Willow is tucked away in Sackcloth's room in preparation for the Doctor's arrival. She's hardly isolated though: from here she can still keep track of everyone's whereabouts and mood. When one of the Rakhtors returns, anxiety levels seem to ripple out from it as if a stone had been dropped into a pond. Even the surviving Raiders that had been asleep quickly became alert and nervous. It was clear that Razor was near the center of the disturbance, but if the person with him was the infamous Doctor, it was difficult for Willow get a good read on his aura. Not that it was dim or subtle, it was just a bit chaotic, as if going through several moods at the same time, without any one of them being clearest.
Willow is sitting cross-legged, eyes closed, to help cut out other interference in the room from simply trying to see. The chaotic feel is ... odd, is it more than one mood, or more than one entity she has to wonder? Two creatures, one body? That would explain the multiple moods. She tries to focus more on it, being mindful if it seems to somehow notice.
The close proximity of Razor and Stitch (one calm, the other nervous) muddle things, but Willow does feel the colors of the chaotic aura may indeed be due to a mixture of distinct entities. And while there's definitely some magical tint to it - at least in one of the Sphere's Willow is sensitive to - there's also an absence of sorts. Like Mr. Stitch, the Doctor doesn't seem to have any natural resistance to Life Magic. Bright and Sackcloth are waiting to meet their 'employer' at the entry that separates the Raider area from the Retainer one.
"Who are you?" Willow murmurs to herself as she shifts about. "Someone who was saved, somehow. Are you an actual black-heart zombie?" she wonders and holds out her right hand a bit int he room, to see if she feels anything from it.
Willow knows well what a black-heart zombie feels like, but isn't getting that sort of sensation now. Nor one of the General's ersatz attempts to duplicate the results with a piece of Legion. This is definitely something different. But while she's best at sensing Life and Shadow (and Dream to some extent), she can discern differences in magic without being able to identify a specific Sphere. But other than some Life Magic, there's definitely at least two other Spheres present, if not being particularly active. So the Doctor probably is a Mage.
Willow fidgets, frustrated. She cannot directly confront this person and find out what he is. Or she. Plus, this person might actually have active wards against the Barsunala active, which may be causing some of the problem, and confusing things. Amenlichli certainly knows a fair amount about Alptraum, after all.
It's also possible that actual Chaos Magic is at work: something Willow has very little experience with. But the source of frustration is moving closer, right up the hallway outside. They don't seem to be stopping to check on the faux-Willow in the cell though. They even pass the bunkroom with the captives, who should be starting to come out of their sedation, which could be an issue if the timing is off. They pass outside on the way to Bright's chambers, probably to get his battle analysis, and it's then that Willow gets her closest 'look' at the Doctor.
The creature's aura, in general, conforms to that of an Eeee (since auras do tend to have a shape, at least up close). But she feels the body does hold at least three spirits, and it isn't a form of possession. Each one of them has their own magical signature, so each is probably capable of using magic (although she can't sense any held spells). And one, she's certain, is female. But more importantly, she can get a 'lock' on each individual, the key for using her territory ability if needed.
"Wait, is this actually three mages in one body? That might explain where the royal mages went; they were experts on transference, after all," Willow thinks as she shifts again, feeling uneasy. She tries to get a better feel of each one, so that she could find them again, or maybe be better able to identify them without exposing herself any further. But, at least she cannot feel a black heart zombie.
There's some sort of turbulence in the auras where the 'edges' presumable meet. It's likely not an ideal situation, and if Willow's guess that the Royal Mages used their knowledge (which may have come from Amenlichtli in the first place, depending on which legend you're listening to) did this to hide or escape - it may have been a one-way trip. After all, why would they have bothered learning how to separate multiple souls from a body? The version used on the Sabaoth presumably only left one mind in place, not crammed in two.
The Sabbaoth was also insane, so maybe there were multiple minds? Now, the question is does he wait until he's locked up to yank and interrogate, or do it now? Waiting is probably safer, but she's also a bit antsy just sitting here.
