By the time Tasha and Katie make it back to the tower and breakfast, the place looks a bit chaotic. The kitchen has Whisper, Tia and even Kai working in a sort of production line, with a few of the small Lesser Kobolds running plates. Aaron is dealing with the esoteric coffee station. Hakeber looks like she's fallen face-first into her plate at least once, and has bacon bits in her fur. Sasha isn't much better off. Vasha is on the floor, with a plate on her chest while Shojo checks her legs, with Lacci standing by in case of any dangerous reflexes. Sharon likewise is in one of the easy chairs, while Yue and Jonas tend to her overtaxed muscles. Gabriel is the one Karnor that doesn't look laid out, but he also seems to be dominating the kitchen output at the moment.
Tasha slows to a stop at the door beside Katie. She surveys the scene; she surveys her own state. At long last, and with a considerable amount of pushing, she has finally decided she really is well and truly fed up with being weak and fragile -- and by extension the rest of her being weak and fragile as well. "Alright," Katie hears her say beside her, "I've had enough."
That statement confuses the Kobold carrying a plate of bacon-pancake-wrapped sausages, so it just stops between the kitchen and the main table.
"Not you, bring me bacon-pancakes!" Tasha's a little too loud about it, part way between her declaration of disgust, resolution to do better, and possibly some lingering dragon-essence nudging her to treat Kobolds with authority.
So the Kobold turns over the entire plate to Tasha. But Katie grabs two of the wrapped sausages before Tasha can do anything about it. "No syrup dip?" Katie complains.
"We mixed the syrup into the pancake batter to save time and stickiness," Tia says from behind the kitchen counter.
Tasha nods approvingly, then walks imperiously to the table to sit down and eat her pausages. "Katie, attend me. I've changed my mind about exercise and the rest. I mean, look at all of me. I used to be strong. I have magic, soul-power! And I just squander it. Understandably squander it--" Tasha leaves no space for that to be contested, pressing on, "-- but squander none the less. I can do more. My potential is much greater, now."
"I have to wonder if each body contributes to.. uh.. soul-strength.. or whatever for the magic," Katie says.
"I remember being strong," Sasha says, pondering the sandwich in his hand that's a steak with waffles for bread.
"We all do, Vasha probably more than most," Tasha agrees before devouring one of the snacks with alarming speed. There's so little delay her cadence in talking doesn't seem to miss a bit, and she's glowing a little, as if her mouth were the gateway to some gastrointestinal hell. "As for each of us, Persephone made me to be a hive mind. I also share a single soul, which means my soul is growing. Add in the Spores, my soul-residents, and associated magic, and it's far different from what it started as. I suspect as each part of me grows in ability, so will we as a whole -- with more emphasis on mental, spiritual, and 'magical' over body strength. But, a strong body helps a strong mind, right? So it contributes."
"According to what Kai told us, it's where the actual power comes from," Katie notes. "But can you draw on the power of all four of you?"
"All four of us share the same soul, but it may be possible for us to magnify and increase that power, or to convey it, or accumulate energy to it. Everything I've heard seems to suggest that's the case. We also seem to share the potential to share memories, and therefore skills and experience. The spore may be able to record it all, as well, in a dark version of what the Waymakers can do," Tasha answers. More sausage pancakes are banished to the sausage pancake inferno.
"You can also harness power from blood and ritual sacrifice," Kai helpfully whispers to Tasha. "That's how you all escaped the void wraiths.."
"Are you suggesting I start sacrificing people to.. myself?" Tasha does not jump this time, because Kai already jump scared her that day and she's inculcated for the day. "Like how Sam did it?"
"Well, just the release of life-energy is what's needed," Kai explains. That can come in many ways, including through sex. They don't all need to be fatal."
"Absorb life energy. Can you get me a.. I don't know.. book or summary on 'ways to absorb life energy'? Does exercise, meditation, practice help any?" Tasha inquires.
"It's not quite absorbing, since that implies storing it, like fat," Kai says. "It's something that can be immediately channeled. I'm sure there all many of treatises on how to do it. Exercise, meditation and practice will help you better use your own life energy."
