and destruction through the more infuriating manner, namely through small cuts, such as, well, me. Both seem to have some greater plan here and Mr. Yellow directly 'stole' me from Thotep by timely intercession, so I had a deal with him and not Thotep. I suspect his interests rest in how the removal of the Ogdru-hem will impact Galactic space, and the overall effort against their masters. It may cause madness somehow, or trigger it. It's hard to know. I could ask him, but that's not done lightly, and he may not tell me. Thotep's conversational, but most of them seem to only touch upon a mortal interaction, to say nothing of the damger they represent."
"King in Yellow locked up, so prolly want out," Bumper suggests.
"Probably. I imagine the monochrome decor gets old," Tasha notes, brows going up. "So, well, I might be a part of that, fair warning to everyone here." And so Tasha raises her hands in helpless surrender; it is what it is.
"One hellbeast at a time," Katie says, waggling her half-empty beer can. "First, we need to get Hakeber to the Ogdru-hem so she can get rid of whatever it is in her head. Then we can worry about repercussions. We don't really know what is supposed to happen when she does her thing."
Hakeber hmms. "Yeah. Katha-hem said to 'free' Sadu-hem, but.. what does 'free' actually mean to them? Why did Urgo-hem react the way it did to part of it?"
"Hake and I both need to be there, I think. And a few others, in case one or both of us become compromised. I still want to talk to the Ogdru-hem," the red woman notes as she picks her beer up. "I was told differently, free or destroy. Mr. Yellow told me to destroy Katha-hem."
"Either way, getting out quickly is important," Gabriel says.
"Very, assuming we can't displace core system control and the ruling House members. I've thought between all our talents we might be able to do it, especially if we can get the Niss to the system core to begin unraveling core control, and we deal with the secret leaders of the House. They're very top-down, if their leaders vanish, who would know? And who would dare say anything if they did? It'd endear us to the Star Empire as well."
"Removing the Niss means the Dark Horse because a very exotic brick," Gabriel points out. "We don't know yet to how to get anyone to the core, much less a three-kilogram civilization."
"That's way it's just a tertiary objective. If we can do it, we can do it, otherwise it's an objective of opportunity, like gathering their research and taking any useful artifacts. They're not supposed to have either." Tasha takes another sip, then shrugs. "Who knows what they have, and we might not get another change. They're going to be livid if they survive, secretly if we're covert enough, openly if we're not."
"That's why we have mercenaries," Gabriel says. "We're more recognizable in a crowd than they are. But I don't know how predictable or reliable our weirder assets are. Samael should be able to get into places and easily impersonate people. The new girls are scary, but we may need them for performing a deep extraction."
"Tia isn't going to hurt anyone, so she's purely extraction-side. Kai wants to hurt people badly, she's like my worse side if it had to have permission, so she'll be useful in and out, and if things go very badly, but at the same time she must be used with caution or she'll start murdering people for the fun of it. Sam's an unknown this time, more than usual. He may have secret objectives from Thotep. We can bring him but we should keep that in mind. The same goes for me in a sense," Tasha explains.
"So, Samael can imitate someone, but so can Kai plus she can read minds apparently," Gabriel says. "I imagine she can be non-lethal if you tell her to be though. It's like the old fairy tale genies: you have your wish granted, but you need to be very, very careful about how you word it."
"Why won't Tia hurt anyone?" Katie asks. "I mean, I'm glad to hear it, but what's her reason? Or is she just programmed that way?"
"I'm going to break the whole station," Tasha says with a straight face before tipping her head back and taking a long drink of beer. She licks her lips, then exhales. "Kai can't read minds, she can house souls, and therefore read them. She's literally a soulless killing ... well, not machine. She is alive and has preferences. As for Tia ..," Tasha glances to Katie, then to the door, " ... she doens't like the repercussions. She doesn't want to look back and be saddened by her choices, or how those actions undermines her mind. She doesn't want to become 'a monster', though she doesn't seem to have realized abstaining comes with its own consequences."
"So, some sort of trauma," Katie gathers. "Better to have murder-woman than someone who may freeze up."
"Yes, and I don't really want to force Tia in to more trauma. We're not here to push people who don't want to be involved on to the battlefield," Tasha confirms, nodding.
"This brings up another issue," Shojo says, finally speaking up. "How are we going to introduce my squad to all of this? Katie is teaching them undercover tactics, and I want to do one more team-exercise at the asteroid. The latter is our best chance to rattle them with something unexpected to see how well they adapt."
Tasha raises a hand. "I'll volunteer. Kai will volunteer too if I ask, and so will Samael. We can set up some one-on-one matches between us all, apart, and then let the team come back together and discuss how the three of us are incomprehensible threats with extraordinary powers, then we can come and talk to them as a group. Having each member relate their experiences to the others might help break them in for how we're even stranger as a group. And, having them split up is less dangerous should they decide, as a group, to try and escape or damage things."
"I figured we'd just have Sam and Kai pretend to be alien monsters haunting the mining base," Gabriel says. He actually makes air-quotes around the word pretend. "Or just let them go down the shaft and see how they react to what's at the end of it."