She can feel Stitch wavering a bit. After all, he's supposed to sedate his brother. Mr. Slither is also more alert than usual - he's probably been tapped to help restrain the big Vartan. Across the hall, and past the guarded antechamber, some of the captives are becoming slightly more alert as well, if not fully conscious. Sackcloth is definitely getting impatient in Bright's chamber. He probably has to give his own report on the captives and Raiders as well. They can't take too much longer. There hasn't been any sign that the Doctor has brought along replacements for the lost Raiders yet either.
Willow grabs her own horn in frustration, then has to let go because pulling on your skull like that tends to hurt! "Are there any replacements? Does the doctor already suspect something is up?" she wonders, finally opening her eyes and staring at the door. "I just have to be patient."
Finally, there's movement, and voices. ".. enough replacements," a gravelly voice comments. Throat damage does seem to be a theme with the Doctor's patients, so it shouldn't be a shock that he has the same sort of voice. But on an Eeee, it'd mean partial blindness if he can't produce active sonar pings. "She's just down here," Bright is saying as they pass. She can feel Mr. Slither's attention focus on Razor's back about then. "I have Mr. Bucket guarding her," Bright explains.
Willow's eyes fully open, and she prepares to get up. Soon it'll be the scramble to the boat ... providing Razor doesn't cause too much problem. She may have to intervene if he does, and that means using the shadow to bolster herself physically to be of much use. "Calm," she thinks, "Just wait it out ..."
"That is.." the gravelly voice starts to say, only to be cut off. There's definitely a struggle going on, and it might involve everyone in the hallway. Razor is yelling. Stitch is yelling. Sackcloth is yelling. Finally a door is slammed, there's a choking sound, and the yelling stops, but the stress levels are high enough that Willow might think the wall was red-hot if she hadn't opened her eyes. At least her door isn't locked from the outside.
Willow grits her teeth and starts to draw up the shadow on the inside to act as supplemental muscle if need be. Then she goes to the door and opens it. Every muscle in her body right now is twitching, and she's almost holding her breath.
There isn't much of Razor visible, with Slither wrapped around him. The Naga is bleeding though from several talon gashes. Bright is holding his upper left arm tightly, which is already starting to bruise (did it get broken?) and Sackcloth looks like's barely holding back from kicking Razor in the head. Stitch is waving his hands, all of his feather's puffed out, saying, "He's out! I got the full dose inna him! I think Slither broke his wing. So back off!"
"How badly is each of you hurt?" Willow asks, voice disturbingly calm and collected. "Does anyone need tending to now, or do we wait until we depart. We don't likely have much time."
"Nothing that can't wait," Bright insists. Slither releases Razor, who despite being unconscious still looks murderously angry. The other retainers are beginning to show up to see what the commotion was, and Sackcloth starts telling them to head to the outer cave. "We're leaving. Sprocket, Velvet, Straw.. go grab the captives unless they can walk on their own. Stitch! I'll carry Razor, you go take control of the Raiders!"
"I have to get the report copies," Bright mutters, and staggers a bit back towards Willow. So far there hasn't been any protest or door pounding from the cell, which nobody seems to have noticed yet.
"Do I need to carry anyone?" Willow asks as she goes to peer at the cell door worriedly. "There's no sound, the mage may be preparing a spell," she points out. Her eyes narrow as she focuses on it, trying to see if she can sense anything. "Hurry, all of you. Call to me if you need my help in gathering things."
"A spell?" Stitch asks, his voice cracking a bit. This certainly gets people moving. After all, half of them think the Doctor can suck their life away at a moments notice! Willow can hear the scratching of chalk on stone through the door: the Doctor may be making it deliberately loud, even.
"I wouldn't," Willow says to the door. "If I so much as sense anything starting, I will end you," she adds, her voice soft and so incredibly cold. "In agony far worse than anything you've ever threatened those here with."
There's no response to the threat, but the chalk-scratches stop. A moment later, however, and Mr. Bucket's sleeping aura winks out completely, just before a surge of magic potential can be felt. The sort an unscrupulous mage might get from performing a live sacrifice.
