The journey back from the mountains is far easier than the journey to. For one, they don't have a bloodthirsty troll-turned-pink-bunny trying to kill them along the way. Secondly, having one of the snow cats along, Lyne, helped in that little wildlife along the way seemed inclined to bother them. And lastly they were able to avoid the forest of insufferable cuteness. And just when their feet couldn't take anymore
Hurray, Greedle is just ahead! Before they're seen by the goblins, the group splits up. The former Bandit Queen and Prince Feezle depart so that she can prepare her 'grand' arrival on the illusionary dragon. Hannah, Sam, Lyne, Rosy, and Tristan then find a safe place to observe from behind some large boulders. There's no telling what might happen the plan is rather crazy. But hey, crazy is what Golden Hawks are known for.
Minstrel Sam lets out a weak cheer. "Ah, finally, I can get off my feet!" he enthuses, sitting down against the side of the boulder.
Tristan searches among the boulders for a good vantage spot: somewhere that he can see the action without being too visible himself. Souhait doesn't bother watching; he just makes himself comfortable somewhere out of sight of the goblins. He doesn't want to end up in that stable again.
Princess Peachblossom likewise lies on the ground, but her interest is directed towards her mistress and her beau.
"We should be.. uh.." Rosy starts to say, and then just shrugs. "I have no idea."
Hannah follows Tristan, just in case the spot he finds is big enough to hide two people. "I have to say, though, I'm really interested to see Elysia's dragon-illusion spell," she notes, conversationally.
"Should be careful though," Sam observes as he peeks around. "Feezle's would-be wife probably isn't without her share of dirty tricks. Goblins love dirty tricks."
Tristan glances over his shoulder at Hannah and smiles. "Me too." He's located a good spot with a nice view between two boulders set close together, and a ledge beside it to sit on. It's a little cramped for two, but he gestures gallantly to offer the side nearest the show to Hannah.
"Is there gonna be a ballad about this?" Rosy whispers to Sam.
Hannah takes the offered spot but tries her best to makes herself smaller so that Tristan has just enough room to join her. It doesn't exactly work, but at least it's amusing to watch.
Minstrel Sam whispers back, "Yes, but I'm trying to figure out if it's going to be a comedy, a tragedy, or an action pot-boiler."
"At least they are not dwarves," Lyne rumbles as he settles down against one of the boulders. His head rolls slightly to the side so he can watch the town. And just like a feline, he yawns widely and blinks lazy eyes. Boy does he look bored.
For his part, the knight is willing to make do with the space offered him. He braces one foot against a rock nearby to keep himself from sliding off. His side presses against Hannah's as he settles in, and he apologizes. "I'm sorry, m'lady. I don't wish to squash you."
"The town guard may not come out," Rosy notes. "All of the brave goblins died in the war."
Hannah peeks around the boulders to see how well they can be seen by the others. "Well, if you flatten me too much, I'll just sit on your lap," she teases in a murmur.
"After the big entrance.. uh.. do we follow her to explain to Grizelda about things?" Rosy asks. "You don't want her to think that the Golden Hawks failed to find Feezle, right?"
Sam looks over at Rosy curiously. "Wasn't she going to, ahem, arrive with Feezle over the back of her saddle? Like, ah, a hunter returning from the hunt with his catch of the day?"
"A fate worse than being blessed by a thousand angels," Tristan murmurs back to Hannah. "Maybe. Perhaps 'identical to' would be a better choice of words." He almost-but-not-quite rests his chin on Hannah's houlder to look past her.
Hannah says loudly enough for Sam and Rosy to hear her, "Yes, Sam, that was the idea. We're just the clean-up crew after the fun is over. Unless our, er, 'plan' goes terribly awry and we have to step in sooner!"
"Is that what we saved the firebombs for?" Sam wonders.
"Have any of our plans not gone terribly awry? Wait, you must have had some go right while I was frozen and hence unable to mess them up for you. I retract that," Tristan says.