"So two ways: exercise and meditation will help me use my own reserves, while knowing external rites will help me draw that energy from external sources. And meditation and practice will help me focus and utilize that energy. Learning and knowledge will teach me what I can do with it, and how," Tasha reviews, touching on a sausage pancake in turn as she counts, possibly claiming them at the same time. "Did I miss anything?"
"Well, you can form a contract for power from a being that has a lot to spare," Kai notes. "Sam, Whisper, Tia.. even I would qualify. Also a dragon would."
"With all the usual warnings and cautions about such an agreement," Tasha states, as if it were a point of well known law that everyone ought to be readily aware of. "Sam's good for advice about the darker part of my existence, but pacts with him carry too much baggage and danger. Whisper.. " Tasha looks over to the girl. "Hmm. Tia can speak for herself. So can Whisper. And we have three dragons. Of course, the point of this is also to become personally stronger, so excessive reliance on others will lead to the same problems as now."
"You'll need to increase the life energy of all four of you then," Kai says. "You're all batteries in a pinch."
"Can we ever grow enough to have reserves compare to, say, a dragon?" Tasha's ears go up as she looks back to Kai.
"Well, no. Dragons are already magical immortal beings," Kai says. "Even I don't have that kind of reserve. There are tools though that store power like that. Like Caudimordax."
"The sword's rather murder-inclined. Come tot think of it, so is my fire spirit. Unless you want me to tip in to make self-sacrifices in the 'sacrifice others for myself' sort of way, I should be careful with them. I've resisted burning anything around here for Whisper's sake, but the urge is there." Tasha pointedly does not look at Whisper during this part. "And the sword enjoys my crueler energies quite a lot. Quite a lot. I will say Gwyndrael has reminded me that I've become weak in other ways, excessively sentimental at the wrong times, and inconveniently empathetic. I've been working to avoid that. It will get me killed, and isn't suitable for someone of my duties."
"You may benefit from Daniarood's sort of conditioning then," Kai notes. "To create a cold version of yourself that can do these things when needed. It won't protect you from the emotional fallout though. It's just a convenient combat and survival mode."
"But then you'd be a bit like me, if only a little bit," Kai cautions.
"Oh, I can already do that. I've been able to do so since part of me was sundered after the Kainudy Incident. I don't think you were there fore any of that, though, and certainly not for the meeting with Wolf. I'm not talking about the holes in my soul, but the second attempt to fix me, Wolf's attempt. The disaster created a shadow in me. I can let it take control. I haven't tried it yet, however." Tasha then pushes a sausage in to her mouth, somewhat undermining the ominousness of her reveal.
"Ah, is that what the End Wolf is?" Kai asks. "A monster you can release when you need to?"
"It can be. I've wondered if it has potential to be a Spirit of the Void, too. I've considered seeing if my existing spirit can instruct the others how to become Spirits of Something as well." Then Tasha nods. "But yes, it's an echo of emptiness."
"Your own little Princess of Demise then," Kai suggests. "That gives me an idea for a whole new avenue to explore with all four of you."
"Does it involve crowns and dresses?" Tasha slides anotehr one away, then perks her ears, "Do tell."
"Well.. you should each have a personal version of that," Kai says. "I'd be interested in trying to have you all manifest them."
Hakeber pulls her plate closer at the notion of more wolves showing up.
"Shouldn't we already have one? Or, do you mean, the one should be able to become four? We share the same soul, and the same memories, it should be we all can." But Tasha holds up a finger. "But I tell you, it's not pleasant and it's not bright. It's a desolation of spirit that walks and moves. If you do want us to work on it, everyone need to understand that it should be treated with respect -- and at a distance."
"You all share the same soul, but you each have different losses, pains and darkness," Kai notes. "Left suppressed, they can become dangerous on their own, so best to learn how to control and release them when needed."
"That sounds wise," Tasha agrees. She mad epeace with the Wolf some time ago, even if she knows what it means to bring it up, and more so, in to naked reality. She might liken it to staring at a corpse, to the hollow wind and chill night. To emptiness, without, and within. It will never be pleasant. "It won't be fun," she then warns.
"Everyone has inner monsters, except for me of course," Kai notes, and scratches Tasha behind the ears. "May as well get some use out of them."
Tasha leans in to the scratching, tail wagging. "Might as well, of course it means you don't have multiple modes, which might be a limitation, too."
