There is a spur of stone that juts out of the Sea, with a single dead tree atop it. Alptraum finds himself setting on the edge with his legs dangling over the churning souls below, while something feels off. He's wearing shorts, which he hasn't worn since he was a child. The reason becomes evident though. He is a child again, maybe just five or six years old! He's not alone on the ledge, either. Sunala is sitting right next to him, also dangling her legs over the edge.
Not that being a child particularly has any good memories associated with it, given where he grew up. still, he's not dwelling on that so much as wondering why he's here. He peers down at the sea between his toes, and only looks at Sunala through the corner of his eyes. "So ..." he begins slowly, and with the nervousness children have around adults, "How come I'm ... here? And ... at this age?"
"I wasn't there for you when you were growing up," Sunala says in her hollow-sounding voice. "I might have made things easier for you."
That answer surprises him a bit. "Do you feel ... regret for that?" Alptraum asks and does finally look over a bit more. "Maybe you could have, but at the same time it may have made things even more difficult. I mean, I was seen as odd enough then without knowing anything about my origins. I don't know how it would have changed things."
"Regret," Sunala muses. "Perhaps. All of the previous Barsunalas were raised in the Temple. They understood who they were. You were raised in a land of spirits. Tell me.. what you felt you lacked, growing up there."
"Fitting in," Alptraum answers as he swings his legs slowly. "I had parents and a friend, but beyond that the others of the tribe always looked at me a little oddly. They knew I was adopted, and thus I think they always assumed something had to have been wrong with me, for being 'given' away. And since monsters aren't exactly rare in those lands they might have assumed I must be one, somehow. Dangerous."
Sunala pats her lap invitingly. "You were special," she claims. "But they were wanderers all. Outcasts from society, making their own. They should not have feared you."
Alptraum crawls into that lap. "I don't know if they feared me. Suspicious, maybe. The adults were wary, but the others closer to my age didn't ... not until their parents told them to keep distance," Alptraum claims, "Except for Hexen, who never cared, nor did his parents. Had either of us been of the opposite sex, we might have ended up together. Dagh, we might have anyway, there were some close calls that involved booze."
Sunala drapes her arms down over Alptraum's shoulders, her hands meeting over his stomach. "I don't know if I could have helped there, other than letting you know I was there. I had Barada check on you once, do you know?"
"The magical fairy princess in the old wine cellar?" Alptraum asks. "I actually remembered that a while ago and finally realized who it was. I just thought she was a looney back then, and a ghost."
"Did you often encounter ghosts?" Sunala asks. "And if so, how did they go?"
"A few. The ghosts usually ... just wanted to talk. I could see them, which didn't happen often. They just wanted to talk, be remembered, feel alive again for a bit, and usually pass along a message or do something they didn't get to do before they died," Alptraum answers after he has to think back a bit. "We more often ran into zombies; those were worse. They never messed with or came near me, though. And avoided the camp in general when I was there. I never really realized it was somehow just me warding them off instead of the totems the various witches and the like would place around the camp. Most of those were fake, you know, performers. We only had maybe ... two real ones ever."
"Witches are important to have in such places, but traveling witches are limited," Sunala explains. "Did you help the ghosts?"
"If I could, yeah. Sometimes I couldn't. They wanted to do things in places that were gone for a very long time. A lot of lost souls remained from the Necromancer wars," Alptraum admits.
"So you recognized your duty, even without realizing it," Sunala says. "You were already the Barsunala." She starts to rock back and forth a bit, which means Alptraum gets rocked back and forth as well.
"I'm sure they felt I was somehow different, even if they didn't know why. I wasn't really scared of them usually, either. Especially not of Barada, but then she was just weird and silly then," Alptraum says as he rocks slowly.
"Did she at least kiss you, or make you feel attractive?" Sunala asks of her youngest sister.
"I don't remember her kissing me, but she did flirt. Hexen was with me at the time and he was being pretty weird then too," Alptraum says. "Why do you ask?"
"She told me you were doing fine, and had a minion," Sunala claims.
"Yeaaah, that would be Hexen. He was a weird guy, all black fox thing," Alptraum explains and gestures. "Kinda cute."
"Black is a good color," Sunala says. "I have heard of foxes, but not of black ones." She continues to rock back forth, but her voice has begun to change, sounding less hollow and more normal. "How would he have reacted if I had shown up every now and then?"