"You never know," Hannah replies. Only half-jokingly.
It starts off low and more felt than heard, a rumble. It is a rumble that grows in intensity and power quickly. The wind around the group picks up and the few trees nearby shake. The rumble changes in pitch, then to a near deafening roar. The shaking trees now bend towards the town as a massive gust of wind tears across the landscape. A huge shadow passes over the group, an outline of giant batlike wings. For those who look up ... a massive white dragon soars over, heading straight towards Greedle. Riding upon a saddle affixed to its neck is none other than Elysia, the former bandit queen.
"Wow, that's.. big!" Rosy says, and huddles behind Sam.
Peaches snorts.
Tristan looks up. "My word. That is a glamour of the highest magnitude. Er ... that is a glamour, right? She didn't find a dragon at the last minute?"
Sam looks impressed too. "You don't find dragons," he whispers sotto voce. "They find you."
Hannah stares up at the illusion of the enormous dragon flying over them and grins. "Got to hand it to her, Elysia's got style," she comments. "And no, it's not exactly a glamour. More like a magical spell."
"Whatever you call it, it's awe-inspiring. I trust the show won't be lost upon her audience." Tristan turns to look past Hannah and to the city.
"I figured it would be an illusion, and she'd hop out of hiding on the ground at the right moment," Rosy whines. "If she can really fly through the air though.."
"Mmm, I don't remember her having that much power," Lyne comments as he watches the dragon pass over through lazy eyes. "Shows what selling your soul can buy you, I suppose."
The usual cacophony of Greedle goes silent for a moment once the dragon is sighted.. and then erupts into even more cacophony.
"Looks like she has their attention," Hannah says now, almost unnecessarily.
Sam ponders. "Now what rhymes with 'bandit queen'... 'Goblins green.' He scribbles on a piece of paper."
"What are they saying, Rosy -- can you tell?" Tristan asks.
And chaos it is, indeed. Goblins run in every direction. Some dive into the muck-pits of the hogs. It seems like a dozen all try to hide in an outhouse all at once. So, naturally, it tips over. The rather brain-dead mules all go stiff, then one by one fall over like dominoes.
The doglin leans over the boulder and listens. "Umm. They're yelling 'dragon' a lot. I think.. I think someone is hawking virgins for sale.."
"Virgin what?" Sam asks distractedly.
Tristan puts an arm over Hannah, instinctively and protectively.
"Best not to wonder, Minstrel Sam," Rosy notes, squinting to try and see if anything is happening. "So far, it doesn't look too bad. I can't see the palace well from here though."
Sam writes, "Across the town that used to be so gay, spread the cries of shock and dismay..."
Hannah leans against Tristan and whispers, "Thankfully, I'm too far away and out-of-sight for the goblins to nab me as a sacrifice!"
The 'dragon' circles the town a few times, issuing a roar of challenge to all those below. True to Rosy's word, no goblin actually comes out and tries to shoot at the dragon. In fact, there is no guard in sight anywhere.
"Can't be too careful," Tristan whispers back, grinning at Hannah as he adds, "What if it gives Rosy ideas?"
"Then I expect you're more than a match for a hyperactive doglin," Hannah whispers, grinning.
"Is there no hero brave enough to slay, the dragon that holds my guards at bay? The princess of Geezle called out her plea, but no goblin was willing to earn her fee," Sam writes, muttering under his breath.
"I shall do my best. Although she does have that fearsome ability to demand petting." Tristan widens his eyes with exaggerated concern. Which is ruined by a chuckle as he catches Sam's composition.
"That's a big dragon, but not big enough to swallow Grizelda in one bite, so me come out, if Elysia lands on her doorstep," Rosy guesses. "She can be very headstrong. I saw split a table with her forehead once. Granted, she was passed out from drinking.."
Hannah looks completely baffled by this new definition of 'headstrong' - well, at least until she starts holding in her laughter!