"Oh, one's enough once you eat enough others," Kai claims. "Just ask Sam."
"Sam's got a limited existence-set, being a prefabricated people-muncher. I've met some of the processed souls inside him, they're not like the real thing. They're hollow, empty. Flattened down, missing something. No amount of eating will carry with it the light, and the hunger goes on. The difference between seeing a mountain and reading or hearing about it," Tasha suggests. She pops another snack away, then leans back and stretches.
"Well, I'll talk to Tia about maybe arranging for a little show-and-tell, airing of monsters if you want," Kai says.
"What, where we all come together and parade our dark sides?" Tasha looks back, ears perked. "Camp fire stories, admittances, dark secrets, genocidal power?"
"Sure! Family stuff!" Kai says with a grin. "It can be out in the woods if you want."
"I feel like one of the mountain caves is more appropriate to sharing our darkness, being physically dark and isolated, with few approaches," Tasha admits before downing yet another snack. She eats more slowly now, clearly winding down, sated. "I've been meaning to search them out for a place to practice anyway."
"Well, there are the ruins too," Kai suggests. "For more open-air stuff. Fire in a confined space can be dangerous after all."
"Dangerous for others.. But there will be others. Dangerous to forests, too. How about the high mountains? I think past them is just a drop in to nothingness, so maybe that would make a nice backdrop. Find a mountain lake next to the fade away in to chaos." Tasha pushes her plate to Katie, so she can have the rest. "I don't want to use the castle, that's Whisper's home."
"You don't want to get too close to the edges though," Kai cautions. "There are things out there that might take notice."
"Oh right, the ones that could form or may already be there. We can camp a ways in, then. I'll let you and Tia decide where. And it should be at night." Tasha turns her chair around, leaning on the back of it. "When do you want to do this?"
"I'll talk to Tia, but sooner is better," Kai says. "This way you'll get a better idea of one another, so that you're less likely to hide things."
"You mean between myselves, or between all of us? Tia does seem like she could use some venting," Tasha inquires.
"Well, just you four I think," Kai says. "Tia's dark side could be asking a bit too much."
"It does seem like a lot," Tasha admits. "Well, a bit at a time, then."
Kai closes her eyes for a moment, then opens them and says, "Alright, she'll help out. We just need to head down to the beach when we're all ready."
"Life's a beach, and then you cry. Well, this is going to be a lot, so I'm going to relax until then, maybe get a nap. There's no use being worn out before all that. That goes for you three me three, too!" Tasha calls the last part out to her other selves.
There are at least two groans in response, from Vasha and Sharon. "I definitely need time for my food to settle," Sasha says. "But.. can we take one of the carts? I'm all walked out. And I really like walkies, too."
"Sure, sure. Just be there. I'll be napping in the tower. That's not a invitation, either. I will actually be napping." Tasha sits up, stretches again, then stands. "Tonight, then. Enjoy your meals, everyone!" And then she's heading out.
Eventually everyone made it to the beach, whether by wing, feet or cart. Kai and Tia were waiting there, along with a large flat-topped rock that Tasha doesn't remember seeing before. It's also been long enough that everyone eventually found where the Lapis had hidden their clothes, so there were mostly dressed, if a bit rumpled in places. "What was this about?" Vasha asks, while Sasha and Sharon keep mute.
"It's a seeecreeet," Tasha says, with less energy that she normally might have. She walks up the the rock and peers at it, head then tilting. "This is new."
"It's a rock," Kai informs, grinning. "I figured it would help Tia to have something to focus on for this."
"Am I about to get hit with a big rock," Tasha wonders aloud, head tilting back the other way. After a moment's pause, she notes, "I had Vasha bring some firewood, just in case. Sharon has some fireside snacks. I, of course, brought the fire."
Tia looks slightly worried, which is how she normally looks lately. "I don't know for certain if this will work," she claims. "I've never tried to materialize states of being or anything like this."
"S'Mores?" Kai asks Tasha. She then waves off Tia's concerns. "Kainudy did this sort of thing by accident, so I'm sure you can do it on purpose."
"Do we sit or stand.. uh.. facing the rock?" Sasha asks.
"The last time I manifested something like this, it wasn't great for Tia, either," Tasha unhelpfully points out. She eyes the rock, pondering how it might be of use to bring forth a state of being -- she pictures a statue. "Of course s'mores. I am surrounded by Terrans, of course s'mores."