"Well ... " Alptraum muses and thinks. "The first time he would have freaked out. After that, he'd probably have tried to get you to make him some sort of great warrior, or wizard, or something he could prance around as. He always wanted to feel important. He was looked at as weirdly as I was, really, since he was very rare, and that he claimed his father was a horse."
"Was his father a horse?" Sunala asks. "I doubt I could have made him any of those things. That isn't the sort of thing I do."
"Oh, probably not. But his mother would never say who his father really was, and Hexen never really cared, I think. He liked his horse dad," Alptraum says and shrugs. "I worry about him still. I hope he's okay."
"Foxes are rare, do you think he has found another? Surely he is not alone," Sunala says.
"Unlikely found another. Last I knew, he had an Eeee girlfriend. Well, she made him be her boyfriend, and tied him up," Alptraum admits. "She always wanted him."
"So he was desired," Sunala says, as if that's the important thing.
"Yes," Alptraum answers. "Sometimes to his regret."
"You think he is not happy then?" Sunala asks. "Happiness is not something I am familiar with. It's important to the living, but not to the dead."
"Oh, I think he's happier than he lets on, I suspect. He likes to complain for dramatic effect," Alptraum claims and even laughs some. "He'd find Babel pretty bizarre. Not sure if he'd enjoy being here, or freaked out by it."
"Babel is not for everyone," Sunala agrees. "From the soaring heights to the darkest depths, it offers all that someone could want, but perhaps not what they need. But I believe it is still the best place to die in."
"It is ... home. Home will always feel the best, I think," Alptraum says. "I could try to introduce you to him sometime, but ... I'm not sure how that would go."
"Are you happy here, Alptraum?" Sunala asks. "Would you rather have remained a mysterious gypsy in a haunted land?"
"If I had to weigh things, I would say I'm more happy here than not. I have made many friends here, and gotten to explore so many new things and experiences that I would have not back there," Alptraum answers. "It is in some ways what Babel has made me that helped me find a place and some happiness, and the chance to help others in real ways."
Sunala seems pleased with that answer, and starts to sing what sounds like a lullaby as she rocks Alptraum back and forth.
"/Wandering child of the earth
Do you know just how much you're worth?
You have walked this path since your birth
You were destined for more/"
This gives Alptraum pause. He ends up blinking, and looking upward a bit.
Sunala's eyes are blank and blind, but she also looks down to meet Alptraum's.
"/There are those who'll tell you you're wrong
They will try to silence your song
But right here is where you belong
So don't search anymore/"
It's also funny how 'being blind' can mean so many different things. Especially to an Eeee. The world is seen in so many different ways by them, and some of them far deeper than what eyes will tell you. For now, Alptraum just remains quiet.
"/You are the dawn of a new day that's waking
A masterpiece still in the making
The blue in an ocean of grey
You are right where you need to be
Poised to inspire and to succeed
You'll look back and you'll realize one day/"
"/In your eyes there is doubt
As you try to figure it out
But that's not what life is about
So have faith there's a way/"
Always a way has a whole new meaning when your body is malleable like clay. It opens so many ways to be, and to do. Alptraum's left ear flicks a bit, but still he remains silent.
"/Though the world may try to define you
It can't take the light that's inside you
So don't you dare try to hide
Let your fears fade away/"
Sunala's grip becomes more of a hug now, and she even kisses the top of Alptraum's head.
"/You are the dawn of a new day that's waking
A masterpiece still in the making
The blue in an ocean of grey
You are right where you need to be
Poised to inspire and to succeed
Soon you'll finally find your own way/"
"I'm sorry that I could not have told you all of this sooner," the Goddess of Death says in a whisper.
For someone who always seems to have no emotion, it's funny how sometimes she can be the kindest being there is. "You may not realize it, but you told me all of that a long time ago. The first time we met, in Babel, before ... everything. I didn't even know your name, then, but I knew you were important, that you cared, and that I had to find you. I've never regretted it, not even in the worst of times," Alptraum says.
"I'm glad you found me," Sunala says. "You are my compassion. It was a long wait before you returned, and Babel suffered for it. But you're here now, at the dawn of a new Babel."
"But I have no intention of burying all of its past. There are parts that will continue on. You included," Alptraum says. "We are family, and if I am to save our home, it means saving You too. All of you."
"I cannot see the future. And even the past is sometimes distorted by the Lore," Sunala says. "I am only used to endings. Rinala is the one for rebirth and beginings."
"Well, far be it for me to follow any rules. We are family, and we will remain together," Alptraum says, a bit more forcefully. "I'm stubborn. Got it from my Mother."