The dragon unleashes another head splitting roar, a challenge to the palace, then goes in to land in the center of town. Goblins once more scatter in all directions! One is so busy looking back that it runs right into a tree. It tips over, out cold.
"I could scarcely blame the Princess for not wanting to fight her. I wouldn't want to, after that entrance." Tristan winces at the goblin's mishap in town.
A terrible fanfare of horns issues from the palace. Perhaps the princess really is going to come out and face the monster.
"Well, now the real fun begins," Hannah says, leaning forward a little to better see what's going on.
"I think she's coming out," Rosy reports. "I see four mules carrying something out of the palace."
The old faerie takes note. "Right, what rhymes with 'hard-headed'? Um hmm." He chews on the tip of the quill for a bit, then ahas. "Her court fretted."
What little can be seen of Elysia shows her looking rather bored as she slides off the neck of the dragon. She pats its side, then leans against the scaly shoulder while she waits. When goblins get too curious, all she does is give them a look. Boy .. can they run.
Tristan leans forward too, putting a hand on Hannah's shoulder. Ostensibly for balance, although he's not actually putting any weight on her.
It takes awhile for the royal procession (such as it is) to make it down the switchbacks to ground level. But Princess Grizelda's voice, if not quite a match for the dragon's roar, still carries. "Who are you!" she demands. "Are you here to abduct me? And if not, how much do you want for the dragon?"
Sam looks over at Hannah and Tristan, eyebrow raised.
Hannah tries not to grin but fails miserably. "Ever the barterers," she comments.
"There is no reason to abduct someone who already looks the part of a ball of dragon dung," Elysia remarks as she pushes herself off the dragon's shoulder. "I am here to tell you to give up your claim on Feezle. He belongs to me now. As for the dragon ... he is not for sale. A dragon is near impossible to train, after all. It took me Years to break this one."
"You must admire her resolve. To come all that way out of her palace," Tristan murmurs back. "Also, her keen merchant instincts."
The minstrel writes, I beg of you, do not kidnap me for your lair so distant, for I'd be only a moment's distraction, O, think of my fiance. He looks up and then scribbles in Elysia's laughing reply.
"What?!" Grizelda replies, sounding outraged. "Are you saying your beast shats out statues of me? I demand to be given one! And what's this about Feezle, too?"
Sam whispers to Rosy, "You goblins need some quality music around here, her speech has all the ring of a clay bell - which is to say, it'd sooner shatter than sing!"
Now that everyone's attention is firmly on Elysia and Grizelda, Hannah starts shifting her position on the ledge. It takes Tristan a few moments to figure out what she's doing but he finally gets it - she's making good on her promise of settling into his lap.
Elysia looks skyward and spreads her arms as if asking 'Why me'? Obviously keeping down a sigh of long-suffering, she tells the Queen. "I said Feezle belongs to me now. I clam the right to his body and soul. You can ask him yourself, if you do not believe me. He will arrive soon enough with the Golden Hawks that dared to enter my lands. We reached an agreement, now it is time that you do as well. It would be to your benefit, of course."
"Okay.. so you want to stand next to him at the wedding then?" Grizelda asks.
"As his bride, yes," Elysia answers.
When Hannah first starts to shift, Tristan scoots back further on the assumption that she needs more space. It takes him a moment to realize that this is counter-productive to Hannah's true intent, but when he does catch on he moves forward a bit to accomodate her, and wraps his arms about her waist to steady her in the new position.
"Your fiance, he is lost to you, for since he entered my territory, he must pay the toll I demand of each and every--" Sam clutches his head as Grizelda replies. "She is so off-script!" he moans to Rosy.
"Aren't you kind of old for him?" the goblin princess points out. "And tall? Wait.. are you the reason he ran off?"
"Did she just say that we were bringing him? I thought Feezle was flying in with Elysia?" Tristan remarks, with a glance at Sam.
Sam looks over at Hannah in turn.