"Beans?" Vasha asks, looking a bit confused.
"Being," Sharon tells Vasha.
"Probably should save the fire for after, don't want to fill the ward with smoke," Kai says.
Sometimes Tasha wonders about Vasha, and therefore, sometimes she wonders about herself. Such thoughts have kept her up at night going back through her life as she wonders if she, too, said things like that. "Okay, no fire until later."
"Well.. who wants to be first?" Tia asks, but looks at Tasha while saying it.
"I. Volunteer." It's said in such a droll, monotone voice, too. Tasha raises her hand just to emphasize.
Kai goes to stand behind Tasha, and asks, "Ready?"
"Am I about to be pushed? Fine, do it." Tasha holds her hands out, just in case.
There is pushing, sort of. One of Kai's hands presses at the base of Tasha's spine, just above her tail, and the other presses on the back of her head. Then it feels like the hands are sliding inside of, and something rises up in her chest and feels like it's going to burst out of it. Then comes the pulling, presumably from Tia despite her being on the far side of the stone. It seems to be over quickly, as the End Wolf bursts out of her chest and lands on the stone for all to see. Tasha feels lighter for the moment as well, once the phantom hands have exited her.
And so Tasha shakes herself out, really shakes herself out! That, she understands, was a very strange feeling for someone who is used to feeling, being, and experiencing strange on a daily basis. It's not until she looks up again that she sees what happened, which gives her a start. "Oh." She blinks. "My End Wolf. Is this.. It's not just a projection, is it?"
"For the moment, it's.. uh.. outside of you," Tia explains while literally waving a hand. "So you can assess its influence more easily. This is supposed to be the darkest part of you, so.. what does it represent and how do you feel with it not weighing on you at the moment?"
"I feel lighter in an ineffable way," Tasha says after a moment of hesitation. "Like some of sadness vanished, like the world became brighter because all of the shadows suddenly diminished. Brighter, but more.. More washed out. Like if I had reduced the luminance in a art work. I think some of my edge is gone, too. My, well, killing edge. The hurt part of me that drives my aggression." As she talks she peers at her Wolf, finding it very strange a conceptual part of her is standing out in the open. Until now they'd always been in her mind, or maybe somewhere less definable, but no one else could see them.
The wolf just looks right back at Tasha, ignoring the others. "I am your strength," it growls. "Strength of will, strength of pain, strength to fight until the bitter end."
"Sort-of," Tasha hedges, waving a hand. She looks pained saying it, too. "But you're also a source of pain. Pain can be strength, and pain can be motivation, but it's still pain. I suspect it's an unanswerable question of give-and-take, can't-have-one-without-the-other. I'm probably a lot less useful without you." She scratches her chin, leaning to peer closer. "And I know the iron will that resides in us. The unrelenting, unfeeling absolute will to fight as long and as hard as it takes, without compromise and without kindness. Not something to be called upon lightly."
"Well.. now we just need to see if everyone else inherited a death wolf," Kai says. "You can probably stick them back together now," she tells Tia.
"Come on then," Tasha tells her Wolf, holding her arms out wide. "I'm not taking the easy way out by leaving you out here."
"What do you mean?" Tia asks. "I thought this was to see if these things could be used externally in the first place." She doesn't have to do anything though, as the End Wolf leaps at Tasha, striking her in the chest and burrowing back inside. It feels like a big wolf just burrowed inside of her, too.
Unsurprisingly, Tasha falls right over on her back, arcing and inhaling sharply. She looks stunned, wide eyed and ears back. Then she exclaims, "WOW THAT HURT," before splaying out on the ground and pant-whining. "Why am I so mean to myself."
"Well, it's probably because you miss your whip," Kai reasons.
"So Tasha is self-droven?" Vasha jokes.
"Now another part of me is being mean to me with bad puns." But Tasha does start getting up, hobbling ober to sit on the ground nearby. "You know, that felt exactly like it looked like it did. Now I know what having a big Wolf other than Gabriel.. Well. You know." She grins. Then she winces -- and then resumes grinning. "Okay who is next? And I don't use my whip to hurt people! It's a tool! Why does no one understand that? It's really long."