And Willow reacts quickly and in a panic. Live sacrifice means life magic, so Willow slams her hands onto the door and in a surge, tries to explode out the shadow and absorb that surge of life magic before the mage can actually make use of it!
This isn't exactly something that Shadow Magic can do, but the shadow is another story. Feeling it pass through the wood of the door from her right hand, the shadow catches up the escaping life-force and feeds it back to Willow. It feels a lot stronger that simply devouring Mr. Bucket with the shadow probably would have - but sacrificial magic is about concentrating things, and there's no work to be done by the shadow in this case. This gets a response from the Doctor though. "Vampyr," he gravels, before starting to chant.
Willow is acting on pure panic at this point. "I am so much more," she hisses at the door, and then twists the shadow about on the other side of the door, fashioning a spear from it, which then she makes a swipe with at the mage, aiming for the source of that sound if she can, his throat. If he can't talk, he can't cast. At least not quickly.
There's a brief contact, and then a burning sensation. Iron! The Doctor either has iron secreted into his clothing, or is carrying something he can wield. It does make sense - what better to threaten an Aeonian with, should he have reason to mistrust Bright's report after hearing Razor's version of things.
"Arrgh!" Willow cries out and whips the shadow away from the iron. Her focus changes as she tries to sense the location of it, and if she can whip the shadow past it! Then she twitches, and tries to sense out where Bucket's body is. It is organic matter, and she might be able to use it indirectly.
She doesn't really have to sense where Bucket's body is, since he was tied down to the cot. And she's very familiar with the layout of that cell! Where the Doctor is, however, is harder to discern, since Aeonian hearing isn't as precise as that of an Eeee - at least, not through a door. But there's still chanting going on from somewhere. Aura-sense puts him.. actually close to the door, apparently, just against the wall to one side.
Willow does something she never thought she might have to try to do ... she sends the shadow into Bucket! If she can animate him and he's not bound ... zhe can puppet use him to fight? If not, she can warprendmake him explode. Maybe. She's seen it often enough with the Dagger ... and the dagger is still linked into her internally, and ... dagh, she has to do something to stop him!
The body is likely still bound, but the Doctor is quick with what Willow is certain is an iron dagger. Before the shadow can get a good 'grip' on Bucket's body, the burning comes again. Whatever spell is being worked, Willow definitely gets a sense of Life Magic from it, but it likely isn't going to be anything pleasant.
Willow cries out! Dagh, that hurts! She panics and tries to split the shadow into a dozen tendrils, fan them out, and strike all at once like a dozen daggers! No waqy he could stop all of them!
"What are you doing?" Bright gasps as he staggers out of his room at the end of the hall. He's trying to hold onto a bunch of ledgers under his right arm while still cradling his left as best he can. "Why haven't you left?" This new attempt is more successful, and actually interrupts the chanting as the Doctor has to move to try and catch all of the tendrils. This proves difficult - the iron needs to be applied for a few seconds before it becomes unbearable, and there are a lot of tendrils in play.
"Trying to stop the mage from casting a spell! Willow cries out! "He sacrificed Bucket, which gives him a large pool to work it, but I'm trying to prevent its use. Go without me if you have to; if he casts this, none of you may escape at all," she tries to explain to Mr. Bright. "I can buy you time; go!"
While several tendrils slip past to make contact with Bucket's body - three more actually get past the Doctor's defense to make contact with him as well.
When Willow realizes she contacted the Doctor, she tries to knock him out by sucking out enough to render him unconscious!
"It will take time to move everyone on the Rakhtors," Bright says and staggers past. "Stitch will keep one ready to carry you," he promises.
"Don't wait; if you have to go, go. They need to get out of here. I can ... make do, somehow," Willow claims, voice distant.
There are so many layered Life spells in the Doctor's body, that there's a bit of chaos when some suddenly lose strength. It's enough to bring the man to his knees. He clearly took some precautions against Life Magic attacks, since whatever process was used to create the composite required destroying any natural resistance the body had. But part of those enchantments must have been for keeping the three minds sequestered, at least enough to allow for independent thought. While he doesn't pass out, he does seem to be having a seizure.