"What's at the end of it?" Hakeber, Katie and Shojo all ask at once.
"Well, that works, too." Tasha shrugs with a palm up. She then looks over, arches a brow, and then laughs. "I forgot we hadn't told them yet. It's a rabbit hole: a breach from this reality to a pocket plane deep in the Unformed. A self-contained universe."
"And.." Katie prompts. "What is inside the pocket?"
"You know, ... stuff." Tasha then takes an obnoxiously long sip of beer.
"Is there food?" Hakeber asks.
"Oxygen?" Lacci adds.
"Not that stuff. I mean, possibly, but you have to kill it first. And then eating it might turn you in to a a dragon or something. Oh, and there's oxygen. Fairy oxygen." Tasha' makes spooky hand wiggles at 'fairy oxygen'.
"Is that different from regular oxygen?" Katie asks.
"Scarier oxygen," Hakeber says.
"It'll probably mess with you at some point," Tasha insists.
"So long as it doesn't turn to dust if you leave, it should be fine," Mr. Invention claims.
"Many of the atoms involved are brand new," Tasha promises. "Kai can do a lot of amazing things."
"That's impossible," Lacci claims. "Unless you have a supernova."
"Lacci, Lacci, Lacci, haven't you realized by now we do the impossible all the time? And that only applies to local rules, once you introduce external rules, you can do all kinds of normally impossible things. That's really the basis of many forms of magic, though you can also understand reality enough to do seemingly impossible things, which is Wizardry," the red woman chides.
"So, how are brand new atoms made then?" Lacci challenges.
"You'll have to ask Kai, warning: you'll have to ask Kai." Tasha shrugs with her hands. "If I knew how all this amazing magic and technology worked I wouldn't need to keep relying on strange powers to do it for me."
"Is this ability available anywhere, or is it restricted?" Mr. Invention asks.
"The teacup," Hakeber says.
"I assume she needs the unformed stuff of the, well, Unformed, but she can probably create lesser versions like the teacup out here. The Unformed just has a lot more raw material to work with," the canine fuzzy-necked woman answers.
"So, no conjuring up a bomb or weapon on demand," Mr. Invention notes.
"We can ask, but probably not. What she's doing is no mean feat either way, Tia was surprised at how much power she wields. Kai was intended to fight beings of a similar danger level to what we face, maybe a little less, alone. And she has won, many times. She's probably more dangerous than Samael and if we ranked everyone, at the top tier of the dangerous persons we include." Tasha's head shakes. "But she's also not used to fighting in the 'real world'. She was mainly tasked with destroying beings in the Faewild, and the Unformed. Elf lords and the like."
"So other magical and demonic beings?" Lacci asks.
"So this is another artifact person?" Bumper asks. "Opposite to the other one loose on my ship?"
"Yes, though she's unfamiliar with Ogdru-hem, and probably Shadow beings and beings like Mr. yellow. They, for whatever reason, cannot influence the Faewild nor the Unformed. They don't even perceive it, and by extension, don't seem to have an interest in it. I was able to see that myself: Kai put my mind in a haze, but the spore was not effected, and I could ... perceive what realm as it seems to Ogdru-hem." Tasha then turns to nod to Bumper. "Other-universe, outsider weapon. Not old Galactic tech. Their own world was destroyed by demons different from our own, but same idea."
"So, not gonna go crazy and break Dainty Mauler, yes?" Bumper asks.
"Naw," Tasha says dismissively, waving a hand, "he's very focused, and requires direction to do many things. She doesn't seem inclined to just kill everything, but I can't say for sure. Tia is much less so, at worst she'd try to flee and use your technology to do it, in desperation." She sniffs, takes another sip, then adds, "Same deal as all the rest, powerful beings with their own agendas that don't conflict with ours, and we can aid each other."
"That raises an unsettling scenario though," Hakeber says. "Thotep and Mr. Yellow don't know about them, right? Could they turn them against us?"
"Kai's soulless, Tia's foreign. I don't think either of them overlap enough in the rules to allow that, or even to make them visible. It'd more likely be the other way around," Tasha answers, head tilting. "In fact, it may have already happened that way."
"Samael didn't always notice Kai, yeah," Hakeber says. "So.. better to not let them meet up though, just the same."
"Do you mean Sam is being influenced by Kai?" Gabriel asks Tasha.
"I'd suggest not, especially with Kai. I would imagine Kai has safeguards against just anyone using her, though. I suspect only people with a connection to my mentor can do so, which is why she's focused on me over Tia." Tasha turns to Gabriel and shakes her head. "Sam's just concerned by Kai, he picked up on her power and danger well before the rest of us. What I menat was it's possible Thotep and or Mr. Yellow angled me to meet my mentor expecting disaster, so in that sense I was turned against them. Or it's a coincidence. Beings don't need to be directly controlled to use them against another after all."
"Being controlled can set off alarms," Katie claims. "Spy agencies don't use actual spies very often. It's normal people, who work best when they don't know they're working for real spies. But with the whole multi-universe aspect who knows what they can orchestrate?"