"Vasha just volunteered I think," Kai claims, cupping one hand to her ear as if listening for a whisper.
"Wha? No I.. uh.. I gots no dark stuff!" the Vartan claims, arms crossed over her chest.
"I thought you were the brave one, too," Tasha admits with exaggerated mock-disappointment. "Maybe it's Sharon? We can put Vasha on maid duty, or maybe cleaning."
"Fine!" Vasha snaps, waving her arms in the air. "I no care, make somethin' ugly jump outta me!"
Kai gets behind the Vartan and does the same thing as she did with Tasha. Watching someone else go through it from the outside is a bit disturbing though. Vasha's eyes bulge, and she seems to resist, but then looks sick and vomits out a stream of black, liquid smoke onto the rock.
The blackness pulls together and rises up, taking on the form of.. Blackwings! But not the broken version Tasha last dealt with, this is Blackwings in her prime. Someone to be feared and respected.
"Ewww," goes Tasha, who scoots away a little, feeling she has enough shadowy darkness in her. TShe then stops, remembering that darkness is probably part of her anyway. When it's Blackwings, she rolls her eyes.
"Oh, of course," goes the winged red woman.
"Hey!" Vasha says accusingly to Tasha, "We wanted what she had! I wouldn't make the mistakes that she did though!"
"It sounds like you have an inadequacy complex," Tia says, but in a tone that is less brutal than the statement.
"She sure made a lot of them, too," Tasha notes, sniffing and raising her nose. "Still, I understand what she is to us. She was our early role model, before we had someone more positive and less use-Silent-Ones-for-rugs minded. I assume Aaron only uses Kavis."
"I take you all in," Vasha's Blackwings says. "Reap the rewards of serving under me," she promises.
"See, she's not great. And compared to us, she didn't do that much with her power," Tasha explains, gesturing to Blackwings. "The confidence is probably real, but confidence alone isn't everything. Ultimately she was destroyed by a vision, her father, and her own hopelessness. That's not something to be admired."
"Mentors aren't role models," Vasha claims. "Who is our role model anymore?" She points at Tia and Kai, saying, "Not these weirdos! Not crazy dragons, and not bunnies that brew poisons. And NOT that old ghost, Nora."
"I think our role models are more specialized now, or, to be really honest, other than Gabriel there aren't many of them. We've seen too much to put most beings on a pedestal. We know the end of gods and civilizations, and we walk beside so many people. And, I think, most of the people we walk with wouldn't be comfortable being a role model. They know like we know, we all have problems," Tasha tells Vasha.
"We're a bit jaded," Tasha adds, in afterthought.
"Gabriel may as well be another god," Vasha says, grumbly but not shouting. "We never get to that level. Blackwings is attainable at least."
"Gabriel's got his problems, too. Don't let his stoic silence fool you. He keeps a lot inside, which, I will tell you, isn't always great. Captains can't break down, they can't show weakness, they can't fail." Tasha tilts her head, then admits, "I think I have that problem too sometimes. I can't admit weakness and I can't fail."
"You just gotta figure out how to fail gracefully," Kai says. "But this Blackwings at least sounds fun. I bet we'd have gotten along great!"
"She'd have served me up for dinner," Sharon mutters.
"Sure, until she sells you out. Unlike you, she's playing from a point of hopelessness. She seems fun, but she's just running away from her problems. Maybe that worked for her," Tasha reviews, frowning. "But, you know, I don't think so. She's a shadow of what ruined her. She might have found strength but unlike Nora and I she could never move past what happened and couldn't live with what was to come."
"I would do it better," Vasha says quietly, as the figure of the sometimes pirate dissolves back into smoke.
"Then do it better," Tasha tells Vasha, brows arcing. "And show us all what you can do." The red woman stands up now, dusting herself off. "Also, I'd be a lot more fun if I wasn't holding everything together, fighting horrors, and dealing with multidimensional family problems. This is probably why Persephone isn't fun."
"She was a real troublemaker in her youth though," Kai claims. "Where do you think Charon gets it from?"
"Well, so was I! Look what I've done!" Tasha gestures all around her, then at each of her other selves, then at Tia, and then right at Kai. "It's all the stress that ruins us, you know! Well fine, when we go to Daltoona, I'm going to play up the Mezzode party girl. That'll be my disguise."