"Feezle went with Elysia just to help her prepare for her grand entrance," Hannah explains, leaning her head against the knight's shoulder and making herself quite comfortable. "He's hiding now until we need him."
"I am older than you, yes. Feezle appreciates experience," Elysia remarks, "And the fame that comes with being one of the Bandit Queen's conquests."
"Ah, well enough." Tristan blinks a bit at Elysia's banter, then shakes his head and murmurs to Hannah, "Comfortable, m'lady?"
The minstrel rubs his chin. "Of course he could also be taking advantage of no one paying attention to make good his escape."
It takes a moment for this to sink in. "Are you the Bandit Queen?" Grizelda asks, showing the trait that got her her position: asking questions until she gets an answer she can understand.
"Yes," Elysia answers. Surely even a thick-headed goblin like Grizelda can understand a one-word answer.
"Well, uh.." Grizelda says, rubbing her largest chin. "What will you give me in compensation for him? He was really important to us, you know! He's the only one who knows how the toilets work."
Hannah sighs gently and tilts her head up so she can speak directly into Tristan's ear. "Yes, much better now, thank you." There's a pause, then she adds, "I'm sorry there was such a misunderstanding between us. I'm also sorry that my lack of leadership skills helped to get you trapped in that cave, as well. D'you still forgive me?"
Sam whispers to Rosy, "Feezle'd been missing how long now?"
"Hm," Elysia seems to mutter. "I can offer assistance in times of battle to your community, perhaps," she offers. "Or suggest to the Golden Hawks that they champion your case to the crown on possibly being recognized as an official ally. It would bring closure to the Years of war."
Sam makes a note to himself. Try very hard to resist the call of nature until we're well away from Greedle.
Tristan shakes his head, a hint of a smile on his face. "For the last, the fault was mine alone, m'lday. I broke the mirror and trapped myself; there was naught you could do to prevent it. And for the other -- do you know, I was just trying to figure out how to apologize to you?"
"Well, it was maybe twenty days before you showed up," Rosy guesses.
"They'd send plumbers then right?" Grizelda asks, not wanting to be scammed.
Hannah glances up at the knight, a small line of confusion forming in the middle of her forehead. "Why do you need to apologizing to me?" she asks, honestly baffled. "I was the one who saw everything in the wrong light."
"If that was required, yes. I am also sure their prices would be fair," Elysia remarks. "The crown prides itself of dealing honestly."
Sam whispers to Rosy, "It appears Feezle's ransom is a good plumber or two. Who had any idea that plumbers were so pricey?"
"What's a plumber?" Rosy asks Sam, her tail wagging.
The fey knight shakes his head again. "If you doubted me, it can only be that I gave you reason to doubt, my lady. I ... should have made my intentions clear long ago." He pauses at the end, as if on the verge of saying more, but he doesn't speak.
"I still need a husband though!" Grizelda argues. "We have to have a king! We can't be a kingdom without one. It's right there in the term."
The minstrel scribbles some more on the ballad. "There comes a time in a bard's life that he has to choose between fact and fiction," he mutters. "It's a good thing that was a long, long time ago for me."
"As much as I would like to offer you the hand of one known as Sam, I cannot. Have you not looked to your most noble guards for one worthy of you?" Elysia asks.
Hannah waits to see if Tristan will say more on his own, but since he isn't so inclined, she asks softly, "And what exactly are your intentions, sir? Just so we don't have this misunderstanding again."
"What? The ones who are cowering up in the palace?" Grizelda scoffs. "I'd marry these mules for their bravery first! But they're mules, so.. no heirs!"
Tristan drops his eyes. "I have shown more bravery in the face of monsters than I have in honest speech with you, Lady Hannah," he murmurs. He takes her hand in his, and guides it over her shoulder so he can kiss the back of her knubkles. "I intend to court you, my lady, and to win your hand and your heart, if a knight of April might dare to hope for such a thing."