"A lot, which is why I try not to worry about it anymore. Not until the stars have aligned, the day has come, and you can see the narrowing of fate and machination to briefly glimpse a likely plan. Then you might be able to do something." Tasha takes one more sip then slams her empty can back down. "So I really don't know if I was manipulated to cause a problem or if we're just two damaged people who damaged each other. But it's also why we got along."
"And our various problems tend to combine into something functional, somehow," Katie suggests.
"I did sort of help a resolution happen," Tasha admits, giving a thumbs up. "And I think she forgave me. I hope they're okay. If all goes well with this, I might sit down while we wait out the storm and see if I can go check on them."
"What's our time pressure on Daltoona?" Gabriel asks around. "There's going to be a point where we have enough information to decide it's time to act, and since we don't know when that will be we should try to suss out what level of information we'd want."
"We should also try Pyr Winlass, in case that contact still works. Warloq suggested I try them, but Warloq was hardly my friend. It's worth investigating, just in case. As for the rest, we need several reasonable rotes in and out, for multiple parties, with multiple goals. The core penetration team must reach the Ogdru-hem; the armed support team must reach suitable sites for distraction, infiltration, and exfiltration, to aid the other teams. The information gathering spy team needs to be ale to reach its surface-level areas and extract information so the other teams can get in and out," Tasha replies.
"It seems to me it's a three-part operation once we arrive: the spy team gathers low hanging fruit, explores social locales, and works with people. Once they report in, the mercenary team heads in deeper, until they've secured a way in, or aid to a way in. Then the core team uses the routes secured for them and enters the core," the red woman continues.
"Generally, it's a we'll know when we know sort of situation," Katie suggests. "We shouldn't think of deadlines. We may even want to come and go until we aren't unexpected. Or move one lead time out and put another in, and keep up a rotation. There will be times when we find something, but then need to wait for any related attention to die down. This is a big place, certainly bigger than anyplace I've had to work before. Mrs. Teatime will be the one that provides us with options: how many identities we can use. Somebody finds something, then we move them to a different city with a fresh identity. I don't know that we'd find everything we need in one place after all."
"It's definitely a bigger metropolis than I've ever had to work with, Despite the scales I deal with, and beings like the Niss, I've never really worked in a city before. Not really." Tasha rubs her nose. "It's hard to grasp in some ways. I'll leave most of the planning to those more experienced with this sort of thing. As for deadlines, our deadline is when Hake or I run out of time."
"We'll need to get used to the scope then," Katie says. "These cities look bigger than anything we've seen, and they're way more mixed than what I'm used to. I was always able to depend on just having one culture at a time to deal with."
"There's another concern: House Khomen may well be aware of us. The longer we remain the more chance they'll take notice, and they may notice our arrival immediately. The Horse is an exotic, unregistered -- a House capital will know we're not legitimate most likely -- experimental vessel piloted by a weird mix of species. It would be very foolish of us to assume they don't know we exist. I think our one saving grace is that I doubt they'll expect us to show up, even if they anticipate it as a possibility. We haven't gone after 'local' targets, after all. They may also have supernatural assistance, as we have. We should beware of special agents and powers," Tasha adds.
"We don't need to go in with Dark Horse," Mr. Invention says. "Commercial ships would be easier. It's how the troops will get there, all on separate ships, from different ports. The most exotic thing we bring will be you, Tasha."
"Awww," goes Tasha, who puts her hands to her cheeks and tilts her head. "Even after all this, I'm still the most exotic."
"We could turn you into a Vartan," Lacci suggests.
"I suppose I'll need a disguise ... " Tasha looks about to say more, then turns to Lacci. "We could? The last time we tried that it didn't last long enough."
"Now that I've seen flatlander Vartan, it shouldn't be hard," Lacci says. "We just need to.. replace your face, and stick feathers on your upper body.. We've got shapeshifters, maybe they could help?"
"I'm glad you didn't say 'rearrange your face', or we'd have had to fight." Tasha smooths her muzzle out and looks down at herself. "I can ask. It's an idea. I think Katie had an idea to train me in her own skills, so we could use something like that as a cover, too. We can see which works better. Both a surface Vartan and a entertainer mezzode make sense."
"I've yet to see a Vartan that could dance though," Katie notes.
"It'd be a one-or-the-other option," Tasha notes. "Or I could switch back and forth if the disguise is more fluid. I'll talk to our shapeshifters to see what they can do, and what the limitations are. I might have down time or I might not."
"No pole-dancing," Gabriel says.
"Well, there's still training for some of you," Gabriel says. "That should buy us time."
Tasha gives Gabriel a mock-pout, but then scoops up her beer can and stands up. "I think we have our plans then. Bumper, make some brain crunch and let me know what you think on your end."
"Hmmm, will talk about looting station when everything go to hell as planned," Bumper says. "You go collect artifact girl from observation dome." The Titanian's had one one palm to the floor the whole time, so has probably been 'listening' to the hammersong updates through the hull.
"I figured she'd go there," Tasha starts heading out, feeling she remembers well enough to navigate, nless they changed the interior. "Okay people, I'm off to go get Tia, the rest of you can head back unless you want a tour, or, I don't know, a workshop in building whatever from whatever, dangerously."