"I am hardly stubborn," Sunala argues. "I am patient and inevitable."
"I call that stubborn," Alptraum replies, and grins. "And I do love you. And you know things I'll risk for those I do."
"Risk is fine if the reward is high," Sunala says, and actually scratches behind Alptraum's ears. "Is my avatar happy, do you know?"
"I think so. She has her friend, and they do enjoy being with each other," Alptraum answers. "Both of them are ... bound by their birth, so I think they can understand each other better than anyone. Though your avatar is admittedly better off than Shadow is. Her birthright is far more of a curse, and one I hope to prevent."
"You must slay Amena for that," Sunala says. "But gods can be killed, even gods of undeath."
"With the right weapon. And getting to her will be difficult, she hides on her island and uses puppets," Alptraum grumbles, cutely.
"You'll find a way," Sunala says confidently. "She is an imbalance that must be corrected. She can never be allowed to corrupt Babel again."
"People have been trying for centuries. I've seen some of the past, and the wars she was behind. If I had the chance I'd want to ask her 'Why?' What was the point of all of it?" Alptraum admits. "Just the desire to rule over all? A fear of dying, so beat Death? Simple cruelty?"
"Do not think of her as a being with will or design," Sunala says. "Think of her as a plague, which only wishes to infect and spread."
"Mm. That's hard. I want to know why. I guess sometimes the answer is just 'because'," Alptraum admits.
"Knowing why could infect you," Sunala cautions.
"She's tried a few times," Alptraum says, "But no, not going to happen. I would end myself first."
"I will not allow you die at the hands of her cultists," Sunala promises.
"Only yours?" Alptraum asks.
"Yes," Sunala admits. "Despite the misguided Yodh.. only a Yodhsunala is worthy of doing so."
Alptraum actually laughs a little at that. The answer was predictable. "So ... why bring me here?" he finally asks. "To make up for lost time? I've never been mad at you that you weren't there when I was young."
"I wanted to be with you like a mother would with her child," Sunala says. "The location may not be ideal, but having you over for tea was not intimate enough."
"So ... even You can change a little. You had a wish and desire beyond your Lore," Alptraum points out and leans back. "And the location ... it could be anywhere. This is a place safe for us both. My only wish is it had been a little sooner, and perhaps that ... we will continue to meet so that we can help each other grow."
"Yes, for all the time you spend with my Sisters, I feel like I have neglected you," Sunala admits. "You are the means by which we change, by changing how people interact with us."
"Your Sisters need more ... guidance than You," Alptraum claims. "Out of all of them ... You have been affected the least by Amena's actions. I suppose because you are Her true opposite, there is only so much she could affect. And perhaps there is some of me being afraid of You. Not because of what You are, but because I always fear I may not be all You hoped, or wanted. Your disapproval would hurt far more than any of your sisters."
"You are doing what you are meant to do, only on a grander scale," Sunala says. "Working with the spirit of an entire city. If you had grown up here, that would not have happened. You would not have an outsider's eye, to see it as it truly is."
"I know. By learning and living as if I were nothing, I know how so many feel. I understand the challenges so many face. And really, I think that is my greatest ability, I can see the world through others eyes, their memories, even their forms. I come to understand them and in turn, how to ease their burdens," Alptraum says. "To help someone to find peace, I think it requires understanding them. And when You and yours sent me away, you gave me that gift, that chance. The blind Goddess taught me how to truly see. You didn't neglect me; you showed me a love only a parent can understand."
This earns Alptraum another kiss on the head. "I am glad to hear that," she says. "My part was still small though. The rest was you. You don't have to suffer as others, or adhere to the whims of my Sisters. But you humor even us. We are included in your efforts, and that means so much to us all."
"I'm a sentimental fool, sometimes. Your Sisters, their bickering, and push and pull. Even when they battle over me and cause me some ... consternation, I admit it still makes me smile. Family always has a weird way of showing they care, even your Sisters. Or at least I tell myself that to keep from going crazy," Alptraum claims, grins.
"Of the many types of fool, that may be the best," Sunala says. "Sentimentality is something I understand. It is what brings people to visit and care for the dead."
"And it is what helps us weather the darker times. With that and a sliver of hope, anything is bearable," Alptraum says. "It keeps us true."
"And you can see the silver linings," Sunala states. Was it meant to be a joke about Barsunala-vision, or something more metaphorical?
"Wow," Alptraum says, smiling, "There's something new for the Lore. Death has a sense of humor."