Willow actually tries to take partial control of the creature's muscles while he's having a seizure ... to try and slam his head on the wall; hoping to further debilitate him or completely knock him out. "What in Dagh's name are you?" she hisses at the door.
Given the situation, the shadow can physical move the Doctor without having to take over the body. With the dagger no longer in play, it can be fully focused on the frail body to move it around. Willow easily outweighs a healthy Eeee, and the Doctor is more on the decrepit side of the Eeee spectrum.
Willow, concentrating, tries to make the shadow knock the doctor out by beating him on the door itself! "Come on, go down, go unconscious, give us time," she pleads at the door. "I don't want to eat you. I don't want your minds crawling around in my head too." Could she extract the spirits as the Barsunala? Maybe ... but this is all so dangerously close to places she never wanted to go. She ate Bucket, well, what was left energywise and she feels ill.
With the chaos in the Mage's head, it takes a few good thumps to knock out all three of the occupants, at least as far as Willow can tell. There are probably still sedatives left, unless the Cervani and Rhian that have been stomping through the anteroom have accidentally smashed them all while rushing through to grab the groggy captives. And Willow wouldn't know the proper dose for an Eeee anyway.
"Dagh take you," Willow says as she hits the door a few times with her hands, then withdraws the shadow from there for now. "You made me eat him. Dagh take you, you made me eat him," she tells the door, sounding horrified by her own actions. She swore she'd never take the energy of a sentient, but she had no choice here. She had to stop the spell, and she didn't know what else to do other than take away the source. Knowing this doesn't make her feel much better, though, because she's actually crying. "You made me be a monster," she adds, voice quieter, as she slumps down on the floor to hug herself and recover from the pain of the shadow-burns.
Mr. Velvet is the last one out, a Kavi under each arm, and he's stopped dead when he sees Willow slumped down. "Are you hurt?" he asks, unsure if he should put down his charges to help Willow yet or not.
Willow just waves her hand. "Go, take them to the ship; leave the monsters behind," she tells Mr. Velvet.
The confused deer continues on down the hall. There are sounds of commotion that way, but nobody is screaming or yelling yet.
Willow waits there for now, listening to see if the Doctor moves, or speaks. Then it dawns on her and she sends the shadow back in; not to do anything really more, other than try to 'remove' the bodies vocal chords so he can't cast any spells.
There are sudden pinpricks on Willow's arm, as if tiny claws where being used to walk up it. Once they reach her shoulder, Kaira becomes visible, but in a ghostly way in case anyone else shows up. "Was getting some weird shocks through the shadow," she notes, but doesn't press the distraught unicorn further.
"Mage, iron knife, and dangerous magic," Willow says in short sound-bites of explanation. "Ate person to prevent mage using him for spell."
"Oh, the energy surge?" Kaira asks. "That didn't have any spirit with it.. at least none that came through. Not quite like the Light of Nala though, which isn't exactly living Life energy. Where'd it come from?"
"Evil man named Bucket," Willow explains, "Mage sacrificed him." Her focus really is elsewhere, given she's trying to make the mage a mute.
Apparently the protective enchantments didn't cover the possibility of physical transformation - which usually requires a lot of Life Mages, attendants and support acolytes to pull off, unless you happen to control a shadow dragon. Paralyzing vocal cords doesn't take much effort. "Ah, I'm not entirely clear on how sacrifices work," Kaira admits. "For religious magic, I suppose it's mainly for harvesting spirit energy. For sphere-based sorts, it depends on the energy that's needed. Which I assume to be either life or spirit, but not both. Pretty sure it has to be specific."
"This was life. There, muted him," Willow claims, then gets another idea ... and tries to give him floppy tentacles for hands, so he can't draw another circle, either. She has Bucket's energy to use, after lal.
The quickest, and most efficient, route for this turns out to be simply reabsorbing the bones. It's not like the calcium couldn't be used in other places. "Seemed a bit sour," Kaira notes. "Sort of curdled."