"Do you not have any wise goblins or shamans you turn to for sage wisdom in times of trouble?" Elysia asks. "Besides Feezle," she amends after a moment of thought.
"Just the crazy shaman who makes.. soap," Grizelda says, and gives a little shudder.
It takes a full minute for the ripples to die down.
If Sam's ballad were to be believed, around this time the Bandit Queen was demanding a tribute lest she lay waste to her 'pathetic excuse of a town', and the princess was in tears and asking for mercy. Or perhaps a reduced fee, his handwriting can be a little difficult to read at times. "This would be a perfect time for a goblin to burst forth from the crowd and offer to fight Elysia for the Princess," the minstrel whispers to Rosy. "But that doesn't look too likely right now."
"And what is wrong with soap!?" the shaman yells from the gathered crowd. Goblins start tipping over as the still naked shaman forces his way through the crowd. He marches right up to Grizelda and puts his hands on his hips. "Soap is power in this town, you know! I can get any goblin to do what I want by waving a bar at 'em! More power than even the Queen!"
"It would be neater if Tristan did it," Rosy says. "I mean, he's a real knight. He's supposed to do that stuff."
Grizelda shies back from the naked goblin - showing more fear of him than she did of Elysia or the dragon. "But.. you're old and wrinkly!" the princess whimpers.
"The shaman can handle it," Tristan says, half-catching that conversation while his attention remains fixed on Hannah's face. "I'm busy."
Hannah doesn't seem able to speak for a few breathless moments. Finally, she takes her hand from his and uses it to touch Tristan's face, then guide his mouth down to meet hers. When she releases him, she murmurs, "You already have my heart. You've had it for quite a long time, I think."
"Yeah, an I gots more mold and dirt hiding between my wrinkles than you do in your rolls," the Shaman claims. "And I have something that none 'o these other goblins gots, too!"
"Really?" Grizelda asks, turning curious. "Is it.. is it under the beard?"
Sam taps the quilltip to his mouth as he ponders, then gets out another paper and writes at the top, 'Ye Secret And Moste Hilarious Historie of Greedle, A Tale of Goblin Moralitie And Virtues'
"Special 'warmin' oils," the Shaman notes and waggles those all too bushy eyebrows. "Toad flavor."
"The first ballad'll be for the 'official' types who like everything to be all prim and proper," the minstrel confides to Rosy. "The second - ah, there's where the real money is. Everyone loves a good comedy, and honestly, like it or not, you goblins are funny."
Tristan closes his eyes as they kiss, and he doesn't reopen them until Hannah speaks. Then they go wide at her words. He opens his mouth, but it takes a few seconds before he can form words. "I -- would you -- would you say that just twice more for me, my lady? -- it is not that I do not trust you, my dear, sweet lady of November, but I fear my treacherous ears betray me, or perhaps I am yet trapped in some dream. If so, I hope never to wake."
"Well..." Grizelda says, before turning to Elysia. "I want a nice wedding gift from Feezle! And not shoes again!"
"Fine, you can tell him that when he arrives with those fey. I am done here," the Bandit Queen remarks. She waves her hand dismissively and mounts the saddle on her 'dragon's' neck. "I will leave you with your new ... ah ... husband."
Hannah chuckles in the back of her throat, her voice sounding as warm as only a woman's can. Then she leans forward and whispers, "I love you" into the knight's ear three times. Just to quell any further misunderstandings.
In the 'official' version Sam writes, the young and clean-shaven shaman steps forward to battle Elysia for Grizelda's hand - and Grizelda seems to have lost weight, considering she throws herself into the shaman's arms and he is not crushed. In the 'secret' version, there's a little more to-do when Feezle shows up to complain that Grizelda threw him over to the Bandit Queen for a magical upstart.
Tristan squeezes his eyes shut and hugs Hannah fiercely to him. "And I you," he whispers, adding "I love you" three times for her as well.
"Damn it all," Rosy whines. "I was gonna ask him out for the Mud Festival!"