"Death has to have a sense of humor," Sunala claims. "So long as nobody laughs at death in Death's presence. But I have heard a large number of eulogies, which often contain at least one humorous story."
"Because the best funerals are the celebration of a life well lived, and not the mourning of loss," Alptraum says. "I feel Death should be seen ... as the peace that comes at the end of a life well lived, not something to dread."
"Or the escape from a life of pain," Sunala adds. "Sister Gorphat would disagree with that, I imagine. To her, life is about living despite the pain. Her explanation of the need for suffering does not work for me. Do those in my Sea suffer, or are they free of that? Is their hunger a flaw within themselves, an inability to release the anchors of life? I haven't asked them."
"Each of you sees the world through a different lens. Gorphat isn't wrong; she teaches survival and thriving in spite of the worst the world can offer. It lets you laugh in spite of everything. To find a way to live a full life, and come to You without regrets in the end. Inala shows you how to find pleasures in living. Barada teaches seeking knowledge. Zakaro, about how to control your situation and gain. Blakat, about living in the moment. And Rephath, about making justice in an injust world. For every bad reflection they cast, there is just as equal a good one."
"And it's in seeing the good they can also represent in their actions that I wish to help all of them," Alptraum adds.
"You have reformed Gorphat's image," Sunala says. "And even Rephath's. And they are.. stubborn."
"And I'm still working on them. Gorphat is the most ... trying. But also she can be rewarding," Alptraum says. "I am ... fond of Her."
"Are you playing favorites?" Sunala asks. "She is at least within the Trinity though."
"Not favorites, I don't think. I help all," Alptraum claims.
"Perhaps some take more liberties with you then," Sunala says, sounding a bit suspicious.
"That is ... likely. But only because I allow it," Alptraum says. "If I did not, they could not. It helps me guide them by letting them think they guide me."
"What have they been doing?" Sunala asks.. sounding a bit mom-like.
"Inala uses me to get her some spirit children to dote on. Gorphat uses me as an outlet for her baser desires and to inspire others," Alptraum claims diplomatically.
"Inspiration is important," Sunala says calming down a bit. "So long as they are not interfering with your destiny."
"No, they have not affected my duties," Alptraum says, and doesn't mention the part where Inala is forcing Alptraum to be female more, and longer. For the most part he doesn't actually mind that, oddly enough.
"Perhaps I should do something for you then," Sunala says. "I can't think of anything appropriate though. Perhaps spending more time with my Avatar."
"Which is something I ought to do anyway," Alptraum admits. "I just worry my presence at the Temple upsets Your daughters. Many are not overly fond of me and I try to not rile them up unintentionally."
"Have you been teasing them?" Sunala asks.
"No? Why would I?" Alptraum asks.
Sunala hmms. "I think you enjoy doing so with the Yodh," she says.
"Depends on the Yodh. Those that get overly serious sometimes need tweaking," Alptraum claims.
"So.. all of them then?" Sunala asks.
"Not true. Yodhgorphat are pretty laid back. Yodhbarada aren't too bad, and so on," Alptraum claims. "And I never do it when there are serious matters to cover."
"Do you do the same to the mages you go to see?" Sunala asks. "I'm sure the Yodhblakat are safe from such."
"The mages are all crazy, and yes, I mess with them sometimes. They've become, well, friends for the most part," Altpraum claims. "The Yodhblakat get grumpy, but Blakat herself has some fun adventures, at least."
"Hmm, I thought she was just crazy," Sunala admits. "Do you have any motherly requests or questions for me?"
"When can we get together again? Should I make a trip to Your temple soon?" Alptraum asks.
"It would help to have you visit more often," Sunala says. "It would help the Yodh be more accepting of you."
"Would it be a problem if I visited while in a female form?" Alptraum asks.
"So long as you identify yourself," Sunala says.
"I can be pretty obvious, given the jewelry I tend to wear," Alptraum admits.
"Silver eyes and your right hand would be better," Sunala suggests. "Anyone can get jewelry."
"Well, those too, I'm pretty distinctive," Alptraum says.
Sunala pats Alptraum on the head. "Be sure to pray when you are there," she says.
"Of course. I am respectful in all the Temples," Alptraum claims. Which is actually mostly true! He usually is, since he tries to remain on the good sides of the Yodh. He leans back and closes his eyes. "But enough of worry about the future. I am content to just be here with you for a bit. You say this place may not be ideal, but wherever you are, is ideal to me..."