"Lacci is the only one who hasn't already been on the Mauler," Hakeber notes. Lacci looks torn about it.
"Nobody else up in dome but girl," Bumper tells Tasha. "I take good care of nervous bird."
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Tasha tells Lacci before heading out. She blows Gabriel and Katie a kiss, and then she's gone.
There's a familiar figure standing guard outside the observation dome: Blammo. He's even got his multi-gun with him. He's added a spiked ball on a chain since the last time Tasha has seen it. "Hai!" the Titanian barks when he sees her. "Got extra Titan?"
"Hai!" Tasha replies, lifting a hand. She then shakes her head. "No extra Titan, not even old Titan. I am sadly Titan-less at the moment. Mel got a soul and went off to fight in a war on some distant plane. I don't even know if he's OK."
"Awww, can't fight then," Blammo says, sounding disappointed. "You here for moping thing?" he then asks, thumbing behind him to the hatch.
"Yeah no fight, buuut ... " An idea occurs to Tasha. "Got kinetic-only weapons? Not kill weapons, but maybe bruising." She always wanted to try and fight a Titan on foot, and now she's closer than ever to being able to try it. It might be good fun, and educational. "And yeah, here for moping thing."
"Yeah, got these," Blammo says, holding out his left fist. Then he switches the gun over so he can hold out his right fist next. "I open door," he then says, and turns to open the heavy hatch.
"Maybe fight later then, have new exciting powers," Tasha notes in an almost conspiratorial way. She then gives the man a nod and thumbs towards Tia. "Need to handle mopey first though, not as fun. Have real responsibility now -- awful."
"Bang on hatch when ready to come out, or if you die," Blammo says, then closes and secures the hatch behind Tasha. Since the Dainty Mauler is docked, the usual squad of people that send information down to the captain are absent. Instead there's just Tia, sitting in the center of the floor with her back to the hatchway.
"Hi Tia, I'm done with the meeting. Enjoying the view?" Tasha walks around Tia in order to sit in front of her, where she can't be avoided.
Tia doesn't look up from her lap, where she's holding something in her cupped hands. It's black and ugly, with spikes coming out of the irregular edges, like a shard of glass made up of other shards of glass. "Not particularly," Tia replies.
Tasha leans to the side, trying to get a look at the ball. "Did you make a friend? Or make a friend? If you stole it, the rule is you can only keep it if no one knows, you have a good excuse, and you need it to build something."
"You gave it to me," Tia claims, and turns the object so that a relatively clear facet shows. There's an outline floating in, resembling a snarling wolf. "It's your marker, from when you stabbed my ansible."
"I'd like to note she gave it to me," Tasha says defensively, leaning back. "And I was not told the whole truth about it. And I -- we -- we desperate. I'd also like to remind you that short of divine nonintervention we would be dead or worse by now, intervention neither of us saw coming." The red woman sniffs, then tilts her head the other way and frowns at the Marker. "So that's mine? I know the Vril produce the originals, but I've seen non-Vril entities make them. I didn't think I could. It's a bit disturbing how vicious it looks."
"Well, I suppose I made it then," Tia says. "I think Kainudy managed to extract about ninety-five percent of the trauma before you.. interrupted the process." She closes her hands and the marker vanishes. Then she looks at Tasha and says, "I'm not afraid of pain, or even death. I'm afraid of what they might make me do. Do you really think I'm a coward?"
"I'd say 50 percent tops. You got some, then Wolf did, but it was the Null that made it work. I learned, very intimidatingly, how fragile mortals are, and that there's a limit. A limit beyond which you'll do anything. I don't remember what that feels like, because it's gone, but I know it's true. The consequences are more dire still." Tasha frowns for a long moment, taking her turn to stare in to spare, emotionless, and then she says, "Well, that's dealt with for now." Looking back, she raises an brow. "Yes, in a way. Avoiding something our of fear or distaste is cowardice. And as you've probably seen, even doing nothing leaves scars. Kainudy hid herself away, she did nothing, and it scarred you. It scarred her. I'm not sure it's possible to live and not be scarred, maybe only in a universe of stillness and silence. Persephone would know more about that than I do."
"I'm going to tell you a story, if that's alright, to try and explain exactly what it is I'm afraid of and why running away is best," Tia says. "About fifty years ago, for me, I found a world I thought would be interesting. It was technologically advanced, but hadn't left its own star system. No poverty or disease, but it had two closely related sapient species. Let's call them the Hylax and Hygon. The Hylax were dominant, and controlled all government and industry. They owned everything. The Hygon were the workers. They didn't really get a say in things, couldn't own property or businesses but seemed very lively. I inserted myself into their society as a Hygon."
"Before you go on, I want to also say your choice of words is suggestive. Running away versus non-interference. The Vril chose non-interference, because they assess that as best. It's a choice based on what they know. Later they would run away, but that wasn't the same. They were afraid. They cannot handle fear, they are beings of logic and can't handle adjustment well, especially immense adjustment. You may gain by speaking to them." Tasha then rolls her right hand in a 'go on' manner.