"He's a chimera. Three souls, one body, and the body is probably borrowed," Willow comments, sounding ill. "I've done all I can outside of simply killing it."
"Going to bring it in to the Yodhrephath?" Kaira asks. "I don't think magic in this world can accomplish that without.. uh.. a physical aspect. May want to check for surgery marks."
"Going to leave it here for them to pick up. I can't risk bringing it on the ship, not close to his victims," Willow notes, and checks for surgery marks as suggested.
There are lot of them. It seems that most of the Life enchantments were to suppress tissue rejection - and that's something Eeee are already pretty tolerant of. There are bits here and there from three different Eeee (including a disconnected ovary) throughout the body, but the head is in the worst shape. Aside from the face being grafted together, the skull and chunks of brain are as well. And despite all of that, the 'host' body still kept the noose-scar. Maybe certain things can't be changed for the process to work.
"It's nothing but surgical scars," Willow notes grimly. "He's made of of many, including at least one woman, given the ovary. That's disgusting."
"It doesn't seem likely it.. they.. performed the surgery on themselves," Kaira points out. "There has to be others. How many of these Royal Mages escaped, do you know?"
"I don't know. I'm not exactly up on all Babel history since I wasn't there during, well, most of it," Willow points out and sighs. "If I had to guess, there were probably at least seven of them, to reflect the seven sisters."
"That does make sense," Kaira says. And then goes transparent again as the clip-clop of hooves approaches.
"I told all of you to leave," Willow says in the direction of the hooves.
"We're doing that," Sackcloth says, and comes to a stop next to Willow. "Do I need to carry you?" he asks.
Willow waves her hand. "No, I can walk. The mage won't be a problem for a ... while," she says, then pushes herself upright, wincing. She can still feel the phantom burn-pains in her hands as an echo of the knife against shadow.
At least nothing is showing on her hand or arm (especially not what it should actually look like, should her disguise lapse). "So long as we're well away before any reinforcements show up. There was some resistance on the airship.. but wouldn't you know, they didn't seem equipped to repel armed Raiders? I think most of them still expect to drop dead at any moment. Since that hasn't happened, I suppose it's not going to happen?" he asks.
"Not after what I did to the mage, no," Willow says, still sounding ill about it. "Lets get out of this nightmare factory."
The airship is cramped, and certainly can't support all of the Rakhtors. So they fly in formation, with tethers ready in case they need to spot the two Rakhtors that serve as the engines. There's a lot of anxiety about having defied the Doctor.. which then shifts into anxiety about heading towards Babel. Mr. Stitch knew about the 'agents' that followed behind their targeted airships, so there was anxiety about being spotted by those as well. Razor was kept gagged and tied up as a precaution.
As the only woman on a crowded ship, Willow was still given some privacy and a chance to rest. Sleep was also her chance to let Tulani know to hang back and make sure no airships showed up to rescue the Doctor, which left her only having to contact the Yodhrephath.
Thankful for the chance to rest, WIllow leans against a wall and closes her eyes. It also means she can dream, and so dream she does. Right back to the harem of Kazuhiko, where he and Koldesh spoke. Alptraum sort of associates it with her now.
"This is still weird," the bejeweled and harem-pants clad High Priestess of Rephath notes, poking at a nipple-clip connected to various shiny chains. "Because when I go back, I'll remember this plus whatever I was doing already."
"I'm just amazing like that. I make life more interesting," Alptraum remarks where he lounges in silks; though there is a bit of feminine touch to them; he had a hard time shifting the mentality back to male since he's been Willow a while. "The Doctor is secured in a cell in their mountain fortress. He's ... a mess. He's actually composed of three of the former royal mages. Well, at least three; I sense three minds in him anyway."
"So, that's horrible," Koldesh says as she comes to sit on the cushions next to Alptraum. "As long as they're all guilty, it won't matter. How many Yodh should I send for you then? A half-dozen?"