"That's hardly fair," Sasha claims.
"Fine Sasha can be a party girl too," Tasha includes, smiling.
"I would also like to note party girl is one of a few reasons people make mezzodes. Companions, service industry, that sort of thing. Besides, who is going to take me seriously as a mech operator or something?" Tasha throws her hands up. "Not with my looks and genes. It'll stand out way more than a new model mezzode on a long-stay public trial. I'm going to get extensions, colored contacts, and wear something party-ish." And so she winks at Sasha. "It'll be fun."
Kai has wandered over behind Sharon by now, who is visibly nervous. "Do I have to do this?" she asks.
Tasha stops reviewing her party-plans to focus on Sharon now. "Yeees, it'll be good for you. You need to find your own courage and will, especially if you plan to use magic. You can't be shaking and anxious if people need you to save them!"
The Human girl just closes her eyes and waits for Kai and Tia to do their thing. Kai pushes, and Sharon's cheeks inflate as she seems to tense up and fight it. But it's eyes that open and release her dark half. It almost looks like blood at first, due to all the red, but what forms on the stone is.. Tasha. Original, pre-Amazonia Tasha, with skimpy shorts, whip and revealing top. And likely an invisible chip on her shoulder.
"I think Sharon might be a bit repressed," Tia suggests.
The girl does take a deep breath though, and seems to relax as she releases it. "Huh.. I'm not.. angry.." she says.
"It's terrifying," Tasha says in a nearly flat monotone, arms crossing. She eyes her old self and admits, "I forgot how big I was. I think I've forgotten what it's like to be strong, too. Annnd.. " She hesitates, then looks heavenward. "I might be a bit repressed too."
"We all are," Sasha claims.
"I won't argue with that," Tasha admits, nodding.
"I'm not!" Kai claims with a smile, her hands on Sharon's shoulders.
"So.. I'm a little angry at being soft and weak," Sharon says, frowning. "But I mean, really.. shouldn't I be? It's all Kai and Tia's fault!"
"Kai and Sam did most of it," Tia pouts. "I just provided power and the growth medium."
"You have to have a conscience and a broader self to be repressed," Tasha tells Kai, knowing it won't help any. "As for being repressed, for me, it's about obligations, restraint, and I think a combination of being beaten to death and my time spent in weaker bodies. I'm more anxious than I was, more conscious of what I'm doing, annnd.. there's probably a lot more reasons. Sharon expressed my fear of personal weakness, Vasha my insecurity, Sasha my desire to fit in while being excluded and alone?"
Everyone looks at Sasha then. "It's still Sharon's turn," he claims, pointing at the effigy of Original Tasha. "She.. she clearly wants bigger boobs!"
"What's wrong with my boobs?" Sharon asks, looking worried as she clutches her chest.
Tasha drops her head in her hands. "Maybe I should have let the dragon eat me, or, better, gone with the phoenix so I could just explode."
"They'll grow as you ripen," Kai promises Sharon.
Effigy Tasha just laughs in that derisive way she used to when she felt better than someone.
"Is that what I sounded like? Ugh, I'm going to sit down again. I think I preferred the wolf-through-my-chest." Tasha does indeed sit down on the sand. "I might feel bad about myself if I wasn't so amazingly accomplished, cute, and able to set people on fire by pointing at them."
"I was always on fire!" Old-Younger Tasha claims, cocking her hips and making a 'Ssssss' sound as she touches her butt with a finger.
"Oi!" Vasha snaps. "I the hot one now!" she claims and beats her wings until the specter is blown away as if made of smoke.
"I don't do that," Tasha insists, arms folding again. She huffs, then shoves Sasha forward. "Hurry up before we all die again -- of embarrassment."
Sharon is red-faced. "Well.. at least it wasn't the Empress," she says.
Kai catches Sasha, hugging him from behind and resting her chin on his shoulder. "Have you been a good boy, Sasha?"
"Please don't do that," Sasha says to Kai, betrayed by his wagging tail.
"Sure, lets parade all my inner demons out, why don't you. I'm sure Nora would like to join the party." Tasha looks about to say more but she drops it to refocus on Sasha and Kai. "He's not a dog. Well, I mean, he may actually be a dog, but he's not that kind of dog."