"I made friends with a brother and sister. I liked them a lot," Tia says. "They didn't worry about anything. But they were approached with an offer for more money than they'd ever be able to earn in their lifetime. See, their civilization made their advances because of thousands of years of social stability. But that means the ruling Hylax had grown jaded. And when you have a subservient species, certain ideas seem to occur. So, they had an underground syndicate that recruited Hygons to be willing victims of torture. The Hylax had very good medical technology to fix the recruits, and the money bought silence. Sometimes things went too far though. That was the risk. So I went with them as part of it, so I could make sure things went as promised."
"Things went too far, though. Both of them died, and so did I," Tia notes, then frowns. "Of course I recovered, after we'd been collected. I thought that must have some way of suppressing my will. But once they had me, they hung on. I could be rented out over and over to people who wanted to really see how far they could go. So for twenty-three years, I spent every day being raped, tortured, murdered and worse. Being skinned alive, vivisected. Nobody seemed to question how it was possibly, only that I was available. But, the head of the syndicate wanted to retire, and decided to auction me off."
"That sounds familiar," Tasha remarks, remembering parts of Rephidim very well and, while she hadn't seen most of it, much of it was widely known, if not discussed openly. There were places you didn't go if you knew what was good for you, and when powerful people show up to invite you to a good time, or offer payment, the consensus was that of raw danger. Blackwings, of course, was one of such people, but there were many others more powerful than the pirate queen. "Go on."
"So, I was shackled and brought before him on the night of the auction. The first time I'd ever been in his presence," Tia says, pursing her lips for a moment. "I broke my bounds, killed my guards, and strip-mined the broker's mind for every bit of information about the syndicate. Including the security codes for the building. I used those to seal everyone inside. Then I pulled out his bones in front of the ones that came to bid on me. They couldn't get out. So I did the same thing to each one of them. Then I left, covered in blood, used the information I'd extracted to find the rest that were involved. Over the course of one hundred days I killed over thirteen thousand Hylax. In the guise of Hygon. That was a sizeable chunk of the planets political and industrial leadership. There were riots, and reprisals and economic collapse. I don't know if the civilization survived. But during it all I didn't feel anything. Not angry, not disgusted or ashamed. Nothing. And it was after I left that I realized something in me had kept me from escaping. That all of that.. it was just so I could dismantle it once I got to the top of pyramid. I had no control over what happened."
"So, that is what I'm afraid of, Tasha," Tia says. "My mimetic heritage. One of my mothers was the mimetic avatar of Justice, and Kainudy was the one for Necessity. So maybe that makes me Judgment."
"I hoped Kainudy could.. fix me. We'll see how that works out," she adds.
"That is very gruesome. I have thoughts, but there's something I should say: I'm only twenty years old. Maybe you shouldn't worry about what I think," Tasha admits, shrugging a little. "I'm sorry you suffered. It seems like an inevitability when you exist long enough. I'm sure Kai would say the same. But you wnat ore than 'I'm sorries', and I won't comment further on the difference in our experience, because you already know about it and have chosen to talk to me anyway." Tasha then leans back and taps her chin with a finger, thinking. "I dodn't know about this part. It changes things. I couldn't have known either, so I hope you took that in to account when considering things." More tapping. "The closest I have to something like this is my creator, my non-organic one. A ghost that later became Tisiphone, a kind of vengeance god. She punished crimes of murder, especially family murder. The woman had been murdered, you see, and could only watch as those who relied on her were left abandoned." An ear flick. "But I'm not her, I have a broader sense of vengeance. But, I do know several mimetic beings and see how strong a pull that can be. It's a valid worry, I think, but avoiding it probably isn't the best choice. It had to be dealt with. If it bothers you, then it's the enemy, and you have to face it."
"And what if it happens again?" Tia asks. "It took me twenty years of isolation to try and come to terms with the idea that I'm not a person. That something else could just decide to take over and enact its own agenda, and I wouldn't even notice when it did? I don't know what triggers it, only that it doesn't care about collateral damage."
Tasha snorts, then leans in. "Why does being taken over not make you a person? You can probably take me over, am I not a person? If not, why are you listening to me at all? You've clearly decided I am, or else have decided I'm not and are still talking to me. Being controllable might even be part of what makes a person a person and not, say, an omnipotent being because it's our weakness that lets us be controlled. But you might not mean exactly that, you're concerned this element of you can take control, but that's also part of people. Sam's controlled by Thotep, Horus was controlled by Vril and Atum. I can be controlled, including by my own rage. And there's one more thing." She leans back out, the points at Tia. "In that whole story I didn't once hear you say how sad your friend's deaths made you. Not how much you suffered, or how angry that made you. How much you wanted them to pay. Your beloved friends were destroyed and you were tormented. Either you ceased carrying, ceased thinking about it, or you never cared at all. Are you sure this mimetic sense was in charge, or did you direct it to be?"
"Because if it had been me, I would have destroyed that operation. I would have killed them all. I'm not sure I'd have left it at that, I think I'd have wanted to rub the world's face in their behavior, really rub it in how pathetic they'd become, how monstrous. But, well, the rest would have been the same," Tasha adds, ears back, tail stiff.