"I'm on a refugee ship, the people they enslaved to raid. They're victims in this too. The ship is rather crowded. I would appreciate if you didn't harm any of them given the circumstances. I'd prefer fair trials," Alptraum notes. "And six would be plenty, I suspect. No one wants to fight anyone. Well, except Razor, but he's probably one of the only real villains on board, and I want more information out of him."
"Three for the escort, three to secure the stronghold," Koldesh says, and lies back across Alptraum. "There should be grapes for you to feed me here," she points out. "We really need another airship. So whatever one you're on now, we'll be confiscating it. Property of the Royal Mages is forfeit. If it isn't, it will be by the time it gets here. I'll probably have to talk to Cricket too," she adds, sounding unhappy about the last part.
Alptraum digs about and finds the grapes, then dutifully starts feeding them to Koldesh. Also occasionally balancing one on her nose. "What's wrong with Cricket?" he asks, "She and I work well together."
"These aren't even peeled," Koldesh mock-pouts. "And I don't like owing the Yodhbarada favors. But we'll need to know more about suspicious sorts at the docks. Time for a big raid - sure to turn up one or two more minions in one."
Alptraum puts a grape in his mouth, uses his fangs to peel it, then feeds to to Koldesh through a kiss. "It should, indeed," he agrees after quickly releases the kiss before she bit him.
"So those fangs are good for other things too I see," Koldesh claims. "Saskanar is outside of our reach, if that's where the cabal of fled Mages is. But.. I'm sure we can learn what we need from the captive. He's safely incapacitated?"
"Well ... he's currently mute, and has no workable hands or feet. I had to make sure he couldn't cast spells. I can undo it, but, er, not until he's secured," Alptraum explains and rubs his neck.
"Hmmm, will have to careful with the speaking part," Koldesh notes, and also rubs Alptraum's neck. "I think we have some.. items.. specifically for dealing with mages though. And do we really need for him to speak?" she asks.
"Well, he can't write, or speak, so ... hard for him to communicate unless I extract each personality and interrogate them one at a time," Alptraum points out.
"We've had great success with splitting up.. suspects," Koldesh says. "That type is usually eager to sell out their partners for concessions.. or if they think they've already sold them out first. They are Babelite mages after all. The Sabaoth was fond of keeping them adversaries."
"Yes, but they're one body. So it's hard to give them something the others do not get," Alptraum points out and shrugs. "There is time in working all that out, though."
"I'm confident you can separate them out and put them in harem pants," Koldesh claims. "Especially if we keep them.. him.. the body asleep."
The priestess then grins with a wicked thought.
"Why would I want to put them in harem pants? I don't want to sleep with them," Alptraum says. "And I don't like that look."
"Well, if each though they were already dead, and cooperating with the Barsunala determines if they're turned over to Magog or not.." Koldesh suggests.. in a disturbingly sexy purr.
"That's twisted. I would have to take them to Magog's realm, and you do not want a nose when you are in Magog's realm," Alptraum remarks and makes a face. "Even you would toss your cookies if you went there."
"I don't eat cookies," Koldesh claims. "They lack protein."
"The trick is taking them one at a time, so they can sell eachother out," Koldesh advises.
"Want to go and test your fortitude?" Alptraum asks and pokes Koldesh in the snoot.
"I've been in battle you know," Koldesh points out. "It's just a lot of corpses, isn't it?"
"And maggots the size of houses eating corpses, and a smell that's far worse than any corpse can possibly produce," Alptraum explains.
"Oh, well.. I didn't stick around the battlefield afterwards," Koldesh admits. "That's more of a Yodhblakat thing.."
"And people being pooped out of maggots, reforming, only to be eaten again and pooped out again," Alptraum ticks off. And then those buggered by monsters, over and over. And ... you get the idea."
"It should loosen lips then.. if not bowels," Koldesh says, looking satisfied. "It would be more convenient than trying to torture them all at once in the same body. You'd never know which one was talking."
"I'll ... consider it. You aren't the one that would have to go there," Alptraum points out. "You may not believe this, but I actually do not like being a monster, and this mission took me dangerously close."