"I'll just do this then," Kai says, releasing the Karnor to position her hands for the push. Sasha has a terrified look on his face as he howls. Something comes out, and starts to take shape.. and that's all Tasha remembers. There was something, she's certain, but she can't remember what it was, or anything about it. She isn't even sure anything happened. Vasha and Sharon look confused, and even Kai has a furrowed brow. Only Sasha and Tia are excluded, with Sasha looking sad and Tia looking surprised. She even almost smiles.
Tasha blinks, then looks around. "Did I miss something? I think I blanked out there for a moment." She rubs her face, then gives her head a good shake out. A moment later she notices the dichotomy of expressions, asking, "Okay, what'd we miss?"
"Good question," Kai says, also having been affected by whatever it was.
"Something.. I've never seen before," Tia claims. "An anti-meme."
"We don't have no aunties," Vasha claims. "None that mum ever mentioned.."
"How can most of me and Kai have been effected? What's an anti-meme?!" Tasha looks around for explanation, brows all the more raised.
"Something that erases itself," Tia explains, and looks at Sasha. "Because Sasha is haunted by things that ended up never existing. When you try to look at it, it sucks away the memory of itself, and probably other memory of events near it. Like the blind spot when you look out into hyperspace."
"Like psychic invisibility but it affects the events around it?" Kai asks.
"Wow," goes Tasha, who scratches her head. "I was aware of his problem with being drawn from my memories from when I was Sasha, and then that version of me no longer existing. But, Sasha's copy of a version of an alternate me, who may not exist either. And that's really hard to bear." She sounds sad by the end of her review, having been aware of the state of things, but not having had the presence of mind and time to really dwell on how sad it must be.
"More dangerous," Tia claims. "Prolonged exposure could change someone's self-perception or memories. Even rewrite them." Despite the danger she describes, Tia sounds a bit excited.
"It makes me feel ill," Sasha claims.
"I feel like I'm being weaponized," Tasha laments. She gets up and walks over to hug Sasha.
"That would be a pretty potent weapon," Kai admits, and eyes Tia with suspicion.
Sasha slumps a bit in Tasha's grip.
Tasha follows that gaze. "Tia, you're usually very anti-weaponry. You-" She pauses to shoulder Sasha, turning to look between him and Tia. "You're usually against these kinds of things. Why does this one interest you so mu-.. " Another pause, then she asks, "You're not thinking of using that on yourself, are you?"
Tia's jaw clenches for a moment. "Why shouldn't I think of using it on myself, Tasha?" she asks. "I'm already distant and aloof, because so many things make me relive my memories. That'll only get worse with time, until I can't distinguish past and present at all. Did you ever ask Gwyndrael what happens to dragons that have lived too long?"
"I'm not saying you shouldn't, not exactly, I'm just anxious about the effects and the side effects -- on your and on Sasha. I mean look at him, he doesn't look well, does he? The rest of us recovered quickly enough." She gestures to the man she's holding up. "Aren't there better ways to go about this than Sasha-bombing yourself? We don't even know how to control the effect, it could erase anything, right?"
Tia composes herself. "I admit that it is not something easily studied," she says. "Or that it would be worth the suffering it might bring to Sasha."
"Maybe you just need a good whack to the back of the head," Vasha offers.
"If we can resolve both problems, I'd be more willing to allow it. Right now, it could ruin two people with uncertain gains, and in the face of other options that also need to be tested. Persephone's a much safer option to try first than null-bombs. Or Vasha. Both are questionably useful." Tasha tries to swat her avain version with her tail, since her hands are holding Sasha up. "There's also the problem of choice and intent, Tia. If you're worried about making devastating decisions and choosing your own path, the lack of direction might be as useful as shooting holes in a ship because it has too much junk."
"I'll get to that point eventually though," Tia admits. "That's my dark shadow. My own future self. I fear that more than I do encountering some situation that triggers my 'justice' mode."
"Oh suck it up," Kai tells Tia. "You only damaged one civilization. You got a long way to go if you want to live up to the family legacy."