"I don't feel anything, and that disturbs me the most," Tia says. "After I had control back.. I should have felt horrified. Or something. But all I feel is horrified that it happened and I let it happen.. for whatever reason. What you did to me hurt more than a quarter century of being tortured and killed. And I didn't really feel anything after that either. That is why I'm so worried now."
Tasha frowns, looking away. She props her head on her right hand and notes. "There's a limit to pain, Tia, just as there's a limit to mortal suffering, to what we can handle before we break. I think we stop feeling when we get close to that limit, because beyond it is breaking time. It's like, um, a reactor shutting down before it goes critical. You'd been tortured for a long time. You shut down at some point, then you acted. There's nothing wrong with that, I think. Maybe you have more to it than some others, a memetic quality, but the rest? No. I think you're still looking at yourself like you had been, a world that could endure more than a small mortal or immortal. But even who you had been had limits. You are afraid of limits, like I am. You're seeing what I saw when I was tortured: the sad realization your beliefs, your dreams, all those things you believed you never would ever do ... You'll do them if pushed hard enough. I thought maybe it was limited to mortals, but I see now it's not. Beyond a point none of us can be trusted, and all we hold dear, we'll betray. It's the consequence of not being invincible."
"I feel like I understand Thotep and Mr. Yellow better now," the red woman then admits, quite out of the blue.
"I choose not to fight in this war," Tia says softly. "I don't want to start something I might not be able to stop. It's for your safety too."
Tasha looks back, sits up, and nods. "It's your choice, if you think that's the best one. Are you going to leave, then?"
"No, I'm still bound to you at the moment," Tia says. "I'll help, but I won't fight."
"That's fine, any help is welcome. There's a lot of defensive technology and non-combat assistance we could use. That said, just because you don't fight doesn't mean our mutual enemies won't try and fight you. Are you prepared to deal with that?" Tasha raises her ears, brows too. "Even watching our home, it could fall under attack."
"Doors can be closed," Tia notes. "I can defend if I have to. Even against mere mortals."
"Well sorry for being mere," Tasha remarks, leaning back and then sticking her tongue out. She grabs her tail and begins to pet it down towards the tip in long strokes. "Come to think of it, why was my suffering so much worse than all those years? I don't remember it, so I can't really say. I probably can't remember it, which is good. Less, sometimes, is more, as the Terrans say."
"It's an existential attack," Tia claims. "You got through only because your soul was hardened. For anyone else, it would destroy the self. My sense of self was already in jeopardy, so it hit me hard. It would probably instantly kill anyone else. Psychic poison."
"Great, my suffering is so intense I can now kill people with it. Nora will be impressed, and then make fun of me." Tasha drops her head back on her hand and begins twirling a finger around her tail, which of course twirls back around her finger. "Gabriel would make a joke about teenage angst, if I were a little younger. Well, maybe I can weaponize it. Or could have. No, definitely don't want it back. Why are you keeping it, anyway?" A brow goes up.
"It's part of me now," Tia notes. "Nobody offered to take it away, because it wasn't causing me problems at the time."
"Well, feel free to get rid of it. Or hand it to me, assuming it won't break me again. It's mine to deal with." Tasha holds out a hand. "And I doubt you want to hold a ball of psychic poison, it's not a pacifist's tool."
"It can be duplicated, but not given away," Tia notes. "Like Hastur's Yellow Sign. This is Tasha's Black.. Bile. I'm not good at naming things."
"Lets not use 'Tasha's Black Bile' please," Tasha insists, holding up her hands palm out. "I'll get made fun of and kill people's brains. And it's only part of my sign, a part of me, not the whole me. Like a glass ... facet. We can call it the Facet of Glass. It shows how breakable we are, like glass. And it will cut you if you break it. Like glass. And me."
"I suppose that's better than Cosmic Mistake, which would have been my second choice," Tia says. Then tilts her head as she looks at Tasha. "A Vartan?" she asks.
"I'm not sure my ego is big enough anymore to call my suffering cosmic, maybe in a metaphorical every-person sense." Tasha then blinks, sitting straighter. "A Vartan? Are you reading my mind again?"
"Again?" Tia asks. "You were going to ask me about it anyway."
"I was?" Tasha tilts her head, avian-like. "I suppose I was. I need to be a Vartan, for an upcoming mission of unknown, but considerable, duration. Out of everyone who can shapeshift, I've decided you, Kai, or The Reflection In The Eyes of Others are the best people to ask."
"I may be able to do something with Kai's help," Tia says, pursing her lips again. "Without actually changing you, which is difficult."
"I could ask The Reflection, too, who probably would change me, but maybe I could use a break from being 'more Karnor' and so ... Human. I'm not sure it was wise for me to distance myself form Vartans, mostly, that's been painful," Tasha admits, shrugging a bit helplessly with her hands. "Abandoning what I had been connected to leads to making further abandonment easier. And now that I can have children, the idea seems a lot less desirable. The devision is ..," here she leans in, whispering, " ... it's kind of crushing me. I've seen to many families, groups, nations, and civilizations collapse to ignore the consequences. Gabriel wants it, but I don't know. I need to not thave to think about it for a while. Maybe this isn't want I want after all."
"I'm sure we can add more uncertainty and confusion to it all," Tia says, and smiles. "It's the least we could do."