"You don't have to be a monster, just be Babelite," Koldesh claims. "These people don't deserve any mercy, after all."
"You don't understand," Alptraum explains, "I ate someone."
"You're a vampire," Koldesh points out. "You've eaten from me. How was this different?"
"I had to stop the mage from casting a spell, and he was using a sacrifice to fuel it. I ate the sacrifice's energy to prevent the mage from using it," Alptraum further explains. "Consuming a person was something I swore I would never do."
"But.. they would have died anyway, and the mage would have set off a powerful spell?" Koldesh asks.
"Yes, but the point is that it is a dangerous line to cross. I could, for example, consume you, all your abilities, and make it part of myself," Alptraum tries to further explain. "I could do this to anyone. I could become very much a living God. I could become just like Amenlichli. I have to set boundaries on myself for the sake of others."
"Yes, it is probably weird from a Babelite view to not use things at your disposal," Alptraum says, "But I want to act for the good of all and others, not to just enrich myself on others. So I have to avoid temptations."
"And you did it for the sake of others, it sounds like," Koldesh says. "I do not know the details, or really need to know them. You did it because there was no other option, yes?"
"There was probably other options, but I didn't have time to think of them. I felt the surge, and knew something was coming. Devouring it was the fastest option I had," Alptraum says. He then looks a bit at Koldesh, and asks, "If you had all of my abilities, what would you do?"
"Hmm," Koldesh ponders. "In combat, the goal is to make the other people die instead of your people. So I would use whatever was at my disposal to that end. Outside of that situation, however.. I can't think of a use. I don't need to infiltrate, or other be more imposing. If I were a Yodhsunala, it might be different."
"I don't think you can really understand what it is like to be me," Alptraum admits. "There are temptations, urges, and side effects. It's all a balancing act so I don't lose myself, and in turn become that which I dislike. I can't really show you, I guess, only I am the sum of my memories. You can't see the world through my eyes."
"Nobody can see the world through another's eyes," Koldesh says. "At least, not without cheating with Mind Magic or something." She rolls onto her belly, head propped up on her wrists. "I assume you have some bad example though to compare yourself to, to help you stay uncorrupted?"
"Does the Sabbaoth himself count?" Alptraum notes. "Plus, I've shown you Sylvania, and the results of those that wielded some of the powers I do now. I am one of the most dangerous creatures in the world, though you probably don't believe that. I try to seem ... a bit goofy, and irreverent most of the time, so I seem less dangerous and so people don't fear me so much."
"I'm not saying this to be arrogant, I am dangerous. I know the paths I could walk. I know the anger and rage I've felt, and how .... easy it would be to burn the world, or at least a good part of it," Alptraum says and shrugs a little. "And there are things I just don't want to become; hence self imposed limitations."
"It is difficult to ascribe power to appearances," Koldesh admits. "Especially to the Kindly Ones. People are used to them being.. hands-off deities. Reputation drives expectation, I suppose. People respect the kindly ones, but the Yodh command their fear. We're real, we're hands-on. We react immediately. For you, it being feared is difficult. It doesn't go with the Lore of the Barsunala. But the things you do also do not go with the Lore."
"The world has enough monsters; I don't want to be another," Alptraum says and shrugs again. "And I have given someone I trust completely the secret of how to destroy me, if it is ever needed."
"That is definitely not Babelite," Koldesh claims.
"No, it isn't. I make a poor Babelite," Alptraum says. "But I hope overall, a good person. I want the benefits of my existence to outweigh the suffering it has also caused."
"For many in Babel, the suffering they cause was considered a benefit of their existence," Koldesh notes, and then grins wickedly again. "Fewer now, of course. I'm glad to know they are reaping the 'benefits' of Magog's hospitality."
"Yes, well, I don't feel sorry for them," Alptraum does admit, "I know what they did to others and how they suffered. Some people deserve the worst. And some people demand grapes." With that, Amptraum goes back to trying to feed Koldesh instead, so she doesn't try to pry out how to kill him.