Tasha coughs a laugh despite herself at the mention of 'justice mode'. "I know you were being serious but Justice Mode.. I mean you could shout JUSTICE MODE- ANYWAY." She gives herself a little slap to hopefully mollify Tia's wrath over the humorous take. "Annnd Kai has a.. point?" Tasha's expression is anything but confidant about that. "I think we've established that you need to change somehow though, that your old programming may be a problem, and endless memories are better for computers and stone tablets than people. So I'm happy to help with that. We can save the inevitable genocide for a plan B, or C."
"I thought genocide was plan A?" Tia asks. "That's the goal when it comes to the Ogdru-hem, isn't it?"
"I meant for you, for me, it's one of the Plans As. And Ogdru-hem aren't really a people, they're people-like-slave devices created for specific purposes. How do I know this? They told me. I tried to save them, repeatedly, but I've never been able to figure out how. Like you, they're stuck on what was, but they're much harder to change." Tasha pauses to check Sasha's face, then looks back. "Anyway, making them gone is one way to protect a universe."
"Genocide can also be an exit strategy," Kai claims.
"How so," Tasha asks, ears perking. She waves Sharon over to help with Sasha, knowing they both get along well.
"Blow up the sun!" Kai says, making an explosion gesture with her hands. "Perfect way to cover your tracks and make a fortune selling artifacts from a now-extinct civilization."
"That is silly," Tia counters with a head shake. "Wasteful. A targeted coronal mass ejection is much simpler."
"I can't exactly blow up my whole universe. I live there, and all the rest of my friends and family are there. Saving is what I'm aiming for." Tasha then snaps her fingers, nodding towards Tia. "That reminds me, Kai said I should investigate sources of power to draw on and make pacts with. You're on that list, how would you feel about that? You don't like making judgments but are very powerful, I make judgments all the time but I'm not."
"What.. sort of power are you talking about here?" Tia asks, back to being serious.
"Fire-power," Kai suggests, and makes her explosion gesture again.
"Ehhh, I'm not exactly sure? Some sort of channeled energies, probably to make up for my being a tiny mortal with a dragon heart." Tasha then snaps her fingers again and points to Kai. "That."
"So, channel power through you that, if not released and controlled correctly, could burn you to ashes?" Tia asks, eyebrows raised. "Is this knock down a wall or knock down a city levels?"
"It varies by scenario," Tasha explains. "It's also a Kai-suggestion, so not entirely explained other than as a source of power beyond my meager personal energies. I've also been trying to learn how to absorb existing heat sources as energy for my own abilities, but that's very hypothetical."
"For now, I can do this," Tia says, and Tasha feels a change in her partial ansible. A new option appears, where she can now reallocate power from kinetics (shield or movement) into 'offense', though they are still all drawing from the same pool of energy with no change in the renewal rate.
"Thanks," Tasha says, not wanting to sound ungrateful and genuinely pleased with the small addition to her personal arsenal. "I'll have to be careful not to over-use it, but at least now I have all three categories of tactical decision making. We can work out anything more, later. Maybe I'll call on everyone who can make that pact and dicuss it among all of them. It might also be a safe time to talk to Samael about my spore and its uses, too. I'm leery of discussing it with him without others to review."
"You have a dragon-wizard and a dragon-cleric now," Tia notes. "Vasha can hurl insults as well. You should be fine to talk to Samael."
"You forgot to mention the magic sword," Kai points out.
"I don't trust magic swords," Tia retorts.
"Well they'll all be there when I discuss these things anyway, so I can get both handled simultaneously. Aside from training up and working on my infiltration disguises, I have time." Tasha then nods to Kai. "I wasn't sure how trustworthy it is. It decidedly loves killing dragons, which, between all the dragons and pseudo-dragons we know, is a problem. I don't know if it cares about killing anything else. It does at least seem to like me, mostly because I am a font on brain-melting anguish."
"And you used it to kill a dragon," Vasha points out.
"That I did," Tasha confirms. "Maybe one is enough?"
"Well.. I think we've finished the show-and-tell segment, so you should get that campfire going," Tia suggests. "If things get too sticky, just wipe your paws off on Kai. And starting tomorrow I want to see each of you, in turn, on the Astraea for your choir auditions and possible adjustments."
"Yes Command Justice." Tasha salutes, then carries Sasha over to the beach. "Bring the firewood Vasha! And the snacks! Just don't mix up the chocolate and the replacement, Sasha feels bad enough as it is."