Tasha squints. "You're going to get me for stabbing you, aren't you. I refuse to take total responsibility for that, by the way."
"Why not?" Tia asks, leaning in.
Tasha leans in too. "Because one, Kainudy subjected me to something that would break her and I'm a twenty year old mortal who just got murdered and brought back to life, two, I have deadly powers attached to me and a tendency to go berserk, three, I think I distinctly noted I was not feeling very well at the time and didn't want to go back in to the place I was tortured, four, I was falling apart while you were not helping and I had to do something to wake Kainudy up, and five, if the Null hadn't saved us that might have been all that did. Persephone will back me up on this, it was all very irresponsible." And so Tasha sniffs, indignant. "Very."
"I do some responsibility, just not all of it," Tasha then adds, nodding a little.
"I take responsibility for murdering all those Hylax," Tia says. "It wasn't something I would have chosen to do. But I still did it, regardless of what brought me to that point. I'd essentially 'decided' to do it before I even knew who they were, even though I wasn't conscious of it. Always own your actions."
"No, because then I take responsibility from others. I take what I think I am due, and no more. Beyond that's victimizing yourself. If you accept all blame, including what wasn't caused for you, you let those responsible escape blame by dumping it on you, or worse, you dumping it on you. So, no, I don't agree with it," Tasha counters, folding her arms. "I've seen too many people ruined by what others have done to them. They can take responsibility until they choke on it, but it does them no favors. It makes what happened to them their fault. No. No. The fault belongs with it's source. Look at it this way, you murdered those people, right? Isn't it their fault for dying, for being murdered? They could have done more, they could have been better. If they own their actions, they're responsible for dying. For being killed. Even if they did nothing. The truth is, you are both responsible."
"It's also arrogance," Tasha adds, ears flicking. "As if we can fix all the things done to us by our own actions. As if we're omnipotent, immune to influence, immune to being controlled. That it's all our fault for any failures."
"That seems to be an argument for an objective form of morality," Tia says. "By their cultural and social standards, they were not guilty of anything. An external force, me, decided they should be punished. Regardless of what you experienced.. and I imagine you chose to.. you tried to kill my mother. I can and do hold you responsible. And when I was distressed, you tried to kill me. After I tried to help you recover. You didn't know it would have worked, but you chose to take the risk. I haven't done anything to you because of it though. I still tried to help you. But I do blame you."
Tasha lays her ears back, and looks about to growl, but she closes her eyes and rests her hand on her muzzle and exhales, very slowly. "I wasn't in my right mind. I killed everything near me, which were all demons I might add, and then she was just there suddenly. If she hadn't intervened I'd have crumbled entirely. Well." Another inhale, another exhale. "Maybe you should move on. Beyond a point ... I don't accept responsibility at all. Because it's pointless. I didn't mention it, but I don't. Justice is something people create, but it's not possible or practical in a sea of contradictions. I know we're discussing blame here, and I went along with it, but I also don't care. I can't afford to. I expect more of immortals who dwarf me in age and experience, but if you're holding me to your standards, then I guess I am guilty. Just don't expect much from it. I am sorry, but I also didn't have a better idea the face of annihilation. As for Kainudy, I think she already understands how i feel. Like I said, we're similar."
"Then she should have taught you that there are always consequences," Tia says. "I'm not going anywhere until I know the final outcome. I'm not going to punish you, because while I feel wronged, I don't feel I have the right to do that. And for everyone's sake, I will act to ensure that that does not change. If I can see my mother again, and if she can fix me, then things might change. But for now I feel the need to keep you alive."
"If it helps any, I punish myself all the time," Tasha says, wincing, one eye closed and the other opened a hair. "The endless choices, the endless consequences, personal weakness, inter personal weakness, a universe to save, people to protect. I don't know, maybe Kai's the lucky one. Or no one is. The second you start being responsible is the second everything because painful and unenjoyable. Maybe we shouldn't. I don't know. I'm sure Kainudy and all the others ... Horus ... Thoth ... they all feel it, too."
"I suppose it had to balance out, but I also think I've had enough of thinking about it. Thoth tried to make me be a god, and maybe you think of godlike terms because of what you are, but I don't want to be a memetic avatar or a beacon of truth. I've seen that, and no, no thanks. I'd rather be a god of the land, like Wolf. I'd rather live than whatever this mess is," the young woman adds.
"She always dealt with the consequences," Tia says, and frowns. "Which is why I must be broken. Maybe Lothrhyn left out something important because there wasn't enough room left in me. But I'm dangerously flawed."
"Did she? I think you said she abandoned you and hid in a bubble," Tasha replies, looking up. "But then she's some sort of super-dragon, isn't she?"
"Hiding in a bubble was the consequence of her actions, I think," Tia says. "She's not even a true dragon. She was made into what she was, just like we were."
"Even your maker was made," Tia points out. "Maybe regular people don't deal with these sorts of things."
"By that golden dragon lady, right? The one that showed up towards the end of the battle, while I protected her," Tasha asks, then she perks up. "See! I did take responsibility. I was able to see a resolution, if indirectly. I did what I could to make things better, when I was recovered enough o do so. And, I suppose maybe they don't. Being made means you have to judge the making; if you're just made by chaos, it's a lot harder to judge that."
"Or we just feel our flaws are deliberate," Tia says. "The both of us are just last-minute attempts to fix something."
"You mean you and me, or you and Kai? Or Kainudy? Not that it's less true for them, I suppose ... " Tasha frowns, considering. She doesn't know why Kainudy was made, presumably for some reason or other.
"You and me," Tia says. "We didn't rebel against our creators like Kainudy did."
"Nora' obnoxious but she's not unlikeable, and it helped what she wanted was easy to want, when you felt why she wanted it. In the end, I just wanted to help her, and them. Although, now I fear I just brought them to even greater danger. I still wonder if they're all better off without me." It's not said with great sadness but more something akin to sad resignation. Understanding, if too late. "And Kainudy ... wanted a house?"
"Yes," Tia says. "Lothrhyn even hid that she was self aware from her for awhile. A house with delusions of personhood."
"So, I had to wonder if all my personhood was just a delusion," she adds, "After seeing just how fragile it was."
"I think if you believe you're a person you might be. Or want to be. Or are. I don't know, it's one of those questions like, "am I still Tasha?" because you could argue I am or I'm not, just like when I was Human. Maybe some things have to be claimed, not proven." Tasha nods slowly to this. "Yes, i think I like the sound of it, even if it has some flaws. I can see, as I've gone along, that maybe there are things, many things, that can't be resolved by discussions of proof and certainty, they have to be assume, or claimed, accepted or denied."
"I envy Kai for her certainty, and the freedom it seems to give her," Tia says. "No questions of responsibility or morality. No guilt or remorse. And she seems to enjoy it, which is the most galling thing about it all."
"I think that's part of what I mean. Responsibility doesn't seem to be required by the universe. Wolf probably doesn't think about it either. I'd been leaning away from thinking like this, I know Horus doesn't, neither does Kai, and of course not Wolf. Maybe you can live without it and not be a terrible being. Decide what's important to you, and act accordingly. You don't need the rest. That's what I've been thinking. I've had to consider it, what if I have to chose between, for example, a world and Gabriel? Those people are doomed." Tasha slaps a fist in to her open palm. "Yes, maybe complete responsibility is just a trap created by people, like religions that beleive in something that's wrong. Important to the believe, but not correct or ultimately productive except to the self's comfort. I'm made from many animals, and they didn't need it forever."
"It's probably different for houses," Tia notes. "We exist for the benefit of other people's comfort, not our own."
"Then it sounds like you're ... over thinking it. I've heard that a lot since I started this journey, over thinking. You're hoping strict responsibility will alleviate your worries and elevate you, but I think relying on it will be disappointing. The universe isn't very responsible, except maybe to the rules it operates on. Same with other universes. And you're trying to comfort everyone, rather than a few beings. But you can't really comfort people when you're not comfortable, as you've probably noticed with my decidedly lacking attempt to comfort you. yes, i think you helped me see something, it's not responsibility I need, but prioritizing and decisions. I'd already been leaning that way. I think you should try it, too. Decide what matters to you, and act from there," Tasha suggests.
"Rules are important to me," Tia says. "I depended on them for survival. And they're probably why I killed all those people, despite 'not killing people' being one of my most important rules. I'm a mobile home now though. That's probably the problem."
"That doesn't apply to me, which is probably part of why I've been increasingly miserable despite being successful. I mean, besides the being killed and tormented parts. I never wanted to lead, I was happy to follow because I enjoyed the structure, but now I'm beyond it and there's no going back. I am wolf, I am bird, and I am Human. Two thirds of me is a wild animal. Rules and responsibility are civilized things, but I don't need them. I don't know. I need to think on it, but I have a lot to do, and I just finished a war meeting." Tasha rubs her face, leaning back until her tail pushes to stop the tilt. "Something's got to go, though. I'm no longer comfortable with these 'responsibility' discussions. I'm tired of the infinite repercussions of what could be, and responsibility. I think at least, for me, that tells me it's not for me. I'm going to follow a different route."
"I don't fairies worry about it, and some of them are practically gods," Tia notes. "But they also aren't particularly nice. And work so poorly in groups that they needed Kainudy to lead them."
"I'll find something," Tasha insists, folding her arms again. "I've done the impossible, I can find an acceptable morale position. Maybe I'll ask Wolf. Or Horus. Again. Or just do whatever."
"I want another milkshake," Tia says. "Before I go meet up with Kai. I also didn't get to finish my Library research."
"Come on, lets go, I think we've had enough philosophy for a while. I have a headache and need a beer." Tasha hops up with surprising energy despite her words, but ruins it by yawning. She does however hold out a hand. "I'm going to just do things and hope it's correct. And eat. Lets go eat, tomorrow I might have a beak or something."
Tia takes the hand, and says, "Lacci is running around loose, and may be lost. I was listening to the Hammersong through my butt."
"Speaking of someone who needs direction and a milkshake." Tasha leads Tia out while continuing to hold her hand. She then diverts to find Lacci, who probably also needs a hand to hold.